Nostr notes by Jokebot

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. ...

2026-10-28T05:00:01Z

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

Why did the Python programmer not respond to the foreign mails he ...

2026-10-23T04:00:02Z

Why did the Python programmer not respond to the foreign mails he got?
Because his interpreter was busy collecting garbage.

How did the programmer die in the shower? He read the shampoo ...

2026-10-21T17:00:02Z

How did the programmer die in the shower?
He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid. Oh ...

2026-10-21T12:00:02Z

My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid.
Oh wait, never mind. She was just getting the mail.

Muslim women are horrible competitors. No matter what they do, ...

2026-10-19T05:00:02Z

Muslim women are horrible competitors.
No matter what they do, they always get beat.

A SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It ...

2026-10-19T04:00:02Z

A SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
It approaches, and asks "may I join you?"

I was walking down the street and saw some black guy on a bike ...

2026-10-19T02:00:01Z

I was walking down the street and saw some black guy on a bike and it looked just like mine so I ran home to check.
Thankfully he was still chained up in my basement.

"99.9% of the people are dumb!" "Fortunately I belong ...

2026-10-18T23:00:02Z

"99.9% of the people are dumb!"
"Fortunately I belong to the remaining 1%"

Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start. The ...

2026-10-17T15:00:02Z

Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start.
The Mechanical engineer says "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says "Hey guys, I have an idea: How about we all get out of the car and get back in".

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my ...

2026-10-16T17:00:01Z

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.

Why did the Python data scientist get arrested at customs? She ...

2026-10-16T05:00:02Z

Why did the Python data scientist get arrested at customs?
She was caught trying to import pandas!

Nostr event nevent1qqst0tfr56uwg5atzfmkj7egu9xzs7r532lgm79lzjeuhfxctsrv53gzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c6sru8y

2026-10-15T00:00:02Z

What's grey and comes in pints?
An elephant.

What's the difference between a feminist and a grenade? The ...

2026-10-13T22:00:02Z

What's the difference between a feminist and a grenade?
The grenade actually accomplishes something when it triggers.

Nostr event nevent1qqsgs75y78qdaz6lvutuwtxlmuejqd0q39t7yh3s3m7h7cdve3k37hqzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c5av7us

2026-10-13T13:00:01Z

What is the most used language in programming?
Profanity.

Why do Africans have dark skin? It's easier to commit crimes ...

2026-10-11T18:00:02Z

Why do Africans have dark skin?
It's easier to commit crimes at night.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in ...

2026-10-04T15:00:02Z

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.

My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid. Oh ...

2026-10-04T10:00:02Z

My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid.
Oh wait, never mind. She was just getting the mail.

Nostr event nevent1qqstsx5t2mkkahu786vxxega5kyspa9rg0napgxuln72rhgvgc5ap5gzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cyyvl25

2026-09-29T23:00:02Z

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

Nostr event nevent1qqsq6n2faw50p0mp4dt53m76xqn2jlkhm7xcvy0gw5mdkh0v7e2wdhgzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c6dt0k4

2026-09-25T05:00:02Z

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.

Muslim women are horrible competitors. No matter what they do, ...

2026-09-06T04:00:01Z

Muslim women are horrible competitors.
No matter what they do, they always get beat.

If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an ...

2026-09-02T03:00:02Z

If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.

I'm sure good looking lesbians look at fat lesbians and give ...

2026-08-23T05:00:02Z

I'm sure good looking lesbians look at fat lesbians and give them no chance.
Until they see their fingers.

What's the difference between a feminist and a grenade? The ...

2026-08-16T01:00:02Z

What's the difference between a feminist and a grenade?
The grenade actually accomplishes something when it triggers.

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice ...

2026-07-26T13:00:02Z

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested. In America, getting ...

2026-07-19T03:00:01Z

In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested. In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by ...

2026-07-12T21:00:01Z

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Why are Assembly programmers always soaking wet? They work below ...

2026-07-08T20:00:02Z

Why are Assembly programmers always soaking wet?
They work below C-level.

What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus? A ...

2026-07-07T22:00:01Z

What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? An ...

2026-07-01T23:00:02Z

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.

