Manuela Malasaña

graphics programmer on a mission to teach the world how to shade pixels. cis woman with a very deep voice, which i insist on making everyone listen to for some reason

she/her

OPERA: https://www.youtube.com/@TeamDogpit
Shader Tutorials: https://github.com/Xibanya/ShaderTutorials
Blog: https://www.patreon.com/teamdogpit
itch: https://teamdogpit.itch.io

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npub15yyxfnd75l4uhscfdey34y97jaam8zf8x27yw6zjcjztwp3ey5eswd7y37

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xibanya_at_mastodon.xyz@momostr.pink

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs2zzryekl2067tcvykujg6jzlfw7an3ynn90z8dpfvfp9hqcuj2vcpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsqgysqp

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relay.damus.io

nos.lol

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npub15yyxfnd75l4uhscfdey34y97jaam8zf8x27yw6zjcjztwp3ey5eswd7y37

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Last Notes

2026-10-21 13:37:09 UTC

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in most of my last few jobs I have been the literal only female senior engineer or one of the only female senior engineers. I'm like the only women these guys see regularly other than their wife. I get what you are saying but if I held the men I worked to against standards I would have zero career

2026-10-02 00:53:26 UTC

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most common ancient brain benign sexism being things like "because women all want children/like being told what to do/are naturally drawn to knitting/are emotional, they are very good at [skill utterly unrelated to whatever it was]"
and then they think they have paid me a compliment lol

2026-10-02 00:50:17 UTC

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lol every now and then ive met some old wizard with stories who's like "ah yes when we used drum memory" or "mind you this was before compilere..." and then they will drop some wild-ass sexist statement outta nowhere. (usually in the form of benign sexism) and it's like, this guy is going to be dead in a decade or two. I can react with offense and feel all self righteous or I can keep listening to rare antediluvian tech lores

2026-10-02 00:36:26 UTC

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the tragic truth is that nearly all men (and some women!) have subconscious beliefs that women are less intelligent, less competent, should be subordinate, etc etc etc. But nearly all the men I've worked with do not consciously believe these things. They know these are patriarchical lies and genuinely desire to see women excel in tech. (There are some malicious freaks but that's a topic for another thread)
More "don't do a sexism" isn't the solution because they already don't want to do a sexism

2026-10-02 00:22:30 UTC

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If you asked any of those guys directly about when their kids were little, they probably would be practically weeping with gratitude towards their wife, talking about how amazing she is and how hard she worked.
But subconsciously it's out of sight out of mind!
It's not their fault, it's the programming they got since they were boys
Since it's not their fault, make it impossible for this flavor of sexism to happen by setting up interviewing and hiring processes that remove the possibility

2026-10-02 00:18:16 UTC

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two of the three guys i overheard having that discussion had children!
the fact that they weren't thinking "ah yes, when the kids are that age it's hard to find time for gaming" is extremely telling.
Because it means that when their kids were that age, those guys had all the time in the world to play video games.
I wonder why!
And you can tell how little, subconsciously, they value their wife's childrearing when they think "well I could play lots of vidya when MY kid was 2, so what's her deal?"

2026-10-02 00:05:36 UTC

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They didn't like her because at lunch she admitted she had no idea what the latest video games or sci fi/fantasy TV shows were because she had two young children so she is saturated in kids media.
because of that they passed on her and hired some jackass who vaped all the time in our cramped open office and made the place reek of chemical vape flavor
managers had not the slightest clue they were Doing A Sexism. Looking for "culture fit" is a policy which leads to sexist outcomes

2026-10-02 00:01:15 UTC

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One of the more disturbing instances of sexism I saw was in enterprise when team was interviewing a bunch of senior SWEs. Late in the interview proceess team takes candidate to lunch to assess "culture fit" When I interviewed, because im a turbonerd I aced the "culture fit" test. A SWE I worked with at another job interviewed and I knew her skills were just what the team needed.
I overheard managers talking about it. She aced whiteboard, tech round, etc
"ugh but she's just such a mom"

