Catherynne M. Valente

Queen of Lasers and NYT/USAT Bestselling author of Fairyland, Space Opera, Deathless, The Past Is Red, & more. Any/All 

Patreon: Http://Patreon.com/catvalente  
Substack: Http://catvalente.substack.com
Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/user/catherynnemvalente
Tip Jar: Http://paypal.me/catherynnevalente

Public Key

npub1ez8h33rhuagau9w99lcsykhqq6m8ru5fftps7xdjucmkx0etwuvsfjl0zl

NIP-05 Address

catvalente_at_wandering.shop@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsv3rmcc3m7w5w7zhzjlugzttsqddn372y54sc0rxewvdmr8u4hwxgpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsp7cqh8

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1ez8h33rhuagau9w99lcsykhqq6m8ru5fftps7xdjucmkx0etwuvsfjl0zl

Show more details

Last Notes

2026-10-30 19:17:17 UTC

- reply

Maybe I will name him Jack Natterly. Of Natterly Hall!

2026-10-30 18:59:34 UTC

OMG STOP THE PRESSES
Look at this Handsome Autumnal Swamp-Duke who just hopped up to me while I was splitting wood for winter!
I’ve never seen a bigger toad in all my days he’s bigger than my whole fist!
I LOVE HIM I WOULD DIE FOR HIM HE HAS A QUEST FOR ME I JUST KNOW IT
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/531/395/273/685/976/original/e9c245fd3f4ec845.jpeg

2026-10-29 05:27:08 UTC

Legitimately the best bathroom-designation sign I’ve ever seen
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/522/538/343/613/328/original/dd64fe75c5b8bf06.jpeg

2026-10-26 18:34:29 UTC

The closest I’ll ever get to being up in lights in Times Square
Look again: That phrase isn’t Keelah Se’Lai
It’s the Quarian phrase I created for #MassEffect Annihilation. The name of my ship
Not “by the homeworld I hope to see one day” but “by the homeworld I hope to find one day”
I have a lot of feelings…
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/508/647/526/898/105/original/ceaaf1cb92899718.jpeg

2026-10-21 22:16:40 UTC

I now have permission to share something I hoped would be revealed with much more fanfare.
I spent more than 3 years as one of the writers of #MassEffect4
It was one of the greatest privileges & GLORIOUS challenges of my life. I smiled every day. I worked HARD for the fans, every day.
So when I say I am devastated by the end of #MassEffect I REALLY mean it. I don’t know how to express how gutted I truly am.

2026-10-05 15:23:35 UTC

I don’t care where you started out on the political spectrum.
If your kid comes out as trans & you don’t become a rainbow-clad, parade-cheering ally & rock-solid supportive girl/boy/enby dad/mom?
You were never a parent at all.
You were a doll collector furious they didn’t stay in their packaging.
If you can go every level of ham to support their travel hockey league, whether you like hockey or not, you can do it to support their deepest hearts & souls.
For fuck’s sake.

2026-09-30 15:47:58 UTC

The Childe’s #LordoftheRings is accomplished!
Tag urself I’m the Bacons of Gondor Are Lit
(Full write-up on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/catvalente/posts/bonus-post-long-170913758)
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/360/771/703/769/927/original/90a394013e8b88ae.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/360/772/618/554/978/original/c66fa666c6d1a3b8.jpeg

2026-09-25 13:22:39 UTC

RE: https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/117331874326176875
Now, I’m probably the only one who’d know for sure that I never wrote an essay with a Ken MacLeod title
But maybe think about that the next time you trust AI’s mewling results
It all seems pretty good until it talks about something you know REALLY well
Is there someone out there who’d instantly know the AI is wrong? Even if it’s only one person? And unless it’s you…how can you be sure?
Aw, but it’s so TOUGH to keep all your mountains of stolen shit straight! Poor baby AI, thieving is hard.
#note1n48…7mfj

