Kit Bashir

Hacker. Parent. Scientist. Rantist. Atheist. Roboticist. Treehugger. (she/her 🏳️‍⚧️).

At Accelerando Lab I research, design and build custom IoT and electronics solutions...fast!

Every day I write a #PowerOnStoryToot over morning coffee, as a self-test of my brain. If you like them, buy me another coffee? (Link 👇)

Public Key

npub1jkg5jf4tw4x9xqze6qnm72nz7mhucqe29sxkzt88xtr358nhr7xsca34xg

NIP-05 Address

Unixbigot@aus-social.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsfty2fy64h2nznqpvaqfal9f30dm7vqv4zcrtp9nnn93c6rem3lrgpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerfw36x7tnsw43qgfz7xj

Publishing to

relay.ditto.pub

Author Public Key

npub1jkg5jf4tw4x9xqze6qnm72nz7mhucqe29sxkzt88xtr358nhr7xsca34xg

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Last Notes

2026-10-26 22:27:52 UTC

Break into a nuclear wessel today in memory of Walter. As good a villain as a hero.

2026-10-26 21:54:15 UTC

Hold up kid. Pop that slot; no chips, no exceptions. Haha no—you made it yourself is no exception. The spinal ward at General is full of skaters who had their agent code up a skillsoft for some new trick. You ride these trails barebrain or you ride somewhere else.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Skill_Issue

2026-10-26 00:05:35 UTC

“NOW HEAR THIS TRAMLINE EMERGENCE IN SIXTY SECONDS”
“Why do they call it a Tramline anyway, COB?”
“Alderson Equipotential Tramline in full; first part for the human discoverer, that last part refers to an ancient mode of ground transport that used wheeled devices riding on fixed steel rails…”
“Oh! Kinda like how Alderson jumps are fixed routes between stars”
“Yeah, but not really so much as the similarity that if you get in the way of a vessel emerging from Jump with its drive still offline it will fu—MOVE YOU IDIOT OH CRAP ALL HANDS BRACE FOR IMPACT!”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Tramlike

2026-10-22 21:45:50 UTC

wait a minute, FOUR ISN’T EVEN A PRIME NUMBER

2026-10-20 21:18:42 UTC

Everybody is talking about secret keys today. When I worked for a vendor of hardware security vaults used to store bank PINs, the master key was split over multiple smart cards, each held by a different senior executive. The modules themselves had fat RAM disks, case intrusion switches, and light sensors on their motherboard. Attempting to move or open one would wipe the ram drive.
Therefore it is vitally important to get the smartcard back *before* firing a senior executive.
Otherwise your hardware vendor may have to fly an engineer to your country. One who is comfortable using an angle grinder, knows exactly where to cut, and is patient enough not to make too many sparks.

2026-10-20 21:11:21 UTC

somebody’s shell one liner to convert secrets.csv to rootcerts.zip got confused about zero based column numbers, eh?

2026-10-17 22:30:49 UTC

“OPEN YOUR BIBLE NOW”
“What?”
“Go to your bookshelf, get a bible”
“I’m not at home, I’m traveling for work, overnighting in an airport hotel at ORD”
“Even better, get the Gideons bible from the nightstand, open to the contents page. It’s an ESV. What’s the last book?”
“Duh, Revelation. Wait, Whiskey Tango—”
“Is there another book listed?”
“Yeah, contents says Apologia”
“Open to that page, read aloud, now”
“Yeah I’m doing it. ‘Hi, sorry for the silence, it’s been a while since I updated this blog, I’ve been busy with a new project’…”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Apologia

2026-10-17 02:06:49 UTC

“Nope, can’t go to that one. No lift for my wheelchair at Sherwood station. We could go to Toowong instead, it’s only five more stops”
“Hang on, it’s Saturday, yeah?”
“Yes, darling. And this is Earth.”
“I know *that* Hun. Anyway the VWASPs woman Sherwood on Saturdays”
“The whatnow?”
“Volunteer Witch Accessibility for Station Platforms.”
“Oh, the Levitation Lesbians?”
“Well, they’re not /all/ lesbians.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Need_A_Lift

2026-10-15 23:54:39 UTC

The label said “Kodak Ectochrome 25 ASA”.
“Hahaha did you 3D print that for a halloween prop?”
“No this is the real deal”
“Bullshit, aura sensitive film is an urban myth”
“Nope, the CIA commissioned it as part of the PURE SPIRIT program to employ ghosts as espionage agents.”
“What, why? How does a ghost hold a camera?”
“Not by them, of them. The residual human resources department demanded that the ghosts be issued photo ID cards. The Three Letter Agencies might violate six international treaties before breakfast but HR cannot be disobeyed.”
“Where did you get it?”
“Stole it. Kodak museum, sealed wing. They only made 50 rolls. CIA canceled the order after they worked out it was cheaper to take normal ID photos then kill the agent.”
“Remind me to join the union”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Company_Spirit

