Jonty Wareing

Accidentally responsible

Public Key

npub1cs5qktws0832752dau5seszmh3dafngrnhtem6wnz6mztncqmvdsusar7x

NIP-05 Address

jonty@chaos-social.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsvg2qt9hg8nc4029x772gvcpdmck75e5pem4uaa8f3dd39euqdkxcpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds66j90a

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1cs5qktws0832752dau5seszmh3dafngrnhtem6wnz6mztncqmvdsusar7x

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Last Notes

2026-10-24 17:41:35 UTC

Looking for a journalist who covers UK Government tech, ideally with a health slant - any suggestions?
I have once again accidentally found a juicy story while poking at data. Sill not certain, but want to get my waterfowl assembled linearly.

2026-10-22 22:39:16 UTC

Said I wouldn't be attending a meetup because I am "radioactive" due to my current COVID plague-carrier status and all my friends assumed I was genuinely radioactive, explaining that "it would be on-brand" and they "wouldn't be surprised"

2026-10-21 20:44:25 UTC

So that wave of covid that's going around is definitely a thing, because there are two red lines on this test and I really would prefer one

2026-10-21 11:13:43 UTC

"how bad could it possibly be"
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/478/599/924/036/392/original/68dbb2571a463fd7.png

2026-10-20 17:34:11 UTC

https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/474/490/283/002/862/original/cd604026e72cad4c.png

2026-10-18 19:50:38 UTC

Design brief for the new CTAO telescope array appears to be "make them look like implausible props from a sci-fi movie" and I am in love
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/463/631/784/164/098/original/3c8ab06d0ffe1ab3.png
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/463/636/359/883/534/original/372e2b572dd8b4c8.png

2026-10-13 11:22:05 UTC

IT IS BIN DAY
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/433/333/420/561/961/original/a936889a5b0c1d56.png

2026-10-12 13:03:01 UTC

What films told us crippling infrastructure cyberattacks would be like: Traffic lights flashing, planes crashing, power grids being shut down.
What crippling infrastructure cyberattacks are actually like: Setting all the supermarket fridges across Europe to defrost.
https://www.tomshardware.com/tech-industry/cyber-security/unprecedented-cyberattack-cripples-supermarket-fridges-across-europe-as-hackers-activate-automatic-defrosting-delivery-and-store-prices-also-impacted-by-incident

2026-10-11 19:25:08 UTC

I'm curious: What's the rarest book in your personal library?

2026-10-11 18:18:57 UTC

Did not get closer. I've seen the films.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/423/635/684/773/756/original/4e52c2503c7e4158.jpg

2026-10-05 11:05:05 UTC

My kingdom for a "hide posts longer than X characters" option in a fediverse client.
I like to doomscroll, but not *that* much

2026-10-01 19:33:37 UTC

Please stop rolling the adapter generator dice things have gone too far
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/367/311/316/799/455/original/6ffa3be924cb13b9.png

2026-10-01 18:11:12 UTC

rude
#nevent1q…l3v0

2026-09-30 23:18:57 UTC

Someone tapped me on the shoulder at a gig and said "That phone shot is incredibly framed, you clearly shoot Nikon".
I had to inform them that all my cameras are Fuji

2026-09-27 19:49:55 UTC

My neighbour handed me a forgotten ebay package - A rare 1960's booklet published by a US church detailing how computers will bring about the end of the world.
I thought it would be nonsense, but if you swap Europe for the US they're not totally wrong.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/344/727/226/897/624/original/76da7dcc85736969.jpg

2026-09-24 11:17:28 UTC

Its What3Words accounts filing day!
They're doing so great. Just brilliantly. Nothing to worry about.
I'm sure "the launch of our advertising revenue stream" will offset the "lost major Enterprise customer". Ads are such a profitable business model these days, right.
https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/company/08430008/filing-history
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/325/723/593/412/327/original/06e72433e720fe24.png

2026-08-23 12:31:05 UTC

When I am finally made all-powerful I will force the Android engineers responsible for device migration to switch phone every 37 hours

2026-08-22 10:18:32 UTC

So @nprofile…yrjm wrote about @nprofile…wh29 in the Big Issue and gave us a new tagline. #emfcamp
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/138/631/842/651/100/original/cd4dca57712b2680.jpg

2026-08-21 20:28:11 UTC

Twice today I have had to warn friends about a bald head moisturising cream containing bee pollen, because it *attracts bees to your bald head*.
Also: WASPS.