2026-09-25 13:18:40 UTC

Someone brought up Silently & Very Fast on Insta & AI butted in to “helpfully” inform me about my own book
Fun fact: I’ve never written an essay with that title.
That title is a line from Ken MacLeod, scraped from an 07 Gizmodo article by @annaleen.bsky.social which reviews KM right before reviewing me.
Wow this is so worth wrecking the planet & maybe ending all human life!
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/331/876/781/942/641/original/d40e5d19621e18b9.jpeg

2026-09-24 15:08:13 UTC

You better HOPE this is late-stage capitalism.
But that phrase was invented to describe the post-WWI era, babes. They thought it was late-stage 100 years ago, too.
Capitalism hasn’t been around long enough for anyone to make any kind of sweeping pronouncements about its natural life cycle.
This could just be the awkward young adult years before things get REALLY messy.
Have a nice day!

2026-09-24 14:57:31 UTC

You know, when I can’t afford something & my credit is maxed out, I just don’t get to have it.
So weird.
Maybe they should hold a bake sale. That’s how we fund unimportant stuff like education.
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/326/600/440/038/671/original/aaa2321000377e26.jpeg

2026-09-22 16:07:16 UTC

From my new essay about the new social contract AI/AGI is actually meant to force us to sign:
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/grand-theft-automaton-ur-a-slave
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/315/550/069/609/616/original/b05e106bffa9faad.jpeg

2026-09-18 17:27:10 UTC

Boccaccio introducing the Decameron, 1348:
“I’m just a guy who REALLY loves both the ladies & big feelings! Yet the ladies consistently reject me?
Tbh tho I’ve been thinking & pretty sure the best way to heal is to use my platform to show society the plight of women & convince you fucks to show a little empathy bc they have it worse than any man, like seriously GOD DAMN.”
Wow, sounds pretty untrad, there, Johnny Big Mouth.
Smells like DEI bullshit. Simp! Woke! Feminism out of control!

2026-09-18 16:55:46 UTC

Back hurts.
Google asks if I want AI to compare massage prices
Fine, I think. That’s actually annoying, so let’s see.
19 HOURS LATER
I get an email with “results” confusingly presented, price buried in fine print, for ONE place
That’s not in my city
So glad we’re ending civilization for this!

2026-09-17 17:42:37 UTC

I got a new tattoo!
(Showed the Patreon kids a week ago)
The (among several meanings) idea being: when I put my hands together in a gesture of prayer…good things happen.
The amazing Mike Gorman at Squirrel Cage Studio in Portland ME did them!
I’m obsessed—what do you think?
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/287/596/176/834/798/original/269101ea3b54e9bb.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/287/612/801/787/604/original/a2542b8164092866.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/287/613/451/041/754/original/97f65f5e794e9550.jpeg

2026-09-05 04:06:40 UTC

Every once in awhile, in the midst of my nights, I’m struck dumb with awe and a strange, refracted grief:
It’s legitimately fucking *crazy* how good the internet used to be

2026-09-01 23:05:47 UTC

Transiting home from WorldCon, I’ll be with everyone to whom I owe things shortly.
I collapse now.

2026-08-31 18:17:10 UTC

Thank you to everyone who read my little vampire story, and everyone who nominated and voted for it.
Second place ain’t bad.
There was nothing but love in that hotel this weekend. This photo is but a small selection of my nearest and dearest I got to hold tight for a few days.
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/191/490/000/067/400/original/79b4d94917939c71.jpeg

2026-08-27 13:18:54 UTC

RE: https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/117167664929031455
I’m sure it’s just coincidence that making the online world infrastructurally mandatory, then incredibly unpleasant & difficult, drives people straight into the tentacled arms of fawning, frictionless AI that will never tell you not to feel briefly sad that Dolly fucking Parton died.
#note16vz…h0yr

2026-08-27 13:18:04 UTC

That parts of the internet are already busy being nasty about Dolly Parton of all people shows so starkly how much the snuffing out of any positive, kind, pro-social feeling has become a bedrock, load-bearing industry.
If they can’t totally monetize your heart, they’ll happily monetize rotting it.