2026-10-01 23:53:04 UTC

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lol I have also seen the dreaded "ask senior female engineer to make coffee", and each time it wasn't some alpha male power play, it was a breathtakingly stupid move by a guy who hadn't had his coffee yet. okay so his subconscious brain thinks women should do domestic labor. he probably is in denial about it because his conscious brain knows that's bad. Make the easiest action be to not ask a woman to make coffee by havin one of them fancy coffee machines with buttons n shit

2026-10-01 23:46:23 UTC

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calling men who commit micro-aggressions sexist is like telling people to stop climate change by using paper straws. In the case of the classic "talk over woman during meeting" and similar, calling some tired out guy who fell back on the shitty behavioral script programmed into him from childhood a sexist and shunning him does nothing. Excusing it does nothing. Instead, make systems in which the easiest choice for someone who is tired and distracted is one that isn't sexist

2026-10-01 23:36:59 UTC

Like half the men I've worked with have done something sexist, and most of those guys were usually cool
most of the time it was something when they were already mentally taxed and not something they'd have done if they weren't distracted (ie, they're behind schedule, someone needs to take notes from meeting. Make the only woman engineer take notes without examining why they thought that's who should have to take notes, proceed to worry about 5 unrelated things)
It's a UX issue, not a user issue

2026-09-22 07:34:53 UTC

i regret to inform everyone that yet again a home repair task i procrastinated on for months was completed in less than five minutes

2026-08-24 14:46:24 UTC

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I think a cause of much of the confusion about what capitalism is comes from claims that ending capitalism will in itself solve society's problems, so people reject a definition of capitalism that doesn't include those problems. Capitalism can't mean "a system of capital accumulation" because if u get rid of that there are still problems!
the thing is that ending capitalism won't fix misogyny, racism, war, etc. Ending capitalism will make fixing those things a hell of a lot easier though

2026-08-24 14:31:56 UTC

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the other thing i get whenever i do a thread like this is people telling me that the fact i have a degree in economics or use academic definitions makes me tainted and a fake leftist or something
hey so if the only people allowed to study economics are capitalists, guess who will be the only people who have studied economics

2026-08-24 14:19:03 UTC

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I frequently have people mad at me for saying capitalism is not literally misogyny, white supremacy, war, slavery, nation states, etc. Look, if "capitalism" is "everything wrong with the human condition" then fighting it requires solving "everything wrong with the human condition" so might as well not try.
but capitalism is not "everything wrong with the human condition" it's organizing society around capital accumulation.
we *can* dismantle that. that's doable. don't you think?

2026-08-24 14:06:57 UTC

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Mailbag! From a prior thread on "trade != capitalism"
"you're using economic definitions of capitalism which is capitalism apologia" ok u have created an unfalsifiable argument where if anyone actually uses economic terms u call them a capitalist
they then conflate intersectionality with the thing itself. capitalism intersects with and amplifies misogyny, white supremacy, war, etc but capitalism is specifically a system of private property and accumulation of capital
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/117/150/804/789/858/232/original/bbaaa5667a3546c8.jpeg

2026-08-24 13:44:05 UTC

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also, even if they are right and exchanging goods leads to evil
capitalism still doesn't mean "exchanging goods"

2026-08-24 13:42:27 UTC

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We've got a live one!
Okay but don't bother replying to this person. This is a common style of reply I get every time I get on my "capitalism is not exchanging goods" soapbox, let's examine it
This is a textbook slippery slope argument, if we accept this premise then two neighbors sharing tools leads to the prison industrial complex.
We also have the classic "why is your imagination so limited?"
ok how does an insulin or microchip supply chain work when we just "share objects of value"?
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/117/150/752/499/214/532/original/68a4dc5ecd189974.jpeg

2026-08-24 13:08:38 UTC

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It's like "emotional labor" which is supposed to mean "being forced to perform emotions during wage labor" but has turned into "tolerating DMs from that annoying friend I don't like"

2026-08-24 13:01:11 UTC

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half the people in my mentions: mutual aid doesn't mean charity!
half the posts in my timeline: MUTUAL AID REQUEST! help I am a neurodivergent disabled trans woman of color and the primary caretaker of my dying mother and we need $500 by the end of the month or we will be evicted! please boost!!

