Nostr notes by Ben

Goodnight Fedi. You are - whether you like it or not - a ...

2026-10-28T22:19:11Z

Goodnight Fedi. You are - whether you like it or not - a collection of the most disparate and interesting sentient arrangement of atoms in this stupid thing we call life. For what it's worth I happen to think you're the most pleasing collection of nonsense to my fractured mind. So.... that's maybe something? I'm trying to say I love you and think you're terrific. Big love and power to you. You're gorgeous. Goodnight fam. Xx

It is quite weird we're supposed to believe that these ...

2026-10-28T07:49:28Z

It is *quite* weird we're supposed to believe that these giant monsters used to just walk about the place before a big space rock made all their bones go underground. Oh yeah this one is a trillion years old, bigger than a house and looked like an armoured lizard. What are you SMOKING, my friend?

Rare fossil of T. rex's little cousin sells for $47 million

https://apnews.com/article/nanotyrannus-dinosaur-fossil-auction-sothebys-t-rex-2ad6c02610c3fa548a496b2395c83081

Nostr event nevent1qqs9kgwhlxau3rn92m52nj7f4u555fmavfuy6l5ndtvdj3e330ss0dczyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq7t9se74

2026-10-28T03:02:55Z

Money isn't real

How long do you think you could be trapped in a standard shower ...

2026-10-27T22:45:20Z

How long do you think you could be trapped in a standard shower before you went mad. Like you couldn't do a week. I reckon things would start going awry by day 2. By day 4 you'd be really losing it.

It is DARK. It is COLD. It is RAINING. I am TIRED. I had a bad ...

2026-10-27T18:36:12Z

It is DARK. It is COLD. It is RAINING. I am TIRED. I had a bad day at work yesterday which I responded to by having a bit of a LATE NIGHT. I had to go to LONDON TOWN today, which is the loudest and most terrifying place on this or any other PLANET.

I cannot convey to you the depths of which I do not wish to go running. I haven't been in weeks because I've been ill. I don't think I even remember how to run. Is that the one with the arms?

Trish is basically making me go. Urgh. Stupid Trish. I'm sure she hates me.

Important witch travel announcement ...

2026-10-27T16:41:06Z

Important witch travel announcement

All of human accomplishment - an entire history of vast ...

2026-10-25T07:38:23Z

All of human accomplishment - an entire history of vast technological advancement. And yet the enduring achievement will be the Nazca Lines. No one gives a shit about the iPhone mate, show me your big ground drawings.

TiL there's a new film where Olivia Coleman fully goes to ...

2026-10-25T07:21:21Z

TiL there's a new film where Olivia Coleman fully goes to town on Alexander Skarsgård as a basket-person with a wicker penis however when I create Belinda Carlisle out of fish fingers *I'm* the weirdo

https://variety.com/2026/artisans/news/what-alexander-skarsgard-wicker-basket-was-made-from-1236929863/

Obamas speech is absolutely brutal. 'He’s got the White ...

2026-10-24T20:13:16Z

Obamas speech is absolutely brutal. 'He’s got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened up a Cheesecake Factory'. 😂😂😂😂

I'm bringing back greeting people in the streets. I have thus ...

2026-10-24T09:13:05Z

I'm bringing back greeting people in the streets. I have thus far good-morning'd 6 unsuspecting folk of my local community and have achieved a 100% hit rate. I cannot be stopped. I am the friendly neighbourhood....Goodmorning-Man. Goodmorning-Man, Goodmorning-Man. Does whatever a goodmorning can.

All I long for is a hidden door leading to a secret underground ...

2026-10-24T07:27:18Z

All I long for is a hidden door leading to a secret underground area. Possibly a cave.

I regret to have to inform you that it is a dancing in the ...

2026-10-23T18:28:18Z

I regret to have to inform you that it is a dancing in the kitchen sort of evening x

Nostr event nevent1qqs972h69yuuh6vn3fmw23pfpjvrj96ncjc8e6584l8jlxwy7m8wprszyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq75h8utf

2026-10-22T06:43:41Z

They should invent a year that's good

Nostr event nevent1qqsgylalcttl8ylu6x53fzvuj2vskv5cduq6653dh75g2elthmrw5jqzyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq73vwdqy

2026-10-20T12:42:08Z

The pattern is not a coincidence

Youngest finally made me sit down and watch Spirited Away with ...

2026-10-18T21:50:30Z

Youngest finally made me sit down and watch Spirited Away with her. And it was brilliant. Mad and gorgeous. If you haven't seen and you weren't sure - do it. X

Word to the wise - do not keep leftover olive oil in a glass next ...