2026-08-15 03:41:48 UTC

New all-time favorite photo
Exclusive to Mastodon because you guys can be trusted not to be weird
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/117/097/450/707/804/252/original/b1227df8b2cb5e42.jpeg

2026-08-14 01:58:21 UTC

You guys it’s fucking happening.
My kid wants a Lord of the Rings themed birthday party this year.
I was born for this moment.
No admittance except on party business.

2026-08-07 01:23:57 UTC

I just said this to my friend. I must record for posterity:
“Look, my position on Christianity is pretty much my position on #Warhammer
I’m not really into the gameplay & a lot, though not all, of the people who are REALLY into it aren’t okay & freak me out, but the lore & art design are AMAZING.”

2026-08-06 20:22:14 UTC

RE: https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/117010437435111317
You have two days left to get yourself a $50 WSFS membership (if you don’t already have one or aren’t attending) & vote in the #Hugos!
Anyone can, you get all the nominated works for free for that $50, & can nominate next year, too.
Deadline is Noon Pacific, Saturday 8/8!
https://www.lacon.org/register/
#note1szj…6sgt

2026-07-30 18:53:02 UTC

RE: https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/117010435305663114
And hey, if you wanted to read my novelette When He Calls Your Name & consider throwing a vote at it, that'd be swell!
I'm kind of the Susan Lucci of the Hugos at this point--I've lost 11 Hugos so far! I EXCEL AT IT. Wouldn't it be cool to break the streak?
https://www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when-he-calls-your-name/
#note1t2g…ndlg

2026-07-30 18:52:30 UTC

Obligatory Hugos Voting Post!
You have until Sat 8/8 to vote for the #HugoAwards!
Fun fact: anyone is eligible to vote! All it takes is a $50 WSFS-Only Membership. For that $50? You get copies of all nominated works--worth far more.
Support in-person fandom & have a say!
https://www.lacon.org/register/

2026-07-24 02:48:32 UTC

Okay kittens
It’s Thursday night
I have a rare reprieve from M O T H E R H O O D
Men at the American Legion kept buying me drinks bc I am good at pool
I am safe at home
But it a pretty good time to ask me weird questions!
Just saying.

2026-07-22 21:06:41 UTC

I have a new short story out!
The Language of Objects retells SEVERAL fairy tales in one.
Ever wonder what the great witches whispered to their princesses while the sleeping girls of folklore dreamed?
https://frictionlit.org/magazine/the-illusion-issue/

2026-07-02 20:52:31 UTC

We’re all aware that a whole lot of people of aren’t exactly feeling America’s 250th.
What’s actually *amazing* is how thoroughly you have to fuck up to make Americans look at an excuse to get drunk, eat garbage, blow stuff up, & praise ourselves & go:
you know what nah

2026-06-17 15:49:54 UTC

I have a fat pampered cat who thinks he’s very fierce & brave. He’s always trying to get outside to take on the world
But when he does escape, he instantly realizes he’s a fluffy spoilt dummy who’s prepared to handle nothing & begs to come back in
Then he immediately forgets all about it + his own shortcomings & cries & screams to go out again bc it’s the best out there, no one is as strong as him & if I don’t let him I’m the bad guy
So anyway, that’s what’s happening with the Iran War
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/766/239/188/830/862/original/8d35d46e8fbed216.jpeg

2026-06-11 20:35:21 UTC

New piece (from an actual Maine voter) on Graham Platner, the media's sudden "concern" over us poor dumb Mainers, and how I came around to voting for him:
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/the-democratic-urge-to-lose

2026-05-16 21:16:14 UTC

It’s #Eurovision Saturday.
I will not be providing commentary this year due to the actions of a country I don’t need to name.
Please feel free to read my Eurovision books, which are not irrelevant to said situation, instead.
https://amzn.to/3PljqSP

