The Needling

Seattle's Only Real Fake News (Satire/Parody)

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theneedling_at_newsie.social@momostr.pink

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Last Notes

2026-10-29 22:42:30 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117526254461628243
Asked why he hasn’t voted yet and doesn’t plan to, one North Seattle man says it’s because he trusts that voters in Laurelhurst—the neighborhood made famous this year for limiting which kids get airlifted to Seattle Children’s—will make the right choices for everyone.
#note1ufc…ev44

2026-10-29 21:12:06 UTC

Local Man to Skip Voting, Trust Laurelhurst Voters to Decide Election: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/23/man-not-voting-in-local-election-trusts-laurelhurst-voters-will-make-the-right-choice/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/526/239/254/219/568/original/a7ae4612aefb25d2.jpg

2026-10-28 05:53:56 UTC

Fremont Troll Updates Nazi Car Brand He’s Crushing in Fist from Volkswagen to Tesla: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/21/fremont-troll-updates-nazi-car-brand-hes-crushing-in-fist-from-volkswagen-to-tesla/
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2026-10-27 19:09:26 UTC

- reply

If you live in Seattle's District 5, have you given your $100 in Democracy Vouchers to @neighborsfornilu.bsky.social or are you saving up for one big democracy? www.neighborsfornilu.org/vouchers
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/514/442/914/620/278/original/825a150f017250e8.jpg

2026-10-27 19:05:04 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117510742231709536
If you live in Seattle's District 5, have you given your $100 in Democracy Vouchers to Nilu Jenks or are you saving up for one big democracy? https://www.neighborsfornilu.org/vouchers
#note1fm2…lnnc

2026-10-27 05:21:32 UTC

PacMed Building Not Haunted, Just Has Resting Tower-of-Terror Face: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/20/pacmed-building-reveals-it-just-has-resting-tower-of-terror-face/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/511/184/610/228/611/original/e14bbfe6779979fe.jpg

2026-10-27 03:27:08 UTC

Man Saving Democracy Vouchers to Buy One Big Democracy: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/19/man-saving-democracy-vouchers-to-buy-one-big-democracy/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/510/722/658/800/532/original/6b4b1a3d6796f94a.jpg

2026-10-20 17:18:12 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117471538145937553
“I was prepared to see all kinds of horrible voter suppression tactics happen in other parts of the country, but I never thought that our own King County Elections would stoop so low as to deprive our local electorate of stickers.”
#note10ca…76p0

2026-10-20 05:17:01 UTC

King County Elections Accused of Voter Suppression After Not Mailing Ballots with ‘I Voted’ Stickers: https://theneedling.com/2026/10/19/king-county-elections-accused-of-voter-suppression-after-not-mailing-ballots-with-i-voted-stickers/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/471/526/651/029/864/original/91cc876f0718ebbc.jpg

2026-10-16 01:57:05 UTC

Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson Criticized for Having No Plan to Combat Spider Season: https://theneedling.com/2026/10/15/seattle-mayor-katie-wilson-criticized-for-having-no-plan-to-combat-spider-season/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/448/091/340/996/703/original/0ada702ad1b29eeb.jpg

2026-10-14 21:05:28 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117437470233477040
The national order comes two years after the delusional state started calling itself the "Pizza Capital of the United States."
#note1r8p…ful0

2026-10-14 04:53:06 UTC

Connecticut Ordered to Stop Calling That Pizza: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/15/connecticut-ordered-to-stop-calling-that-pizza/
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2026-10-01 21:44:16 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117363844230992018
As bears reach their most active foraging season to prepare for winter hibernation, park rangers are advising hikers this fall that the most effective way to ward off bears is by loudly announcing the current median price of a house in Seattle.
#note1w35…yc6e

