Emily 🏳️‍⚧️ (Recovery Era)

https://chaosfem.tw/@EmilyGB2023

Software engineer, living in Illinois. She/her. Avid reader. Gamer. Lazy with bios. 🏳️‍⚧️

Now with more estrogen (9/22/22)

Pronouns: she/her
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Style: Incoherent and incomprehensible to mortals

Public Key

npub1tlp6jxsyxa827xysjr2dnklq0aukz7zas7qag8spjjds2eveyxdqzqqke3

NIP-05 Address

emilygb2023_at_chaosfem.tw@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs9lsafrgzrwn40rzgfp4xem0s877tp0pwc0qw5rcqefxc9vkvjrxspzemhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuurjd9kkzmpwdejhgqgdwaehxw309ahx7uewd3hkcn4xynj

Publishing to

relay.primal.net

nos.lol

relay.damus.io

Author Public Key

npub1tlp6jxsyxa827xysjr2dnklq0aukz7zas7qag8spjjds2eveyxdqzqqke3

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Last Notes

2026-10-15 16:04:12 UTC

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This game shoots up several places on my "to play" list every time someone posts about it.
I'm still playing Control first. :)

2026-08-18 20:25:55 UTC

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Wouldn't each taste combination then break into individual vectors for intensity?
Because sweetness that is setting off every sweet receptor like it's on fire is definitely a different taste than one that is setting off only enough to meet the threshold for your brain to go "oh, i taste sweet".
If combo 2 is, say, "sour + salt" -- the actual taste range for Combo 2 would be the whole range from "barely enough sour to taste" to "your mouth cannot process any more sour than this" coupled with the same for salty.
So really, what you need is a simple data structure with a vector for each of the 5 tastes, ranging from (undetectable) to "every receptor that can recognize this taste is currently screaming at your brain at maximum volume". Like a 0 to 100 scale would work.
So you'd have 31 possible combinations of flavors, but each combination would have a *very* wide range of expression based on the relative intensities.
And you'd have one (void) which wouldn't need intensity, as everything would have to be at zero.

2025-06-18 23:39:15 UTC

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And their reasoning is that, for the purposes of allowing/disallowing medical procedures a state need only meet the lowest of burdens.
The decision twisted itself in knots to claim a law that affected only trans people was not actually aimed at solely trans people (I guess neither Roberts nor Gorsuch were willing to overturn Bostock, but were absolutely delighted to find a way to push their religious bullshit. I hope all six of them choke on it).
it is a decision that would uphold similar laws against adults, both on a state level and a federal level.

2025-06-18 20:48:57 UTC

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The best I can tease out is that they don't understand the American legal and Constitutional system, and are thus under the impression that children have "less rights" than adults.
Which is false. Children have exactly the same rights as adults, save only that SOME of those rights and how they are exercised are subject to their guardian's decision.
MOREOVER, the reasoning of this decision turns on what standard of scrutiny to apply -- which is not an issue related to parental rights or children's rights, and instead is based on what rationale the government can use and to what standard is must rise to.
The legal logic used would apply exactly the same to banning HRT for adults.
I do not understand why someone who does not understand our legal and constitutional system is arguing with us here.
Because they clearly have NOT read the majority opinion, or if they have they have not understood it, and are instead arguing based on their imagined version of this opinion!

2025-06-18 19:37:36 UTC

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It literally JUST HAPPENED TODAY.
You can read the opinion yourself.
Why are you twisting yourself into knots to pretend it didn't happen?
What's fucking wrong with you?

2025-05-23 16:11:17 UTC

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It feels, right now, like we're at this transitional moment -- where a fading order is screaming and ranting and using the last of their strength to grab anyone useful, gullible, greedy, or uncaring enough to join them in smashing it ALL in a fit of rage.
Rage because they're not young anymore. Rage because they can't throw around power like they used to, they don't get the automatic 'respect' they used to, that people -- especially younger people, minorities, people lower in the internal hierarchy that defines their lives, question them and act like equals or even superiors. Angry that they're being judged.
And so as they fade, they're determined to force the world back to how they wished it used to be -- and to wreck anything of value so that no one else will every have their advantages.
They'd rather destroy it all than see the world continue without them. And they've got a lot of allies who'd rather destroy the world than accept one where their gender and skin color doesn't automatically massively privilege them above everyone else.

2025-05-21 21:40:12 UTC

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If your pair programmer also randomly just made stuff up with absolute confidence all the time too, and also whenever they DO write something vaguely on task and don't make stuff up ---- they specialize in mistakes that are difficult to spot, because those are a quite common mistake found in online code samples.
And there's no fixing it. It's the basic underpinning of every LLM. It doesn't think, doesn't understand, it just assembles the most likely set of words and symbols based on what it's seen before.
And they're pouring billions of dollars and ridiculous amounts of energy in a desperate attempt to make a pig fly, all while lying to VC investors and the public that it's practically on the edge of sentience and TOTALLY understands stuff and they'll work it out soon! And then dragging in the results of other machine learning tools and pretending it's the LLM doing it, like it's a one-sized all problem solving machine.

2025-03-27 20:09:03 UTC

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"I fought in the great Usenet Wars, where the first trolls were forged, 2400 baud at a time. Where the groundwork for the first memes were laid -- primitive things of simple words, barely more than repeated jokes.
Back when one truly could not fathom how someone as dumb as that managed to get onto the internet."

2025-01-31 16:48:21 UTC

In all the shit, I did want to take a moment to point out the best transition response -- from one of my coworkers.
From memory, something like:
"Emilia,
[Manager] mentioned you had a new name and email address. Did you get my email earlier this morning to your old address? I've attached it just in case. Let me know if you have any questions about the issue."
Absolutely fucking perfect. Thank you coworker, for realizing a fundamental fact that eludes half the fucking country: Me having a new name is literally the only way this affects you, which is an issue you face many many times a year due to marriage customs.
FUCKING YES THANK YOU. New name, back to fucking business.

