Booooooogan Five

I'm funny on Thursdays between 2pm and 5pm PST.

Sometimes I pretend I’m Mark Ruffalo.

Former sketch/improv person. I love #Taskmaster, #OnePunchMan, and #Boundless (the endurance race show).

Pro LGBTQIA+, BLM, anything that involves not being an a-hole.

I often toot late so select the notification bell if you don’t want to miss any of the 2am zingers.

Pronouns: he/him/his (cis-het, married)

#humor
#humour
#comedy
#jokes
#dadjokes
#puns
#writing
#improv
#standup
#fedi22

Public Key

npub1qfspld48emwvrk2vjkqq79sfnfc4ezk8apy9wwhu7mnp6cvafjaqdw0lcu

NIP-05 Address

LoganFive@beige-party.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsqycqlk6nuahxpm9xftqq0zcye5u2u3tr7sjzh8t70desavxw5ewspz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsk0fj3d

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1qfspld48emwvrk2vjkqq79sfnfc4ezk8apy9wwhu7mnp6cvafjaqdw0lcu

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Last Notes

2026-10-23 16:48:42 UTC

A dead end.

2026-10-18 19:39:56 UTC

I never seem to have enough time to do all the nothing I want to do.

2026-10-13 06:10:09 UTC

This isn’t the post you were looking for. It’s not funny, interesting, or artistic. It’s not a distraction from what’s going on in the world, or your world, or an exploration of worlds. It doesn’t rhyme or promote ideologies or talk about cats. There is no technical jargon and it was not written using Linux. There is no picture or alt text or text about alt text. This post isn’t even here.

2026-10-10 21:25:24 UTC

The word, “acronym” is actually an acronym for “A Cheat for Remembering (Or Not) Your Message.”

2026-10-09 19:37:55 UTC

Have any of you ever had an activity that was a part of your life for many years, but then one day you just stopped doing it? Maybe you were a writer, or a computer programmer, or just an avid gym rat. It could be anything.
What sparked the change? And do you ever miss it?

2026-10-06 05:51:01 UTC

When the universe is only made up of black holes, none of this will matter.
Except for that one thing you did. OMG, so embarrassing.

2026-09-30 20:44:56 UTC

I’m not sure if it’s just in my dog’s nature to watch me go to the bathroom, or if she sees me watching her go to the bathroom and then thinks this is just something we do together.

2026-09-30 20:31:21 UTC

Them: I like your fake spiderwebs for Halloween.
Me: Yes…fake…for Halloween…of course.

2026-09-28 06:19:01 UTC

I know this is going to sound crazy, but what I’d most like in a printer is one where, when I tell it to print something, it prints.

2026-09-26 06:08:42 UTC

Watching horror movies before bed is probably fine, right?

2026-09-26 05:33:03 UTC

Why do the people in horror movies always act like they’ve never seen a horror movie?

2026-09-09 06:43:40 UTC

When Dr. Doom does it it’s just “scrolling.”

2026-09-03 06:29:31 UTC

I need to make napping a religion so I can practice my rituals daily under the guise of religious freedom.

2026-08-29 00:58:42 UTC

What’s a good printer to buy that doesn’t have invasive AI on it?
#TechSupport
#Printers
#Recommendations

2026-08-25 03:57:00 UTC

Even dying is expensive.

2026-08-24 20:02:56 UTC

It’s never a good sign when the person leaving the public restroom apologizes to you before you go in.

2026-08-20 18:13:39 UTC

My father in law passed away yesterday. We were not nearby to be there for the end. It has all hit me harder than I was expecting. I’ve been helping to take care of him for over 15 years and just had stopped thinking about it. Like it was just something I did. At first we were doing it in person, and then it became remote help - setting appointments, helping with documents, medication, etc. Just trying to process it all.

2026-08-18 03:38:32 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…nahu @nprofile…prl4
😂
I don’t have to act.

2026-08-16 17:30:39 UTC

Instead of resumes, I’m sending in “Hot Mix” CDs from now on.

2026-08-13 01:30:53 UTC

OK, I'll boost you from this dark alley but you can't tell anyone about it. It has to stay our little secret.