2026-04-28 12:35:38 UTC

Oh, wow, this is definitely how the government investigates a very unexpected serious & real crime that was really committed, seriously, whose details totally matter, so we basically HAVE to give Trump $400 million & shut down the Democratic Party forever about it, that’s just the law, you guys.
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/482/358/262/828/827/original/f4597003a01ebc0f.jpeg

2026-04-21 17:24:59 UTC

AHHHHH!
*deep breath*
AHHHHHH!
My twisty summer gothic story When He Calls Your Name is a #HUGO FINALIST!
I am so beyond happy—I’m so proud of this story & so hoped it would find its people.
SEE YOU IN LA DARLINGS, IMMA WEAR A VAMPIRE GOWN
https://www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when-he-calls-your-name/
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/443/859/859/878/810/original/bc52e0398f8e3289.jpeg

2026-04-09 17:33:24 UTC

The use of “hallucinate” is a stroke of true evil genius in the AI world.
In ANY other context we’d just call them errors & the fail rate would be crystal clear.
Instead, “hallucinate” implies genuine sentience & the *absence* of real error.
Aw, this software isn’t shit! Boo’s just dreaming!

2026-04-07 13:44:28 UTC

Just in case nuclear war starts tonight I wanted to say, despite all the complaining, it’s been a jewel of a life with all of you, hanging on a golden chain of moments of togetherness and connection and care.
Smoke em if you got em I guess.

2026-03-31 14:49:46 UTC

From my new piece concerning the Anthropic settlement:
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/blood-money-the-anthropic-settlement
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/324/341/009/852/125/original/fe2e07a1ce08d1dc.jpeg

2026-03-30 22:19:50 UTC

I just finished filing my claim with the #Anthropic settlement, which used FIFTEEN of my books to train the goddamned Temu Terminator, and I am fucking furious and heartbroken about it:
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/blood-money-the-anthropic-settlement

2026-03-09 18:40:50 UTC

Weird little bonus essay up on Patreon (for your nerves)...
Basically a shorter and punchier version of a paper I wrote in college about the etymology of the name "Antigone" if that sort of thing is your bag, baby.
https://www.patreon.com/posts/152629506

2026-03-02 20:10:47 UTC

Concerning the war in Iran, and probably one of the saddest things I've ever written.
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/whats-a-panama

2026-02-05 21:03:12 UTC

The more that comes out, the more it feels like Epstein was low-key running half the planet to a bizarrely granular degree, until he died, at which point the desperate need to hide that fact kept on running it.
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/020/044/592/666/847/original/850b2f52cad09717.jpeg

2025-11-26 19:12:21 UTC

My 7 year old just reached for a piece of pizza fresh out of the oven and exclaimed, in the same tone as an adult swearing…
“English *folklore*, that’s hot!”
I choked laughing ENGLISH FOLKLORE AS A SWEAR? WHO ARE YOU?!?

2025-11-15 16:28:32 UTC

Calling LLMs AI when they’re not even in the ballpark is one of the greatest marketing “successes” of all time
They’re not intelligent or even close. They’re Paywalled Premium Autocorrect.
But people, including ones who run companies, have been hearing the phrase “AI” in pop culture for over 60 years.
They hear it used for a product, assume it’s what the term has always meant, & proceed as though it’s fucking R. Daneel Olivaw without the annoying terms & conditions.
https://spacey.space/@60sRefugee/115537404570803355

2025-10-30 01:28:35 UTC

I keep trying to get a good selfie but it keeps going like this
https://www.patreon.com/posts/142111668
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/460/518/657/495/348/original/b539fac0f8dfa100.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/460/519/008/747/084/original/829d154164cc30b4.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/460/519/403/167/591/original/875dc3bab90e2696.jpeg

2025-10-29 04:35:24 UTC

SHE’S HERE SHE’S HERE
I can’t I’m so in love
#puppyexpress
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/455/591/683/236/814/original/ab1a877aced9ebf2.jpeg

2025-10-16 13:39:01 UTC

I’m so tired of this dance.
MANY Republicans: *do a Nazi thing*
Normal people: So you’re Nazis, we can all clearly see that now, right?
Republicans: But ARE we? What if Hitler stands for Handsome Intelligent Talented Loving Ethical Rascals, ever think of THAT, lib? Tee hee!
Media: Why are Dems the worst?