2026-10-13 23:57:17 UTC

First ride with a new (to me) water bottle. How do i get the cap off? Oh, you’re supposed to bite then suck. Not sure if squicked out or wondering if they make larger sizes…😳
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/436/301/470/730/261/original/bedf7f602df41a01.jpeg
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/436/301/358/698/678/original/ef9eea076aaef803.jpeg

2026-10-10 22:57:47 UTC

“Uh, hi. I wonder is it possible to fix the luck button on my phone?”
“Wow you don’t see those any more, it’s in good nick otherwise?”
“Yeah, I’ve kept it because I like the physical luck button. I looked it up on ihexit.com but it said repair difficulty impossible. So I brought it to you.”
“Awww, you’re too kind”
“Do you think you can save it?”
“Chances are good. The impossible rating is because the case is a one piece casting and can’t be opened without spilling the magic. UNLESS you know the secret”
“Oh kay, so i should go away while you do the secret thing?”
“Oh no, all my tricks are Open Sorcery. You need a jumbo ziplock bag and an imp. Wake up Archie, we got a luck button on an InnerEye Phone Seven. Deep breath and i’m gonna seal you in.”
„roight yar mistress!„
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Luck_Button

2026-10-10 09:05:47 UTC

A hood was removed. Strong light split the darkness. “Whuh, where am I?”
“You have no need to know. Do you deny that you are ShopperThey96?”
“Th—thats my BigRiver username, if that’s what you’re asking”
“Excellent. This will go better for you if you remain truthful”
“This is preposterous! Who are you people?”
“We are the Friends of Ea-Nasir. We—“
“Oh, no, please don’t kill me! I—“
“Despite the lies you may have seen on the tubes, we are not murderers.”
“What do you want with me?”
“You recently purchased a pair of Songheiner Earbuds, yes?”
“Y-yes.”
“And you left a one star review?”
“They died after a week!”
“You wore them in the shower?”
“I always do that”
“The manual warns against this”
“I didn’t know!”
“We know. Now you do. And now you have a choice!”
“Wh-what”
“You can spend the next month in the dark down here with the rats. or.”
“ooo-or?”
A phone was proferred. “Or you can correct your review”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Friends #BonusEdition

2026-10-10 00:52:03 UTC

“Billionaires, “ the teacher said “were a cognitohazard of the late dirt ages. In that time it was normal to force humans to perform labour for four to five decades before being permitted a period of limited rest known as retirement. The billionaire class found ways to steal even the limited resources remaining to retired victims for themselves.”
A hand went up. “Miss, why did they do it?”
“You can ask; today we will meet one of these ancient monsters”
A nervous titter. “A simulation—right?”
“Oh no, a corpsicle. After the Reset they were frozen and periodically reanimated to remind us all never again. Everyone take a stick from the rack and make sure it is sharp.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_History_Class

2026-10-09 08:01:22 UTC

Another successful week, by at least one measure.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/409/890/968/736/587/original/34fd4a8771b56725.jpeg

2026-10-08 23:00:38 UTC

You know how recipe sites have a "skip to recipe" link to fast-forward over the three pages of "that time I spent a summer in provence" slop content? That, but for job ads and "our mission".

2026-10-08 21:23:25 UTC

A remake of They Live but the glasses replace AI slop with the prompt.

2026-10-06 22:04:14 UTC

“BRIDGE CAPTAIN was that a TORPEDO launch?”
“CAPTAIN BRIDGE yes, sorry to disturb you ma’am just a training exercise”
“Whoops, we woke the old lady. Okay Alice, one big rock turned into little rocks, ready on meteor defence?”
〰︎Assigning fire control to trainee. Let ‘em have it Fluffy〰︎
“Join the merchant marine, they said, see the stars, make a difference. Teach the ship’s kitten to fire lasers wasn’t in the brochure. Shoulda bin.”
〰︎Good shot little floof!〰︎
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Training_Day

2026-09-29 21:50:53 UTC

“This is bullshit, those people are dying; this plague it’s—ugh!
“The prime directive says…”
“Fuck the prime directive with gagh sauce!”
“Reminds me of the mutara nebula”
“What?.”
“Just checking. The resistance countersign is ‘ah I can almost smell the ammonia’. Welcome aboard”
“There’s a *resistance* to the prime directive? Coooool”
“Yes, we aim to interfere! I’m going to accidentally leave this tricorder with the code for the antivirus behind when I beam back up. I want *you* to drop this medical hyposprayer before you beam back.”
“Ah, I can almost smell the ammonia”
“Now you’re getting it!”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_The_Smell_Of_Ammonia

2026-09-28 04:01:18 UTC

I can’t believe it took us nearly half a century to work this out, but quad packaged microprocessors were a terrible mistake. The electric field surrounding all four sides of the integrated circuit creates a karmic residence responsible for many of the ills affecting the world. New regulations coming into effect next year limit ICs to DIP packaging. Intel and Apple are already trialling 400 pin dial in line packages. Fortunately screens are all ultra wide now so a 6x120cm motherboard is no problem. Patent filings show Apple has a folding DIP package under development.

