The VHS Wizard 🦝📼🧙

Actor / Cartoonist / Author / Humorist (and kinda bad at all of them), but I've failed at more things than most people have tried.

Married, poly, old and in a lot of pain. Played a doctor on TV. Former G+ Influencer. An actual wizard.

I know an unhealthy, generally worrying amount of things about the following topics:
#MST3K
#Rifftrax
#Riffing
#Tokusatsu
#SuperSentai
#KamenRider
#Cryptids
#1970sMadeForTVMovies
#Stargate
#DoctorWho

Pronouns: any/all (agender)
Website: https://cinematicftp.com/

Public Key

npub1uyk4t2nr8fg3k84524j9k6fpx45rlzwjy7c7kfe3e8um3h6e4f0qu2k04t

NIP-05 Address

drakkenzero_at_retro.pizza@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqswzt244f3n55gmr6692ezmdysn26pl38fz0v0tyucun7dcmav65hsprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmntqyxhwumn8ghj7mn0wvhxcmmvutssqr

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

nos.lol

nostr.wine

Author Public Key

npub1uyk4t2nr8fg3k84524j9k6fpx45rlzwjy7c7kfe3e8um3h6e4f0qu2k04t

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Published at

2026-10-26T01:11:59Z

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0 Metadata

Event JSON

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Last Notes

2025-10-09 14:13:03 UTC

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And maybe this version of him saw that Cybertron as a whole was a lost cause and decided to do what he did best - lead his people.
He gathered up as many of the oppressed and downtrodden that he could - the NAILs, the Empties, and anybody else who was an acceptable casualty in the Cybertronian Civil War - and left the planet to search the galaxy for a new home.
And while he was still in every sense "Shockwave", those who came to follow and respect him would sometimes also call him "Shockwave The Galactic Man" or just "Galactic Man", because of his willingness to set his sights on the stars - not for conquest, but for freedom of his people.

2025-10-09 13:56:42 UTC

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See... The original Shockwave had been through A LOT in his lifetime - after all, he used to be a senator, then he was forced to undergo surgeries that removed both his emotions (Shadowplay) and his hands and face (Empurata).
The duplication procedure used to make the Seeker drones drew both from the current physical form of the Transformer that was the template AND the upgrades that had been done to it... and while the system recognized the Empurata as an "upgrade" and gave his clone the same distinct faceless, handless form, it did NOT recognize the Shadowplay surgery as an "ugrade", so it restored a version of Shockwave's original personality to this new clone.
That left the cold, calculating unfeeling Shockwave with a very, very... EMOTIONAL... duplicate of himself. One with all the smarts of the genius scientist, but the brains of a politician. One that refused to follow orders, especially from what he viewed as an inferior predecessor

2025-10-09 13:48:50 UTC

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It would be an easy lore insertion too - after everybody else disappeared and Shockwave was left on Cybertron to run... everything... his scientific mind eventually realized that he needed trusted allies that could help him reign in the rest of the planet until Megatron (or whoever) eventually surfaced.
And naturally, who could Shockwave trust more than... Shockwave?
So using the same technology they used to mass produce Seekers and other rank-fillers, Shockwave set out to make an army of himselves to lighten the load.
He made exactly ONE of these clones before an unanticipated flaw with this plan became very obvious.

2025-10-09 13:44:06 UTC

Inspired by a post from [@sol_fury](https://mastodonapp.uk/@sol_fury ), I have always kind of fascinated how Galactic Man / Shackwave never became his own unique entity in Transformers lore, despite how other figures' pre-Transformers colorations (and occasional miscolorations) HAVE been.
Like, Delta Magnus is a whole thing. And I know that the difference might be that they were Diaclones and he is not, but at this point out in history that distinction really ought to be getting fuzzy and G-Man here needs his own story.
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/115/344/477/410/251/776/original/70df5b9495c8405b.jpg

2025-09-03 15:07:10 UTC

Mastodon - the entire Fediverse, really - feels like a defiant chunk of Web 1.0 that is still existing in modern times, like a giant middle finger to content farms. And Federation is basically like social media via web rings.
Being able to come "back" to a place like this feels good.