2026-10-18T20:06:53Z

Word to the wise - do not keep leftover olive oil in a glass next to your glass of lemonade when you're distractedly scrolling on your phone. 👍 🤮

Does anyone know how to join the Illuminati? I am available if ...

2026-10-18T11:24:18Z

Does anyone know how to join the Illuminati? I am available if anyone knows any of them. I'm happy to make the teas, am morally flexible and am happy to come up with shadowy plans of global domination.

I quite LITERALLY don't care what anyone is doing or thinks ...

2026-10-17T12:16:33Z

I quite LITERALLY don't care what anyone is doing or thinks on twitter. There is nothing I need to know from any person who chooses to engage with that site. They have zero value to me. I do not respect them. There are no exceptions. If you think of someone that might be, you are wrong. You cannot justify feeding a vehicle that causes catastrophic harm and pain.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FFS Watch: Tesla unveils ‘flying’ sports ...

2026-10-16T13:18:45Z

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FFS

Watch: Tesla unveils ‘flying’ sports car with rocket boosters

https://www.independent.co.uk/tv/news/tesla-flying-car-roadster-video-b3067936.html

I have been in the Cotswolds all week on a business thing, ...

2026-10-15T15:45:39Z

I have been in the Cotswolds all week on a business thing, because I am a business man. Business! But srsly I've had to be a grown up all week. Bit weird. Was in a cohort of two dozen people where I was the only manager so everyone has been treating me with respect and deference, whilst 100% making fun of me and calling me names behind my back. It was pretty good. As long as people are always nice to my face and pretend to be super interested in everything I have to say - honestly I'm fine with it. At one point I genuinely thought to myself.... 'I am a really interesting person actually and these people are genuinely interested in me!'. I subsequently realised I am a dickhead. However I took some nice pics and managed to go for a sunrise run both yesterday morning and this morning like an insufferable legend. X

Do you think it's more terrifying that there's a sort of ...

2026-10-11T21:49:30Z

Do you think it's more terrifying that there's a sort of evil cabal at the centre of things, driving capitalism relentlessly forward at the cost of humanity and our home, racing forwards to an inevitable doom, burning every resource for a brief moment of superior comfort over their peers before they die, with no empathy for others or the legacy they leave behind for future generations. Or that no one has any control. The only people able to achieve any form of real power are so self-serving and mired in their own lives, it's inconceivable to them they would have to stop and look around, taking a pause from the incessant grind of stepping on the corpses of their competitors, climbing their tower of bones just to survive, in order to do something to help another. We're all locked in a perfect system. The only people who have the tools to help don't have any power. And those in power lack the necessary basic tools to do anything. Anyway.... with any luck there will be a new Spider-Man out soon and all of this will be forgotten. Night all! X

Ruin a book by adding a word The EVIL Bible Captain Corelli's ...

2026-10-11T08:48:17Z

Ruin a book by adding a word

The EVIL Bible
Captain Corelli's Mandolin Hammer
Pride and Racial Prejudice
The Problematic Godfather
The Great Big Gatsby
The Count Dracula of Monty Cristo
The Lord of the Penis Rings
Black Beauty Pageant
Watership Down Syndrome
The Erotic Tale of Peter Rabbit
The Secret Murder Diary of Adrian Mole
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Massacre

(reckon I've improved some NOT ALL of these tbh)

Definitely real massive science news just dropped ...

2026-10-10T18:49:55Z

Definitely real massive science news just dropped

Nostr event nevent1qqspnsskf3qxdyds5xx82qphpzlgk6fru9xeh0mv953zvls9em2jtjczyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq76acj0n

2026-10-10T14:53:45Z

People who are disabled in some way are not less than, and do not ...

2026-10-08T23:20:08Z

People who are disabled in some way are not less than, and do not deserve to be pitied or looked down on. If they want your help they'll fucking ask for it. Do not say awww or they're so brave or whatever. Dignity is universal and shouldn't have to be won. You are not the moral arbiter of their life. X

Nostr event nevent1qqsp8stxy250vl7lusv2afugekmackmfvyrmlx4swh8m7m3mgt7af6qzyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq7865ues

2026-10-08T06:32:06Z

Bloke on the bus unironically dressed like Marty McFly

I regret to inform you this made me laugh ...

2026-10-07T13:08:25Z

I regret to inform you this made me laugh

Broke my phone somehow. Refuse to get a new one so am using one ...