2026-10-01 04:49:02 UTC

Park Rangers Advise Hikers to Ward Off Bears by Loudly Announcing Median Housing Prices: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/05/park-rangers-advise-hikers-to-ward-off-bears-by-loudly-announcing-median-housing-prices/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/363/834/604/257/844/original/c50c83d6f1fcb899.jpg

2026-09-30 05:13:00 UTC

Ballard Congratulates Golf Course on Its New Light Rail Station: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/03/ballard-congratulates-seattle-golf-course-on-its-new-light-rail-station/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/358/262/182/532/957/original/9b737d60afb37ca6.jpg

2026-09-29 05:12:42 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117352264960656739
“If she wants to continue being the Starbucks mascot in the Volunteer State, she’s gonna have to volunteer showing her seajunk to someone who can confirm if and where she has a mochacloaca.”
#note1ks7…kznp

2026-09-29 03:44:17 UTC

Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/01/tennessee-legislators-demand-genital-check-of-starbucks-mermaid/
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2026-09-25 15:56:55 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117329989673574389
Citing positive feedback and increased foot traffic that grew day after day for a year and a half, next week the car-free Pike Place Market pilot program will come to an end on Oct. 1 after it was deemed too successful to continue.
#note1t3x…pwws

2026-09-25 05:19:23 UTC

Car-Free Pike Place Market Pilot Deemed Too Successful to Continue: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/28/car-free-pike-place-market-pilot-deemed-too-successful-to-continue/
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2026-09-23 17:49:35 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117318601054759713
After months of doing his best to pretend he’s ever given a single actual shit about women’s sports, today local transphobe and Washington Sex Verification Requirements for Female School Sports Initiative supporter Rick Petty admitted he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep this up.
#note1u87…2rpx

2026-09-23 05:03:06 UTC

Local Transphobe Not Sure How Much Longer He Can Pretend to Care About Women’s Sports: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/22/local-transphobe-not-sure-how-much-longer-he-can-pretend-to-care-about-womens-sports/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/318/589/115/092/054/original/0b4fa740b4a7b016.jpg

2026-09-22 14:04:16 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117313140808706622
“Is it going to suck losing so much money when this AI bubble pops that I have to actually finally move to Idaho or Texas like I’ve been threatening to for years without really meaning it? Yes, but it’s a small price to pay for the way I’m eventually going to be able to play victim of Washington’s future Millionaires Tax.”
#note1v24…lqzt

2026-09-22 05:54:29 UTC

Local Millionaire Investing in AI Can’t Wait to Blame Future Bankruptcy on Millionaires Tax: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/27/local-millionaire-investing-in-ai-cant-wait-to-blame-future-bankruptcy-on-millionaires-tax/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/313/133/349/422/888/original/7b574e0d9130d3f9.jpg

2026-09-19 19:29:38 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117296034079177898
Leaves weren’t the only things changing colors today in Downtown Seattle as people walking by Amazon’s headquarters witnessed the usually blue Bezos Balls return to their natural tan color after busting a union.
#note104c…gmk6

2026-09-19 05:24:01 UTC

Bezos Balls Return to Natural Color After Busting a Union: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/25/bezos-balls-return-to-natural-color-after-busting-a-union/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/296/024/859/347/490/original/b8a6675b286f7604.jpg

2026-09-19 00:03:59 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117290024708643957
“When we saw that there are still any elementary school students who can read at a 5th grade reading level and finish entire chapter books, we knew we had to do something,” said Microsoft and foundation co-founder Bill Gates.
#note1n6p…9arc

2026-09-18 03:55:46 UTC

New AI Literacy Program Awards Students Free Pizza If They Don’t Know How to Read Books Anymore: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/17/new-ai-literacy-program-awards-students-free-pizza-if-they-dont-know-how-to-read-books-anymore/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/290/015/601/512/364/original/f66124b16bb6f524.jpg

2026-09-16 17:25:39 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117278934734777751
“It actually happened about five miles north of Enumclaw, not in Enumclaw proper—big difference,” reported the guy, Brandon Jedson, to the 368th person he’s shared this important locational nuance with in his lifetime.
#note1sfx…dcts

