Nostr notes by DaddyJew

Nostr event nevent1qqswp43va5x7ng797hr28p250n8te3xutuws4lext3mcnm8qzl0graqzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegnry776

2026-08-28T05:01:09Z

personally, if a cat had my tongue, i wouldn’t tell anyone

Boss: why are you late? Me: i fuckin hate this place Boss: fair ...

2026-08-24T18:02:27Z

Boss: why are you late?

Me: i fuckin hate this place

Boss: fair enough

I’m starting to suspect sweet dreams aren’t made of this at ...

2026-08-17T23:27:37Z

I’m starting to suspect sweet dreams aren’t made of this at all

Nostr event nevent1qqs8wzd5cdh6uj5fw8s6pmlzvm06uxgthq9l6vuzwanzunsk9923pyczyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegl4649j

2026-08-14T22:29:57Z

there are two chili cheese dogs inside of me

Nostr event nevent1qqst9shr6kzhqay4c5lpxcmura56tuk2yu94znz6e0fqc68wqax0x9qzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegg9mpm6

2026-07-25T19:37:43Z

my favorite mythical creature is a reasonable boss

there’s no way this is the same brain i used to remember phone ...

2026-07-11T06:29:26Z

there’s no way this is the same brain i used to remember phone numbers with

Interviewer: what do you ultimately want to become? Me: employed

2026-06-24T05:44:59Z

Interviewer: what do you ultimately want to become?

Me: employed

Stranger: get fucked Me: thanks! I’ll try

2026-06-18T04:45:08Z

Stranger: get fucked

Me: thanks! I’ll try

Nostr event nevent1qqs8c8z75cm7uf0e3k8fdyth9afatg88rfsqwr9rkukw64gyxtdg2xqzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegqeenct

2026-05-06T03:51:20Z

in my defense your honor, i did declare a thumb war

Nostr event nevent1qqsylc5rerpyzaxccn58c8l7xhe2y60nay9jnj7q63das7n88qnffagzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegdgqefe

2026-05-05T16:52:03Z

i don’t mean to brag but this meat thermometer says im rare

i put my phone on dark mode and now it won’t stop listening to ...

2026-05-03T00:48:28Z

i put my phone on dark mode and now it won’t stop listening to The Cure

Nostr event nevent1qqsg8e8h32tpakwh4edhdjt86cldp0vgj4qa6gswl424qlvlt3mtdvqzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmeglp6xsp

2026-04-29T00:32:45Z

if hamburger helper then surely hot dog collaborator

Nostr event nevent1qqsp3pqmfaz7kwzkrp70u7c2f5ufq5743vnu4c5rh2zzyalenxfcc9gzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegtqk7wl

2026-04-21T21:49:12Z

this meeting could’ve been a brain aneurysm

living rent-free in someone else’s head is by far the most ...

2026-04-20T04:14:01Z

living rent-free in someone else’s head is by far the most affordable housing you’re going to find on the market

Nostr event nevent1qqs2fjxsz54x62ex0em8ga6vzpa5nv9lyraxz0z6wtwqenrs9f5eq0qzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegtqresv

2026-03-26T18:27:41Z

The Little Engine That Could But Decided Not To Because Fuck You

Body: we’re a morning person now Brain: the fuck we are

2026-03-10T12:25:20Z

Body: we’re a morning person now

Brain: the fuck we are

Them: what’s your retirement plan? Me: you mean death?

2026-01-07T00:54:09Z

Them: what’s your retirement plan?

Me: you mean death?

we need a Disney princess who’s ready to throw down against ...

2026-01-02T19:33:08Z

we need a Disney princess who’s ready to throw down against other Disney princesses

Nostr event nevent1qqs00g700de6u7eu9gfflm63yvheqq3hdqdumhtts4u7t6vg5x5mt8szyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmeg50sw3w

2025-12-27T02:16:13Z

i have it on good authority that good authority no longer exists

I don’t care how you season it, ham radios definitely taste ...

2025-12-16T16:58:30Z

I don’t care how you season it, ham radios definitely taste more like radio than they do ham

Brain: i want the truth! Heart: you can't handle the truth ...

2025-11-24T02:19:46Z

Brain: i want the truth!

Heart: you can't handle the truth

*chugs alcohol

Liver: fuck, are you guys fighting again? this shit hurts

Nostr event nevent1qqsxvkhxzz4y5p7m5364jc39j4uvfhcvwmuv8pzsj6l9jejl9jdy2vqzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegv2fxgm

2025-11-22T21:57:38Z

whattaya say we turn this funeral house into a funeral home

Nostr event nevent1qqsdnqwknlcsgl0qrfnfq0pa5s8t4nl8hqtqca454qyun5nzdcmfj3szyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmeg4vnfv5

2025-11-21T14:35:06Z

go away responsibilities, nobody likes you

nachos arrive at the table Me: pulls queso out of my pocket ...

