Alice McFlurry :bc:

Mostly one-liners at my own expense

Awkward AF

Midwest to West Coast

Not actually an anthropomorphic hotdog

Pixelfed photos: @Alice

♾️

Public Key

npub1uzmnvz0gqwwmdkuha03xzyudc476044n2ch3knf32l2zjlnngu2sk6z77h

NIP-05 Address

Alice@beige-party.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqswpdekp85q88dkmwt7hcnpzwxu2ld866e4vtcmf5c404pf0ee5w9gpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerfw36x7tnsw43qp0pds2

Publishing to

relay.ditto.pub

Author Public Key

npub1uzmnvz0gqwwmdkuha03xzyudc476044n2ch3knf32l2zjlnngu2sk6z77h

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Last Notes

2026-10-29 14:35:49 UTC

I remember when cartoons/animations started trying to make things more realistic around 2000 or so and I was like "Oh no. Stop this. I don’t want to see anything trying to look realistic unless it looks truly realistic" and now we have AI and deep fakes and I’m like "Oh no. Stop this. Can't we just go back to when everything looked like a character on Beavis and Butthead?"

2026-10-29 14:21:46 UTC

I saw a vintage photobooth that had a little window showing the inner mechanism for the flash and I wanted everyone to be able to see it because it's pretty neat!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/524/640/887/226/949/original/b4a19b84690132b9.jpeg

2026-10-26 04:36:21 UTC

I’m conflicted by this idea that I just came up with, but it's a media delivery service like Netflix that is technically free, but there are ads so you can decide if you want to skip that specific ad by paying a fee (let's say $1 for every "skip").

2026-10-26 03:57:02 UTC

I’m kind of obsessed with the heights of celebrities, so I'm constantly looking up their heights online, but I think my search engines are skewed because they always give me heights in cm/m so I have to specify "height in feet" which has resulted in my search engines thinking I’m obsessed with feet and holy shit some of these celebrities have some very strange yet sexy toes.

2026-10-26 02:23:49 UTC

I don’t want a folding phone unless it will be smaller than an iPhone Mini when folded and doesn't have any exterior glass that will break whenever I inevitably drop it.

2026-10-24 02:16:51 UTC

My husband and I don’t fight about a lot of things, but one of our biggest contentions is how he calls aluminum foil "tin foil" (I know the Brits would say "it's 'actually aluminium...'") but he just one-upped me by saying "I believe the scientific term is... "fun foil..." 😂🎆
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/493/478/878/629/182/original/f279c45965bee9c0.jpeg

2026-10-24 01:49:41 UTC

Throwback to about 20 years ago when I thought it would be funny to make beer koozies with the baby on board logo on them, but I had to buy them in bulk so I ended up with like 20 of them so I brought them up to my current husband's family barbecue and then my husband's family thought it was a messed up pregnancy announcement.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/493/371/985/264/833/original/f66cab7944b1a0cd.jpeg

2026-10-24 00:23:20 UTC

This is my appreciation post for my new neighbor, Maria, who is an absolute delight and she just gave us a jar of her chili oil to taste test.
She said she started making her own chili oil because the stuff from the store isn't spicy enough for her, so she's been trying to make her own so we just tried it on our Friday night pizza and it's seriously SO good! Like the perfect blend of spiciness and garlickiness and crunchiness.
Anyway, all of this to say that everyone should have a neighbor like Maria.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/493/032/499/319/803/original/32ecc72e51f697ca.jpeg

2026-10-23 15:35:02 UTC

One of the things that I resent most about AI is that it makes uncreative people think that THEY created something, so let's normalize reminding these people that they just used a dumb robot to steal someone else's creativity.

2026-10-22 21:36:23 UTC

My husband keeps making fun of me for wearing these shoes but I swear they've got at least one walk left in them.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/486/713/710/163/739/original/3ca2de1fedb0d859.jpeg

2026-10-20 15:19:35 UTC

Mastodon makes me feel not as weird because the people here tend to relate to what I'm saying, but then I remember that it's just because we're all weird over here.