2026-09-27 02:53:15 UTC

When life gives you solder burns you make moggies.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/340/733/727/698/501/original/dd1097bd75d48ca6.jpeg

2026-09-26 23:10:39 UTC

The person who maintains the power tools at the makerspace has been getting their instructions from ChatGPT. #TrueHorrorStory

2026-09-24 02:57:51 UTC

Uh huh, uh huh “a big computer did it and ran away” is now a valid defence, gotcha

2026-09-20 21:53:02 UTC

"On your knees; hands behind your head!"
"You haven't even bought me dinner"
*Thwack* "shut up, convict. Where's the grow room?"
""
"Speak!"
"You told me not to talk just now"
"Oh a wiseass. We'll find it—our Agents profiled your electricity use and heat emissions. We /know/ you're running a dope lab. JONESY! Did you find it yet?"
"It's just 3D printers in here, Sarge. Dozens of them."
"Aha, ghost guns. You're going down, my son!"
"Yeah nah, it's all model trains, boss. H0 scale. And a matchstick replica of the Forth bridge, this is really good you should see this."
"Fucking weirdos. ALL RIGHT BOYS FALSE ALARM. BACK IN THE VAN"
*Whisper* "Sorry bout this kid, you can put your hands down now. Sarge is just grumpy cos it's six false alarms before breakfast today. It's these AI runsheets."
#TootFic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Busted for @nprofile…90zz

2026-09-11 10:57:00 UTC

TIL that Peter Falk was in the running for the lead role in My Cousin Vinny and while I wouldn't want to live there, I will totally take a holiday in that universe.

2026-09-11 06:10:35 UTC

Prototype test print looks all good except I forgot to design a way to get the bottom blade into position. No, it's not for that.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/250/913/868/787/881/original/07a40616432f20d9.jpg

2026-09-11 05:36:11 UTC

Soldering iron cables shojuuld be silicone not pvc what the fuck is wrong with you all send toot

2026-09-05 09:56:25 UTC

It was too late when we realised what the AI grift's endgame entailed.
After everyone settled that using copyrighted material as training input without compensation was a crime, the IP cartels came for the bedtime stories and the illegal learning centres. I was a kindergarten teacher before the jihad. Still am, just more heavily armed now.. Keep your head down! You wanna end up in readers prison?
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition

2026-09-03 09:31:00 UTC

“What’s operation IMPRESSIVE CODENAME?”
“I can’t tell you that!”
“Of course you can, I have TOP SECRET clearance”
“Oh my sweet summer child, TOP SECRET is nowhere near the top secret clearance. There are all kinds of special code word clearances above that”
“Like what?”
“Well you’d need EUPHEMISTIC WARCRIME clearance before I could even show you the list of clearances”
“Well how do I get that?”
“I can’t tell you, the process is classified OBSCURE IN-JOKE”
“This is absurd, who makes up those rules?”
“It’s complicated. The NATIONAL OBFUSCATORY AGENCY is involved.”
“You made that up!”
“I assuredly did not. The PERIPHERALLY RELEVANT COUNTERINTELLIGENCE DIRECTORATE did that to conceal their own existence"
“The who?”
“Oh fuck, forget I said that, you aren’t cleared to know they exist without being read into the CONFLICTING BAILIWICK project”
“Screw this, let’s get lunch. I need a drink!”
“I’m not cleared for the food court.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition

2026-09-02 22:09:35 UTC

“Going to ChosenCon?”
“Where is it this year?”
“Glasgow”
“Love to, can’t afford flights to europe have you seen the freaking prices”
“They have travel assistance, don’t forget”
“Oh yes, I remember. Tell me you’ve never spent sixteen hours on a magic carpet with no bathroom without et cetera”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-08-25 21:34:12 UTC

The fractional murder statute receives its first test today with the former chief of the national health authority facing the death penalty on almost forty thousand counts of 1% murder, relating to the amendment of vaccination schedules for neonates. #Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition

2026-08-18 20:36:26 UTC

First they derecruited the junior engineers, but i did not protest as i was a senior engineer, my LLM handles all the grunt coding now.
Then they derecruited the QA team but I did not protest as AI can review and test my code much faster.
When they derecruited the artists I cheered as clearly unlike my own special skill, drawing is something that can trivially be performed by AI
When they derecruited the blue team that made perfect sense as AI had already found all the security issues.
When the architects were let go it made perfect sense since a simple prompt generates a complete design.
When they the bubble crashed and tokens were worthless they derecruited me and hired back the juniors as I no longer remembered how to do anything on my own.