2026-08-13 00:50:46 UTC

People who are bummed when they only get 5 or 6 boosts don't seem to realize that that is 90% of all active accounts in the Fediverse.

2026-08-09 18:18:02 UTC

I really look how I feel today and that’s not good.

2026-08-08 03:10:27 UTC

They should invent a shower that washes away all your anxiety and depression and leaves you at peace.

2026-08-07 05:42:33 UTC

I want the opposite of time travel. I want time freezing. I want a way for tomorrow to never come and this moment to live on forever.

2026-08-05 06:27:14 UTC

If I had to make a choice between saving the world and taking a really good nap, everyone is screwed.
I’m sorry.

2026-08-01 00:49:17 UTC

Reading military strategy books to learn how to get my dog to take his pill.

2026-07-29 21:17:57 UTC

Can't hold lines pay for something like 1980s Sitcom music? That would be a huge improvement.

2026-07-29 20:49:31 UTC

At the end of this call you will have the opportunity to take a brief survey about your favorite dinosaur.

2026-07-29 04:42:53 UTC

I went on a vision quest.*
*saw the optomotrist.

2026-07-27 06:27:27 UTC

Remember to be kind, you dickhead.

2026-07-22 06:04:12 UTC

Looking for laughter. What do you have?

2026-07-20 01:16:13 UTC

For those of you with dogs: How do you keep your place from smelling like dog all the time?

2026-07-19 18:43:53 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4 omg this is a long time to wait. I’m not sure I’m getting much better than this. Feels like I’m starting to wilt.

2026-07-16 17:54:11 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Ooooohhhh dammmmnnnn.
#Truth

2026-07-14 05:54:12 UTC

If I had an AirBnB I was renting that had a pool, I’d make Viking Funeral an option for people, for a reasonable service fee.

2026-07-08 22:13:25 UTC

It was kind of a small nightmare. More like a nightpony.

2026-07-08 22:08:29 UTC

Remember the buddy system, everyone. Does everyone have a buddy here on the Fediverse in case you get lost or need help?

2026-07-04 17:10:47 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…7rg4 What a great project! Looking forward to more time fades.

2026-07-04 16:39:38 UTC

America is 250 years old today and, like many seniors, it shows signs of memory problems, has fallen victim to scammers, and is struggling just to stay alive.

2026-06-26 05:52:12 UTC

Better make a backup account to my backup account, just to be safe.

2026-06-22 20:26:36 UTC

Maybe the real treasure was that pile of treasure we found along the way.

2026-06-14 08:04:58 UTC

What’s the WORST piece of advice you’ve ever been given or read?

2026-06-13 05:33:22 UTC

“People. What a bunch of bastards.”
-Roy, The IT Crowd

2026-06-13 02:12:28 UTC

#SubToot
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/740/371/562/109/796/original/a4941a40ef0a5b3d.jpeg

2026-06-13 02:10:14 UTC

#SubToot
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/740/360/982/826/515/original/a8cd555df09d28fa.jpeg

2026-06-12 19:11:31 UTC

She was too refined to have junk in the trunk.
She had fine china in the behinda.

2026-06-12 05:15:57 UTC

It’s all going to be OK.

2026-06-11 20:18:59 UTC

My new rap name is DJ Dewy Decimal. My raps are very organized and easy to find.

2026-06-09 06:57:38 UTC

Apparently flipping off someone through Teams is now “inappropriate” and “unbecoming a priest.” Well, fuck this whole monastery then.

2026-06-07 17:47:49 UTC

- reply

Seriously, Vox Machina can run straight into The Mighty Nein and you’ll just think it’s another subplot in the same world.

2026-06-07 17:41:38 UTC

If, when you’re binge watching, your streaming service is going to start some other show because they have run out of new versions of your show, someone should give you a warning or something. Like, “FYI, this is no longer your show,” so you’re not wondering how these characters fit into the plot. But now opening credits happen 20 minutes into a show before you realize you’ve been duped.

2026-06-05 00:15:37 UTC

My dog is looking at me like, “This thing you call ‘work’ is bullshit,” and I have to admit, she makes some good points.

2026-05-31 21:17:14 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…kkfs Can it also be used as a cold compress or just warm?