2026-10-18 03:37:05 UTC

This is your annual reminder to get your suspicious moles checked out so that you can end up with a scar that looks like a gaping butthole but at least you won’t be dead from cancer.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/459/820/394/972/393/original/92159ce68b4dd4c0.jpeg

2026-10-17 16:06:31 UTC

Throwback to this time last year when @nprofile…ry84 and I went to Best Friends Forever Fest and made friends with this group of strangers and ended up in this group photo (their faces have all been replaced with Kev's because I don't know if they want them blasted all over Mastodon since they are, after all, strangers).
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/457/100/547/721/837/original/e2c6864efcce1a4e.jpg

2026-10-17 02:56:47 UTC

There are a lot of smart people on Mastodon, so I’m looking for someone with the knowledge to help me build a death pod but it's more like a badass bobsled that rides a water slide into a volcano but it can't be plastic because it would melt and it probably shouldn't be metal because it would likely get too hot before you were launched into the lava so please let me know what materials would work best because this is not something I want to mess up.
Please boost for visibility.

2026-10-17 00:50:23 UTC

I was at a taqueria yesterday and this big guy came in asking about happy hour specials and I'm really nosy so, in this time, I learned that he worked at a tattoo parlor which made sense since he was a tough tattoo parlor lookin' type and then he started talking about how this time of year is his favorite and I was thinking "Yeah, Halloween, that tracks" and then he proceeded to say "'cuz I’m a pumpkin spice freak."
I don’t like pumpkin spice anything, but I love that big tough guy for saying he was a "pumpkin spice freak."

2026-10-15 01:15:40 UTC

I’m watching Tiny House Nation and the lady was pretty much like "ew this house is too small" so then the realtor showed her another house that was over 600 feet and had a garage and that's the one that she bought and I'm so mad.
Like, lady, that's not a tiny house. It's just a small house. Please get off my TV.

2026-10-10 20:41:14 UTC

I know you're not supposed to engage with scammers, but it's a slow day.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/418/549/126/086/952/original/35f1e271d80b0482.jpeg

2026-10-10 13:02:56 UTC

I think the moon is asleep so can we talk about how weird it is the way it circles us while staring DIRECTLY at us?!!

2026-10-10 03:18:37 UTC

If you think I’m weird here, you should see my DMs with my friends.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/414/449/365/959/241/original/bc3c90a5cc0703a0.jpeg

2026-10-05 03:36:34 UTC

This sconce looks like Clippy, right?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/386/208/361/570/714/original/9b8e9944e5fe71d1.jpeg

2026-10-03 03:58:24 UTC

I appreciate when people in the service industry recognize my repeat business, but not on a Tuesday morning, Travis from the liquor store.

2026-09-29 18:50:33 UTC

I got a coupon to make a free photo book from a company called FreePrints and I just received it in the mail today and the quality was actually really nice for a little 6x6" paperback photo book!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/355/828/375/919/199/original/58d68d4907427666.jpeg
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/355/828/477/435/919/original/bfe35ba6e8448844.jpeg

2026-09-27 18:52:14 UTC

Just a little piggy back ride.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/344/510/507/413/637/original/626e8c5a558a11df.jpeg

2026-09-24 05:57:14 UTC

Go-Gurt seriously made a snack by packaging yogurt in a tube like it's a condom and kids are just eating it up.

2026-09-14 02:47:14 UTC

All moved in to our new apartment!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/267/105/842/601/949/original/c02c99a9ccc14d5b.jpeg

2026-09-06 23:39:34 UTC

Good news! The long awaited Iron Maiden polo shirt is FINALLY available to help you meet your business casual needs!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/226/731/762/711/360/original/37961669a3fdb597.jpeg

2026-09-03 14:17:30 UTC

Invention idea to package high calorie snacks inside corn kernels so they can be "smuggled" out of our bodies without the calories being absorbed.

2026-08-29 15:56:40 UTC

Where is the composer of Clair de Lune's favorite place to have sex?
Debussy

2026-08-23 23:55:31 UTC

I want to compete on American Ninja Warrior but only in the part where they eat pizza in a sewer.

2026-08-16 21:36:34 UTC

#Meatball
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/107/339/656/797/995/original/95a14727581fe822.jpeg

2026-08-16 16:37:48 UTC

Appreciation post for Murphy, the bar dog at Sante Adairius in Oakland, CA!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/106/164/776/946/417/original/cfacacb3fbecc30a.png

2026-08-13 14:44:03 UTC

- reply

Like, I don't care about your nostalgia for Chatty Cathy dolls, Carol. Just let me vibe with my fellow whores.

2026-08-13 14:36:36 UTC

Camel case is very important because I just came across a post with #whoremembers and I got excited because I thought it was #WhoreMembers until I realized it's just #WhoRemembers.

2026-08-13 13:47:53 UTC

My inner monolog is a single turd that refuses to come out.