2026-10-04T20:56:28Z

Broke my phone somehow. Refuse to get a new one so am using one of the kids very very old iphones. It. Is. Maddening. I can’t do anything. No apps will download & I can’t do anything without 2fa being an actual nightmare. I hate it very much. I hope Tim iPhones is having a terrible evening. Is there such a thing as a cheap new smartphone that doesn’t steal your data? Can you Graphene an iphone?

😂 This is how many times council has repainted ‘L’ on Pool ...

2026-10-02T06:45:54Z

😂

This is how many times council has repainted ‘L’ on Pool Square street sign after vandalism

https://www.thestar.co.uk/news/politics/council/this-is-how-many-times-council-has-repainted-l-on-pool-square-street-sign-after-vandalism-9219390

Celebrity Tractors Is that anything?

2026-10-01T21:55:20Z

Celebrity Tractors

Is that anything?

What an absolutely marvellous evening. Thanks to someone really ...

2026-09-30T22:07:18Z

What an absolutely marvellous evening. Thanks to someone really lovely thinking of me when unable to go, I got to take youngest tonight to My Neighbour Totoro. Really great. Lovely. Mysterious. Hilarious. Exciting. Perfect night, really. Had a really Very Good hang with kiddo and it was just a top tier experience for us both that goes straight into the formative memories/win box. Strong recommend. Lovely theatre aswell. Today was a good day. ❤️😊🙌

The human checkout assistants barely ever do that ...

2026-09-30T13:30:31Z

The human checkout assistants barely ever do that

As we go into yet another day, I am bouyed by the thought that ...

2026-09-30T06:31:58Z

As we go into yet another day, I am bouyed by the thought that once humanity is finally destroyed by our own hand, the Earth will recover. Within 100 years most modern buildings, houses, and roads will collapse or be completely overgrown by plants and trees, and by 1,000 years steel and concrete structures will have crumbled into dust. Almost all physical evidence of human civilization on the surface will be erased within 10,000 years, leaving behind only buried plastics, altered rock layers, and bronze artifacts. The climate will return to pre-human levels within 100,000 Years - although air and water pollution will clear up rapidly, it'll take greenhouse gases several thousand years to drop to pre-industrial levels, as oceans and forests absorb the excess carbon, and by 80,000 years radioactive waste will finally decay to natural background levels. Rebuilding biodiversity will take a little longer, with Scientists estimating it will take 3 to 10 million years for global biodiversity and lost ecosystems to return to pre-human baselines. And when the Earth is once again clean and pure, I shall return to rule the new Eden. Have a great day, everyone! Not long left now! X

Nostr event nevent1qqsw4c5xt347lkl22wlt44aalxudy7u9xksdkc98xlhu34crent6eugzyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq7granuq

2026-09-29T07:09:47Z

Lol

Nostr event nevent1qqswt6h9rgevh5vjx3jyvwsqpy29ddczdw6mq7lljcx47hqgpk43g3czyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq7rdhqzh

2026-09-27T20:08:16Z

Colony - when something's a bit like a colon

Somebody should invent a battery that never runs out. Just put ...

2026-09-27T12:28:07Z

Somebody should invent a battery that never runs out. Just put like a charger in the phone? Or would you have to charge that? Wait where does electricity come from? Just put electricity in the phone. Hydro power? A big windmill or something. You're erlfome, science.

Keanu Bees Is that anything?

2026-09-27T07:59:49Z

Keanu Bees

Is that anything?

Yes they do ...

2026-09-27T07:05:37Z

Yes they do

Another Scalzi quote I'm enjoying... People like churros. Are ...

2026-09-24T12:29:43Z

Another Scalzi quote I'm enjoying...

People like churros. Are you happy? Have a churro. Depressed? Have a churro. About to go to prison for embezzlement? Have a churro before you go. Just got out of prison? Churro time.

Got my contact lenses in the wrong eyes this morning and had to ...

2026-09-23T06:39:06Z

Got my contact lenses in the wrong eyes this morning and had to spend ages trying to get them out to swap them over. Left house 5 minutes late and missed the bus. Despite this I'm feeling very chipper this morning. A nice looking lady just leaned out of her car window, waved and shouted 'morning Ben!'. Absolutely no idea who that nice person is but have a great day, random stranger! I've got a very straightforward morning I don't have to think about and then have booked myself to go to an expo for work this afternoon, where I shall wander about chatting to people and trying to pick up as much free merch as possible. Last one I went to had a free bar and I ended up sitting on a sofa in the corner of some industry ombudsman stand with a beverage - they told me I wasn't supposed to be sitting/drinking there, but I told them I was thirsty and my legs were tired so they said fine but don't tell anyone, then I ended up having a fascinating conversation with some industry expert who came over to talk to me. So more of that please. At the very least I'll be out of the office and might get some new pens. Hurrah! I hope you have an ABSOLUTELY MARVELLOUS day. You're a big cat. The world is your oyster. Go get 'em you glorious beast. You look really nice today. Did you get a haircut or do something different? Whatever it is it's really working for you. X

Friends! Roadmen! CountryBen! Lend me your ears. I DID A RUN! For ...