2026-09-16 04:55:26 UTC

‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ Reports Guy from Enumclaw: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/11/that-actually-happened-in-unincorporated-king-county-reports-guy-from-enumclaw/
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2026-09-15 05:19:15 UTC

Ed Sheeran Opener Replacing Macklemore Already Dropped for Saying ‘Free America’: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/14/ed-sheeran-opener-replacing-macklemore-already-dropped-for-saying-free-america/
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2026-09-12 04:34:09 UTC

Home Gardening Virtuoso Successfully Turns $800 into a Side Salad: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/04/home-gardening-virtuoso-successfully-turns-800-into-a-side-salad/
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2026-09-11 21:08:25 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117250664078768079
Business leaders across the city came together today to accuse Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson of being a witch after somehow making both a bus route and car traffic on one of the city’s busiest streets faster at the same time.
#note1qlw…mw3j

2026-09-11 05:05:50 UTC

Mayor Wilson Accused of Being Witch After Making Both Route 8 Bus and Denny Car Traffic Faster: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/10/mayor-wilson-accused-of-being-witch-after-making-both-route-8-bus-and-denny-car-traffic-faster/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/250/654/162/148/565/original/e18b5ab333fc50c4.jpg

2026-09-09 04:57:12 UTC

Google Maps Shrugs, Renames Lake Union to Lake Confederacy: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/08/google-maps-shrugs-renames-lake-union-to-lake-confederacy/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/239/299/760/908/342/original/d12996619789ee00.jpg

2026-09-02 23:57:23 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117203899485690127
Three entire weeks before the first official day of fall, today the Pacific Northwest’s most cinnamon-popping, gourd-decorating fall bitches are reportedly already smiling at the crisp, graying sky outside as they note every detail of summer’s slow, inevitable demise.
#note1xez…fygy

2026-09-02 22:52:59 UTC

Fall Bitches Already Fondly Gazing at Summer’s Sweet Demise: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/21/fall-bitches-already-fondly-gazing-at-summers-sweet-destruction/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/203/763/390/179/778/original/13f109be2bec81a4.jpg

2026-08-29 17:32:06 UTC

New PNW Edition Prius Includes Extra Mirrors to Watch Drivers Behind Them Go Nuts: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/29/new-pnw-edition-prius-includes-extra-mirrors-to-watch-drivers-behind-them-go-nuts/
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2026-08-27 06:19:56 UTC

Shit: Time Warp Back to When Dolly, Tim Curry and U.S. Constitution Were Alive Not Working: http://theneedling.com/2026/08/26/shit-time-warp-back-to-when-dolly-tim-curry-and-u-s-constitution-were-alive-not-working/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/166/008/797/620/659/original/d57e6c14a92f42d2.jpg

2026-08-25 00:56:54 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117153158008687099
“I have to go to all the home games against the Rangers and the Astros? No, no, no, this can’t be happening! There has to be some way out of this,” said a man panicking at his tickets. "I’m gonna see if there’s any way for my fines to at least be reduced to just one or two games against the Angels.”
#note19l6…52ef

2026-08-24 23:48:46 UTC

Traffic Cops Now Issuing Mariners Tickets to Improperly Parked Cars: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/24/traffic-cops-now-issuing-mariners-tickets-to-improperly-parked-cars/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/153/137/421/199/641/original/c9357c5c454095bd.jpg

2026-08-18 04:14:44 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117114166730426409
"I usually blast through an exit lane or shoulder on 405 to cut traffic and get to my Bravern condo. So glad I no longer have to swerve erratically between lanes in a desperate attempt to rush home and get back to complaining about my male loneliness crisis online."
#note14ut…v2ds