2026-08-21 13:20:21 UTC

All I want is a gyroscopically stabilised cup holder for my bike handlebars. Why does nobody make this.

2026-08-21 11:18:23 UTC

The squirrel has disabled our security camera again

2026-08-20 22:11:22 UTC

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@nprofile…dhhl I once asked where someone was on the phone and heard this incredible sentence in response: "I'm 3d printing karl marx labubus in my friends sex dungeon"

2026-08-17 10:53:11 UTC

I can't believe they've allowed someone to open a new data center in Kings Cross.
https://www.gumtree.com/p/garage-parking-to-rent/kings-cross-n1-colocation-storage-workspace-server-hosting-data-centre-edge-ai-electrician/1493230979
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/110/465/097/581/228/original/9cdca288e8b96af9.png

2026-08-15 13:27:24 UTC

Are you in the UK?
Are you running android?
Did you receive several emergency alerts yesterday?
Could you run `adb shell content query --uri content://cellbroadcasts` and send me the output?

2026-08-13 13:01:00 UTC

Today I was made aware that if you want to explore the wreck of the Titanic, you need to request a license from ...the Department for Transport
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/088/321/150/196/302/original/b2c1a28be37f3bf9.png

2026-08-12 11:13:32 UTC

I updated my total eclipse webcam viewer for today's eclipse!
Once totality begins you'll see a live-updating umbra, so you can race to the next webcam and see the eclipse happen over and over again.
https://jonty.github.io/2026_eclipse_webcams/
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/082/219/433/566/399/original/017d60e7b5892bdd.png

2026-08-11 19:23:52 UTC

Dude just walked into our local corner shop, bought fifteen lemons and three packets of cigarettes, said "actually give me six more lemons I LOVE LEMOOOOOOONS" and then sprinted out of the door with lemons crammed in every single pocket.
So anyway. How are you all.

2026-08-10 19:36:06 UTC

@nprofile…w3h4 Possibly, but it's not the correct move. There's an archive button for a reason.

2026-08-10 17:14:06 UTC

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Before you WELL ACTUALLY me: Yes, a lot of this is garbage test repositories or things that don't matter.
But a lot is not. And you should take notice when (for example) the entire output of the Met Office Informatics Lab vanishes.

2026-08-10 17:10:38 UTC

I always suspected a UK government would eventually reverse course on "coding in public".
So I've been backing up all government code. For six years.
Today I finally generated a report on what has been deleted. Its much worse than I realised.
https://github.com/uk-gov-mirror/deleted-repo-report
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/072/288/140/704/461/original/68328a7936aa88f0.png

2026-08-10 15:49:24 UTC

The UK Web Archive has deleted ~50% of their published git repositories. This is not a joke, but I am laughing.

2026-08-04 10:04:41 UTC

After staring at a problem in the house for over a year I finally realised the answer is simple: Buy more tools.

2026-08-03 12:06:01 UTC

Going back to my day job after working flat out on #emfcamp for two months is *rough*

2026-08-02 13:14:49 UTC

Convinced that home assistant is a covert operation to sabotage productivity of people who would otherwise spend weekends inventing things

2026-07-31 12:28:50 UTC

Google Earth added a weird "edit with AI" mode, so I fixed the biggest error in London.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/117/014/581/505/260/000/original/e0f818d44e9b24b8.png

2026-07-28 15:47:06 UTC

I spy with my satellite eye, something beginning with E.
https://planetarycomputer.microsoft.com/explore?c=-2.3761%2C52.0411&z=14.81&v=2&d=sentinel-2-l2a&m=Most+recent+%28low+cloud%29&r=Natural+color&s=false%3A%3A100%3A%3Atrue&sr=desc&ae=0 #emfcamp
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/998/358/702/110/965/original/af6b9c3f091901e0.png

2026-07-26 13:44:13 UTC

Robin Ince's talk about what happened with Monkey Cage is up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn-ZrPyQ1TE #emfcamp