2026-05-26 19:00:46 UTC

When your body is tired, it’s easy to know how to rest.
When your soul is tired, it’s harder to know how to rest.

2026-05-22 05:28:48 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
[comedic flushing]

2026-05-19 05:40:30 UTC

We have a miniature schnauzer now named Willa and she makes these grunts like a dinosaur. So now we call her Willaciraptor.
#DogsOfMastodon
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/599/627/013/214/634/original/2f8a7d6e5cba2a5f.jpeg

2026-05-14 06:07:27 UTC

If people on the Fediverse met you in real life, they would be surprised to learn that you:
(?)

2026-05-14 02:53:36 UTC

Inside of you are two wolves which makes it OK to use the carpool lane.

2026-05-12 04:57:30 UTC

I could really use a tag team partner who will jump into my life and fuck some shit up while I cheer from sidelines and get a chair ready for them to throw.

2026-05-10 07:28:17 UTC

We told our landlords we have a dog now and they want to charge us $30 more a month. How the fuck is this dog going to make $30 a month? It’s got no skills. It can’t type, can’t answer a phone. It certainly has no references.

2026-05-06 05:59:01 UTC

What’s something you used to love to do but you can’t do it anymore?
And how did you adapt or cope with the absence of it?

2026-05-04 04:42:32 UTC

As you search online, a mist suddenly covers the room while a deep voice begins to bellow all around you.
“I am the Ticket Master! Bow to my will or you shall never see the artists you love again!”

2026-05-04 01:43:12 UTC

Just so you know, when a sandwich is made with love that’s an extra 200 calories.

2026-05-03 18:51:12 UTC

Self-care suggestion: Try setting your phone down for the day and put art and poetry books around your place. Need something to look at or read? A poetry book is within reach.

2026-05-03 16:46:08 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…tvhz it just shows that some people don’t know what a great thing they have when they have it.

2026-04-30 05:31:22 UTC

"I can't be bothered."
Really? I'm bothered all the fucking time.

2026-04-30 05:27:47 UTC

You know if you search for "napping" in Indeed you get ZERO job results. It's almost like it's not even a desired skill.

2026-04-21 06:50:14 UTC

Interviewer: Why did you leave these jobs after such a short amount of time?
Me: Because they were toxic environments with awful people working there and I care about my mental health too much.
Interviewer: Oh, this definitely isn’t a good fit then.

2026-04-18 05:30:03 UTC

20 years of faking it later…
When does the “making it” part happen?

2026-04-17 15:03:13 UTC

I’m at physical therapy and the front desk person is wearing a mask and even asking people if they have Covid symptoms. Finally! It’s not that hard! Such a small effort can help everyone so much.

2026-04-15 02:56:05 UTC

So glad I went to Wolf 358 instead.

2026-04-12 20:53:22 UTC

Renew, reuse, recycle, re-tire, re-despair, re-cry, re-rest, retry again, repeat

2026-04-11 03:03:45 UTC

I crashed into the ocean once and no one threw me a big party.

2026-04-10 05:24:09 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4 70% chance of showers?

2026-04-04 20:51:21 UTC

My LA Story
Sunshine, beaches, palm trees, home.
I drove away sad.
#Haiku

2026-04-04 20:47:29 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4
Silence sounds like music when your life is filled with noise.
#InspiredByYou

2026-04-01 14:23:22 UTC

I’m old enough to remember when the internet screamed at me instead of the other way around.

2026-03-30 18:45:25 UTC

It’s important to be informed but it’s also important to take care of your mental health. If you’re not going to act on it and it’s just going to depress you, then do you need to know about it?
POISON = Plethora Of Information Showing Only Negativity

2026-03-29 18:28:47 UTC

Focus on the things you can control in life, like which void you scream into, or how much chocolate you eat each day.

2026-03-28 05:36:28 UTC

I’m sick for the first time in a very long time. Everything hurts. Please send…betterness?

2026-03-27 19:15:48 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4 I’m bookmarking that one. ❤️
Let’s hope so.