2026-08-18 02:32:46 UTC

WSDOT Opens Single Occupancy Lanes for Dangerously Lonely Cybertruck Drivers: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/17/wsdot-opens-single-occupancy-lanes-for-lonely-cybertruck-drivers/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/114/147/633/375/199/original/b336a04c6489ce39.jpg

2026-08-08 17:09:37 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117057665267623578
“So, if you've been procrastinating on doing it, please do enjoy that last Mariners Jimothy night with your Jimothy gear speculating on the backstory between him and T-Mobile Park’s Dumpster Danothy by tonight because after today doing so will no longer be permitted."
#note1fkv…8kcw

2026-08-08 03:03:42 UTC

Nation Reminded This Is Last Day You Can Talk About Jimothy: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/07/nation-reminded-this-is-last-day-you-can-talk-about-jimothy/
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2026-08-07 06:35:14 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117052585592167628
Days after Seafair ended, some asshole is still setting off Blue Angels over the neighborhood.
#note1480…vrpq

2026-08-07 05:31:52 UTC

Some Asshole Still Setting Off Blue Angels: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/06/some-asshole-still-setting-off-blue-angels/
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2026-08-06 21:25:10 UTC

Want to be a real fake news reporter too? Learn how to find real fake news scoops and write them up in a fun and collaborative way with real fake newsroom colleagues (And then maybe get some drinks/best fries in the city). Join us! https://theneedling.com/2024/10/30/the-needling-in-person-real-fake-newsroom-workshop/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/117/050/651/471/836/018/original/276cdd2d4e038002.jpg

2026-08-06 04:17:37 UTC

Local Woman Just Thinks Flaming Forest Could Find More Peaceful Way to Protest Climate Change: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/02/local-woman-just-thinks-flaming-forest-could-find-more-peaceful-way-to-protest-climate-change/
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2026-08-06 04:04:51 UTC

Experts Find Smoking Filtered Cigarettes Reduces Risk of Breathing Seattle’s Air: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/01/experts-find-smoking-filtered-cigarettes-reduces-risk-of-breathing-seattles-air/
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2026-08-04 03:44:04 UTC

Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/03/inexperienced-seattle-mayor-apologizes-for-naively-assuming-police-knew-how-to-do-their-job/
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2026-07-31 18:02:51 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117015659614620303
Today Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to have an affair on the job with, and threatened to fight a reporter all before 9 a.m.
#note1n6m…ardv

2026-07-31 17:01:07 UTC

Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/20/next-seattle-police-chief-already-fired/
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2026-07-28 23:20:09 UTC

SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find Second Shooting Suspect: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/28/spd-wondering-whats-taking-mayor-katie-wilson-so-long-to-find-second-shooting-suspect/
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2026-07-21 03:12:08 UTC

Report: Wild Raccoon Would Love to Be Adopted By You, If You Just Had the Courage To Make the First Move: https://theneedling.com/2024/03/27/report-feral-raccoon-would-love-to-be-adopted-by-you-if-you-just-had-the-courage-to-make-the-first-move/
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2026-07-19 13:19:50 UTC

Adorable New Video Shows Moment Jimothy Escaped Henry Mural as a Baby: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/18/adorable-new-video-shows-moment-jimothy-escaped-henry-mural-as-a-baby/
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2026-07-19 03:15:02 UTC

Bumble Bees at Sequim Lavender Festival Baked AF: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/18/bumble-bees-at-sequim-lavender-festival-baked-af/
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2026-07-17 16:30:47 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116933593590940443
At press time, a tantruming President Trump vowed to strip FCC licenses from all who did not air his speech including ABC, NBC and the neighborhood Ring camera everyone’s hacking tonight to watch more Jimothy.
#note1pfh…ap3a

2026-07-17 05:10:38 UTC

Whole Nation Misses President’s Speech Because Jimothy: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/16/whole-nation-misses-presidents-speech-because-jimothy/
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2026-07-16 22:25:20 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116925795463943766
Today Seattle continued to mourn the closure of several Starbucks cafes as their old locations sadly began to fill with small businesses serving infinitely better coffee, pastries and ambience.
#note1z9s…sdta