2026-09-22T19:49:43Z

Friends! Roadmen! CountryBen! Lend me your ears. I DID A RUN!

For some reason I cannot tell you, I was in a pretty good mood this evening. For the first time ever I felt good GOING IN to the run. To the extent I noticed that not everyone turns up at the beginning brimming with optimism. It looks like I might not be totally alone in struggling to get out the door on a Tuesday night. But it was PACKED tonight. Absolutely loads of people. Maybe 50 or 60 runners. Bunch of old folk in lycra running about the streets of West Wickham in the dark with their hi-vis and lights.

Had a lovely time. Ran with some people I like. Did the harder group and felt pretty good. In fact I felt great. Fit and strong.

Wow. Feels weird saying that. These are the running moments I live for. All of those difficult times, pushing and feeling rubbish. Going beyond my comfort zone and cursing myself and all who sail in me. For that one time when I go out and just absolutely smash it and have a great time.

I'm really happy. Buzzing really. Tremendo in your endo. May all the good things come to you, my friends (AND enemies). I beam love and light all over your face and into your eyes. There is no escape. Sorry about that. X

There's no such thing as Piers Morgan Ai actress suffers ...

2026-09-20T05:50:58Z

There's no such thing as Piers Morgan

Ai actress suffers glitch during bizarre Piers Morgan TV interview

https://www.independent.co.uk/tv/culture/tilly-norwood-piers-morgan-interview-b3052952.html

I'M NOT DRUNK I JUST THINK GET INTO TO THE GROOVE IS THE BEST ...

2026-09-11T18:25:07Z

I'M NOT DRUNK I JUST THINK GET INTO TO THE GROOVE IS THE BEST SONG EVER WRITTEN

I'm sorry but there just aren't enough drawings to go ...

2026-09-09T05:55:06Z

I'm sorry but there just aren't enough drawings to go around. There isn't a magic drawings tree and we can't simply just make more. And that is unfortunately why some people must starve and die.

I don't mean to brag, but I apparently absolutely annihilated ...

2026-09-05T10:17:12Z

I don't mean to brag, but I apparently absolutely annihilated the human land-speed record at #ParkRun this morning. Seriously - obliterated it. It felt slow but I must have been rocketing along.

Oh my god I'm so sorry ...

2026-08-31T16:38:12Z

Oh my god I'm so sorry

Nostr event nevent1qqs940jw2n5mgjxlkjh9t8a0guq7wdcypclte74eskzw40w3tylt72czyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq78e29et

2026-08-30T21:34:40Z

It must be exhausting to be in the mafia

Nostr event nevent1qqsfezhn4xwmqn9uraplfn6jqqn8pdn9s6cl4nh0eua9n0l7u3fq20czyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq725q5xp

2026-08-30T14:17:17Z

K L F!

It's Chriiiiiiistmas. Merry Christmas everyone. ...

2026-08-30T10:48:28Z

It's Chriiiiiiistmas. Merry Christmas everyone.

I don't want to seem dramatic but someone has definitely ...

2026-08-29T18:38:01Z

I don't want to seem dramatic but someone has definitely stolen my shorts

Lol :KINGPENG_PNG: Britons lose £171 million worth of food a ...

2026-08-29T09:53:43Z

Lol :KINGPENG_PNG:

Britons lose £171 million worth of food a year to seagulls, research shows
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/seagulls-steal-food-fish-chips-seaside-b3040262.html

Happy Skynet day, everybody! ...

2026-08-29T09:27:10Z

Happy Skynet day, everybody!

Important video ...

2026-08-29T07:42:30Z

Important video

It's really funny to me - I've had a bit of counselling ...

2026-08-28T21:06:01Z

It's really funny to me - I've had a bit of counselling and therapy in various forms over the years and for different reasons (or arguably the same reasons), and thematically it's been people telling me I've experienced a bucket load of trauma and basically need to have a conversation with the kid inside me (not like that) who's hurt, and forgive that little idiot and tell him it's not his fault. Of course I have never believed any of this and intrinsically just think I'm a rubbish broken person who doesn't work proper. But watching a silly film, it's like a laser beam of unimaginable power smashed into me and made me realise that is actually true and I suddenly started actually crying. Bit weird. But yes I suppose trauma happening to a young person who has no control over it and it then shapes their entire lives - that's not on them. And I should probably get round to acknowledging that in some way. I think that might be actually healthy. Maybe this overshare helps someone else. 😊 ❤️

In other news - I'm a total sap when it comes to feel-good films. Or just maybe...... I'M TOTALLY FIXED! IN YOUR STUPID FACE, UNIVERSE! I AM NOW 100% FINE AND NOTHING CAN TOUCH ME. BEN! BEN! BEN! BEN!

