batkaren

my mom fucked a bat

my posts: batkaren (npub1he2…7mrm)">https://justmytoots.com/batkaren (npub1he2…7mrm)
author: k.t. roth

Public Key

npub1he23n04ulx98psawa2dt3lld38rwp3jpghvmf5aa98emypgqzdss0e7mrm

NIP-05 Address

batkaren_at_mastodon.online@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqstu4geh670nznscwhw4x4cllkcn3hqceq5tkd56w7jnuajq5qpxcgpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dslqergg

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1he23n04ulx98psawa2dt3lld38rwp3jpghvmf5aa98emypgqzdss0e7mrm

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Last Notes

2026-10-30 00:52:56 UTC

As we head into Halloween, a request to shift to using the words scary, eerie, creepy, haunted…just something other than the one with racist connotations, please.
https://harbinger.media/4123/harper-voices/haunting-words-why-spook-has-no-place-in-our-vocabulary/

2026-10-29 01:00:30 UTC

So, 70% of Musk’s net worth comes from SpaceX gov’t contracts, which he then uses to fund Republican election campaigns? What a nifty how-to guide for “converting” tax dollars into PAC money! As bold as buying Twitter using Saudi backing to manipulate elections with foreign cash. This ouroboros sucks!

2026-10-24 04:02:33 UTC

People ask what it takes to keep a 1000-year-old witch like me alive, then look shocked when I tell them I need 1 human baby sacrifice every moon cycle.
But when you amortize the baby over a month, it’s barely anything. What’s a baby weigh…8 lb.s? That’s like a 1/4 lb. a day—that’s hardly any baby!

2026-10-23 23:41:23 UTC

If you can’t afford a pumpkin this Halloween, just know it’s because of this single house’s insatiable gourd demand driving up prices.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/492/865/454/869/642/original/4cf90f50588222e3.jpeg

2026-10-22 01:39:17 UTC

fuckin brutal
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/481/997/566/866/937/original/66081791221dcff9.jpeg

2026-10-17 04:15:01 UTC

A woman goes to a therapist. “Doctor,” she weeps, “I suck at public speaking!”
“I’m a clinical social worker, not a doctor,” the therapist says. “And just go watch that footage of Katie Zacharia BOMBING—you’ll feel so much better about yourself haha.”
The woman burst into tears. “But Doctor…!”

2026-10-16 17:18:23 UTC

ready for The Thing to infect me

2026-10-15 14:59:24 UTC

Goddammit, just realized the reason we need to identify stop signs and school buses and crosswalks to confirm we’re not robots is to train the AI in driverless cars.
They’re cheating off our Turing test answers.

2026-10-14 01:23:45 UTC

Eek! There’s a bat in my apartment!
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/436/639/768/350/053/original/51aa89dd55525dce.jpeg
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/436/643/871/831/975/original/cc0d9a232a800a0b.jpeg

2026-10-09 11:35:33 UTC

You’ve been warned, parents.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/410/737/977/739/750/original/f2da7b93d38ed65e.jpeg

2026-10-05 23:05:56 UTC

This probably isn’t the one, The New Yorker.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/390/799/485/243/281/original/f8c1af3e77938671.jpeg

2026-10-02 13:03:41 UTC

“You have to fight for your right to party?”
No thank you, young beasty men, I wish only to dwell above the ceiling boards in an attic bedroom with many books and a magical cat.

2026-10-01 04:00:35 UTC

Today’s gonna be the day, The New Yorker!
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/363/652/417/469/648/original/8bb16edf5a64b757.jpeg

2026-09-25 02:47:39 UTC

Who me? I’m just a cutie wootie.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/329/387/518/090/826/original/a9e1862116689446.jpeg

2026-08-30 04:42:55 UTC

“OH, YEAH?” I scream at a current calendar. “IF I’M AS OLD AS YOU SAY I AM, HOW COME I’M SO FUCKING IMMATURE, HMMMM?”

2026-08-29 17:11:18 UTC

Silo
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/179/901/685/293/263/original/7e31111e8f8bf4aa.jpeg

2026-08-28 22:51:59 UTC

I stare up at Gordon Ramsay as he tastes my creation.
His reaction is inscrutable. “What did you make this with?” he asks.
“Spite?” I say hopefully.
He pauses a beat, then nods. “Yeah, you can really taste it.”