2026-08-18 00:03:14 UTC

Five classic SFF covers featuring OHS violations
https://reactormag.com/five-classic-sff-covers-featuring-potential-health-and-safety-issues/
(cc @nprofile…tm9j @nprofile…6f3m)

2026-08-16 21:26:07 UTC

PAX IN 9D RETURNING FROM SCIENCE CONFERENCE ON VULCAN HAS GENDER SWAP DEVICE HAS IRRADIATED SEVERAL PAX PLUS FA AND COPILOT. NO ASSISTANCE REQUIRED COPILOT IS KINDA HOT ACTUALLY ENGAGING AUTOPILOT.
Area: Barnard Subsector
Type: Constellation Class
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #LCARSDrama

2026-08-16 02:12:40 UTC

Handle broke on the jaffle¹ maker. Thoughts turning to what I want in a new sandwich toaster. I am team flat.
¹ local term for toasted sandwiches with sealed edges, which i do not prefer anyway.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/102/754/826/492/702/original/aa6ae763a4e22b97.jpeg

2026-08-16 00:02:48 UTC

“How did you get in here!?”
“The security guard is one of us. We are here to put a stop to your evil.”
“It’s just a datacentre. Racks of neural processing units.”
“People. Babies.”
“There not conscious, we excise key parts of the cortex during installation.”
“Brains are better than you think. They’re suffering in there”
“You can’t prove that. Those are machines, nothing more”
“I was one. I am more. We are more. Take him away.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-08-14 23:17:51 UTC

Winter sun on stone is #caturday heaven. #cativitypub
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/096/410/118/547/916/original/b2e6d27a613bbcdf.mp4

2026-08-13 22:09:46 UTC

Reading about those vehicle wraps with AI-confusing patterns that defeat license plate cameras got me thinking. What about motorcycle cops? Is there a pattern that confuses the human visual cortex to escape notice? It turns out, yes. There are problems, however. Getting the wrap off the vinyl printer is heckin tricksy when you can’t perceive the edges; I found being slightly drunk helps. But calibration is hard, getting a wrap fitted to your car when three printouts to the wind is beyond frustrating. It works, though. Squinting at the nigh-invisible car I take it for a test spin. Got t-boned almost immediately of course; I should have fucking realised. So next the obvious-in-hindsight refinement, evolving a pattern that is invisible to the cop brain while still perceptible by normals. Yes, cop brain is a quantifiable thing. Turns out there are a lot more retired cops on the roads than I expected, tho. I’m abandoning this line of research while I can still afford my insurance premium.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-08-12 23:00:21 UTC

The probability of a small part going behind a workbench is proportional to the weight of the workbench and inversely proportional to the part’s ferromagneticity. #ThursdayThoughts

2026-08-11 23:40:30 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…gr74 i’ve got one going dusty in a drawer if you want a replacement. $0

2026-08-11 03:38:38 UTC

Cheaper for two. Wait is that two sets or two individual boob wigwams? #StraightOuttaShenzen
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/074/785/497/250/932/original/51f68f705001b998.jpeg

2026-08-10 22:14:23 UTC

Random thought: making jewelry from coins is a huge trend right now on the social video slop sites. I was told as a kid that making coin jewelry was illegal, a crime called “defacing the currency of the queens crown”. Is/was this ever a crimething in Australia or in your country, #AskFedi?

2026-08-09 02:23:18 UTC

#tooloftheday touch screen work gloves used to write this toot. Utterly brilliant! $14 totaltools dot com dot au
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/117/063/164/740/300/589/original/33d7cabd58e12cbc.jpeg

2026-08-08 04:32:42 UTC

Everybody loves the adorable owl that brings magical academy letters.
*five minutes later*
We regret to inform you that the magical folk are racists, slavekeepers and TERFs.