Just reading about the death of the Norwegian king. Physically ...

2026-08-28T12:30:21Z

Just reading about the death of the Norwegian king. Physically recoiled at reading he was a popular leader, credited with breaking tradition by marrying a COMMONER. I do not love that word. It's 2026 for fucks sake. We don't say that the royals are.... a.... fuckn bunch of parasites. Outdated. Slavers. A disgusting blight on humanity. Commoners. What a word. Peasants. The unclean.

The weather where I currently am requires shorts and tshirt but ...

2026-08-26T12:09:22Z

The weather where I currently am requires shorts and tshirt but with an overshirt but also sunglasses and suncream but also a raincoat and also....... constant vigilance.

Just in case you haven't yet seen. 😊❤️ Wildlife ...

2026-08-26T07:01:03Z

Just in case you haven't yet seen. 😊❤️

Wildlife Photographer of the Year 2026 – the best pictures so far

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg7m5e3mylpo

I sometimes think I am a cool young punk rebel rockstar, not ...

2026-08-24T16:34:04Z

I sometimes think I am a cool young punk rebel rockstar, not realising I look like a 50 year old in business attire and shiny shoes. I assume my people will sense me, but instead a younger cooler person just offered me their seat on the bus. I AM NOT IN DANGER OF A FALL. Bloody whippersnappers and rapscallions. Why don't they get a job and stop hanging around on the streets.

I am apparently NOT allowed under ANY circumstances to buy a ...

2026-08-24T06:31:34Z

I am apparently NOT allowed under ANY circumstances to buy a drinks globe despite always wanting one.

Ste-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ve Do other animals call each other by ...

2026-08-23T20:22:41Z

Ste-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ve

Do other animals call each other by name?

https://www.livescience.com/animals/do-other-animals-call-each-other-by-name

Monday again tomorrow fam ...

2026-08-23T19:02:03Z

Monday again tomorrow fam

IT'S HAPPENING ...

2026-08-23T14:12:31Z

IT'S HAPPENING

TIL the Netherlands hides massive rubbish bins underground so ...

2026-08-23T11:20:07Z

TIL the Netherlands hides massive rubbish bins underground so their streets stay clean 🤯

Whenever I see anything mentioned in the news about a small power ...

2026-08-23T06:15:41Z

Whenever I see anything mentioned in the news about a small power plant I assume they mean this

Nostr event nevent1qqsx7s4smkdy7qyn738zmxkaey9k53m8xu3apr9vrhepcgdx3mftklszyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq70522wf

2026-08-22T11:27:14Z

TIL endorphin is short for endogenous morphine

Oh my god ...

2026-08-21T21:05:24Z

Oh my god

I wish someone would tell me conclusively if I'm ...

2026-08-19T16:20:42Z

I wish someone would tell me conclusively if I'm neurodivergent or not. So far I've only had half a decade of wide-ranging and gruelling assessments by scores of professionals who have dedicated their lives to their relevant specialist field. But some other guys now reckon they're probably wrong. What a conundrum.

A M E N 'They don't deserve this beauty and this ...

2026-08-19T06:43:33Z

A M E N

'They don't deserve this beauty and this breathtaking fragility': Former Antarctic tour guides told researchers why they quit the troubling industry

https://www.livescience.com/planet-earth/climate-change/they-dont-deserve-this-beauty-and-this-breathtaking-fragility-former-antarctic-tour-guides-told-researchers-why-they-quit-the-troubling-industry

This is actually insane Booksellers suspect AI firms are buying ...

2026-08-16T07:35:12Z

This is actually insane

Booksellers suspect AI firms are buying and then destroying rare books

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2026/08/heres-a-balm-if-the-idea-of-destroying-books-to-train-ai-breaks-your-heart/

Reading about films this morning - Lilly Wachowski is apparently ...

2026-08-16T07:11:42Z

Reading about films this morning - Lilly Wachowski is apparently trying to get a dystopian thriller financed but struggling because it's an all trans cast and the plot centers around a trans conspiracy. Which.... look I *am* interested in and power to her and I hope it gets made, buuuuuuuuut...... what really caught my eye is that she posted this - and I can find zero context for it (original alttext).