2026-08-28 03:28:02 UTC

Everything is being recalled now except the memories of history necessary to ensure we don’t repeat our mistakes.

2026-08-26 22:52:24 UTC

Happy National Dog Day
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/117/164/252/222/839/254/original/dca2c309d5c706e6.jpeg

2026-07-16 22:09:20 UTC

Oh me? Just refreshing the air quality index site every minute for a time with slightly less sky poison so I can take my dog outside to shit without it being too “killy.”

2026-07-13 17:29:39 UTC

I know I say it a lot, but this is the one, The New Yorker!
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/116/913/846/911/004/611/original/167834f8c23e06f2.jpeg

2026-05-25 03:56:50 UTC

We all have that one friend who vanishes into the mist…only to return with a bone saw and a vat of acid, insisting you have to help “break down the body,” otherwise you can be charged with accessory.
Right? We all have that one friend? It—it’s not just me…right?

2026-05-19 17:04:05 UTC

A handy tool for determining the appropriate grammar tense to apply:
SUBJUNCTIVE: when a word is nestled just beneath the genitals
INDICATIVE: when a word is positioned inside the genitals

2026-05-06 17:55:26 UTC

“All those moments will be lost in time, like cum in rain…”
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/116/528/912/011/804/335/original/06fab0cc9aa6dff5.jpeg

2026-05-02 18:49:44 UTC

Spirit Airlines crossing the rainbow bridge, but it has to taxi the whole way

2026-04-24 23:27:58 UTC

My torso breaks open to reveal a Lovecraftian geode so horrific, all who gaze upon my crystalline innards vomit black ichor and descend into madness.

2026-04-07 17:02:07 UTC

In all seriousness, I really hope our mad king doesn’t kill 93 million people today.

2026-03-25 01:31:46 UTC

Sure, the medication included horrifying side effects with unimaginable consequences, and of course there are far less deleterious treatments we can now explore, but the important thing is the insurance company is happy knowing this one didn’t work first.

2026-03-21 21:32:04 UTC

I went to a Sephora and ordered a Honda Accord. They were stunned, mouths agog. It took them hours to recover and finally reply they don’t have Honda Accords. So I gave them a super smug piece-of-shit grin and was like, “Fine. Bring me a Civic.”
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/116/269/293/585/725/129/original/d65754327cda54bd.jpeg

2026-03-11 01:36:57 UTC

How is the rate of fresh hells somehow accelerating?
Did someone fall asleep on the fresh-hell-generator lever?

2026-02-22 01:21:26 UTC

Measle Zappa
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/116/111/655/570/542/309/original/70d755711df336ac.jpeg

2026-02-14 02:23:14 UTC

“Can I explain this gap in my resume? Uh, YEAH…I was dealing with a lot of clone bullshit during that time!” I snarl to the interviewer (who is one of my clones).

2026-01-17 19:48:38 UTC

Are the 12% of dems who oppose abolishing ICE all in Congress?
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/912/165/555/896/975/original/e80d10ca60f4e1af.jpeg

2026-01-10 03:24:51 UTC

Sadly, we must live in the apocalypse we’re dealt, never the one we desire.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/868/661/973/988/862/original/0f88d4ef428592c8.jpeg

2026-01-05 02:09:04 UTC

We fled, taking shelter in a Before Times roller rink.
Inside, the zombie horde slow-skating in a loop stopped and turned to look at us, collectively changing direction under the twinkling disco ball as Flock of Seagulls skipped over the PA system.

2026-01-02 04:43:06 UTC

I just want one pic of me in 2026 that’s half as flattering as this.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/823/669/898/978/758/original/d91ea6a057536b50.jpeg

2025-12-20 04:00:07 UTC

Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Raven
Whose woods upon a midnight dreary
In the village, weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious forest filled with snow
My little horse, she came a tapping
Stopped, as of someone gently rapping
Tapping at my chamber door—the darkest evening yet to know
The woods are lovely, never flitting
But I, the Raven, am still sitting
And my demon eyes have all the seeming of miles yet to go

2025-12-17 02:49:47 UTC

hope
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/732/625/079/509/480/original/0bd546e88ec80028.jpeg

2025-12-05 16:32:56 UTC

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works, presented to you in this 75-slide PowerPoint deck.