2025-07-10 12:43:04 UTC

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This is one of my favorite pictures of myself
(edit to add alt text)
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/114/828/987/058/180/478/original/b7c75e85264cd229.jpg

2025-07-10 05:00:28 UTC

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Final metaphor before I sleep. I live in Ohio, I have a bunch of friends in Michigan. When I used to go up to Michigan, people - random strangers - would boo and hiss and make mean comments about OSU, expecting to provoke some reaction.
But, jokes on them, I know nothing about football, I didn't go to/do not care about OSU, and - worst of all (for them), I realized a long time ago like that with people like them, it's never about you. It's always about them.
That's how I feel about gender as a whole, really. When you accidentally integer underflow your gender and go below the expected binary, it causes the system to break, and now I'm doing Arbitrary Gender Code Execution and getting banned from Gender Speedrunning communities.
Final words? Nobody has to do any of (broad gestures at the concept of gender) this. If it doesn't spark joy... why are you still doing it? Try to care less about what strangers think. Be whatever you are.

2025-07-10 04:17:23 UTC

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I don't really mind people gendering me, but that's not consistent amongst the Agender masses, some people have very strong preferences and I don't want to speak for them. I, personally, am what I like to call Apathetic Agender.
I DO mind when men take me for "one of their own" because I've had some of the dumbest shit foisted on me as "Locker Room Talk".
Funny story - that incident with Trump and the leaked recording and the subsequent discourse over "boys being boys" is actually what led me to discovering the term for what I am and formally joining the movement. I always felt like I did not belong, was not on the same fundamental wavelength as other men, but that's the thing that made me realize exactly how wide of a gulf there was. I was like "I didn't want to pretend to be a man in the first place, I'm going to just... stop."

2025-07-10 03:47:37 UTC

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I get it and it's all good.
I have only ever been me and so I don't really know how to be... anything else? Like, I can compare my junk to others to determine what general sort of hardware i have, but how do you do that with your soul, your mind, your spirit?
I tried. I tried being a man, in the proudest of "fake-it-till-you-make-it" traditions. I was a scout, played tee-ball, checked off boxes for stereotypical "male" activities - but that's all it was. Just ticking off boxes

2025-07-09 23:07:27 UTC

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I am always happy to tell people about Agender stuff, because it's not a very talked-about sort of thing. Like, of the "Triple A Alliance", Asexual and Aromantic get all the glitz and glamour while us Agenders are just weird little goblins that toil away in the gender mines for everyone else.
(Kidding... well, sorta.)
I would liken it to Atheism for an explanation - imagine there was a form that wanted you to mark down your religion, and depending on where you got the form from or who put it together, it was either very comprehensive (from Arioi to Zoroastrianism) or not very comprehensive (Are you a follower of The One True God, Blonde American Jesus, one of the... Incorrect Heathen Religions?)
But at the bottom of each form, there's always a box that says "Other" - which implies that if you are choosing that, you are still a SOMETHING - just not one of the ones they've bothered to list.

2025-07-09 22:39:49 UTC

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I get offended at being called Non-Binary or Enby, but that's because I am Agender and not Non-Binary, they are two different things, it's a dumb hill but it's one I am willing to die on

2025-05-23 13:18:45 UTC

The massive boat that nearly missed some random guy's house in Norway is still stuck. And I'd seen pictures from the side where it was clear that it was CLOSE to his house, but I had not seen this one before and it really sells exactly how close it is.
So, just remember, no matter how bad you fuck up things today, you have not fucked them up as hard as this boat captain did.
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/114/557/336/509/701/555/original/044a717d4550fa90.webp

2025-04-21 23:32:56 UTC

https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/114/378/562/466/379/565/original/afc9a629d9eaada5.jpg

2025-04-17 21:22:10 UTC

TIL that the band Eve 6 was named after a fucking X-Files episode.
https://x-files.fandom.com/wiki/Eve_6

2025-03-05 21:36:26 UTC

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We have so fundamentally broken all forms of social media and communication that not being able to actively game SEO literally breaks some people's brains.