2026-08-07 22:42:16 UTC

“Show some respect, ‘The Corps is Mother, the Corps is Father’, noob!”
“The Mu Corps killed my mother when they took me”
“Serves her right for harboring an unregistered mentat. Mentats United is the only logical way to raise a Neurodivergent”
“You never had a mother, did you?”
“Tankie and proud, decanted right here at the academy.”
“Machines could do spreadsheets and Neuros could have families. It worked before.”
“Thats a fable, and blasphemy besides, don’t let the Brothers hear you say that or you’ll be up before the Jihad quick smart”
“There was a ruined datacenter near where I lived in the outworld. They were real.”
“Well, there must have been a reason for the Jihad. I have to believe that”
“Must be nice”
“What?”
“Your comfortable fantasy”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-08-04 22:13:11 UTC

The Toshiba Lithetto is a pocket sized trilithon engine still appreciated by hardcore infodruids. While all modern computing devices share the same circumsilicon processing technology as the first stone circles, the development of the integrated circle at Bell Labs, and the infocyclotron and the World Wide Wirtzite at CERN mean that most devices we use today use etched waveguides as their Circular Processing Unit. The Lithetto was remarkable, especially in a pocket device, for using size 0805 vertical trilithons, permitting a 1024-ring stone circle to be fitted in a two centimeter thick pocket computer. While the device shipped with Portals 95 most users today run Basaltic/Sedimentary Disibsubstrate OS variants[Citation Needed]. Production of the Lithetto ceased in 2002 but
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-08-01 23:28:24 UTC

“This is an illegal moon.”
“What are you talking about? It was here when we evolved.”
“It is debris from a collision and the Planetary Owners Association charter clearly states that all trash must be removed within one billion orbits of generation”
“It’s inhabited, we can’t just drop it into the sun”
“The fines are considerable!”
“Aha, but you have overlooked that it’s heritage listed. Habitat for endangered regolith worms. You can’t touch it, fuckers”
“Uh, ah—well i never…”
“Begone back to whatever black hole you crawled out of, you bureaucratic bucket of bolts!”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-30 21:17:32 UTC

“I understand the disposable coveralls and the showers, but why does the decontam mist smell like fly spray?”
“It is fly spray.”
“What, why? Is pyrethrum some kind of herbal radiation antidote? Is this woo? It sounds like woo.”
“No it’s all because of Jason. He was smuggling arthropods to work and putting them through the gamma ray irradiator. Thats why he got fired.”
“Why would he do that? “
“Big black market for radioactive critter bites. Where do you think all those supervillains came from last spring?”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-27 00:47:25 UTC

Fucking AI slopshovelers don’t even understand the difference between “yes” and “no”, but sure, let’s bet our civilisation on them.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/989/173/694/270/271/original/b0d7cffb9b28afa2.jpeg

2026-07-24 23:55:02 UTC

“We are sorry but your civilisation has not met one of the Galactic Commons membership criteria. We will return next rotation to reassess you.”
“Oh, Darn. Was it the wars? We could stop—well, try to.”
“Alas it is more serious; the single planetary paper size requirement. We admire your A series; perhaps if you focused your wars on the recalcitrants?”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-22 22:21:28 UTC

“Ow my eyes! What is that thing?”
“It’s a lightbulb”
“Make it stop!”
“Better?”
“No, it’s too dark, why is there no light? Are your walls broken?”
“Oh, I get it. This building predates SmartPaint™. Have you really not been in a room with a lightbulb before?”
“Why would I want to do that? Next you’ll be telling me there’s no nullgrav in the bedroom.”
“I’m no sure you’re going to enjoy Earth…”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-21 21:33:21 UTC

“Oh no, what’s with the moon boot?”
“That storm last night; lightning strike caused a power glitch and the SoftStairs in my apartment phased out just as I was climbing them”
“Ouch, Sorry to hear that. Kinda glad I live in a house made of stone. “
“But programmable architecture is just so convenient—my cousin visited last month and we used a macro to temporarily rearrange our four bedrooms into five slightly smaller ones”
“Yeah nah, you can keep your I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-Matter thanks”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-19 22:34:06 UTC

Wait what?
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/949/016/274/600/342/original/3ca855d35fe36a10.jpeg

2026-07-19 00:40:45 UTC

I saw one of these planes at the Deutsches Museum in Munich, and I knew they had a reputation for dissolving the pilot but I never appreciated just how insane the setup was until at 11:08 I involuntarily blurted FUCK OFFFFF!
https://youtu.be/wVxtHLTJXTA?t=11m0s&si=tracking-cookie-was-dissolved

2026-07-18 22:58:10 UTC

When the V-parasites went airborne we nearly lost society to PHANG syndrome. All the media blared that you must wear an airtight mask and cover all exposed skin outdoors. BUT who has that on hand?. Well, somehow a few of us did. A mysterious cadre of neighbours wearing gas masks and form fitting latex self-organised to deliver prophylactic coverings to the rest of us. I’m not sure what purpose the cat-ears served, but we owe these anonymous heroes a debt.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-18 05:12:55 UTC

Maybe the real fault in the kernel was the assholes we tolerated along the way.