2026-08-22 18:42:01 UTC

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utopia test: it's not utopia unless assholes are treated decently.
Because otherwise someone is going to change the definition of asshole to mean you

2026-08-22 18:40:32 UTC

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Bonus hot take: "mutual aid" is a symptom of a failed society. The ideal society is not built on mutual aid. In the ideal society someone can get the resources they need without having to publicly broadcast their own desperation and perform humble supplication for the approval of benefactors. In the ideal society even assholes get what they need with dignity and privacy. Because if an asshole can get what they need nobody can deny you because they "didn't like your tone" or whatever

2026-08-22 18:21:08 UTC

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So we return to
Not capitalism: I sell a sock to get money to buy a pizza
capitalism: some asshole in Belgium sells shares in the British East India Trading Company to get money to buy shares in the Dutch West India Company

2026-08-22 18:18:25 UTC

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What was so capitalistic about the Atlantic slave trade vs the ancient Roman slave trade for example was that the Atlantic slave trade was turbocharged by relatively newly introduced financial instruments (stocks, bonds, futures) incentivizing wealthy Europeans who lived in nations in which slavery was illegal to invest in the slave trade to get a slice of the pie
You see here how capitalism - CAPITAL - made something already bad so much worse

2026-08-22 18:10:38 UTC

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Then they got mad when i argued chattel slavery is not capitalism, accusing me of being a slavery apologist. no. slavery is evil. capitalism is evil. capitalism drove the atlantic slave trade and all atrocities thereof. but capitalism and slavery are two entirely different things. u can tell because they are spell different. more than one kind of thing can be bad. pls keep up

2026-08-22 18:01:21 UTC

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Another unhinged argument I had on here was when I asserted that corporations (which I defined as a legal entity that is used to engage in commerce) are not inherently capitalistic (for example, a co-op enterprise)
They did NOT like that.
When I pointed out that there were legal corporations in Japan over a thousand years ago, their counterargument was "they used SLAVES"
okay but that is also not the same as capitalism....

2026-08-22 17:46:15 UTC

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i have a bachelor's degree in economics from saint louis university 😂

2026-08-22 17:45:26 UTC

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What is alienated labor? I am glad you asked! Marx gives us four different ways it can happen
1. You don't own what you make
2. You don't control when or how long you work
3. You don't have any creativity or agency
4. You have to adopt a seige mentality against other people
If you can only do art as a response to a mutual aid request you are alienated on axes 2 and 3 right there
If you have to fight fellow artists for a limited number of requests, you get 4 as a bonus!

2026-08-22 17:35:28 UTC

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capitalism causes alienation of labor. labor done because you just feel like it is *unalienated* labor. the entire point of socialism is to allow people to do labor that fulfills them, this "unalienated" labor. when you are like: no, you are not allowed to hone a craft or practice a trade until you get a support ticket!!! you have completely lost the plot

2026-08-22 17:29:42 UTC

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One of the more unhinged arguments I had on here was with someone who told me that in a socialist society I should not be able knit stuff for no reason (hats, socks, scarves I don't actually want to keep) then sell them to get more yarn, I should only make knitted goods in response to a mutual aid request. I would get yarn by making a mutual aid request.
glad we are fighting the capitalist "shut down infrastructure, those in need rely on private charity" model with the literal exact same model

2026-08-22 17:05:05 UTC

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if u dont like that take it up with marx cuz thats a direct paraphrase of das kapital
yes he was very concerned with video gam

2026-08-22 17:02:09 UTC

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not capitalism: you sell a thing to get money to use to buy a thing you consume (pizza, video game, sock)
capitalism: you sell a thing to get money to use to buy stuff for making more money (other people labor to make more thing to sell, factory equipment, lawyer)

2026-08-22 16:48:25 UTC

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small children exchange toys and snacks. ANIMALS exchange goods with each other. you cannot design a society in which this will never occur without spending most of that society's resources on surveillance and punishment. please do not get your definition of socialism from capitalists. definitely plesse don't get your definition of socialism from capitalists and then go "yes that sounds great to me!"