2026-07-15 20:07:28 UTC

Seattle Mourns Starbucks as Old Locations Fill with Infinitely Better Coffee and Pastries: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/15/seattle-mourns-starbucks-as-old-locations-fill-with-infinitely-better-coffee-and-pastries/
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2026-07-12 23:29:44 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116908687674302252
“This is incredibly difficult because I know some will think my withdrawal from life is proof of karma, but it most certainly is not—just look around at who isn’t burning in hell with me yet,” said Graham in the video next to a turtle eternally stuck on its back for some reason.
#note1u4n…x2fs

2026-07-12 19:36:44 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116905632933670470
After several calls to do so while overtly dedicating his life to killing innocent people and protecting pedophiles for a modicum of clout with the worst people alive, South Carolina U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham has officially withdrawn from life.
FULL STORY: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/07/graham-officially-withdraws-from-life/
#note1c4j…m4c0

2026-07-12 06:39:53 UTC

BREAKING: Graham Officially Withdraws from Life
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2026-07-10 14:42:37 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116894244881148277
“I think as long as you’re only literally enabling and funding the ra** of brown Muslim men, women and children on the other side of the world and not committing the act yourself, you’re good,” said Democratic strategist James Carville.
#note13df…l8wz

2026-07-10 06:23:45 UTC

Sen. Cantwell Assured Her ‘Love My Bibi’ Tramp Stamp Still Okay: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/09/sen-cantwell-assured-her-love-my-bibi-tramp-stamp-still-okay/
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2026-07-07 04:35:22 UTC

Perfect Weather Ruins US Men’s World Cup Team Loss: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/05/perfect-weather-ruins-us-mens-world-cup-team-loss/
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2026-07-03 21:29:42 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116856979333551781
“We actually haven’t seen any cases of sailors being lured to their deaths by the hypnotic and enchanting voice of a siren since like 300 BCE,” said UW Anthropologist Rob Telemackus.
#note16zd…hff9

2026-07-03 16:26:38 UTC

Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/23/study-finds-siren-related-deaths-among-sailors-way-down/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/856/957/423/648/574/original/f217c8ffedaf1909.jpg

2026-06-30 23:04:23 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116837429541728893
At press time, local right-wingers having the time of their lives going to Seattle World Cup matches were also assuring fellow conservatives that as soon as the tournament is over they’ll also go right back to talking about what an unsalvageable abomination Seattle is.
#note1rf5…rmz7

2026-06-30 05:34:51 UTC

Leftist US World Cup Team Fan Promises to Go Back to Being Ashamed of Country for 4th of July: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/29/leftist-us-world-cup-team-fan-promises-to-go-back-to-being-ashamed-of-country-for-4th-of-july/
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2026-06-27 05:08:14 UTC

Man Waving Pride Flag Like Wand at Egypt-Iran World Cup Match Accidentally Turns Both Teams Gay: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/26/man-waving-pride-flag-like-wand-at-egypt-iran-world-cup-match-accidentally-turns-both-teams-gay/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/820/329/869/760/612/original/170485d5b27f8669.jpg

2026-06-26 05:45:24 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116814577184044778
“As soon as I learned Epstein would do something as heinous as ruin my nice guy/husband schtick by publicizing my secret affairs, I drew the line and no longer talked to him—I wanted nothing to do with a sex offender who would betray an innocent billionaire such as myself."
#note1hc9…gqx7

2026-06-26 04:43:12 UTC

Gates Regrets Ties to Sex Offender He Thought Was Only Going to Victimize Children, Not Himself: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/25/gates-regrets-ties-to-sex-offender-he-thought-was-only-going-to-victimize-children-not-himself/
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2026-06-23 19:54:22 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116797761723091241
One World Cup tourist blissfully unaware every Limebike seat he rode on today was covered in a naked Fremont Solstice Parade reveler’s taintjuice over the weekend says he’s continuing to have an awesome time in Seattle.
#note1udz…j4pw