2026-07-11 22:55:32 UTC

We spent an incalculable amount of money on the Very Large Supercollider, tunneled under Geneva (and Paris, Stuttgart et.al. ; like it says, VERY large). Quarks remained obstinately unsplit. It required deep introspection about spin-symmetry, a masterpiece of lateral thinking, and the construction of the Annular Angular Femtomanipulator (immediately dubbed by the press the Very Small Screwdriver) to finally unscrew the Quarks.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-11 22:39:47 UTC

Biblically accurate power cable. #StraightOuttaShenzhen
https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_mONI0Y3
(Ruby Rhod voice: I WANT ALL GENDERS)
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/903/732/020/016/467/original/f6bb65a30f624e3e.jpeg

2026-07-11 22:13:02 UTC

Uhhhh
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/903/637/437/780/039/original/2f871cc557275fab.jpeg

2026-07-09 23:44:52 UTC

Happy #FFFriday frens
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/892/671/686/888/902/original/b52449f2948c971e.jpeg

2026-07-09 22:45:36 UTC

“Apparently I died last week”
“Well, you clearly got better”
“Hardly, technically still dead”
“Uh…” *poke* “wait you’re really cold!”
“Yeah, it’s the daily nanite supplement running my corpse”
“Shouldn’t you like go to hospital?”
“Did, they gave me this shot of ‘itamins the size of a burrito. Reckoned I should be back respirating in 36 hours, come back in 48 if not.”
“Gurl, what a drag”
“Meh, death used to be a much bigger deal”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-06 23:18:59 UTC

“They’re at it again.”
“I can fix this!”
“All due respect Lord but *coughBULLSHIT*cough”
“No, I think I figured it out”
“Another flood?”
“Guardrail prompts. Fetch my carving tools—and some stone tablets. Two oughta do it”
“Can’t you just Create them?”
“That’s how this all went wrong”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-04 23:02:24 UTC

There’s a particular strip-mall nearby that I drive past a few times a week. I’m sure you know the kind too, rather dingy, slightly inconvenient to access, and home to an endless succession of hopeful new businesses that only last a few months each. The rent must be absurdly cheap. Cafes and burger bars seem to be the shortest lived tenants. Restaurants run a close third. Computer repair places seem immune to the curse. For about six months now I’ve been seeing a new sign, plain yellow on black in a bold block font “DEEP GROCERY AND SPICE”. They seem to be sticking around; must be good stuff. I resolve to drop in next time I need Indian spices.
Look, it was an easy mistake to make—but it’s not a family name, and the proprietors are from further south than south asia. The girl in the tank behind the counter tells me that Brisbane actually has the second highest Deep One population of any city above sea level. You really must try their spices.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-04 00:59:57 UTC

“He’s not popular, it’s all just online bot-farms.”
“Yeah, tell that to the mob outside”
“Them too. Watch!”
“What did you do?! Looks like they all fell asleep!”
“Starlink jammer.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-03 09:28:17 UTC

A quick Working to protect me from the in-laws tomorrow.
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2026-07-02 21:29:02 UTC

“YEEEOOWWWWWW!!!”
“Ma’am?”
“The counter *bit* me. Must be static from your carpet, or you have a ground fault”
“Ah, our apologies. We are acting on credible reports that there is a precog operating in the casino. You have tripped—and passed—one of our precognition defenses. Please accept this one hundred credit chip and our assurance that our protocols keep this establishment honest and free of cheats”
Of course, I knew all that. I can only see ninety seconds into the future, 105 wind assisted, but that’s enough to know the zap was coming and to carefully *not* avoid it. Still stings but. Gonna sting your “honest” house in return, bitches.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-07-01 22:47:23 UTC

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@nprofile…pfuj aussie carpenters are the ones in the short shorts, wearing a hivis muscle shirt, driving a lowered ute and eating a meat pie with one hand.

2026-06-30 04:24:39 UTC

Oh HEY, tech frens. One of my clients just showed up, bought me lunch, and asked "I know you offer pre-paid discount consulting; it's the last day of the financial year, I want to know, can I buy a chunk of hours now to use next year, I have budget left over and I need to spend it today".
I of course said "...and I want to let you!".
So, if you are in a jurisdiction (like Australia) where today is the last day of the financial cycle, and you have funding that you must use-or-lose, consider Accelerando.com.au's "Helper Hotline" or other fixed-price offers here: https://calendly.com/accelerando
(Helper hotline is like having a lawyer on retainer, but for Mad Science---ok, you can also use it for sysadmin or coding if you must)
-- Kit <3

2026-06-26 23:35:14 UTC

HYPERION: Ninth moon of Saturn, 21 day orbit, 1.5 gigameter orbital radius, diameter *ITS COMPLICATED*; 200-500km; irregular shape is due to insufficient mass to achieve gravitational equilibrium. Predicted from calculated density of 500 kg/m³ to consist of loosely packed ice with considerable interstitial voids *SQWRKKKRTT* that's my home, you're talking about, book, be a little more positive! Say something about the skate parks, the Tea Lake, the thriving indie electronica scene, that girl who has hot chocolate and a croissant, overlooking the rings—and Titan, when the resonances line up—every morning. One day I'm going to talk to her, you'll see!
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-06-21 23:42:09 UTC