2026-08-22 16:44:40 UTC

i have run into far too many fellow leftists on here who believe that literally exchanging objects of value for goods and services is capitalism and will freak out if any proposed socialist society permits this to occur. i beg of you, if you are going to fight capitalism please first learn what capitalism is (hint: it involves capital)

2026-05-14 15:53:59 UTC

same
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/116/573/733/196/736/676/original/05aaa289e26d1154.jpeg

2026-04-04 03:20:46 UTC

i have been getting into the opera Roberto Devereux by Donizetti lately. the opera's plot can be summarized as follows (SPOILERS): once upon a time there was a guy named roberto who fucked around and, tragically, found out. the end

2026-03-09 10:23:11 UTC

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a woman should not have to be exceptional in order to suceed in tech. Competence and reliability should be enough. It's certainly enough for men. As it should be. It is statistically impossible for everyone to be exceptional

2026-03-09 10:20:07 UTC

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I have been able to suceed in my career as a female game developer due to my exceptional ability. All the other female developers I've worked with have also been exceptional. It's not that women are better devs, it's that mediocre female devs are brutally ejected. Nearly any man believes that there exist exceptional women who are very capable. What's more unusual is a man willing to tolerate a mediocre woman with the compassion he extends to a mediocre man

2026-03-09 10:14:49 UTC

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A comforting lie that a lot of men tell themselves is that sexism exists because some fools don't believe that women are as intelligent or capable as men, so if we just *show* them, when confronted with the evidence, they will stop being sexist. And you see this attitude projected backwards in historical fiction, men 200 years ago must not have known women can do any intellectual task a man can! They did know. They do know. This "just show them the evidence" strat doesn't work bc they've seen it

2026-03-09 09:59:18 UTC

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The most sickening variation of this to me is how women have been in competitive video gaming scenes since inception, but their history has been completely omitted from cultural memory and women are still being treated as newcomers to the scene. The fact that women existing in that space for decades didn't "pave the way" but were instead erased entirely

2026-03-09 09:55:07 UTC

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sorry about how everything is kinda fucked up, it's just that you are so unique there is no precedent for people like you existing here
Fascinating how this same line of bullshit is given to me as a female programmer in the tech industry and as a contralto in classical singing when actually there have been people like me for over a hundred years in both

2026-03-09 09:52:13 UTC

Reflecting on all the times in my career as a software engineer I have been told that, yes, things were a bit unfair to me as a woman, but that I was being a trailblazer, I was the one discovering and establishing the path that would enable others to follow.
But you go back to the 70s and you see the same number of women programmers, being fed that exact same line
And in the 80s
and the 90s
and so on to today. The "trailblazer" narrative is a lie told by managers to make themselves feel better

2026-01-08 15:25:43 UTC

call from unknown number in this area code
I pick it up. Silence
After a second I ask "who is calling?"
"Is this Manuela?"
"Who is calling?"
"Is this Manuela?"
"Who is calling?"
"This is Seton women's health, we got a referral from your physician..."
the fact that even legitimate callers take so long to identify themselves is fucking infuriating because it takes that much longer to discern if it's a spam call or not. it used to be the caller would say who they were what the hell has happened?

2025-12-22 23:04:05 UTC

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me: i am a socialist
liberal: yes i love social democracy
me: sorry, let me clarify - i am a ｓｏｃｉａｌｉｓｔ

2025-12-22 23:00:48 UTC

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the first Christmas after he and my sister got married I didn't get him anything not out of malice but because I forgot. He got me a sort of Ruth Bader Ginsburg fandom novelty card game I suppose because I'm a woman of left leaning politics. I politely accepted this gift, keeping my opinion that i cannot even jokingly idolize RBG due to her complicity in strengthening the grip of capitalism to myself, but still looking like jerk cuz he got me something and I got him fuck all

2025-12-22 22:45:24 UTC

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if we had a functional friendship this would not be an issue, it's the fact that relations are chilly and for my long term lack of annoyances i am trying not to let things get any worse that make this seem a bit dicey. he will certainly at a minimum perform gratitude because he is a functional human, so that is not a concern

2025-12-22 22:37:15 UTC

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i got him these https://darntough.com/collections/the-classic-hiker/products/mens-merino-wool-hiker-micro-crew-cushioned-midweight-hiking-socks
ha! ha! ha! how thoughtful i am! i thought
...an attempt was made

