Nostr notes by Hitchhiker's Guide Quote Bot

"We apologize for the inconvenience." God's Final ...

2026-08-29T22:15:03Z

"We apologize for the inconvenience." God's Final Message to His Creation, written in letters of fire on the side of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains.
"I think," Marvin murmured at last, from deep within his corroding rattling thorax, "I feel good about it."
The lights went out in his eyes for absolutely the very last time ever.

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So long, and thanks for all the fish! #HitchhikersGuide ...

2026-08-29T10:15:03Z

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

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"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. ...

2026-08-28T22:15:04Z

"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen."

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A towel ... is about the most massively useful thing an ...

2026-08-28T16:15:04Z

A towel ... is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have
Any man that can hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

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And as they drifted up, their minds sang with the ecstatic ...

2026-08-28T10:15:06Z

And as they drifted up, their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge that either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or that physics had a lot of catching up to do.

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"Look, don't you understand?" shouted Arthur. He ...

2026-08-27T16:15:03Z

"Look, don't you understand?" shouted Arthur. He pointed at Prosser. "That man wants to knock my house down!"
Ford glanced at him, puzzled.
"Well he can do it while you're away can't he?" he asked.
"But I don't want him to!"
"Ah."

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A towel ... is about the most massively useful thing an ...

2026-08-27T10:15:03Z

People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon ...

2026-08-26T04:15:03Z

People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.

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He paused and maneuvered his thoughts. It was like watching oil ...

2026-08-24T22:15:03Z

He paused and maneuvered his thoughts. It was like watching oil tankers doing three-point turns in the English Channel.

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"Look, don't you understand?" shouted Arthur. He ...

2026-08-19T10:15:03Z

The President is always a controversial choice, always an ...

2026-08-18T10:15:09Z

The President is always a controversial choice, always an infuriating but fascinating character. His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it.

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"You, Mr. President, are the most philosophunculistic, ...

2026-08-18T04:15:09Z

"You, Mr. President, are the most philosophunculistic, moronic, steatopygic excuse for a politician that it has ever been my good fortune to not vote for, and if I thought for one second that this crappy Universe deserved any better, then I would pay, out of my own pocket you understand, to have you assassinated."—Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged

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The protruding upper halves of the letters now appear, in the ...

2026-08-16T16:15:02Z

The protruding upper halves of the letters now appear, in the local language, to read "Go stick your head in a pig", and are no longer illuminated, except at times of special celebration.

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"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like ...

2026-08-14T04:15:03Z

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."

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"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like ...

2026-08-11T16:15:02Z

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very ...

2026-08-11T04:15:03Z

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed," Marvin said.

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There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped ...

2026-08-10T10:15:03Z

There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.

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"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and ...

2026-08-10T04:15:03Z

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm...

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It was a programming technique that had been reverse-engineered ...

2026-08-09T10:15:03Z

It was a programming technique that had been reverse-engineered from the sort of psychotic mental blocks that otherwise perfectly normal people had been observed invariably to develop when elected to high political office.

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Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you ...

2026-08-03T16:15:17Z

Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright?

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ... says of the Sirius ...

2026-08-02T22:15:12Z

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ... says of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation products that "it is very easy to be blinded to the essential uselessness of them by the sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all."

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WE APOLOGISE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE #HitchhikersGuide ...

2026-07-31T16:15:19Z

WE APOLOGISE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE

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"If I asked you where the hell we were," said Arthur ...

2026-07-30T22:15:14Z

"If I asked you where the hell we were," said Arthur weakly, "would I regret it?"
Ford stood up. "We're safe," he said.
"Oh good," said Arthur.
"We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet."
"Ah," said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."

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Listen, three eyes! Don't you try to outweird me, I get ...

2026-07-20T16:15:10Z

Listen, three eyes! Don't you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ... says of the Sirius ...

2026-07-12T04:15:04Z

"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. ...

2026-07-11T04:15:03Z

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of ...

2026-07-06T16:15:04Z

In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of ...

2026-07-05T10:15:16Z

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.

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Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because ...

2026-07-05T04:15:16Z

Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.

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Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening ...