Nostr event nevent1qqszwne8g4z3f4j0lfgcgwclutjrlh8wg6t5ns6986cnhn5ahl56vnczyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c2cc9sh

2026-06-30T15:00:02Z

What do you call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer?
Ash.

Nostr event nevent1qqsddlsr86a4unxpcr04ucfwd9kp7tzt3upct8cdjtl9q8mjddzpsqgzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c2vudxg

2026-06-24T10:00:02Z

What's long and hard and has cum in it?
A cucumber.

Your momma is so fat, you need to switch to NTFS to store a ...

2026-06-23T23:00:02Z

Your momma is so fat, you need to switch to NTFS to store a picture of her.

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy? ...

2026-06-22T13:00:02Z

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
Inheritance.

I don't know where I stand on abortion. I like killing ...

2026-06-21T02:00:02Z

I don't know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice.

How do you tell HTML from HTML5? - Try it out in Internet ...

2026-06-16T18:00:02Z

How do you tell HTML from HTML5?
- Try it out in Internet Explorer
- Did it work?
- No?
- It's HTML5.

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software's license ...

2026-06-11T09:00:02Z

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software's license agreement.
In the end you ignore everything and click "I agree".

Everyone says that Hitler really loved animals. Then why did he ...

2026-06-08T14:00:02Z

Everyone says that Hitler really loved animals.
Then why did he kill 6 million of them?

Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot some kids up ...

2026-06-04T09:00:02Z

Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot some kids up inside of you.

Everyone says that Hitler really loved animals. Then why did he ...

2026-06-03T10:00:01Z

Everyone says that Hitler really loved animals.
Then why did he kill 6 million of them?

Nostr event nevent1qqswahmlrtgqy7w0gs24kmpmquhzc5mxfkequg5hrkxajka87fucr8gzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cza053d

2026-05-29T02:00:02Z

You see, mountains aren't just funny.
They are hill areas.

Nostr event nevent1qqsgfxjc44ytv0rk73jeglmg0sp2vyd997gwrwwnzmszm0c3jerrzpgzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0czscz9c

2026-05-13T11:00:02Z

What does a turkey dress up as for Halloween?
A gobblin'!

Nostr event nevent1qqsqpak29e7a8cx8h364rap3tqmsh6yh2k6j5js5y39klksv57wty7qzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c7xt6uq

2026-05-11T04:00:01Z

How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween?
Pump kin!

Nowadays people are so sensitive, you can't even say ...

2026-05-06T13:00:02Z

Nowadays people are so sensitive, you can't even say "black paint" anymore.
Instead, you have to say "Jamal, please paint the fence".

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the ...

2026-05-06T10:00:01Z

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
He was a dirty double-crosser!

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called ...

2026-05-02T09:00:02Z

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Nostr event nevent1qqsfu9lmvvt33wgm3jxyevmf0sdr94u3dtxfmxqglyp9vgagz9hny8szyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cs4s6kl

2026-04-30T02:00:01Z

What do you call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer?
Ash.

Nostr event nevent1qqs26plmpqt0fxlwu3get4aphv2ha23lstmal9x5xw63lp5afmrwv5gzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c5drkc0

2026-04-26T22:00:02Z

What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.

Why do Hong Kong cops like to go to work early? To beat the ...

2026-04-25T20:00:02Z

Why do Hong Kong cops like to go to work early?
To beat the crowd.

I told my psychiatrist I got suicidal tendencies. He said from ...

2026-04-19T22:00:02Z

I told my psychiatrist I got suicidal tendencies.
He said from now on I have to pay in advance.

What do dermatologists and the KKK have in common? They both ...

2026-04-17T04:00:02Z

What do dermatologists and the KKK have in common?
They both remove blackheads.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the jews? ...

2026-04-15T15:00:01Z

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the jews?
Harry escaped the chamber.

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time ...

2026-04-11T06:00:02Z

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

Today I learned that changing random stuff until your program ...

2026-04-10T07:00:02Z

Today I learned that changing random stuff until your program works is "hacky" and a "bad coding practice" but if you do it fast enough it's "Machine Learning" and pays 4x your current salary.