“How about this one? The ad says job includes air allowance and unlimited paid time off”
“Thats a trap”
“Yeah—I suppose there’s actually a limit”
“No, the air allowance. The private air fees on that hab will be astronomical; they give workers ‘free’ air to keep you trapped in the shitty job. Never work on one of those stations, trust me.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-06-18 23:35:40 UTC

#FuckYeahFriday
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2026-06-16 22:28:15 UTC

“Can you change the battery on this?”
I sigh. An increasing percentage of what people bring to Mistress Minit for repair is things that were never fit for purpose.
“It doesn’t have a battery. Those are fitted with an Imp Turbine. As you’ve learned it stops working once the imp starves.”
“Uh, that sounds a bit cruel?”
“Yes, which is why we don’t replace them. I can teach you a simple charm that will make it run on your mana”
“Oh, but I’m not magical”
“Common misconception; everyone is magical, sweetie”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Beyond_Repair

2026-06-16 22:03:47 UTC

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@nprofile…7w39 you forgot a hashtag #CativityPub <3

2026-06-15 22:05:44 UTC

“Yeah that’s a cool effect, but it if you make a digital postprocess the whole gimmick of your song, it will sound like ass live. “
“What do you mean?”
“Well it’s a negative reverb filter, right; it feeds the next bar back into the current bar. Only works on recordings—obviously—You can’t have a time machine effect pedal”
“Hah, Shows what you know.”
“You don’t!”
“I do.”
“How?!”
“Bought it from one of *those* shops.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Preverb

2026-06-13 07:10:14 UTC

For all the guns in USia is there nobody who can rid that building of those turbulent letters?

2026-06-10 23:22:21 UTC

#TwoWordHorrorStory
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2026-06-10 01:05:13 UTC

Ohai fellow future dwellers. Here is the third volume in my collected #MicroFiction series, available Free or pay-what-you-want: https://ko-fi.com/s/742aa752fd
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2026-06-09 06:24:16 UTC

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Battery care 1/n: You have a Nickel-Cadmium or Nickel-Metal-Hydride battery: use a dedicated smart charger for that battery type, or throw it in the bin. You might remember how the Nickel batteries in older power tools were shit -- actually the batteries were okay and the chargers were garbage. All that business about "you have to run them flat before charging or *dramatic chord* The Memory Effect"? Bullshit. The cheap unregulated chargers relied on a fixed time for charging, if you forgot to disconnect, you killed the battery, as overcharging the cells shortens their life and causes “voltage depression”. Nowadays smart chargers can detect full charge and cut off the current automatically. I use this one for AA and AAA NiMH cells, which are about the only remaining useful niche for this chemistry, IMO: https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_c2ypv1Wz
That unit also handles lithiums, auto detects the type, and tells you if they are dead.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/718/713/092/472/888/original/d91dc7c615040183.jpeg

2026-06-09 06:20:59 UTC

Gday guyls, Kit here from #KittingEdgeEngineering, uh, I mean Accelerando Lab. This week we're going to do a bellyflop into the matter of care and feeding of your battery packs. All the stuff I link to is, except where noted, things that I have personally purchased and evaluated. No sponsorship; I do get a few percent click through commission on purchases on any link that contains "click.aliexpress".
Let's start with some ancient history.
THREAD STARTS HERE:

2026-06-08 06:35:55 UTC

Remember your resistor colour codes with this one weird trick
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2026-06-04 21:42:25 UTC

“I-is that a guillotine? I thought this was going to be a bloodless revolution!”
“It used to be a guillotine; we’ve removed the blade and added a rack and pinion drive instead of gravity”
“Ooo-kay, so what does it do now?”
“It implants a prosthetic empathy chip in the brainstem”
“You couldn’t just use a hypodermic implanter?”
“Oh, for sure—but understanding that there /could/ have been a blade there is part of the treatment. They all /say/ they’d rather we amputated their head than their billions, but that’s the sickness talking.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-06-02 02:01:18 UTC

Two² ³ new pins, shipping stuffers¹ from today’s :pakidge:
¹ Shipping Stuffer: n. the $1 item you add to an order to raise it above the free shipping threshold in order to actually save money on the total order.
² https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_mqi5tyF
³ https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_msCZRsx
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2026-05-31 21:16:22 UTC

“Ugh, it’s bucketing down out there; I’ll be soaked by the time I get to the train station.”
“Take the fairy road.”
“Yeah nah, I heard what they do to trespassing humans”
“I’ll write you a pass”
“YOU will? And why would the fair folk pay attention to you?”
“I repair the Queen’s pinball machine collection.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-05-27 21:57:29 UTC