2026-08-09 18:39:36 UTC

The photo quality is terrible because I took this from a moving car, but I’m pretty sure I just witnessed the start of an Orwellian revolution.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/067/007/581/895/441/original/9560ed99ceab1762.jpeg

2026-08-08 02:03:31 UTC

Do you think they'll put the McDonald's flag at half mast when Trump dies?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/057/428/446/394/943/original/1bf7621d16add97c.jpeg

2026-08-08 00:04:18 UTC

In his defense, he's not like a fruit scientist or anything.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/056/959/718/121/584/original/c05748646d2188be.jpeg

2026-08-05 19:25:16 UTC

Celebrating 15 years of being married to @nprofile…ry84!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/044/537/933/971/359/original/ea43aa57f6dc0837.jpeg

2026-08-04 16:23:53 UTC

Found my nerdy field notebook from Geology school!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/038/162/402/436/022/original/a1d1a14a70d5aa5a.jpeg

2026-08-04 15:00:04 UTC

Whenever my husband is at the ATM, I like to stand next to him and act all jittery and say things like "Thanks, man. Just this one last time, promise!" just to make the other people in line feel uncomfortable.

2026-08-02 17:26:54 UTC

We were walking home from a baseball game last night and stumbled upon this lovely group of people having a free movie night on the street.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/027/085/514/251/317/original/04dd5f6136688cec.jpeg

2026-08-02 02:45:16 UTC

I want to get good at baseball just so I can make them play Wet Ass Pussy every time I go up to bat.

2026-08-01 17:38:54 UTC

Boosting my response to this person as a PSA to others that their response is not an appropriate way to speak to people, even behind the "cover" of a keyboard. https://beige.party/@Alice/117021464109486055

2026-08-01 13:02:02 UTC

Bored? Walk around town wearing swim goggles and some used Jiffy Pop containers and ask people what year it is so they'll think you're a time traveler.

2026-08-01 01:23:41 UTC

One of my favorite games is acting excited about whatever title card happens to be shuffling through on the TV at that given moment just to see if my husband will believe me and hit play.
In this case:
"OMG I've been waiting for Sharkzilla Takes New York to come out!!"
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/017/635/724/244/849/original/a03ef543d336f0d4.jpeg

2026-07-28 18:30:48 UTC

I bought the Anarchist Cookbook but it's been really hard getting those unruly MFers into the pot.

2026-07-25 01:42:31 UTC

I have a cousin who tattoos eyebrows on people so I asked if she'd tattoo a goatee on me but she mistook it for a goatse and I'm honestly okay with it because it looks funny when adults are trying to feed me airplane-style.

2026-07-23 14:35:05 UTC

Joint health is very important to ensure our blunts grow big and strong.

2026-07-22 17:47:08 UTC

Is anyone here an optometrist? I got a new prescription earlier this year, but I haven't gotten new glasses because I feel like the change in my R-Cylinder is quite a bit and I don't know enough to know if this kind of "positive" change is normal or if it seems strange where I should get my prescription re-checked just to ensure it's actually correct.
I do want to get new glasses because I feel like I can't see as well with my 2025 prescription, but I just want to ensure this seems like a normal/reasonable change and not an error because I don't want to invest time and money in expensive progressive lenses if it's wrong (I know you can return them, but want to avoid that if something actually seems off with this prescription from the start).
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/964/843/475/164/512/original/de72e07e3d3190c3.png

2026-07-15 00:23:47 UTC

My stomach is sensitive because it doesn't like when people call it fat.

2026-07-13 13:56:10 UTC

Someone needs to tell the idiots of LinkedIn that being "apart of a company" is very different from being "a part of a company."

2026-07-13 13:49:16 UTC

An American Warehouse in London
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/912/983/498/612/845/original/886d2a85bb567ea2.jpeg

2026-07-12 18:01:40 UTC

People who believe in god are always thanking god whenever they survive a natural disaster completely ignoring the fact that, if god actually exists, then god is the one who created that disaster.

2026-07-12 15:56:14 UTC

Maybe it's the trains that are making people autistic.

2026-07-12 15:19:23 UTC

Looking for a tattoo artist who's good with color and texture because I want to get a face tattoo that looks like a goatee made of Hot Cheeto dust.

2026-07-11 19:14:22 UTC

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/902/937/226/911/132/original/e6f43ebb2011df3d.jpeg

2026-07-11 05:14:10 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…vdqp Thanks! 2002 Alice needed that.