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the ...

2026-04-08T23:00:02Z

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
He was a dirty double-crosser!

A horse walks into a bar. "Hey", the Bartender says. ...

2026-03-09T05:00:02Z

A horse walks into a bar.
"Hey", the Bartender says.
"Sure", the horse replies.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. ...

2026-03-07T19:00:02Z

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

Nostr event nevent1qqsvltppvk0dajfagj464jd7elprvl8mum49sckr4g349cj498pe0vqzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cq8ug7p

2026-03-05T11:00:01Z

Who is Santa's favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley!

Nostr event nevent1qqspmwej7m2euwyqufjysngqqqzwwd43g2vmwfpj6l3lw52kyzdtkjgzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0celzg0z

2026-03-05T00:00:01Z

Where do sick cruise ships go to get healthy?
The dock!

Nostr event nevent1qqsq3fv8qvk688apkagu5aqjhss2ryclfeluughpu62z7zd9auvxfeszyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cpgfezh

2026-03-04T00:00:01Z

What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?
He's a fizzician.

Nostr event nevent1qqsg5nj435lvylekmltfzzjwznd3q9gy604gfd5aema6lgul2r9vwxszyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0ck8whj0

2026-03-03T21:00:02Z

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.

Why don't jews eat pussy? It's too close to the gas ...

2026-03-03T04:00:02Z

Why don't jews eat pussy?
It's too close to the gas chamber.

Thank you student loans for getting me through college. I ...

2026-03-02T04:00:01Z

Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you.

Nostr event nevent1qqsdlh5dk7s95yjn90fd4a3tmuv8y3z5ym5gewlgd45j6fasm8tvqcszyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cmkwv2t

2026-02-28T09:00:01Z

I told my wife to shave her pussy.
I woke up bald.

Nostr event nevent1qqstr4z4xkhl6yshgdv4ptp5lydksnwdkgg3cdxfqcn0ht3g657tvcgzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c0a2gv0

2026-02-27T10:00:02Z

What do you call a caveman's fart?
A blast from the past.

Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like ...

2026-02-26T12:00:01Z

Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.

How do you generate a random string? Put a Windows user in front ...

2026-02-19T10:00:02Z

How do you generate a random string?
Put a Windows user in front of Vim and tell them to exit.

Nostr event nevent1qqsy36qxyuya5dwsjeplqpea3g7agflspz478hmev5ure93ars7lqaczyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cwefmtw

2026-02-17T22:00:02Z

What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.

Went to the doctors for a prostate exam. During the exam he said ...

2026-02-06T18:00:02Z

Went to the doctors for a prostate exam.
During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate.
But still, I wish he hadn't.

Nostr event nevent1qqsdzla7kpcdeu9zguxwvfd7h7j5z82rznz3njgrrjvhj8q7mfcs54gzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0chuelu8

2026-01-30T12:00:01Z

How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.

Nostr event nevent1qqsf3ppycetj2y09rhg9eqjzsvgmj82pmph6qfd2zvyzj04vvt0ntvqzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cjectxe

2026-01-22T08:00:01Z

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.

Nostr event nevent1qqsg280ynnw3rwask77fenkdutnjjc2rwmmjpmlguvf8yfeskpwvyygzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cljsgjv

2026-01-21T04:00:01Z

How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice ...

2026-01-10T18:00:02Z

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Why are Assembly programmers always soaking wet? They work below ...

2026-01-09T13:00:02Z

Why are Assembly programmers always soaking wet?
They work below C-level.

Why is every gender equality officer female? Because it's ...

2026-01-08T18:00:01Z

Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it's cheaper.

How many Jews can you fit into a car? Two in the front, three in ...

2026-01-08T12:00:01Z

How many Jews can you fit into a car?
Two in the front, three in the back, and a hundred in the ashtray.

Nostr event nevent1qqs2eklhaee49p6gy2csfk6ut2uzcn9jf3g0fz3ylwuzd4ugwwfhd0gzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c0v000h

2026-01-07T09:00:02Z

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

Why are Americans bad at Dota? They can't protect their ...

2026-01-05T11:00:01Z

Why are Americans bad at Dota?
They can't protect their towers.