2026-07-23 13:04:24 UTC

Would anyone like a sticker because I made way too many stickers
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/969/429/065/894/213/original/040cffe233cb6a83.png

2026-07-22 16:39:13 UTC

Have been informed that someone did a 15 minute livecode music set entirely made from an airhorn sound, accompanied by live Microsoft Paint visuals.
I find it hard to explain what the festival we run is about, and may it get ever more difficult to describe. #emfcamp

2026-07-21 16:00:00 UTC

Clearly someone didn't take me seriously when I said "If you leave a tent behind I will find you" and decided to up the stakes by *also* leaving a giant pile of crap.
The game is afoot. They will regret this.

2026-07-19 18:42:00 UTC

Just been informed that the #emfcamp closing ceremony was broadcast via satellite TV across Asia and some of Europe, so that happened.

2026-07-18 18:59:59 UTC

Someone gave me an appropriate sign for the bike #emfcamp
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/942/510/772/937/407/original/29fd92946eba559a.jpg

2026-07-17 09:46:33 UTC

Right. Now I can stop stressing about writing the opening ceremony.
And start stressing about writing the closing ceremony. #emfcamp

2026-07-16 21:59:10 UTC

Sat working alone in EMF HQ and smashed play on my keyboard.
Apple Music opens, an app I never use, and it played seemingly the only thing in my music library - A recording of the Lincolnshire Poacher numbers station.
Perfect.

2026-07-15 10:50:53 UTC

Has anyone ever made a videogame where events that happen are communicated by the NPCs telling each other about them, but it's like normal rumours so each time the knowledge is passed on it gets slightly distorted and if you end up talking to the 23rd one in the chain Zelda is at the spa having a lovely time

2026-07-09 16:20:26 UTC

Someone expressed delight that we're showing Hackers (1995) at EMF again, as is tradition.
We almost didn't this year - but Iain Softley (the director) insisted we show it because "EMF is the spiritual home of Hackers".
Well then. Of course, he'll be there to introduce it. #emfcamp

2026-07-01 20:31:41 UTC

Apparently some EMF attendees are finding our emails counting down to the event stressful and scientists are yet to invent equipment capable of detecting my violin

2026-06-30 22:35:38 UTC

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@nprofile…a2ht It's tiny but I love how far it's spread - The encoding of Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics in last.fm's robots.txt. I was astonished to find that people have copied it all over the internet, even on massive websites.
Scroll right to the bottom: https://www.last.fm/robots.txt

2026-06-26 22:18:22 UTC

The main reason I can remotely monitor the temperature of my house is to justify staying in this air conditioned pub

2026-06-25 10:16:10 UTC

TOP TIP: If you don't have a ceiling fan, simply hover a drone above your head

2026-06-19 15:53:12 UTC

So we've reached that phase have we
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/777/573/718/481/554/original/e07d01621d8ebb0a.png

2026-06-16 14:27:01 UTC

You know you're doing something weird when a tent supplier says "wow you are having a lot of tents" and their order is 1/4 of the total amount

2026-06-16 00:40:39 UTC

There are a staggering amount of conspiracy theories flying around over the under-16 social media ban, and I am begging people to understand existing government identity verification services.
1. You give them too much credit
2. None of it works like that
3. Yes, it really is that bad

2026-06-15 11:13:11 UTC

Anyone want to buy an email sending company that can't send emails
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/753/819/308/020/041/original/e6e175169657b446.png

2026-06-14 23:24:09 UTC

I really want a version of clippy that pops up with
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/751/034/780/958/712/original/b70b372439d4550f.png

2026-06-12 19:03:56 UTC

Them: It's ok, the tent can't hurt you
The tent:
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/738/688/514/536/579/original/3bbccd7e99b0c82f.png

2026-06-12 11:38:57 UTC

Devoting the rest of my life to finding and punishing the designer of these temperature controls
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/736/930/849/430/534/original/46399d9c57e6cdae.jpg

2026-06-10 15:21:39 UTC

One of my communities has a standard practise where members request copies of any x-ray/MRI/CAT scans they have. So we can attempt to assemble one full human from all our scans combined.
It's only just occurred to me how weird this is.