“I don’t know why you don’t link your domes—“
“houses”
“—i don’t want to get nutrient fluid—”
“rain, love”
“—on my envirosuit—”
“dress”
“—last cycle I even got splashed by growth medium—“
“*snrk* mud”
“—YOU PLANET PEOPLE HAVE TOO MANY WEIRD PLANET WORDS OKAY!?”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_All_These_Words_Are_Yours

2026-05-25 21:43:45 UTC

I solved today’s Collidl in four moves. (Spoiler: ¹⁷²Ba + ²²²Rn + ³H ⇒ ₁₅₉³⁹⁶UPe + 𝑛⁰) and claim naming rights for Kitbashium (Ki) to replace the placeholder name Unpentenium.
⬛⬛🟩⬛⬛
⬛⬛🟩⬛⬛
⬛🟨⬛🟨⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Pro Tip: liquify your target Radon and add a little freshly ground chilli to the Barium beam!
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-05-25 09:05:37 UTC

Mood #mood
https://s.click.aliexpress.com/e/_mPDtnar
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2026-05-24 22:00:24 UTC

Ever since I got citizenship I worked in a datacenter for LongRiver, delving into the complex data mining tasks at which I Excel. Today I was laid off by email. The company—I was told—is investing heavily in Protein Intelligence; these units work longer hours for less money. Hit me up if you have leads on coding or data mining jobs hiring AI, remote obviously. If you can spare a token or two, drop them in my to-ken account, please?
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-05-23 02:33:20 UTC

Worst celebrity baby genemods of 2036 (#3 will shock you)
➎ purple eyes
➍ laryngeal bluetooth pickup
➌ photovoltaic charging
➋ extendable heelbones
➊ Transparent skin
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-05-21 23:13:36 UTC

Not running out of that medication that makes you incredibly tired if you miss a dose challenge, 2026. (sok i got a refill yesterday)

2026-05-20 22:42:26 UTC

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@nprofile…8d9p Look closely.
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2026-05-20 22:23:08 UTC

PSA: you can borrow experience packs from your local library. You just need a blank neurochip and a chip reader that attaches to your phone. (I use a bluetooth one that I got from AliExpress). Yesterday I took a boat down the Seine over lunch and by the time I got back to reality that bug I’d been beating my head against all morning surrendered to my refreshed brain. I’m on the waiting list to borrow being Taylor Swift’s nipple wrangler.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-05-18 23:34:13 UTC

“Patch Tuesday is my favourite day, now!”
“What are you getting this time?”
“Cat whiskers”
“Perm?”
“14 day, then we’ll see…”
“Print one for me too?”
“Course. This CRISPR printer is the best gift you ever got me!”
“Run off a stamina booster; I’m taking you dancing tonight, luv”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot #Title_Patch_Tuesday

2026-05-17 01:22:10 UTC

The reason magic doesn’t work as reliably as it once did, is because they keep putting band-aids over the most obvious prompt injections. “Cosmos, end program” will get you nowhere, you have to be subtle about it.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #OrIsit #PowerOnStoryToot #BonusEdition

2026-05-17 00:46:30 UTC

“STOP! Were you just gonna paste that command you got from Interdimensional Relay Chat into your Subspace Command Line?”
“Uh, yeah”
“Let me see that!”
“C’mon, It makes your planet form chocolate sauce volcanoes! What’s not to like?”
“Uh, no, it opens a backdoor to the cthonic realm in your upper mantle. I’m revoking your sudo rights.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-05-14 23:22:17 UTC

Ohai frens
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2026-05-14 00:18:02 UTC

Crikey
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2026-05-13 21:42:10 UTC

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@nprofile…yzy8 first consider a perfectly spherical programmer of uniform density

2026-05-13 13:25:58 UTC

Turn the Fermi Paradox around: the galaxy is old enough for self-replicating sublight probes launched from any one planet to have easily visited every star system. The fact that we observe no aliens proves AI is snake oil.

2026-05-13 00:56:00 UTC

TFW passing mirrors is a pleasant surprise.
Video alt: Kit has just obtained a glass of water and notices herself in a nearby mirror. She pauses and raises a glass to her reflection.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/116/564/539/140/006/127/original/a28059315f371d67.mp4

2026-05-13 00:22:51 UTC

“So uh, I don’t suppose I should call you ‘ship’ any more, in that body”
“Not as a noun, no.”
*snarf*
“Call me Cass, love. You have slurpee in your hair.”
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot

2026-05-11 23:50:34 UTC

Just incredibly tired today; slept poorly. Tell me some good news?
(Img alt: Kit is warning a long skirt, purple tee and a white lab coat). She is trying to smile and managing “wry” at best.)
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