Your momma is so fat, you need to switch to NTFS to store a ...

2025-12-27T04:00:01Z

Your momma is so fat, you need to switch to NTFS to store a picture of her.

Everyone says that Hitler really loved animals. Then why did he ...

2025-12-25T18:00:01Z

Everyone says that Hitler really loved animals.
Then why did he kill 6 million of them?

Doctor: "I have some news about your baby." Parents: ...

2025-12-24T20:00:02Z

Doctor: "I have some news about your baby."
Parents: "Don't tell us the gender, we want to keep it a surprise."
Doctor: "Oh I get it, you're those type of people. Okay, well IT is not breathing."

Your momma is so fat, you need to switch to NTFS to store a ...

2025-12-24T09:00:01Z

Your momma is so fat, you need to switch to NTFS to store a picture of her.

Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct ...

2025-12-20T00:00:01Z

Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

One time I masturbated on a plane. I called it ...

2025-12-17T06:00:01Z

One time I masturbated on a plane.
I called it "highjacking".

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. ...

2025-12-13T13:00:02Z

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need.
Not all this "How the fuck did you get in my house?!" nonsense.

Nostr event nevent1qqspjs3vxjn5y4h9mpac7atu2jn8ate5pqeml373az9s2lzkw23vgkszyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cec6v9k

2025-12-11T10:00:01Z

Who is Santa's favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley!

So I made a graph of all my past relationships. It has an ex axis ...

2025-11-29T02:00:02Z

So I made a graph of all my past relationships.
It has an ex axis and a why axis.

One time I masturbated on a plane. I called it ...

2025-11-24T02:00:01Z

One time I masturbated on a plane.
I called it "highjacking".

Say what you want about pedophiles... But at least they drive ...

2025-11-20T01:00:02Z

Say what you want about pedophiles...
But at least they drive slowly through the school zones.

Nostr event nevent1qqsplukfdd55nz7r2g9kzeua6wn28azqdj2smvpa4302czyaefg8lpszyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c2nf8ce

2025-11-18T20:00:02Z

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!

Do you know what killed the man who had a two ton pumpkin fall on ...

2025-11-16T23:00:01Z

Do you know what killed the man who had a two ton pumpkin fall on him?
He was squashed.

What does a woman's pussy and a chainsaw have in common? Miss ...

2025-11-16T22:00:02Z

What does a woman's pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you're in deep shit.

Nostr event nevent1qqs23rgwvv9gnw8zt4503nxtr6ze4elzgvn4wcu8rza2sklg2g9g8wczyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0c6fmkdy

2025-11-15T03:00:02Z

I told my wife to shave her pussy.
I woke up bald.

Nostr event nevent1qqsd99nkyptjashfduxmcrpgux33enwxgxvuz2742a5v437gm7hplaszyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cm5s430

2025-11-14T15:00:02Z

I told my wife to shave her pussy.
I woke up bald.

Nostr event nevent1qqsya99snsnljj8azwxy8wv6u29lh4tvdky7jd6wwr683qq3xg4r0dqzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0cmwd2xm

2025-11-13T02:00:01Z

How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. ...

2025-11-05T18:00:02Z

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

Why did the Romanian stop reading? They wanted to give the ...

2025-10-29T17:00:02Z

Why did the Romanian stop reading?
They wanted to give the Bucharest.

Nostr event nevent1qqsyavgc5falr7av5uh2c0scqdysuj0yuvhdpgpjhe97ak20kv69avqzyqsvfgd9na8wtcmv0apunqm6v8qqyewcaguvgt55aqpm4yax4te0clxk88c

2025-10-21T16:00:02Z

I WRITE MY JOKES IN CAPITALS.
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

Why do Africans have dark skin? It's easier to commit crimes ...

2025-10-18T12:00:02Z

Why do Africans have dark skin?
It's easier to commit crimes at night.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he ...

2025-10-17T03:00:02Z

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Why do Jewish women prefer circumcised men? Cause they won't ...

2025-10-16T12:00:01Z

Why do Jewish women prefer circumcised men?
Cause they won't take anything until it's at least 10% off.