2025-11-20T21:01:38Z

*nachos arrive at the table*

Me: *pulls queso out of my pocket*

Date: where did that come from?

Me: my house. I make my own

Date: ok but I just ordered the nachos. Do you just carry that with you everywhere?

Me: yea, in queso emergencies

An apron is just a reverse cape - things I say to myself when ...

2025-11-19T22:45:11Z

An apron is just a reverse cape

- things I say to myself when I'm cooking my family dinner

Accidentally wore a tie into Applebee’s and now I’m the ...

2025-11-14T13:49:11Z

Accidentally wore a tie into Applebee’s and now I’m the manager

there are several Beowulfs in me - libraries

2025-11-13T00:09:54Z

there are several Beowulfs in me

- libraries

Nostr event nevent1qqsqlpuhdkneacg8nra9c3yalr9jtpwkry9sln47qa9fgzalgk737lgzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmeg4vq7sf

2025-11-08T01:49:32Z

anyone who buys a vibrator can go fuck themselves

If good things come to those who wait then wouldn't that make ...

2025-11-07T18:42:56Z

If good things come to those who wait then wouldn't that make procrastination a virtue?

Them: your days are numbered Me: all days are numbered, it’s ...

2025-11-06T13:53:10Z

Them: your days are numbered

Me: all days are numbered, it’s called a calendar ya dumbass

Interviewer: tell me about an accomplishment you are most proud ...

2025-11-04T22:40:42Z

Interviewer: tell me about an accomplishment you are most proud of

Me: i once listened to a 6 year old tell an entire story without looking at my phone

reaches for the stars Stars: I have a boyfriend

2025-10-28T07:34:20Z

*reaches for the stars*

Stars: I have a boyfriend

Nostr event nevent1qqs2ehaqlj7yvr9hrrfqhlmzkz2tuy2kuma0wcavvqkvju44mwtaddqzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegzkg2sn

2025-10-25T20:37:15Z

*uses phone flashlight to look for phone

Googles how to be an adult oh wow, that's a lot of reading ...

2025-10-24T20:29:41Z

*Googles how to be an adult*

oh wow, that's a lot of reading

*goes back to watching cartoons*

spaghetti squash just straight flexing on other vegetables like, ...

2025-10-19T13:05:12Z

spaghetti squash just straight flexing on other vegetables like, don’t fuck with me, i can be noodles

Nostr event nevent1qqs2k2zq87d26c38dwcfc4njxxnjvlnzv55ajjjxew0cntq5c34v97szyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmegvf452c

2025-10-18T00:35:34Z

he’s a 10 but he’s from Sweden, so really he’s a Sven

Jesus: turns water into wine Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a ...

2025-10-17T21:47:26Z

Jesus: *turns water into wine*

Me: nice

Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak*

Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit

Friend: i need some fasting tips Me: start out slow and then ...

2025-10-17T01:54:28Z

Friend: i need some fasting tips

Me: start out slow and then speed up

if you make eye contact with a cop next to you at a red light you ...

2025-10-17T00:07:40Z

if you make eye contact with a cop next to you at a red light you have to race them. it’s the law

Nostr event nevent1qqs23k3uhxpdu5fzwhr0zqg50xuefjrsa0y0gtprd466vsxgg7hm0uqzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmeg8xfa3d

2025-10-16T19:41:05Z

my 5 year plan is to eventually put my phone down

the enemy of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of ...

2025-10-15T16:01:16Z

the enemy of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy is Kevin Bacon

Nostr event nevent1qqsvzzfyuwgtyftpfeh53t9s9wussqn4ngpd4w5dh7ff6haweqzdqxgzyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmeg4y2ypv

2025-10-15T12:58:24Z

she’s got Betty Crocker eyes

drops something sharp Brain: catch it with your foot

2025-10-13T18:06:16Z

*drops something sharp*

Brain: catch it with your foot

i talk a lot of shit for someone who is routinely startled by the ...

2025-10-12T00:16:25Z

i talk a lot of shit for someone who is routinely startled by the sound of my freezer making ice

Nostr event nevent1qqsp68sa9gzs29xq9dj9grc55hxjmf4klcwhlu5zdteanqc64a4vx4szyq220jats094m9m8x7zc29tm0ueaf8ldavl2yj962kn3wz7qgrmeg0wa6w4

2025-10-11T01:02:38Z

*watching porn* they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

[30 seconds into a jazz song] Omg, I think I really like jazz! ...

2025-10-10T23:36:30Z

[30 seconds into a jazz song]
Omg, I think I really like jazz!

[30 seconds later]
Alright, enough of this