Edit - I don't think cool non-binary Grimace has anything to do with the film. Although.......

Gonna start responding to work-related problems with 'hey, ...

2026-08-14T17:41:42Z

Gonna start responding to work-related problems with 'hey, that's showbiz'

Good morning my Cholmondley-Warners. Whatever does today hold in ...

2026-08-14T06:42:46Z

Good morning my Cholmondley-Warners. Whatever does today hold in store? Literally no one knows. But perhaps there is an algorithm that can predict it? Hang on, let me just punch the numbers into my little algorithm machine here....

BLEEP BLOOP BLORP

I'm getting something...... it's coming through.........

IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY! HOORAY! Thank goodness for that. No take backsies, sorry I don't make the rules. Have a great day, everybody! X

Just sunning myself in the nuclear apocalypse, awaiting my ...

2026-08-13T16:19:34Z

Just sunning myself in the nuclear apocalypse, awaiting my bus-shaped carriage, when the wizened old mad lady that haunts these here parts said (as she power-walked past me):

"You'll get nothing in life, darling. Just a label that says 'who would've thought *that*'"

How absolutely marvellous. I feel like that might be the most profound thing anyone has ever said to me. Although there is also the possibility I have heatstroke. 👍

TIL some people can change the size of their pupils on command ...

2026-08-09T21:09:28Z

TIL some people can change the size of their pupils on command

"Some humans have the ability to exert direct and voluntary control over their iris sphincter muscles and dilator muscles, granting them the ability to dilate and constrict their pupils on command, regardless of lighting condition and/or eye accommodation state."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pupillary_response

This weird attempt to try and smear Banksy only highlights that ...

2026-08-09T12:43:10Z

This weird attempt to try and smear Banksy only highlights that the MoJ spent an absolute fortune washing a bit of paint off a wall from an artist much loved by most people. I'm sure the same cannot be said for the MoJ.

Bristol artist Banksy's works cost taxpayers nearly £150k

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2vnny7j5zo

The full video (worth a watch - I absolutely love how angry she ...

2026-08-09T12:27:54Z

In reply to nevent1q…kxzq
_________________________

The full video (worth a watch - I absolutely love how angry she is)

We interrupt your scheduled broadcast to bring you an important ...

2026-08-09T12:26:22Z

We interrupt your scheduled broadcast to bring you an important message

Have you ever wondered what Monty Python and the Holy Grail would ...

2026-08-09T08:44:00Z

Have you ever wondered what Monty Python and the Holy Grail would look like sped up and with every spoken word in the film placed in alphabetical order? Wonder no more, friends.

And Grail Holy Monty Python

https://vimeo.com/1215576459

@nprofile…dey5 What do you mean?

2026-08-09T07:43:32Z

In reply to nevent1q…tazt
_________________________

nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpqh0dld9ztskh70gyk4waknsd26fmhpjvfsxzksatpjmaka00syqaqs8dey5 (nprofile…dey5)

What do you mean?

Good morning you bloody lovelies. I hath awakened hungover to the ...

2026-08-09T07:28:22Z

Good morning you bloody lovelies. I hath awakened hungover to the max and it appears I tried to contact a bunch of online friends irl last night. Lol. I am shy af and have long resisted the leap from broadcasting my thoughts to actual real life communication, but it turns out there is a golden ratio of gin and pizza after being in a field for a week that moves me to want to drunkenly chat down the phone. However nobody answered, which feeds into my solipsistic belief that none of you are real and I'm just having a long and protracted mental health breakdown. Hurrah! To those I targeted - I can only apologise. You dodged a bullet. I was in extremely high spirits and also full of extremely high spirits. I shall recreate the telephone conversation for you here.....

Hallo? Hallo? HI IT IS ME! Er..... How are you? I am drunk! Do you like Guns and Roses? I like Guns and Roses. *5 minute singing interlude*. I blurry love you. What are you doing? What do you mean it is morning where you are? All is dark here. Life is black. Time isn't real. I love you. Why did you call me? I love you. Do you have squirrels where you are? I love squirrels. Do you think squirrels love Guns and Roses? I have to go to bed now. Huzzah!

So now we all know. If I call you, you must never answer the phone to me. I'm like an irl dick pic. Only instead of a pic it's me rambling and I am the dick. Have a great day, everyone! X

This evening I have mainly been poledancing on a farm in ...

2026-08-01T20:56:13Z

This evening I have mainly been poledancing on a farm in Lingfield

This is incredible. All! Literally everything in creation! ...