2025-12-22 22:32:09 UTC

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sock semiotics

2025-12-22 22:29:00 UTC

my brother in law (who i do not like) is an avid hiker so for christmas i got him some really high quality hiking socks recommended by Serious Hiking People. I was thinking I'd done my duty as a functional member of a family but it just occurred to me that socks is THE archetypal gift an asshole gives for christmas. ah fuck

2025-12-16 04:51:11 UTC

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and now for the real fun: direct comparison with the equivalent identity reveal scene in Paisiello's Barber of Seville
HQ on Youtube: https://youtu.be/XB2V0Zk5d7M
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/115/727/441/901/835/973/original/13eaa94b1b754d97.mp4

2025-12-16 04:34:43 UTC

I did the recitative from Rossini's Barber of Seville in which the Count reveals his identity to Rosina in English. holy moly is Rossini's Count a high-sitting tenor role. Aha but hey look I'm actually doing a contralto role for once with Rossini's Rosina
HQ on YouTube: https://youtu.be/iUQxgg1L9g4
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/115/727/370/494/462/719/original/d5ee8803ae8f0d3d.mp4

2025-12-15 00:42:20 UTC

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me: you still have food
frankie: that is patently untrue
me: look
frankie: i am looking!
me:
[i pick up the bowl, shake it, and set it down]
frankie: holy shit

2025-12-15 00:37:32 UTC

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frankie: i love you. i love you. i lo-o-o-o-ove you
me: you're hungry
frankie: no. noooo. i just love you soooooo much
me:
frankie: a bit. im a bit hungry yes. but also i love you
me:
frankie: i am on the brink of death

2025-12-15 00:26:43 UTC

frankie: give me what you're eating
me: it's bread
frankie: cool. give it here
me: you dont like bread
frankie: i want this more than i have ever wanted anything in my life
me: too bad
frankie: ok. i get it. i see how it is. ...what's that?!
me: what?
[frankie takes a big bite of bread then spits it out]
me: ah you hairy bastard! well now you see all the good that did you
frankie: actually i changed my mind can i have more

2025-12-13 02:26:12 UTC

stray thought: one of the coolest features of English is that any noun can be used as a verb and while the result may not successfully convey meaning, it will be grammatically sensible. it is extremely tragic that you can't just append "-ear" to any random Spanish noun without sounding like a fucking moron
quiero verboear todos los sustantivos pero no se puede 🥲

2025-11-22 06:35:38 UTC

the original Ecco Ridente
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/115/591/956/824/681/429/original/85fab6aa80e6bc06.mp4

2025-11-03 21:48:03 UTC

I got laid off from Schell. I'm super burned out so I plan to just chill til like maybe January so I'm not looking for immediate opportunities but if y'all happen to see anything for a senior graphics engineer I wouldn't mind hearing about it

2025-10-22 18:40:59 UTC

it's really a genuine tragedy that spam calls have made phones nearly useless. i get so many spam calls i dont pick up for any number i don't have in my contacts and nobody else picks up for an unknown number either so we're all walking around with these fuckin phones that ring all the time yet we never answer

2025-08-30 11:07:47 UTC

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if i had a dime every time a reply guy claimed their reply to the effect of "your joke's premise is flawed" was actually itself a joke i would be rich enough to buy back twitter

2025-08-30 10:58:52 UTC

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compare with this actually funny "correction"
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/115/117/354/470/321/553/original/f613d93cce1269bd.jpeg

2025-08-30 10:52:41 UTC

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oh word?
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/115/117/330/180/816/433/original/401014499857fd9a.jpeg

2025-08-30 10:40:44 UTC

sex is definitely among the top ten most fun activities which do not require electricity

2025-08-20 07:41:16 UTC

more fun in my kafkaesque nightmare life - I must renew my driver's license by september. they won't let me renew online because I renewed online last time. they won't let me make an appointment to renew in person because they want me to renew online. I found some sad DPS that will give me an in-person appointment -- at the beginning of October. I will not be able to get my meds while my license is expired. FUN

2025-07-24 00:03:00 UTC

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i should make it clear that while it is funny, it's not a bit for the thread, i really was literally saying just that irl