2025-09-26 19:34:11 UTC

Hey youths
Get the fuck off TikTok because Trump just told you factually they’re gonna fuck the algorithm to turn you all into loyal Hitler Youth.
And you won’t notice til you find out your personal demographic Need Not Apply.

2025-09-16 22:51:24 UTC

X wants to kill me for a paywalled essay about SEO.
BlueSky wants me to never speak again, even linking to my work, which is all this was ever about, because if we all just don’t talk to Nazis, surely they’ll stop being Nazis.
Neither sites’ commentariat have actually read what I wrote.
What a great world we’ve got going here.

2025-09-12 22:55:04 UTC

White-on-white crime is a tragic epidemic sweeping the country.
How many more will we lose to white gang violence and rightwing turf wars?
It’s the culture, you know.
These white celebrities glamorize a criminal lifestyle & young inner-suburb kids get trapped in the school-to-influencer pipeline.

2025-09-12 15:04:22 UTC

From my new piece on how not normal this whole thing is turning out to be, even in this shitshow where nothing is normal:
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/charles-in-charge-apparently
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/191/936/295/193/545/original/850864586048e404.jpeg

2025-09-11 22:49:04 UTC

So funny how suddenly the word empathy is both instantly *everywhere* online and no longer a sin…
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/charles-in-charge-apparently
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/188/101/286/900/504/original/edd88cd4918068b3.jpeg

2025-09-09 03:03:02 UTC

It was late January 2016, almost a year before the election, when Trump said he could shoot someone on 5th Ave & not lose a vote.
He wasn’t the nominee or even a frontrunner.
No primaries had been held, not one single vote cast for him or anyone yet.
It’s a totally bizarre thing to say when you’re literally the joke candidate no one thinks can win.
I’ve always wondered: how did he know that then?

2025-09-06 14:07:58 UTC

From my new piece on the many things not right about Trump’s not dying, apart from him not dying…
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/the-mask-of-the-orange-death
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/157/740/691/426/315/original/632d5ded73e09c06.jpeg

2025-09-03 20:21:46 UTC

New essay up on Patreon!
This month: many more details of the book launch where I met Stephen King, with many more stories of why it mattered so much to me:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/138041749

2025-08-20 14:59:21 UTC

I posted in a rush of emotions about meeting Stephen King at the Bangor launch of TEOTWAWKI last night (what an acronym that is!)
Here are today’s only slightly more measured, but at least more detailed, thoughts…
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/061/681/953/611/492/original/290688880b215230.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/061/682/560/302/847/original/e8dd07af4021fa6e.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/061/683/024/815/274/original/b42ce79e330eb612.jpeg
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/061/683/485/357/920/original/e9dfa5d4ec850c2b.jpeg

2025-08-16 20:07:13 UTC

For those who came to the #worldcon virtual reading (or will watch/watched it later!) and want to finish When He Calls Your Name, my spooky summer tale with a secret twist, it’s here in full for free:
https://www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when-he-calls-your-name/

2025-08-14 00:04:29 UTC

God, it’s like living in a kingdom where the absolute worst people you went to high school with, in every sub-genre of student, is in charge.
The worst jocks, the worst nerds, the worst rich kids, the worst drama kids, the worst dropouts, the worst burnouts, the worst mean girls & bullies…

2025-08-04 01:19:11 UTC

Media: PEOPLE ARENT DOING THIS THING ANYMORE & IT’S GOING TO END THE WORLD!!
Everyone: we like that thing. Stop making it cost so much, we really want it. First ones to make it less gets all our money
Literally all companies & governments: no
MEDIA: THERE IS NO SOLUTION YOUNG PEOPLE ARE SATANIC

2025-07-29 23:40:36 UTC

Tonight I am making a Caesar salad for dinner, topped with bacon and leftover mitzvah-lobster (see previous posts).
I call it a snort-n-port.