2026-06-08 21:31:54 UTC

I did not achieve everything I needed to achieve today
[repeat until heat death of the universe]

2026-06-06 15:08:09 UTC

Life goal: Get a plaque this good
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/703/775/017/482/811/original/3b32bbb0eefb8a0d.jpg

2026-06-05 22:03:29 UTC

Got this stuck in my head and had to get it out. Just in case someone needs it.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/699/755/412/420/424/original/b0edc66f183f6da5.png

2026-06-05 15:35:15 UTC

Never upset the graphs department, they will plot against you

2026-06-05 13:15:47 UTC

"Buying 1000 ThinkPad nipples" was not on my to-do list for today but here we are

2026-06-03 15:11:53 UTC

We don't need no education
We don't need no source control
No code examples in the classroom
Hackers, leave them bits alone
All in all, you're just another line in the -Wall

2026-06-02 19:53:50 UTC

One of the EMF team leads just dialled into a meeting from a hospital bed after falling off a five story building trying to install a mesh network antenna. Unbelievable dedication to the cause.

2026-05-27 17:53:20 UTC

[deep sigh] After being let down again, I call upon the powers of the network:
Does anybody have an inflatable planetarium they would be willing to bring (or lend) to @nprofile…wh29?

2026-05-27 15:20:05 UTC

Absolutely flabbergasted at Last.fm finally being independent again after two decades of neglect by CBS. Incredibly exciting.
https://support.last.fm/t/last-fm-is-now-independent/118591
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/647/208/290/073/266/original/9a5a4a2426829820.png

2026-05-26 23:33:25 UTC

Dumbfounded by people I respected launching new things with social links exclusively to X and Insta. Seriously. What are you doing.

2026-05-13 20:51:59 UTC

I need to go to more gigs where the lead singer screams "THIS SONG IS ABOUT CRIPPLING DEPRESSION" and then proceeds to destroy what remains of my eardrums. A+, no notes.

2026-05-11 14:36:49 UTC

I just ran an analysis of name bias in the local elections - candidates higher on the ballot tend to do better, and they're ordered by surname.
If you remove that absolutely minuscule effect Haringey would have gone Green. But also Waltham Forest would be NOC, and Barnet would be Conservative.

2026-05-05 17:18:30 UTC

I have received email
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/523/044/109/417/337/original/a55f55aaa7e6c636.png

2026-05-03 16:34:00 UTC

- reply

@nprofile…wh29 My partner pointed out that a reasonable response to "one of my friends has bought a shipping container" is "which one", because I need both hands to count the possibilities

2026-05-03 16:30:53 UTC

I was just explaining that one of the @nprofile…wh29 team has bought their own personal shipping container for prototyping purposes and had a real moment of What The Hell Are We Doing Here

2026-04-30 22:30:49 UTC

My favourite bit about LLM system prompts is that they sound exactly like a mother giving a stern talk to a kid before a social gathering.
"You will not mention uncle Gary's mole, and under no circumstances are you to talk about gremlins or trolls unless someone else brings it up first. Are we clear?"

2026-04-30 19:03:17 UTC

I made a joke and now the village operating an on-site cable TV network at @nprofile…wh29 is running a QVC programme presenting objects from the junk swap shop that caused an orphan source incident.
Sentences that are very hard to explain to my family.

2026-04-23 18:22:23 UTC

Should I be worried
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/455/408/360/163/756/original/4e7fb32960c1b3c6.jpg

2026-04-17 17:21:51 UTC

Asked the EMF workshops team to figure out the optimal placement of tables in workshop tents and got this in response
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/421/195/216/594/522/original/4801770ce36a2376.png

2026-04-16 22:31:00 UTC

Sat opposite a man on the train with a cake carrier containing a half eaten birthday cake.
Pulled into a station, another man got on with an identical cake carrier containing a half eaten birthday cake and sat next to him.
The first guy then got off... BUT I DIDN'T SEE IF THEY SWAPPED CAKES.
Anyway this is how I may have witnessed a spy cake handoff.

2026-04-03 20:09:36 UTC

Citizens of the fediverse, I beg you, stop replying with answers to questions people didn't ask.