2025-11-27 02:33:39 UTC

social media teaches us to stop caring about spelling, or logic, or manners, or humanity

2025-11-16 17:25:31 UTC

At what financial inflection point does one transition from believing taxes are a reasonable tool for funding government programs to becoming a hungry ghost whose desire for wealth can never be satiated?

2025-11-15 20:55:09 UTC

Just try to deny it, The New Yorker.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/555/700/377/230/183/original/c6befb8a10d3cc2a.jpeg

2025-11-12 18:44:28 UTC

Okay, but Dr. Victor Frankenstein is the father of his creation, meaning the creature IS named Frankenstein.

2025-10-18 03:53:17 UTC

quick question: the googly eyes go on which end of my vibrator?

2025-10-11 02:12:32 UTC

When asked to exemplify interacting on the internet, I asked social media how many witches were burned in Salem.
Many people smugly replied none, because they were hanged…oblivious to the fact that it was because none of the women were fucking witches.

2025-09-01 04:01:11 UTC

1) survey holdings
2) lean contentedly
3) “BEHOLD MY TWO SEATS”
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/115/127/041/751/649/625/original/9fcf895bd31c572b.png

2025-08-18 16:58:12 UTC

I emerge from the time machine and see my teenaged self.
“Wow,” she says. “You’re me...but, like, old.”
“Yeah,” I tell her.
“Are you here to let me know it gets better?” she asks.
“What? God no—it gets SO much worse. I just came for my last few gulpfuls of clean air.”

2025-08-16 01:27:58 UTC

Subway could launch the funniest ad campaign right now.

2025-08-03 21:44:00 UTC

got kicked out of another cheerleading team tryouts for ranting about the objective case “WHOM do we appreciate”

2025-07-06 15:55:43 UTC

Ass
Butt
Can
Derrière
End
Fanny
Glutes
Heinie
Intestinal Port
Junk
Keister
Lowrider
Moon
Nether Mouth
Opposing Counsel
Posterior
Quarters
Rectum
Seat
Tush
Underside
Vegan Genitals
Wedger
X Marks Dat Booty
Ya Bum Bum
Zoinks What A Tuchus

2025-07-04 22:55:26 UTC

[AI monitors social media while ICE patrols our streets]
“Ah, yes…independence.”

2025-07-03 03:59:51 UTC

Been a while since a dark monolith mysteriously appeared in the desert.

2025-07-01 01:47:34 UTC

Be proactive—become your own unreliable narrator.

2025-05-29 17:10:04 UTC

The fact that queer kids are never indoctrinated into straightness from reading about countless hetero relationships, but the mere whisper of the word gay instantly grooms straight kids for homosexual lifestyles really just goes to show how fabulous it is being queer.

2025-05-27 18:11:14 UTC

Maybe she’s born with it.
Maybe she’s been ground beneath the unceasing wheels of capitalism.

2025-05-21 01:59:10 UTC

Value always plummets once an item’s off-site, which is why people only offer a penny for your thoughts when you give your two cents.

2025-05-02 17:33:16 UTC

How could I possibly trust AI with important shit when I can’t even text “oh god Jill Sobule died in a house fire!” without my phone suggesting I add a flame emoji?!

2025-05-02 02:45:33 UTC

Gotta say—not a fan of the Unceasing Horrors.

2025-04-27 03:01:47 UTC

Zombie Gene Kelly merrily swinging around a lamppost in a brainstorm.

2025-04-25 15:01:27 UTC

“why did I open this app” is my new “why did I walk into this room”

2025-04-20 21:34:16 UTC

“Sir, a second attack plan has hit the Signal chat.”
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/114/372/432/206/841/463/original/9990ca523b3ab0ca.png

2025-04-17 23:29:09 UTC

Public television is a critical part of our community, providing free news, arts, science, kids’ programming, history, documentaries, and entertainment. Tell elected officials how important this service is to you and to your neighbors.
https://protectmypublicmedia.org/urge-congress-email/
#ProtectMyPublicMedia

2025-03-31 01:24:09 UTC

If I had a job requiring scrubs, I'd get ones with the fancy red splatter-paint design.

2025-03-25 18:11:06 UTC

Get in the Signal group chat, loser, we’re doing war crimes.

2025-03-19 04:22:48 UTC

Pretty done with stories about dudes snogging chicks who were drugged unconscious—let’s return to simpler tales where if a guy saw a woman bathing naked, she turned him into a stag and set his own hounds upon him to rip him limb from limb.