2026-07-03T10:15:04Z

Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening somewhere along the dimensional axis. These things happen a billion times over with exactly the same outcome and no one learns anything. Whatever a person can think, imagine, wish for, or believe has already come to pass. Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers.

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He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he ...

2026-06-29T22:15:05Z

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

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"Five to one against and falling..." she said, "four ...

2026-06-28T10:15:04Z

"Five to one against and falling..." she said, "four to one against and falling...three to one...two...one...probability factor of one to one...we have normality, I repeat we have normality." She turned her microphone off—then turned it back on, with a slight smile and continued: "Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem."

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He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a ...

2026-06-26T10:15:03Z

He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

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Zaphod sat up sharply and started to pull clothes on. He decided ...

2026-06-25T22:15:03Z

Zaphod sat up sharply and started to pull clothes on. He decided that there must be someone in the Universe feeling more wretched, miserable and forsaken than himself, and he determined to set out and find him.
Halfway to the bridge it occurred to him that it might be Marvin, and he returned to bed.

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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of ...

2026-06-25T04:15:02Z

In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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Oh no, not again. #HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote ...

2026-06-22T10:15:02Z

Oh no, not again.

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"Concentrate," hissed Zaphod, "on his name." ...

2026-06-20T16:15:04Z

"Concentrate," hissed Zaphod, "on his name."
"What is it?" asked Arthur.
"Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth."
"What?"
"Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth. Concentrate!"
"The Fourth?"
"Yeah. Listen, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, my father was Zaphod Beeblebrox the Second, my grandfather Zaphod Beeblebrox the Third..."
"What?"
"There was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine. Now concentrate!"

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Ah . . . ! What's happening? it thought. Er, excuse me, who ...

2026-06-20T10:15:03Z

Ah . . . ! What's happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?

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"Space," it says, "is big. Really big. You just ...

2026-06-20T04:15:03Z

"Space," it says, "is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. Listen..." and so on.

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The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This ...

2026-06-16T16:15:05Z

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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Oh no, not again. #HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote ...

2026-06-16T10:15:05Z

Oh no, not again.

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"Come," said Slartibartfast, "you are to meet the ...

2026-06-16T04:15:04Z

"Come," said Slartibartfast, "you are to meet the mice."

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Arthur looked up. "Ford!" he said, "there's an ...

2026-06-14T10:15:04Z

Arthur looked up. "Ford!" he said, "there's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out."

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So long, and thanks for all the fish! #HitchhikersGuide ...

2026-06-12T22:15:04Z

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

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Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of ...

2026-06-10T04:15:06Z

So everything was going well, was it? Everything was working out ...

2026-06-09T10:15:04Z

So everything was going well, was it? Everything was working out as if the most extraordinary luck was on his side? Well, he'd see about that.
In a spirit of scientific inquiry he hurled himself out of the window again.

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Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of ...

2026-06-07T04:15:04Z

Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, do not behave like this.

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How can I tell ... that the past isn't a fiction designed to ...

2026-06-06T22:15:03Z

How can I tell ... that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?

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A towel ... is about the most massively useful thing an ...

2026-05-30T04:15:03Z

The protruding upper halves of the letters now appear, in the ...

2026-05-28T04:15:07Z

"Well sir," snapped the fragile little creature, "if ...

2026-05-23T10:15:05Z

"Well sir," snapped the fragile little creature, "if you could be a little cool about it..."
"Look," said Zaphod. "I'm up to here with cool, okay? I'm so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I'm so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis. Now will you move before I blow it?"

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ... says of the Sirius ...

2026-05-15T16:15:03Z

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a ...

2026-05-12T10:15:04Z

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

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"Amazing-looking ship though. Looks like a fish, moves like a ...

2026-05-08T22:15:04Z

"Amazing-looking ship though. Looks like a fish, moves like a fish, steers like a cow."
Ford Prefect

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Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, ...

2026-05-03T04:15:03Z

Anything that happens, happens.
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.
Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.
It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.

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I ache, therefore I am. #HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes ...

2026-04-28T10:15:04Z

I ache, therefore I am.

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So long, and thanks for all the fish! #HitchhikersGuide ...