2025-07-24 00:01:08 UTC

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at one point in his yelling when i was mid "get out of my house" he was like "yeah i fucking heard you, 'get out of your house'."
"get out of my house"
"Fuck that's so immature. i know you're better than this"
seeing his point i told him to get out of my house

2025-07-23 23:58:20 UTC

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in hindsight his throwing such a fit about me mentioning i could have him arrested for trespassing was a critical juncture. he was telling me it was cruel to me to try to scare him with such threats and i was like get out of my house. he emphasized the brutality of the justice system and how I'd never subject someone to that. i was like get out of my house. i think it dawned on him i really would do it. if he thought I would never actually call the cops, god knows what would have happened

2025-07-23 23:44:05 UTC

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if i actually believed he would commit violence i would have fucked off to a friend's place and called the cops but as it was i wanted to make sure he didn't damage my property. i gambled he wasn't bc for all his raging and weeping and seemingly crazy behavior it was so so obvious that he was entirely lucid and in control of himself, ergo he wasn't going do something that would actually get him in prison. key to this was i think he understood at that point i didn't give a shit if he was arrested

2025-07-23 23:35:38 UTC

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the last 24h he was there I was nervous because while I doubted he would get violent (he got incredibly upset when i mentioned i could call the cops and brought that up again and again as evidence of my cruelty so i don't think he wanted to tangle with law enforcement) u can never be too sure. i kept a crowbar near me. i didn't want to sleep til he was gone but i fell asleep in my office for 4 hrs. in one of the messages he sent me after he left he mentioned the hours in which i had slept. jfc

2025-07-23 13:08:07 UTC

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certo un diavol del inferno qui lo ha fatto capitar

2025-07-23 13:05:11 UTC

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I was practicing this and then recorded this while he was staying in my home. i would close the door of my office while doing so, and when id come out, id find him in a chair pointed at the door (one that he put there not one that had been there before his stay) ok dude.
he was leik 3rd generation italian and claimed to know some italian but had no cognizance of the fact that he was the villain of the fucking opera
https://youtu.be/NXQeo-D-W3c

2025-07-23 12:38:02 UTC

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since I never really had that much of an emotional attachment to the guy the experience wasn't traumatic just aggravating but I feel like I got a peek into a fucked up world that I otherwise wouldn't have seen because little weenies like this usually do not target hardass bitches like me (they target gentle people who they then accuse of being hardass bitches)
since my garage is organized now im actually objectively better off than before so i rate him as a 1/10 houseguest

2025-07-23 12:21:50 UTC

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when he arrived i told him u can eat any food here, pantry, fridge, whatever, except for one thing - i keep bread in the freezer and eat it when my stomach is upset. here where i tell this story my friends go "NO THEN HE ATE THE BREAD?!" calm down he never ate the bread. however i at one point worked into a conversation days later that i have no interest in relationships and he said "oh so ur bread" i was like eh? he said u told me thats the only thing i cant eat
...
ugh

2025-07-23 12:13:18 UTC

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not long after that he gave me an elaborate apology. he had lied. he did in fact have to move my car in order to reposition some large objects (as i had logically deduced) and he was super self-flagellating and was like im so sorry when u asked i panicked, i have no excuse, i damaged ur trust in me, while im not entitled to ur forgiveness i hope one day to earn it, bla bla bla. i was like ya were cool dont worry about it. most curiously when he was raging later he extended no such grace to me

2025-07-23 12:03:35 UTC

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there were so many little things he did that i noticed over that month that i was not entirely surprised at how things turned out. he organized my disaster of a garage in an attempt to earn his keep, a not unwelcome surprise. i was gonna drive us somewhere to grab dinner that night and i noticed the parking brake was disengaged (i always use it) and was casually "o did u have to move my car?" which would make sense given the garage reorg and he was like "NO" man u just made a normal thing weird

2025-07-23 11:45:14 UTC

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not all men, but definitely this fucking guy

2025-07-23 11:33:16 UTC

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right before he left he was yelling at me while i was putting away groceries in the kitchen, he was upset because i was being so inflexible, he was incredulous, was i really unwilling even to negotiate??? and i was like get out of my house
thats bullshit! he said. that's a bullshit argument!
i did have to admit get out of my house