2026-06-23 05:26:49 UTC

World Cup Tourist Blissfully Unaware Every Seattle Limebike Now Covered in Fremont’s Taintjuice: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/22/world-cup-tourist-blissfully-unaware-every-seattle-limebike-now-covered-in-fremonts-taintjuice/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/797/742/095/987/632/original/aed6cf1d413453a9.jpg

2026-06-18 01:48:33 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116768294310658367
“Can’t blame anyone for wondering—even I did one of those Toxic Algae-and-Me lab tests through the mail just to make sure and nope, just a coincidence we look and feel like a literal swamp right in the middle of a city,” said Green Lake.
#note16ft…6txe

2026-06-18 00:32:52 UTC

Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to D.C. Reflecting Pool: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/09/despite-striking-resemblance-green-lake-confirms-no-relation-to-d-c-reflecting-pool/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/768/281/978/390/288/original/e95b53b4423ca98c.jpg

2026-06-14 14:38:29 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116746617017142496
Just four months after Mayor Katie Wilson kicked off her Socialist reign of terror over Seattle with a Seahawks Super Bowl win, Mayor Zohran Mamdani sent New York City’s sanity off a cliff last night with the Knicks’ first NBA Championship win in more than half a century.
#note1srs…4c7h

2026-06-14 04:40:02 UTC

Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports Championship Victory: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/08/socialist-mayor-reigns-of-terror-continue-with-yet-another-sports-championship-victory/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/746/603/642/829/798/original/413665f52e05c78f.jpg

2026-06-13 14:28:21 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116741413137774937
“Oh my God, this guy that just cut off a Subaru in a rented Tesla is finished,” said one ferry line fight onlooker placing a bet on Kalshi as the man was grabbed by the collar and suplexed out of his car window.
#note1sw6…zy53

2026-06-13 06:36:37 UTC

Polymarket, Kalshi Now Taking Bets on Fights in Ferry Lines: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/12/polymarket-kalshi-now-taking-bets-on-fights-in-ferry-lines/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/741/405/149/460/782/original/53ecb5590be71b2c.jpg

2026-06-11 21:42:02 UTC

Seattleites Frantically Search for Plausible Excuse to Cancel Plans with World Cup: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/11/seattleites-frantically-search-for-plausible-excuse-to-cancel-plans-with-world-cup/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/733/640/318/292/691/original/fe0990f2695eeebd.jpg

2026-06-06 13:28:57 UTC

Fuck! Starbucks Agrees to All Union Demands and Now We Have to Drink Their Coffee Again: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/07/fuck-starbucks-agrees-to-all-union-demands-and-now-we-have-to-drink-their-coffee-again/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/703/395/436/709/777/original/ddf736b9b2d6d9b5.jpg

2026-06-04 06:52:30 UTC

Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive on ‘Trains-Only’ Train Tracks: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/03/crazy-socialist-mayor-of-seattle-says-cars-not-allowed-to-drive-on-trains-only-train-tracks/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/690/500/361/530/408/original/eecb6d74fa97fb5c.jpg

2026-06-03 19:36:44 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116684753889515706
“Unlike other Sound Transit Park & Rides with hundreds of stalls, this one specializes in providing one parking space for someone nuts enough to drive their car on train tracks for a half mile and 40 feet up into a station's elevated train platform."
#note1ejv…zfle

2026-06-03 06:27:26 UTC

Mount Baker Station Celebrates Opening of New Park & Ride to Psychiatrist: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/02/mount-baker-station-celebrates-opening-of-new-park-and-ride-to-psychiatrist/
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2026-05-30 05:43:42 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116661877512785105
“Wow, I really thought the orcas, Seafair Pirates, or Dave Matthews’ tour bus would be handling this one,” said one Seattle resident watching Zuckerberg’s once massive superyacht named Launchpad ablaze before sinking to the bottom of Lake Union.
#note1skv…8am7