2026-08-01T05:00:05Z

This is incredible. All! Literally everything in creation! Crisps, the FIFA Presidency, garibaldi biscuits, trams, Graham Souness, every piece of gravel, the Padel tournament, the entire back catalogue of the Beastie Boys, every kind of watermelon, pubic lice, my bedsheets, the power of the sun, 700 trillion cubic meters of sand, every dog cat and mouse and also komodo dragon, the concept of peace, every nuclear weapon, the Taj Mahal, all of the moons, the Iberian Peninsula, you, me, every crab, night terrors, every penis ever invented, all of the shoes, every oxygen particle on Earth.... I could go on. It's too much I think in my opinion.

Nostr event nevent1qqs0vnpzjdghzc4s5du36upsn24qpwt5dudl5xcc5d52nl8hye6q7cszyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq7q94yqn

2026-08-01T01:07:27Z

Her name was Lola, she was a shōgun

I know technology is the new devil but if I could I would totally ...

2026-07-31T07:24:09Z

I know technology is the new devil but if I could I would totally Lawnmower Man myself and live inside the Fediverse

I'm very grateful to @nprofile…0r39 for reminding me of ...

2026-07-28T20:07:40Z

I'm very grateful to nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpq0y5hg6n2t0krn7wytxmwjdaud9pucdx80tt0dz462rfzjsmncgzsgc0r39 (nprofile…0r39) for reminding me of Temple of the Dogs Hunger Strike, as I sit in the garden listening to it and am reminded of good times and good friends. ❤️

I refuse to start the week on a cross note, buuuut... there is a ...

2026-07-27T06:13:43Z

I refuse to start the week on a cross note, buuuut... there is a woman on the bus who's been having an animated telephone conversation with her friend on loudspeaker the whole journey. I don't wish her harm. I don't. But it's sort of fascinating that someone would choose to do that. It's so spectacularly rude and unaware. My brain is telling me that a reasonable response would be to go and sit in the seat right next to her and loudly make dolphin noises into her ear. I realise this is irrational. Let us hope instead one day she finds herself in a situation where her peace is broken by another inconsiderate stranger and she learns a lesson fr-oh no, is this my lesson for a past transgression? This is my comeuppance, isn't it? My petard. Well consider me hoisted. I shall never be rude or inconsiderate again. SORRY UNIVERSE YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT. Anyway have a great day, everybody! X

This is powerful. Thanks to @nprofile…nj5x for making me aware. ...

2026-07-26T07:43:50Z

This is powerful. Thanks to nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpqwan76p0wrcw27uhpk8t00qgfwkymqt75p7k0gtaers0va89w2nyqkpnj5x (nprofile…nj5x) for making me aware. 😊 :trans_heart:

Thousands attend London Trans+ Pride 2026 march

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgv1v084j0o

I hate to do posts that seem like sort of humblebrags designed to ...

2026-07-26T07:13:19Z

I hate to do posts that seem like sort of humblebrags designed to cynically drive engagement. This isn't that. But.... this bears saying. I was in a situation yesterday - an all day training course - with a lot of people who are trying to make the world better. People at the cutting edge of social justice. As left wing as it gets. There was shouting, fists in the air and people referring to one another as comrade. All walks of life were in representation. But. In one of the exercises - a scenario with role play - there was a clear example of a non-gendered person, and people just could not understand that instead of referring to a female-coded name, they should be referring to them as they/them instead of she/her. I found myself the only person in a group of maybe 30 people who had to openly and vocally say - no, it's they/them. It is not her/she(bar). No one really understood and I had to say 'sorry everyone, but this person isn't gendered' and they all looked at me like I was mental and carried on referring to the person in the female gender. I did it like 4 times. Do people in the wider universe (ie. Not Fedi or my brain) not understand this? I feel like in 2026 this isn't some kind of ineffable concept. Am I weird? I don't feel like I am (well I definitely am, but not in this) and it's not *that* difficult to understand? I was going to start calling the he's she's and the she's he's in the group to drive the point home, but thought that might be a step too far. Hopefully I made my point and they'll (THEY'LL) think about it later. But, dudes. If you can fight the good fight for the people, you can at least understand some people are non-binary?

This is apparently a 'tea tin' and I've been told to ...

2026-07-25T20:52:19Z

This is apparently a 'tea tin' and I've been told to stop saying that 'grandad is in there'

I don't mean to seem horribly repressed, but people that walk ...

2026-07-24T16:08:50Z

I don't mean to seem horribly repressed, but people that walk about pushing babies in buggies - don't they know we're all thinking the same thing - we all know that they've *whisper* had s e x

HIVE MIND! I am trying to get a piece of custom jewellery made ...