2025-02-26 15:47:07 UTC

He even had that late 90s/early 2000s grimdark Regeneration that nobody liked
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/114/070/967/031/182/715/original/011393eb54a8d18d.jpg

2025-02-06 16:53:27 UTC

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The Fediverse, as a whole, is one giant plane that is both still being built AND in the air at the same time. Some people want to be airplane mechanics, building the plane under us as we go, others want to be pilots and control where the plane is headed.
Others (it's me, I'm bitches) just don't want the plane to fall out of the sky again, as they are getting really tired of slamming into the ground at near-to-above terminal velocity.

2025-01-29 17:42:58 UTC

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What I settled on is two accounts - one here (still my main one) which is duplicated over to BlueSky, and one that's ACTUALLY on BlueSky.
The one on BlueSky is basically a carnival barker - it lets me follow people who aren't on here and gives me a direct way to (repeatedly) advocate to them that they should at least follow my shadow account, that way they can see the sort of nonsense I'm up to.
It's dumb, but it does work.

2025-01-29 17:37:43 UTC

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If it helps, think of it as a "checks and balances" sorta deal - the same barriers that make bridging more difficult also help keep bad actors out. And it's not on the Fediverse to twist and turn themselves into a Swiss Army API that supports everybody else's protocols... if they want to make the effort to connect, we'll welcome them* with open, probably indifferent arms.
*Inclusion in "them" not valid in Meta, X, or Truth Social

2025-01-29 14:28:35 UTC

Adopting an adult cat from an animal shelter is a bit like renting a RPG from Blockbuster for the weekend and choosing to continue the previous save file instead of starting a new one. I am leaping into an adventure that's already underway... and I do not know a ton about what has already happened.
It's been about two years, and I still do not understand a good 2/3 of the things you do, you weird weird cat. I love you, Gracie.
#CatsOfMastodon #AdoptACat
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/912/096/819/516/325/original/e89bdbb128c1dde0.jpg
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/912/096/818/249/332/original/6b91ab2ff3c10217.jpeg
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/912/096/851/122/225/original/0f6dbd081efcb99d.jpg
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/912/096/778/129/014/original/5a51a1b5aff2e9ae.jpg

2024-11-19 16:51:46 UTC

I know it's just the "old man yells at clouds" in me, but I feel like we really made our first massive technological misstep when we stopped having transparent purple plastic shells for our electronics

2024-10-10 01:10:16 UTC

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Because I can change my password, and everybody ought to be doing that all the time anyway. But if the archived version of a web page from 2002 is gone, it's gone forever.
Or worse yet, what if they altered some of the stuff that's been archived. Might take forever to find changes that were made, depending on the scope and the amount of access that they have.

2024-10-10 01:09:07 UTC

Archive has more knowledge in one single place than anywhere else in the world, it getting hacked "for the lulz" is like The Smithsonian getting broken into and having someone rummage around in the exhibits.
Yes, it's not ideal that they got personal data, but I feel like we're really burying the lead here.

2024-09-26 23:04:24 UTC

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So what happens on Threads if you post a link to someone that has their linkability turned off? Does it refuse to post the link at all, or does it just show it as a link instead of doing it like a quote?

2024-09-26 17:44:34 UTC

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If it helps, while Vince and the WWE went into it with full participation and partnership, once it actually started uncovering stuff and more lawsuits started breaking they backed the fuuuuuuuck away from it and disavowed everything in it.

2024-09-24 20:46:45 UTC

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Filled with trust, I am. Filled to the brim.

2024-09-24 20:37:48 UTC

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You wanna know the dumbest part about it?
If you go down to the bottom, the links they have for them ON social media are... Threads, X, and "Social Web" which one would assume is, like, their instance of whatever it is.
But if you try and click on the Social Web link, it takes you to https://socialwebfoundation.org/@swf which is clearly broken because (at least in Firefox) it shows up as just the raw data
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/194/437/939/338/298/original/ec5dc79188c5d2d0.png
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/194/444/585/570/411/original/ed796e520ef60f4a.png