2026-07-11 05:06:33 UTC

The internet had been talking about "MySpace Emo" so here's my profile pic from that time.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/899/603/518/865/384/original/7756b24d58ce3b3e.jpeg

2026-07-11 04:29:34 UTC

I want to create a series of music videos where everything is captured via non-traditional methods.
For example:
Music video made exclusively from trailcam footage.
Music video made exclusively from nanny cam footage.
Music video made exclusively from ring cam footage.
Music video made exclusively from Target self checkout footage.
Music video made exclusively from 7-eleven security camera footage.
Music video made exclusively from red light camera footage.

2026-07-11 02:07:58 UTC

I've been watching Love Island and the weirdest thing is the audio when people are making out because it always sounds like a St Bernard trying to lap up clam chowder so I think it would be funny if there were a sketch where they lost audio on one of the makeout sessions so they were like "Quick! Bring a garbage bag full of jell-o and a jar of mayonnaise to the sound room so we can recreate the missing audio."

2026-07-11 00:18:47 UTC

Someone trying to be social: Are you on any of the apps?
Alice: I'm on all of the apps! Mozzarella sticks, loaded potato skins, spinach artichoke dip, soft pretzel bites, chips and queso... You name it, I’m on it!

2026-07-10 21:11:45 UTC

Them: I would have never guessed you're autistic.
Me: Are you being sarcastic or sincere? I can't tell.

2026-07-08 19:13:03 UTC

My favorite finger foods are the thumbs.

2026-07-08 14:22:46 UTC

Hell hath no furry like a dude in a Tasmanian Devil costume.

2026-07-06 12:56:05 UTC

Thanks to all of my fans for coming out to last night's performance!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/873/138/206/405/503/original/7170a27b8d28c5da.jpeg

2026-06-27 15:21:45 UTC

I had some extra picture frames so I made a pseudo photo booth strip on the wall by enlarging the photos from a photo booth strip.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/822/750/230/433/718/original/a8cfbb03f7d1e56e.jpeg

2026-06-27 13:44:01 UTC

I don’t need a doctor to diagnose me with ADHD because I had an aunt who was an actual cokehead who repeatedly told me that *I* needed to "chill out" when I was a kid.

2026-06-24 22:26:09 UTC

Yellow tape around the pool means it's time for another game of Diarrhea or Drowning?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/807/432/080/075/579/original/04a66b8ac31e0622.jpeg

2026-06-24 14:57:14 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…q443 Many people, including myself, find it annoying when people just drop links to videos in conversations/comments.
If the person requested the link, it's fine.
I'm not sure if others are like me, but I’m rarely in a position to listen to audio and need to be in a certain mindset to play a video, so responding to me with a link to a video is just about as good as sending me the broken imagine icon because I'm never going to see whatever they're trying to make me look at.

2026-06-24 14:26:23 UTC

Please reference this helpful flowchart whenever you're about to link someone to a video.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/805/545/599/227/858/original/0cd6ea1c822eedac.jpeg

2026-06-20 04:48:01 UTC

"Don’t worry! AI won’t steal jobs because we will still need people who are good at writing AI prompts in such a ridiculously specific manner that they can force AI to provide an answer that they already know to be partially correct."

2026-06-14 15:02:41 UTC

If MASTERBOY can't survive in a mall, what can?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/749/065/276/383/166/original/a60cfadd19a50e2f.jpeg

2026-06-13 23:45:03 UTC

Hello!
It's 2026. Don’t make splitting a check your server's problem. Pay with one card and figure it out on your own time, you little brats.
Signed,
Someone who has never worked in the service industry who still thinks you're being annoying.

2026-06-13 16:44:02 UTC

Has anyone ever written their thesis on how The Office started going downhill when Jim and Pam had a baby or do I need to apply to grad school to make that happen?

2026-06-13 01:37:58 UTC

Is anybody else absolutely shocked whenever you find out that a band you liked in the past continued making music after you stopped listening?

2026-06-11 15:20:41 UTC

- reply

My initial thought was "why didn't you just call them compost bags?" but I don't want to take "boi bags" from him so I just added them to the list and came to the internet to poke fun.

2026-06-11 14:34:56 UTC

My husband said we were running low on boy bags so I asked what a "boy bag" was and then he showed me this as if I’m the crazy one.
#BoiBag
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/731/969/225/242/255/original/326503a9a68eecd7.jpeg

2026-06-07 13:43:29 UTC

Thinking about getting this printed on my pajamas.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/709/117/683/113/654/original/3b1729b15950e757.jpeg

2026-06-06 23:16:20 UTC

Went out on a 10 mile RailBike ride with @nprofile…ry84 and, despite how this photo may appear, we both had a really fun time!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/705/707/875/474/049/original/a69bceeef830ac85.jpeg

2026-06-06 17:11:56 UTC

Trump could take a massive dump on a baby's face and republicans would still find a way to blame it on Joe Biden.