2025-07-28 03:09:19 UTC

You know, I’ve had a lot of bad days lately.
Sometimes when they’re really bad I remember the one & only time I met Terry Pratchett, about a year and a half before the end.
He told me I was beautiful and my name sounded magic.
Nothing can be all bad when that was allowed to happen in my life.

2025-07-17 22:54:49 UTC

If the White House admits to any problem at all, you know that’s not the actual problem, & the actual problem is whatever they said multiplied by a gorilla raised to the power of the Cloverfield monster.
We’ve been doing this for 10 years. His veins are tired? Ok.
That’s not what’s up, but ok.

2025-07-17 13:33:29 UTC

Every once in awhile, I think of my favorite “…the fuck did you just say?” phraseology, which is from Homer’s Iliad, proving we have never, ever changed as a species, only become less fancily inclined.
“What nonsense has escaped the barrier of your teeth now?”

2025-07-14 16:21:43 UTC

If you missed it, I had a brand new short story come out last week!
After much discussion, it’s been firmly agreed you should go in knowing nothing about it, so as to not be spoiled for…well…
https://www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when-he-calls-your-name/

2025-07-10 04:25:23 UTC

Just here to remind everyone that the thing calling itself Mechahitler is the same thing people are using as a free therapist every single day.
This was a great idea, and will turn out fine.

2025-06-27 16:38:12 UTC

I need the phrase (or its equivalent in everyday casual speech) of “What the fuck” in as many languages as possible.
Go.

2025-06-25 16:08:17 UTC

Hey remember 1000 years ago when everybody was using those suddenly-everywhere selfie apps that made you look like another gender or a princess or a wolf or whatever & they all turned out to be scraping data?
Maybe I’m slow, but I just realized they were probably training AI art models to do faces…
…not too many people show their hands in selfies, one suddenly considers.

2025-06-24 01:57:31 UTC

I need a Muslim consult for the book I’m working on.
Preferably a woman, but any gender expression is fine, I just need to take a quite odd & reproductively confrontational SF concept very seriously from a devout Islamic perspective.
Can anyone on masto help me out?

2025-06-19 21:01:48 UTC

In retrospect, Portlandia was an asshole of a show.
It careened in at the height of a culture to sneer at that culture & convince everyone it was worthless bullshit, while profiting off that same culture & its accelerated death, in part due to corporatized mockery.
Shit, man, it was ok for young people to learn how to knit, smoke meats, & care about others. After 9/11, the kids were not all right. They wanted to figure out what used to feel good, because nothing did anymore.

2025-06-15 21:08:38 UTC

It’s hard to escape the dawning realization that part (or all) of the goal of Google’s AI Overview is to simply eradicate the concept of anyone else having any kind of website at all.
Why click on a link & explore when Google told you the answer & you didn’t know it was wrong?
Google’s long-con loss-leaders have been nothing but a ramp-up to replacing the entire internet with itself—& a single content creator they never have to pay.
Except in the energy of the whole planet.

2025-06-09 02:16:36 UTC

In retrospect, the flaw in the Turing Test was always using human discernment as the model to measure against.
LLMs easily pass the Turing Test, not because they’re sentient, but because we’re dumbasses who interpret the most dopamine-supplying response to ourselves as the most intelligently human.

2025-06-06 13:26:19 UTC

You know you can just not use AI, right?
You can make a choice not to be part of this.
Even if your job uses it, YOU don’t have to in your normal life. You don’t have to let your kids use it.
You didn’t have it three years ago. You can just…be on Team Human. You can choose.