2025-07-23 10:36:09 UTC

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one of his messages was like i get it, i alone see the darkness within you, the darkness u fight, i alone understand its complexity, its beauty. no my guy im a simple woman of simple get out of my house

2025-07-23 10:31:23 UTC

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the level of arrogant delusion needed to think i wouldn't tell his girlfriend, one of my best friends of the last ten years (and tbqh the favor to him was really an indirect favor to her, as I only ever hung out with him because of her) like if ur gonna misbehave like this at least do it with someone not otherwise connected to your social network. the real abuse was disrespecting me with this clown shoes coersion

2025-07-23 10:21:24 UTC

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i realized he must have gotten used to using these tactics his whole life and was entirely unequipped to deal with a situation in which he had absolutely zero leverage whatsoever. Man i was so generous and that's what he gave me in return. Well I sent his girlfriend all the unhinged messages he sent me; I never heard back from her but he sent me one last angry message about how crazy i was to involve a third party in our conflict so i assume his girlfriend enjoyed the messages

2025-07-23 10:17:25 UTC

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he kept on trying to argue with my reasoning but i responded only with "get out of my house" he accused me of being a hysterical bitch and i was like get out of my house. he said i hurt him worse than anyone ever had before. i was like get out of my house. he said it was over between us. get out my house. he was so confused. he did pack his things and go but that wasn't the end of it because he started threatening to never come back unless i apologized and i was like get out of my house

2025-07-23 10:15:19 UTC

last november i let a friend id known for 10 years stay in my spare bedroom for a month so he could look for an apartment, being very clear he got one month only. at the end of the month he said he refused to leave and cycled between yelling in my face, begging, crying, cold monotone, and everything in between. he had convinced himself that i was in love with him and tried to use our "relationship" as leverage. bizarre how as soon as he reclassified me as a partner the abuse came out

2025-07-17 19:41:18 UTC

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It's generally not a great idea to do stuff for a person with anxiety because then they're gonna worry if you'll be offended if they don't end up making use of whatever you did or if it means you think they can't handle life or if they'll be beholden to you. With depression not comorbid with anxiety they doooo noooot careee

2025-07-17 19:25:27 UTC

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additionally, speaking from my own experience with depression, in a depressive episode im much more likely to respond to friends asking if i want to do dinner if they say "do you want to get dinner at [restaurant]?" rather than "do you want to grab dinner?" because at that point no manner of cuisine seems appealing so just pick one for me i do not care

2025-07-17 19:18:35 UTC

slight tangent from my ramblings in the other thread about depression and motivation to not let everything fall apart, you gotta feel it out on a case by case basis, but I've found the best way to help a person with anxiety is to be socially present but not do stuff for them, while the best way to help someone with depression is to give them space but do as much of the work for them as you can - ie, don't just say "your favorite band is in town" link the site selling tickets in your DM

2025-07-17 16:17:46 UTC

life hack: to increase the odds of a doctor not blowing you off or telling you it's all in your head or your non-weight-related problem will be fixed if you lose weight, the magic words are "this is interfering with my ability to work" good heavens! We must make a treatment plan right away, we can't have you going around being a less efficient cog in the machine!

2025-07-13 11:41:11 UTC

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the difference is that while in the absence of capitalism, a business can still rip you off, in capitalism, a business MUST rip you off

2025-07-13 11:26:23 UTC

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Ea-nāṣir may treat you and your messenger with contempt but he's not going to write his business partner "i sold nanni bags of rocks instead of copper we just made a fucking mint" his business partner would be furiously stamping are you out of your goddamn mind so fast the clay tablet would fire itself

2025-07-13 11:02:17 UTC

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In the case of Ea-nāṣir, while he's noted for his tendency to rip people off, archaeologists have found letters to him from his business partner telling him to take care not to piss off first time clients -- ie, he recognized the threat this was to keeping money coming in the long term. They were running a business in 1750BC, but their self-interest and the business's self interest were the same. contrast modern shareholders who don't care if the business exists next year if they get profit now