2024-09-11 15:40:28 UTC

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Almost all my posts are public. I have very little to hide, and the things that I do hide are generally for the benefit of others, and not for myself. If you choose to peer too deeply into the wizardly abyss, I cannot help you.
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/119/658/445/733/808/original/1f60bd2582b65112.mp4

2024-09-05 21:11:02 UTC

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I love that there's a language option for Esperanto.
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/086/998/591/265/057/original/caffda05de994593.png

2024-09-05 19:01:13 UTC

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I for one welcome our new overlord, John Mastodon
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/086/487/870/552/282/original/7c6ce71d9c656492.mp4

2024-09-04 21:48:00 UTC

Feels like maybe someone should be checking if NaNoWriMo is selling the submitted novels to big AI to train on
https://mastodon.social/@arstechnica/113081446068040870

2024-08-31 19:54:24 UTC

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absolutely true, it's like the big loading area for all the players before they get into the actual game. Being on mastodon.social is like being in the starter noob clothing.
Search around, note instances that have fun people you see already on them, and in no time you'll eventually find your home on some weird fun instance called something like disco.buttplug or radioactive.horse

2024-08-31 01:19:28 UTC

Let's go Joe Bob marathon! First up is the classic of classics, Slumber Party Massacre #MutantFam #TheLastDriveIn

2024-08-28 21:14:30 UTC

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Yes, he hasn't been in charge of the company for decades... er... years... months maybe? It's a little hard to tell where he's actually gotten off to, and he somehow just keeps coming back like a slasher movie mon-
He's standing right behind me, isn't he?

2024-08-28 21:04:54 UTC

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I have been watching wrestling since the 1980s so my bar for "a company treating women with dignity" is set pretty low, but WWE consistently managed to limbo under that bar in the late 90s/early 2000s for a looooooong time - so much so that one of those moments (his "assistant" doing a strip tease in ring for Vince) was immortalized as a meme.
https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/113/041/676/100/836/041/original/cfd3873d0e39b558.jpg

2024-08-28 21:00:06 UTC

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AEW and ROH (which AEW now owns) are both really good about their women's divisions. They're still (often) playing second fiddle to the men, but they're not paraded around like pieces of meat to be oogled at and have some very cool characters and personalities that don't just sum up as "watch my butt wiggle"

2024-08-28 17:34:35 UTC

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And I know that the fediverse technically has that - from here in Mastodon, I can follow users on other sorts of systems and hypothetically see and interact with their content, but having had tried using a bunch of the different services over the last couple of years, I can say the actual functionality of the interconnected-ness is PURE JANK in some places.

2024-08-28 17:31:16 UTC

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I would argue that the thing that makes the "Meta" ecosystem actually appealing to most people isn't the actual services, it's the single universal sign-on. With one login, I can use Messenger, all the FB services, Occulus, and a ton of games that use FB accts for backup.
That's the simplicity people are actually looking for, the services are secondary and rise/fall constantly (RIP FB's Games and Video) as the needs, wants, and interests of the community rise and fall.

2024-08-27 19:38:31 UTC

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To quote MST3K S8E20, Space Mutiny:
Mike: Well, I think I've more than answered your encyclopedia grievances
Tom and Crow (in unison): NO!
Tom: It was much more fun to complain about the old ones than to have new ones
Crow: Yeah, I miss complaining already, frankly.

2024-08-24 15:15:53 UTC

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New website ad just dropped:
"There are hot single Baba Yagas in your area"

2024-08-21 18:16:22 UTC

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I looked at it once upon a time but I couldn't a) really tell what it was for, and b) was immediately offput by how many people I saw flogging crypto and NFTs or (as you said) mocking those flogging crypto and NFTs.

2024-08-11 23:34:31 UTC

https://cdn.masto.host/retropizza/media_attachments/files/112/946/003/187/140/249/original/0b433affbe64d5a4.png

2024-08-03 02:14:08 UTC

#MutantFam #TheLastDriveIn #joebobbriggs Show us your HOGZILLA HOGZILLA HOGZILLA HOGZILLA

2024-08-01 15:01:35 UTC

To the tune of the Pink Panther theme song:
Undo, undo, undo undo undo undo undooooo
ohfuckquickredo
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I went to far back