2026-05-30 05:29:40 UTC

Blue Origin Goes Rogue, Blows Up Another Billionaire’s Launchpad in Seattle: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/29/blue-origin-goes-rogue-blows-up-another-billionaires-launchpad-in-seattle/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/661/868/091/395/599/original/e4fd2d43309223de.jpg

2026-05-29 06:03:57 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116656086906706878
“It’s always ‘Hey, take Zuck to Davy Jones Locker this, pop Peter Thiel a 100 feet into the air and then eat his liver that—when are you land whales gonna finally step up to these guys yourselves?”
#note1h0d…85nc

2026-05-29 04:57:02 UTC

Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All Your Billionaire Problems: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/28/orcas-getting-a-little-sick-and-tired-of-being-asked-to-solve-all-your-billionaire-probems/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/656/074/734/472/260/original/89710c799aa5aab7.jpg

2026-05-27 23:42:22 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116648954147407608
Can't come to the in-person workshop? Join The Needling's Online Real Fake Newsroom Workshop from anywhere June 1: https://theneedling.com/2024/08/01/the-needlings-online-real-fake-newsroom-workshop/
#note1wcg…nygl

2026-05-27 22:43:05 UTC

Want to be a real fake news reporter too? Learn how to find real fake news scoops and write them up in a fun and collaborative way with real fake newsroom colleagues (And then maybe get some drinks/best fries in the city). Join us! https://theneedling.com/2024/10/30/the-needling-in-person-real-fake-newsroom-workshop/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/648/910/405/432/944/original/489431791a02bfa0.jpg

2026-05-27 17:51:38 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116647458749489601
“Look! People in the back are swimming in the salaries of 200 Millennial fools who thought it might finally be a good time to buy a house in Seattle and start having kids,” said one onlooker as the billionaire’s 387-foot floating luxury barely fit through the Ballard Locks.
#note1md2…4tq0

2026-05-27 16:22:47 UTC

Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in Seattle: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/23/zuckerberg-docks-annual-salary-of-1400-laid-off-meta-workers-in-seattle/
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2026-05-23 23:55:07 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116621863722708487
“Clearly, the only reason anyone would live in this desolate land is to take advantage of never paying a state income tax,” said Starbucks VP of Coffee Syrups Lara Pilson as an orca jumped out of the sparkling Puget Sound waters at sunset with Mount Rainier glowing hot pink in the distance.
#note1jv8…tvrs

2026-05-23 03:53:38 UTC

Millionaires Tax Erases Only Advantage of Living in Sad, Barren Wasteland: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/21/millionaires-tax-erases-only-reason-to-live-in-barren-wasteland/
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2026-05-22 14:59:23 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116616417530328058
“By just cutting back on little luxuries that, avocado toast, or giving that transphobe hedge fund manager Brian Heywood your money by the dumptruck, you’ll have your fifth home in no time.”
#note1qt3…q23x

2026-05-22 04:48:36 UTC

Millionaires Tax Payers Assured They Only Need to Cut Back on Lattes to Afford Fifth Home: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/21/millionaires-tax-payers-assured-they-only-need-to-cut-back-on-lattes-to-afford-fifth-home/
https://assets.newsie.social/media_attachments/files/116/616/406/794/165/220/original/b8b353cf40d378ea.jpg

2026-05-20 23:09:10 UTC

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116608897548885706
After weeks of Starbucks leadership telling every major newspaper in the country how mean Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson’s been to them by publicly not liking them, today she formally apologized saying she thought they knew everyone here including herself hated them already.
#note1qfz…r0v3

2026-05-20 20:56:10 UTC

Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone Here Hated Them Already: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/20/seattle-mayor-apologizes-to-starbucks-thought-it-knew-everyone-here-hated-them-already/
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