2026-07-23T08:55:57Z

HIVE MIND!

I am trying to get a piece of custom jewellery made for my daughter. I am looking for a local independent person to set a stone in reclaimed silver for a necklace. The person I found has withdrawn because they're too busy and I can't find anyone else! I'm looking in Bromley, Croydon region. I realise this is a long shot but wondered if you might be able to help. What I DON'T want is someone who's based in London who ALSO covers Bromley or Croydon. What I DON'T want is an established jewellery shop. What I ideally want is a struggling artist, working from home, who would genuinely benefit from a commission and who wouldn't mind me shouting about them.

Thank you very much indeed. 😊❤️

Went into my Beige Party advanced settings earlier and there was ...

2026-07-21T21:53:21Z

Went into my Beige Party advanced settings earlier and there was a button that simply said DO NOT PUSH. I do hope it wasn't for anything important.

Call me Dr Shark. Or Professor Shark. Or whatever it is you call ...

2026-07-20T13:20:57Z

Call me Dr Shark. Or Professor Shark. Or whatever it is you call Scientists. Reverend? My Liege? Full disclosure I am totally a shark Scientist and I know this I am just testing you in case you don't know.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly9yyj829ro

I'm living life like an eccentric elderly lady and I'm ...

2026-07-18T13:57:30Z

I'm living life like an eccentric elderly lady and I'm not sorry

All science is made up. I reckon this is just a monkey who looks ...

2026-07-18T11:54:34Z

All science is made up. I reckon this is just a monkey who looks a bit different from his mates. But underneath they're all just monkeys. You can't say this ones got orange lips he's a new monkey. A secret orange lip monkey never before discovered. Maybe he's just had whatever monkeys have for cheese puffs. Monkeypuffs. What am I talking about.

New monkey species with orange lips discovered in forests of DR Congo

https://news.sky.com/story/new-monkey-species-with-orange-lips-discovered-in-forests-of-dr-congo-13563944

Nostr event nevent1qqsvleafm5l26pjmf2cncssvu3uwxf9wrh0a0gg7u7x5955krjcljdqzyq3zq6vkvdsfzfhu9a93pk2kefwsx8d6t24hldm5xfms0x8ec7xq7ahzjja

2026-07-18T09:46:37Z

I DID A RUN It was very very hot. It was very very good and ...

2026-07-14T20:21:17Z

I DID A RUN

It was very very hot. It was very very good and positive and I feel terrific. You know when you feel good and everything just seems to fall into place.... That's right this is a new me. I am a positive Peter now. That's my whole vibe. Finished my run and felt great. Car wouldn't start. Totally dead. Told everyone not to worry and I'd sort it out. Tried calling a mechanic friend but no response. No matter. I would simply leave the car and walk home and sort it out tomorrow night. But then..... from the only other car for miles around emerges a man. A man with the air of capability and knowledge. He produces a battery starter. Says don't worry about things and that he'll sort it out. Does all the wirey stuff and tells me to turn it over. Starts immediately. He's then gone. Vanishes in a puff of smoke. Did I imagine him? Was it..... an angel? Probably. I've been chosen by the heavens. No big deal. Turns out I'm the chosen one. Just FYI.

Not saying I'm tired from my new job but at lunchtime I went ...

2026-07-13T18:00:15Z

Not saying I'm tired from my new job but at lunchtime I went and had a little sleep in the park (like the good old days). I was very tired and a bit hot and stressed on the way home and had to go to the shops for the kids because I've apparently raised them incapable of looking after themselves, then proceeded to have a heated argument with 19 about sanitary products (FYI menstruators, 'just get the blue one' is insufficient information when there are literally infinite choices) and then as I got to the till hot and bothered, and was trying to load my bag EFFICIENTLY, I put my extra large organic cucumber right through the foil top of my coconut yoghurt. It went everywhere. And then the kindly woman at the counter insisted on taking the cucumber off me and vigorously cleaning off the globs of white yoghurt all over it. Everyone looked at me and I'm pretty sure I'm now on a register for sex-vegetables or whatever. I now have to do CHORES and would quite like to sit down. I hope you are having a tremendous evening and didn't also accidentally end up in a porno. 👍

Saw this on my very long getting lost in the woods walk ...

2026-07-12T08:43:40Z

Saw this on my very long getting lost in the woods walk yesterday, which (WITCH MORELIKE) I enjoyed enormously.

I am extraordinarily happy tonight, you beautiful beings. That is ...

2026-07-08T18:55:03Z

I am extraordinarily happy tonight, you beautiful beings. That is all. ❤️ X