2026-03-24 22:04:52 UTC

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

2026-03-22 18:21:59 UTC

Yesterday I had a unique hiking experience. A music student from a local university composed a hour-long piece of music with more than 8 instruments. The music was based on the noises of different creatures in the wild as recorded by local wildlife researchers. So a different instrument was assigned to each noise. Yesterday, several musicians were placed in the valley of this hiking trail where the noises had originally occurred but that were now replaced with the sounds of their instruments. While this occurred, a small group of us hiked the trail.
It really did feel like the musicians were wild animals occasionally making noise in the wild. It was also an interesting experiment in keeping time with other musicians at great distances and playing off of each other. (There was an element of improvisation as well.) It ended in a culmination of them playing together, like the forest coming alive.
I wouldn’t buy the album, but I loved the wackiness and uniqueness of the experience and I feel like we need more of this in the world.
#BeSilly
#WackinessNow

2026-03-20 20:28:09 UTC

Your order is being packaged.
Your order has shipped.
Your order is with the carrier.
Your order and the carrier really hit it off.
Your order went out for drinks with the carrier.
Your order is developing strong feelings.
Your order went back to the carrier's home.
Your order did things it can't talk about with its parents.
Your order feels alive for the first time.
Your order is in love.
Your order started a new life.
Your order isn't coming.
We apologize for this delay. A new order will be shipped to your shortly.
Please rate your service on a scale of 1 - 5.

2026-03-19 04:55:57 UTC

Psst. 👀 This is a secret post just for you. Don’t listen to all those negative voices. Just hang in there. 🫂 Tomorrow is another day.

2026-03-07 08:32:56 UTC

Which country are you tooting from? (And city if you feel like it.)
And what is your favorite breakfast?
Please boost for a wider audience.

2026-03-07 06:34:27 UTC

I just want to go hide from the world in a cave somewhere. But like a really nice cave with AC and heating and lots of pillows.

2026-03-03 07:11:55 UTC

The existence of soulmates implies the existence of soulenemies.

2026-03-03 06:56:09 UTC

Them: These planets will not align like this for another 6000 years!
Me: Do I have to get out of bed to see it?
Them: Well…
Me:
Them:
Me: Zzzzz

2026-03-03 04:43:49 UTC

Scam Warning: there are accounts posing as “Happy,” “Fun” and/or “Funny.”
These are scams. There is no happiness, fun, or humor in the Fediverse. No genuine account would ever send this kind of post or reply.
If you see these scam posts, report them.

2026-03-01 18:52:56 UTC

You can close those tabs now. You’re never going to use them.

2026-03-01 01:51:27 UTC

Oh, you didn't boost my post I see.
*swirls glass of wine in his hand*
Maybe you just didn't see my post. Right? That must be what happened.
I mean we wouldn't want anything...unfortunate...to happen, from a simple mistake, right?
*Gives the stare of a gangster, but like a really tired and out of shape gangster. Also a gangster that looks kind of like he'd give you a hug if you needed it.*

2026-03-01 00:13:25 UTC

My Fediverse residuals keep getting smaller and smaller. Also, I haven't found posting work in ages. Can you let me know if you see any job openings?
#ShitPoster
#LookingForWork

2026-02-28 07:51:33 UTC

None of the people you meet here are who you think they are. I mean, you may have a few bits right, but your brain is definitely filling in missing details and some if not most things are wrong. I’ve met 7 Fediverse people now and every experience was an unexpected adventure. They were all great, wonderful people, but just different than what my brain had pictured.

2026-02-28 07:06:37 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…prl4 ❤️ 🫂
That's a very long fucking off! 😆

2026-02-28 06:56:59 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…ffp8 You lost me.

2026-02-28 06:52:48 UTC

I have a lot of friends who say they have no friends. To my face.

2026-02-27 17:47:19 UTC

The first sign of an evil villain is that they excessively laugh at their own jokes.
(I’m looking at you, Skeletor.)

2026-02-27 05:26:46 UTC

Talk to the Machine.
Tell the Machine jokes.
Lure the Machine back to your place for some drinks.
Romance the machine.
Make the Machine fall in love with you.
Live a long enchanted life with the Machine.
Murder the Machine in its sleep.
The Machine never saw it coming.

2026-02-18 04:29:09 UTC

Me: Before you agree to a challenge, ALWAYS ask if it’s to the death. Always. You can’t assume shit.
My 6 yo nephew: But it’s checkers.