2025-06-02 15:47:19 UTC

From my new piece on Biden’s cancer diagnosis, the media & online response, and what controlled opposition actually means…
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/i-am-joes-aggressive-cancer
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/614/549/472/677/939/original/fb9621589fb360c8.jpeg

2025-05-28 17:56:19 UTC

Those of us whose work was used to train LLMs should file a class-action custody suit as ChatGPT’s genetic parents.
I’m not kidding. Real Life Actual Court.
We playing law games these days? Oh, ok, let’s play.
If corpos are people, I’m .01% that little shit’s Mom.
See you at the IEP meeting, OpenAI.

2025-05-05 14:27:05 UTC

It’s my birthday.
46. Sheesh, how’d that happen?

2025-05-02 22:04:07 UTC

The thing people still don’t seem to get?
Trump backs down at ANY kind of pushback. Resist a little & he folds.
SO FUCKING QUIT FOLDING IN ADVANCE DING-DONGS
https://www.pressherald.com/2025/05/02/maine-settles-case-over-frozen-usda-school-funds/

2025-05-02 21:37:09 UTC

AHHHHH!
Space Oddity is a Locus Finalist!
It’s not even possible to communicate what this means to me. Thank you so much.
https://locusmag.com/2025/05/2025-locus-awards-top-ten-finalists/

2025-04-30 23:53:45 UTC

So my birthday is Monday & usually I throw a big party because it was often forgotten when I was a kid.
But at the party last year something super bad happened (no I won’t share details) & it’s time to admit I now have ptsd about my own birthday.
I don’t want to give it that kind of power, but I’m not celebrating for the first time as an adult. Don’t have anyone who cares much anyway. It makes me so sad. Everything sucks.
(Posted only on masto bc it’s safe, no one on the island is here)

2025-04-30 14:18:42 UTC

From my new piece on how we done fucked ourselves all the way up this century, Move Fast and Break People Part 3: Asshole Monoculture
https://catvalente.substack.com/p/move-fast-and-break-people-part-3
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/427/344/759/693/213/original/ed3c79f017955e58.jpeg

2025-04-29 02:10:42 UTC

Bedtime thought from the first grader:
“You know Mum I think all pirates are really artists deep down inside…”
https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/418/819/400/535/064/original/2ac5ada6740a8adb.mp4

2025-04-27 17:15:36 UTC

I’m going to say this slowly.
If Andrew Tate & his ilk were right about ANYTHING they’d have no audience.
Guys would listen briefly, apply advice, & be WAY too busy with their new gfs, side-pieces, & high income hustles to bother tuning in.
It’s the Tinder principle: if you’re happy, they lose a customer.
Their business model is your unending misery.

2025-04-08 00:41:29 UTC

Oh my god, 6 year old just asked a post-bath question for the ages:
“Mama, in your whole life, how many objects have you gotten that were cursed?”

2025-04-05 18:58:44 UTC

- reply

It feels gross to even put out there that there's not much of a way through except to somehow magically make a bunch of new patrons appear out of thin air. But that's basically where Patreon has left us.
Boxer says I will work harder, but Boxer ended up glue. You know?

2025-04-05 18:58:17 UTC

- reply

Every one of the changes that took effect this month (and a few more that will take effect in November) takes money away from creators & gives it to Patreon & Apple.
Hardly anyone can just eat an instant 30% drop in income--except companies like that, but they'll be fine. Will we? I don't know.

2025-04-05 18:57:51 UTC

- reply

We are already terrified--artists are always considered expendable & economic chaos means no one has much wiggle room.
To do this do the hundreds of thousands of artists who rely on #Patreon to live when it's about to cost $50 for a fucking carton of milk is utterly gutting.

2025-04-05 18:57:37 UTC

- reply

If you're already a patron and you signed up through the Apple store, unfortunately, cancelling & re-subscribing through a browser will only work at the end of a billing cycle, as they won't take a new sub before the current cycle is up. #patreon
But beyond that...it doesn't look like good.