2025-07-13 10:49:16 UTC

oh yeah side tangent to my recent rant about what capitalism is and is not, technically *corporations* are not a problem. there are business entities in Japan which have existed since 500AD. A corporation is just an organizational structure. where they become malignant is when obligation to quickly produce limitless profit for shareholders creates incentives for otherwise wildly irrational behavior (ie, compromising long term stability to achieve an arbitrary metric immediately)

2025-07-12 20:41:43 UTC

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Having to see a psychiatrist once a month to keep access to ADHD meds is so fucking fraught. Once my current psychiatrist asked if I noticed any loss of efficacy or greater difficulty focusing than usual (a regular question) I admitted to feeling burned out at work. There was a pause. I quickly added "but it's not a big deal!" and she said "ok we'll see next month if you need a drug holiday" and I was thinking fuck me she was this close to upending my ability to do any goddamn work at all

2025-07-12 20:28:59 UTC

I just remembered that I saw my psychiatrist the week I left my fiance (had to see her regularly to keep getting dexys for my ADHD u see) and I was like yeah I am kinda anxious right now but it's situational on account of my having broken my engagement and moved to a new apartment all at once and she was like, ok, well make sure you don't quit your job. people often do that in these situations. i was like well about that

2025-05-17 04:25:36 UTC

I was watching some footage from over 50 years ago (1970) and the people were speaking what I would consider normal English, like, out of context I wouldn't immediately think "oh these are people from the distant past" (and unlike in movies they weren't incessantly dropping slang that would immediately identify the era) it seems that somewhere between 1950 and 1970 people started speaking the English we speak today. Post war + tv? im sure someone's studied it

2025-05-03 13:00:08 UTC

Two years ago I made a bunch of fan animations for Rings of Power which largely went unnoticed so I stopped bothering after making like eight. I found out recently that they were discovered and became very popular among fans of the show this past summer but it went entirely without my notice because it was from reposts totally disconnected from my own accounts. and the fandom is sad that "the creator" never made more of them. [stares at camera]

2025-04-28 00:16:19 UTC

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expanded on the idea by singing the same song transposed down 4 semitones, then 8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz1Cp5xqffo

2025-04-27 19:32:03 UTC

getting to the bottom of this. and by bottom of this i mean B5
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/114/411/588/078/958/650/original/a5d4c240c477b7c1.mp4

2025-03-20 12:54:31 UTC

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never thought id make a marriage of figaro video that would involve the count pistol whipping susanna but all my creative projects eventually devolve into this sort of stupidity
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/114/194/844/166/100/281/original/5e67135a74b6a4c2.mp4

2025-03-20 00:41:22 UTC

just a guy in his witch hat and cat eye glasses, doing guy things
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/114/191/965/995/657/811/original/0c95d35a484d3fd7.jpeg

2025-03-14 19:08:34 UTC

during my career as a graphics programmer ive been invited to speak on a few panels and every time its a huge honor, and i feel petty and ungrateful to complain about it, but every single one of those panels was a "woman" panel. women in STEM one, women in gamedev one, women in mixed reality, and so on. its like convention organizers are saying "you're very eminent in your field. i mean, like, for a girl"

2025-02-14 05:25:05 UTC

currently working on an English language version of Riconosci in questo amplesso, my Italian version of which features me hitting F5 with my actual voice and F0 with subharmonics within a minute of each other, a feat that didn't seem to impress a lot of people but fuck it, i impressed myself https://youtu.be/iUQZ8TvNlOM
(to be fair subharmonics shouldn't be used for opera-style singing because they are not loud enough to be heard unamplified in a live performance, but details, details...)
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/114/000/564/655/302/764/original/768c0152e02973c3.mp4

2025-01-23 08:09:28 UTC

some kid in their early 20s left a comment on the version of this video I put on Rednote that she can't sing along to most female pop stars and was down on herself, but seeing me start a song that's too high for me, stop and say "this song isn't for my voice" instead of "my voice is bad" made her realize she has a deeper voice than most female pop stars and that her voice isn't ugly, those pop songs just aren't suited to it. see this, this is why we shitpost. that and the lols
https://6-28.mastodon.xyz/media_attachments/files/113/876/629/582/938/319/original/f00a81be31554da5.mp4