2025-01-16 21:01:50 UTC

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I'm actually really lucky with my singing voice -- I've never had vocal lessons, and right now I top out at about an E5 -- that's an actual supported note, if barely -- and it's not like I have any singing training beyond "singing along to the radio".
I'm working on keeping my vocal weight low at the bottom, keeping brightness appropriate, and working on my breaks -- especially into head voice, which is awkwardly placed around G4#, and it seems every song I want to sing just pingpongs through it. :)

2025-01-16 18:39:43 UTC

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And we're absolutely our own worst enemies on things like that.
I know I keep looking at trying to sing in my trained voice, when I can't even sing in my untrained voice!
But for some reason I keep thinking "I should be able to do karaoke"

2025-01-16 18:06:16 UTC

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Well, if you ever want to -- I can recommend some good ones. That take insurance, too. Speech pathologists trained in gender affirming voice.
The majority of voice training seems to be learning what all the different terms mean, and how to hear the difference in others and then in yourself. It's so hard to describe because unless you're a trained singer or actor, the odds are you've never encountered the terms or context!
And yeah, dysphoria is weird like that. I've lost count of the number of girls I've met who are dysphoric about things only they noticed.

2025-01-16 17:37:04 UTC

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She noted I started doing it automatically -- pitching my voice up and down, doing sarcasm or mocking voices, that sort of thing -- so she worked on making sure I did it right. :)

2025-01-16 17:12:28 UTC

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It was, especially when I got to the point I started doing different voices for characters, while staying in trained voice.
She's also had me read from satirical pieces and a few other things. It's quite fun, once you're past the endlessly frustrating bits.

2025-01-16 16:50:49 UTC

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I also glossed over it the whole time! I'm not even sure my brain registered it as anything.
But by the time I could read stuff aloud with enough brainpower left to think about it, we switched to Jane Austen excerpts.
She keeps switching excerpts on me, so I have to focus on the words so much that I can't think about my voice.

2024-10-31 20:51:34 UTC

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You look fantastic!

2024-10-31 20:51:16 UTC

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She just walks around being goals. :)

2024-10-29 21:00:47 UTC

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A confusing combination of books, bdsm gear, and several piano keys.

2024-10-25 20:33:47 UTC

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I don't even know why you'd go into astrophysics if you're not going to take every chance to whip out paper and a pencil and start folding, spindling, poking, and mutilating it.
Does she not want a job at Stargate Command?

2024-09-24 17:35:08 UTC

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I know a number of cis men who have had top surgery due to gynecomastia.
That's exactly what they do. And they don't need a mental health letter (much less two), months of therapy, or anything else. Straight from noticing problem, having hormone issue fixed, and straight to surgical consult and surgery.
They don't get shit from other people about what they're doing with their body.
and with gynecomastia? That's 100% gender dysphoria that drives the decision to surgically fix it.
The underlying health issue was corrected with hormone therapy well before.

2024-09-17 21:31:30 UTC

Ah, Avril. The problem is I want a Sk8ter Girl......

2024-09-16 20:08:13 UTC

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I have sudden and intense coat envy.

2024-09-03 16:48:01 UTC

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Skulls for the skull throne.
Also, in a pinch, skulls can be used like a yoga block.

2024-08-28 19:48:35 UTC

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"All of those controls on me are about you, not me" -- yeah.
Issues with her mom, with her sister, with bullshit in junior high, with her body issues, with her resentment of the significant changes in our lives.
Pushback if I'm "too much like her", but also pushback if I'm not ENOUGH like her because apparently there's this tiny zone of comfort I can't seem to find.
This impossible to walk line, which is further complicated because somehow I'm triggering some of her self-image shit by existing -- I don't even know how to fucking process my own wife being jealous of how I look occasionally (stuff that short, very busty girls can't pull off, but us tall girls with no tits can), or this weird gatekeeping of femininity that I still don't understand.
She accused me of treating her like a "big sister" when I was treating her like I treat any woman I'm friends with -- while she treats me like a particular slow, annoying, younger sibling.

2024-08-28 18:47:15 UTC

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Oh you take the box of "womanhood" and then you make that box even tinier and that's where trans women get shoved.
Too feminine? You're a caricature. Not feminine enough? You're not taking it seriously. Womanhood isn't a "whim". You can't just "play act at it".
I mean fuck that SHIT.
And then it starts conflicting, because this person has a different sized box for you to fit in for THEM to be comfortable than THAT person, and you're stuck standing there being pulled in a million directions and blamed for it.
You know one fucking thing I keep slamming into over and over?
I get told I'm "not being authentic/real" when I'm being myself. Because I don't fit into -- whomevers --box.
I don't meet who they think I should be, so I must be "Faking it".
So I slap the mask back on, and act the fucking part, fit into the box she expects. With my own goddamn wife.
Because apparently "geek femme" was not what she expected.

2024-08-16 15:10:11 UTC

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I put a lot of work into an outfit this week, and it actually all came together exactly how I wanted. Hair, makeup, outfit, shoes, jewelry -- it all ended up looking the way I wanted it to look.
I had a solid little insight in therapy -- a happy, positive insight.
And my injection today was just absolutely smooth.
And I finally got the mental energy together to paint my nails. Is it perfect? HA, no. Sloppy as hell. But the color is pretty and most importantly it's on my fingers and not in the bottle.

2024-08-14 17:38:42 UTC

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There are men who think women can "hold in" periods. Who view menstruations products as a lazy crutch, by women who just don't want to bother "holding it" until they have time to go to a restroom and "let it out".
Some of these men hold high office.