2026-06-06 01:24:20 UTC

Sh-sh-sh-should I sue?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/700/548/857/540/890/original/f8dd8ecb769c196b.jpeg

2026-06-06 00:55:25 UTC

I feel like all of my haircuts end up looking weird because the stylist sees me looking in the mirror and making weird faces so they keep trying to cut to correct the "problem" when the reality is that I just can't see ANYTHING without my glasses and the weird faces are a result of that.

2026-06-05 21:26:01 UTC

Over the weekend, I purchased a beautiful original drawing by @nprofile…ggha and it just arrived!
It features the TV and VCR from Ghost World and is a confluence of my favorite form of visual media and one of my all-time favorite movies!
The original is mine all mine, but Marcus has a bunch of other originals and prints on his site if you want to check it out and treat yourself or a loved one to something really cool!
https://marcusmerritt.bigcartel.com/products
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/699/608/078/331/498/original/2d814d262b6265e1.jpeg

2026-06-05 00:21:14 UTC

Got a targeted ad for this polo shirt and was devastated to learn that it's for young boys but then was delighted to find that they have additional sizing for "husky" boys so now I just need to figure out if me and my boobs are the size of a husky boy.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/694/638/474/990/259/original/0637702856aefee4.jpeg

2026-06-02 14:27:37 UTC

Ride or die? Well okay if I have to choose I guess I'll go with ride...

2026-05-31 15:06:27 UTC

I find it impossible to see this bird as anything but a big scary creature with a wide open mouth preparing to consume me.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/669/807/735/128/935/original/4cac23167a7241bd.jpeg

2026-05-31 14:53:03 UTC

Looks like the lineup for a black metal fest.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/669/755/032/038/649/original/b56b06f8378a1596.jpeg

2026-05-26 01:46:56 UTC

I picked up a pizza from my favorite pizza place and I was taking the elevator up to my apartment when another person got on and they were holding a very large IKEA box with some sort of flat pack furniture in it and, for some reason, I decided to say "that's a big pizza!" and he just flatly said "It's not a pizza. It's a coffee table."
So I guess we're not going to be neighbors besties.

2026-05-25 00:22:49 UTC

Thinking about kicking over this jug just so I have an excuse for all of this crying.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/632/359/259/094/414/original/d3f5674017dd37df.jpeg

2026-05-24 02:20:33 UTC

I don’t want to brag, but I ate TWO sandwiches today!

2026-05-21 18:32:37 UTC

Not mad about this hole in my sock because I think it's cute the way my opalescent toenail polish is shining through.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/613/995/327/267/879/original/050774af7e3435e7.jpeg

2026-05-17 00:53:05 UTC

How do I explain to the officer that the syringe in my purse is just so I can inject hot sauce into my food while I’m eating on the go?

2026-05-12 14:03:40 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…galm Agreed! It's a minor "inconvenience" with potentially major benefits. I have no problem with it.

2026-05-12 03:58:02 UTC

In light of this Hantavirus BS, there should be a sketch about two people describing their own unique COVID experiences where one person is like "Yeah, I know! I didn't even go within 6 feet of a stranger until I was double vaxxed." and the other is like I wasn't able to hit the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese until the family reunion in the summer of 2020."

2026-05-12 03:44:13 UTC

Throwback to March of 2020 when I was riding home on a bus from work in San Francisco and snapped a quick photo because I saw that they let the SS Coronavirus dock in Oakland and I was terrified, so it's a really good thing we learned our lesson six years ago and definitely won’t let that happen all over again.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/559/541/132/496/962/original/acad7cda2fdcce05.jpeg

2026-05-11 19:54:07 UTC

Everyone keeps saying my makeup style is outdated but it's not my fault because I went to a rave in 1996 and the glitter eyeshadow still won’t come off.

2026-05-11 19:18:32 UTC

I only trust Sinclair gasoline for my car because it's the only one with DinoCare™️!
(Disclaimer: This is a paid sponsorship with Sinclair — your only trusted source for high performance gasoline with DinoCare™️)
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/557/552/756/860/754/original/c516e048de4fda41.jpeg

2026-05-08 14:23:02 UTC

I've been reading all about the concept of infinity and I feel like it's never going to end.

2026-05-08 04:45:13 UTC

Can someone create a bot so that the word "Trump" is replaced with "the main star of the Epstein files" whenever it appears in publications?

2026-05-08 04:36:19 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…nlha Sounds like you're also negative for goblin!