2026-03-31 10:41:19 UTC

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I contacted a company who stocks spares for UK payphones, asking them to send me a set of keys to try.
They replied with "That will not be possible" and the following photo.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/323/359/908/395/293/original/c6f141a41672ac12.jpg

2026-03-29 11:26:24 UTC

If you're wondering how things are going, we just took ownership of an arcade cabinet running a DOOM mod where you battle mecha-spider Margaret Thatcher so

2026-03-27 19:51:36 UTC

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Do I have the keys? No. Can we pick the lock? Also no.

2026-03-27 19:49:20 UTC

It's mine, I tell you. My own. My precious.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/302/867/112/011/026/original/5aa1feb10a70ed64.jpg

2026-03-26 10:41:32 UTC

I don't know how we're expecting to make a Dyson Sphere, the guy can barely build a functioning vacuum cleaner

2026-03-25 11:42:42 UTC

Spotted by a friend in Hawaii
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/289/626/969/842/718/original/b66a941aea5ee1b9.jpg

2026-03-11 19:16:13 UTC

This is a reversible USB-A to reversible micro-usb cable.
Where is your god now.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/212/132/311/378/866/original/028bdb0677368a93.jpg

2026-03-10 13:40:51 UTC

Someone buzzed our doorbell just to show us their bum
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/205/154/419/229/420/original/c9fe8e803de5ff92.mp4

2026-03-08 14:02:56 UTC

Can't stop giggling at someone reviewing a toilet cistern connector and thinking the "customer image" upload was for a selfie
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/193/917/152/413/016/original/b0f369aa4b6901e3.png

2026-03-03 14:50:52 UTC

Extremely cursed adapter. Someone please ban my aliexpress account.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/165/791/047/384/738/original/6cd96a9a16092690.jpg
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/165/791/091/764/853/original/797584717185f0bb.jpg

2026-03-03 00:55:34 UTC

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You'd think this was obvious but I am quite sick of high-volume bloggers being cited as objective truth

2026-03-03 00:51:37 UTC

Just because people publish a lot on the internet doesn't mean they are right

2026-03-01 22:30:32 UTC

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@nprofile…yzy8 @nprofile…9d4g has the famous email address dot@dotat.at

2026-03-01 12:40:44 UTC

Today a bunch of my open-source projects got slammed by incorrect AI-written vulnerability reports demanding $299 for disclosure
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/153/959/000/844/073/original/52c4a86051bf97c5.png

2026-02-26 10:57:54 UTC

Previously a junior developer would have said "Jonty, no" to my hilariously bad ideas, but now the LLM says "You're right!" and vanishes down a hole to build my disco torment nexus.
Which is to say: I'm very sorry in advance.

2026-02-22 18:41:13 UTC

Got myself some shed shelving made by a company with a name you can only pronounce in a guttural scream
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/115/720/102/580/522/original/eb2bf413473a597b.png

2026-02-22 18:32:27 UTC

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@nprofile…65q8 The new Android 16 desktop mode is really surprisingly good, I can't wait for it to start supporting resolutions >1080p

2026-02-16 23:08:50 UTC

Earlier I stopped my bike to retrieve a ping-pong ball from the road for a small child who insisted on giving me a fist-bump and declared I was "a saint". I've had worse days.

2026-02-12 15:57:13 UTC

I just witnessed someone present an AI-written slide deck they'd never even read.
Apparently slideshow karaoke is now a corporate skill

2026-02-10 20:16:18 UTC

Everyone going "Just move to IRC!!!" clearly has no understanding of *why* other things have been more popular than IRC for the last ~12 years, and why this won't happen.
Before you reply with "lol IRC is great you don't get it": I say this as a die-hard IRC user who worked for an IRC client company and also ran a large organisation on IRC for the last decade (until we finally gave up and moved to Mattermost this year).

2026-02-06 15:16:07 UTC

Did I really need this 10,000mah battery shaped like a pager which can also *actually page other pager batteries*? No.
Do I have another pager battery to actually page? Also no.
https://assets.chaos.social/media_attachments/files/116/024/337/163/834/830/original/1c0372f03ecfd26a.jpg