2025-04-05 18:57:31 UTC

- reply

If you want to help out, obv. becoming a patron if you weren't before would help shore up the gaping hole we're all grappling with. But do it through a BROWSER, which circumvents all these issues
You could also email #Patreon, as we've all done, & complain. I'm not sure they're listening, though

2025-04-05 18:57:12 UTC

- reply

Basically: any subscriptions made through the iOS/Apple store now have the 30% fee applied, which comes out of our portion of the sub. It also seems iOS subscriptions are subject to a 75 DAY hold, which is truly beyond any normal processing time
This is why most folks lost around 30% overnight.

2025-04-05 18:56:33 UTC

Many changes took effect at #Patreon today, all devastating to creators' income,especially those of us who rely on Patreon to...not die
I woke up to my income slashed by 28% despite no change in patrons. I'm not alone--all while our economy burns
I'm not sure what to do, but there's a few things 🧵

2025-03-14 21:03:47 UTC

At school drop-off awhile back, one of the other parents pulled me aside & whispered the most 19th century thing anyone’s ever said to me:
“I‘ve heard your…situation has changed. And I just wanted to say that I know several well-to-do mariners if you ever look for love again…”
WELL TO DO MARINERS

2025-03-10 13:26:49 UTC

Of all the unspoken assumptions we all thought held down civilization, but are finding out were just sugar plum dreams, one of the most subtly disturbing is that the rich folk in charge valued living luxuriously in a developed society over the simple pleasure of drinking the blood of the poor.

2025-03-06 19:34:32 UTC

Delightful Linguistic Distraction of the Day:
Though it's obscure & obsolete, English has a word for the moment icicles fall from the roof of a house.
Stiricide. Which comes very simply from the Latin words for "icicle" & "to fall."
Yet so specific, so delicate, so strange, so lovely.
Crack. Thunk.

2025-02-20 03:43:36 UTC

Oh my god I was sharing the Four Tops with a Young Person & told her to pull up Baby I Need Your Lovin and autocorrect changed it to BABY I NEED YOUR LOGIN
I’M FUCKING DYING

2025-02-19 00:38:42 UTC

I deeply resent that society is falling apart except for all the parts where WE still have to obey the rules & pay our taxes & pretend things are normal enough to function day in & day out.
Just couldn’t vote to survive, could you, America?

2025-02-18 17:34:47 UTC

And I mean wild.
Drop f-bombs in every statement so they get covered. Talk like an asshole.
Release classified info about Gabbard, Musk, Trump. Get arrested.
Barricade the Senate. Get celebrities to do it too.
Treat the SOTU like Rocky Horror. Respond THIEF to mentions of Musk. SPY to Gabbard.
Hold a press conference naked & say THIS is how unprotected/vulnerable we are.
Get crazy, sane hasn’t helped.
https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/114026085485813756

2025-02-17 15:34:53 UTC

- reply

The state is taking our rights. They want to take more. It’s very easy for a state to take things from people—from you as well.

2025-02-17 15:09:47 UTC

Women couldn’t have their own credit until 1974. Marital rape became illegal nationwide in 1994.
We are ONE generation into women having a CHANCE at life & it’s proved so intolerable America would rather end itself than allow such a thing to continue.

2025-02-16 02:50:04 UTC

How strange to think an entire generation has now grown up knowing the President only as the Main Character of America and not the stewardship of a public office: briefly held, gently relinquished.

2025-02-12 19:23:59 UTC

- reply

Clear as a bell on the video

2025-02-12 18:46:15 UTC

Can you imagine the absolute SEETHING uproar if literally any woman, no matter how conservative, hauled her 4 year old into the Oval Office with her for a meeting, talked over the President, then let her kid tell the President to shut up and go away?

2025-02-11 16:58:13 UTC

I'm so incredibly pleased to see that my novel Space Oddity made the Locus Recommended Reading List!
It's also eligible for the Hugo & Nebula Awards, if you wish to consider it.
Space Oddity also opens up the Space Opera books for Best Series!
https://locusmag.com/2025/02/2024-recommended-reading-list/