2025-01-17 02:25:07 UTC

https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/841/314/348/476/013/original/e6d4e8c2e69b559a.jpg
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/841/314/247/960/084/original/3ad64401a474bac8.jpg

2025-01-03 23:23:01 UTC

It’s crazy that democracy is dying not in darkness but on brightly lit social media platforms because a handful of losers can’t understand that no amount of money or political access can make people like you.

2024-12-14 06:04:33 UTC

Enter the Wingdings-fonted secret code into Microsoft Excel to reveal a fun Easter egg! (Eldritch horrors)

2024-11-26 04:19:05 UTC

Wait…so, this is NOT a mobile dumpster?
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/547/324/858/115/078/original/2a93be2ba8308273.jpg

2024-11-23 17:04:02 UTC

HER: Your welcome—
HIM: It's "you're" welcome
HER: —is overstayed

2024-11-14 23:31:20 UTC

Ran out of lemonade and had to drink water with dinner. Like an animal. This is what ANIMALS drink with their delicate squash gnocchi parmigiana!

2024-11-07 23:23:28 UTC

Hey, Canada—this is how your map could look!
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/444/235/316/137/926/original/d5e1d5acc40f4b56.png

2024-11-01 01:23:22 UTC

"I should move this cup of water so I don't knock it over," I say to myself as I reach for it, knocking it over, spilling water all the fuck over the place.

2024-10-24 01:44:27 UTC

By age 35, your 500-foot burial pyramid should already be 80% complete.

2024-10-17 03:01:36 UTC

You’d think Republicans were into communism given how much they want to seize the means of reproduction.

2024-09-24 16:30:32 UTC

The receptionist at the colonoscopy center asked me to provide photo ID, so I asked, “Do you get a lot of people impersonating others to have fraudulent colonoscopies?”

2024-09-11 03:53:37 UTC

Childless dog enbies for Harris/Walz, too.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/116/890/773/144/344/original/d97633c1c104e232.jpg

2024-09-11 00:44:13 UTC

when my kid and I get matching haircuts
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/116/146/064/665/594/original/365a1bca1d9d15b9.jpg

2024-08-23 05:26:15 UTC

Out here with no earplugs, just straight raw-dogging sound.

2024-08-21 16:25:50 UTC

When J Lo and I inevitably divorce, yes please use the photo of me as Batman.
It’s all I ask for in this life.
https://files.mastodon.online/media_attachments/files/113/000/937/529/836/895/original/094ef53c22fab707.jpg

2024-08-18 18:57:40 UTC

Over decades, humanity replaced its deceased loved ones with replicants until we were all that remained, each believing ourselves human.

2024-08-15 16:00:53 UTC

If you live in New York, and like me, want people to be allowed to mask, please consider signing this petition. Thank you.
https://action.aclu.org/send-message/say-no-mask-bans-new-york

2024-08-15 02:10:16 UTC

No, JD, the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female is so I can fuck your mom.

2024-08-07 01:08:20 UTC

Everyone awakens marveling at just how well-rested we feel—nobody remarks on the sudden appearance of the giant floating obelisk

2024-08-02 01:56:36 UTC

"I've done it!” I cry out. "I've perfected my robot clone.”
The mechanical duplicate lies on the floor, broken and unmoving.

2024-07-13 18:05:12 UTC

Kinda weird how there are more rules to be in Fight Club than on the Supreme Court.

2024-06-17 22:58:45 UTC

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of trying to get published.

2024-05-17 16:58:19 UTC

Saw a survey asking, "Where do you stand regarding current events?" and immediately thought, "Oh, I definitely oppose them."

2024-04-16 17:47:11 UTC

HR just conducted a 1.5-hour company-wide interactive chat about awareness of people's different and preferred communication styles, and if they really respected mine, that meeting would have been an email.

2023-10-29 22:45:07 UTC

Happy Halloween watching the real-time horror-show footage of humanity’s collapse.

2023-10-12 19:39:32 UTC

🎶 Aruba, Jamaica,
oh I wanna claim ya
Bermuda, Bahama,
gotta beat da Gama 🎶
- Christopher "Kokomo" Columbus

2022-12-15 13:02:20 UTC

We did it, guys. We made it to the dystopic future.

2022-11-06 21:08:29 UTC

I stand under the shower's spray—blood from my would-be usurper clone twisting down the drain—and slowly realize all my scars are missing…