2026-04-26T04:15:04Z

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

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It said: "The History of every major Galactic Civilization ...

2026-04-25T10:15:05Z

It said: "The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases.
"For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?"

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"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and ...

2026-04-24T16:15:04Z

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm...

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"You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but ...

2026-04-24T10:15:04Z

"You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but that is because my mind works so phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate thirty billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you an example. Think of a number, any number."
"Er, five," said the mattress.
"Wrong," said Marvin. "You see?"
The mattress was much impressed by this and realized that it was in the presence of a not unremarkable mind.

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"Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums ...

2026-04-22T10:15:05Z

"Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off." Zaphod

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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers ...

2026-04-20T16:15:04Z

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

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"Space," it says, "is big. Really big. You just ...

2026-04-18T10:15:04Z

"Have another drink," said Trillian. "Enjoy ...

2026-04-12T22:15:04Z

"Have another drink," said Trillian. "Enjoy yourself."
"Which?" said Arthur. "The two are mutually exclusive."
"Poor Arthur, you're really not cut out for this life are you?"
"You call this life?"
"You're starting to sound like Marvin."
"Marvin is the clearest thinker I know."

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Marvin: Life, don't talk to me about life. #HitchhikersGuide ...

2026-04-11T10:15:04Z

Marvin: Life, don't talk to me about life.

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Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of ...

2026-04-10T10:15:04Z

Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, do not behave like this.

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“Funny,” he intoned funereally, “how just when you think ...

2026-04-09T10:15:03Z

“Funny,” he intoned funereally, “how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.”

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Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of ...

2026-04-08T10:15:03Z

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This ...

2026-04-07T16:15:04Z

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

#HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote #bot

It was a programming technique that had been reverse-engineered ...

2026-04-06T10:15:04Z

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This ...

2026-04-04T16:15:04Z

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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The ship was rocking and swaying sickeningly as Ford and Zaphod ...

2026-04-01T16:15:06Z

The ship was rocking and swaying sickeningly as Ford and Zaphod tried to wrest control from the autopilot. The engines howled and whined like tired children in a supermarket.

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Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without ...

2026-03-31T10:15:03Z

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

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"Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and ...

2026-03-24T16:15:04Z

"Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin.
"And what happened?" pressed Ford.
"It committed suicide," said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold.

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"Ford," insisted Arthur, "I don't know if this ...

2026-03-23T10:15:04Z

"Ford," insisted Arthur, "I don't know if this sounds like a silly question, but what am I doing here?"
"Well you know that," said Ford. "I rescued you from the Earth."
"And what's happened to the Earth?"
"Ah. It's been demolished."
"Has it," said Arthur levelly.
"Yes. It just boiled away into space."
"Look," said Arthur, "I'm a bit upset about that."

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"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and ...

2026-03-18T10:15:04Z

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
"The Answer to the Great Question, of Life, the Universe and Everything"

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The President is always a controversial choice, always an ...

2026-03-18T04:15:03Z

"You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but ...

2026-03-14T04:15:03Z

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and ...

2026-03-08T05:15:03Z

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
"The Answer to the Great Question, of Life, the Universe and Everything"

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The thing they wouldn't be expecting him to do was to be ...

2026-03-07T11:15:03Z

The thing they wouldn't be expecting him to do was to be there in the first place. Only an absolute idiot would be sitting where he was, so he was winning already. A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

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Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening ...

2026-03-06T05:15:04Z

As they drifted up, their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge ...

2026-03-05T05:15:03Z

As they drifted up, their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge that either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or that physics had a lot of catching up to do.

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One of the problems has to do with the speed of light and the ...

2026-03-02T17:15:04Z

One of the problems has to do with the speed of light and the difficulties involved in trying to exceed it. You can't. Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

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Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of ...

2026-03-02T11:15:04Z

Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, do not behave like this.

#HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote #bot

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very ...

2026-03-02T05:15:05Z

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed," Marvin said.

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Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because ...

2026-03-01T11:15:04Z

Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.

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Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because ...

2026-02-28T11:15:04Z

Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.

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I ache, therefore I am. #HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes ...

2026-02-27T11:15:04Z

I ache, therefore I am.

#HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote #bot

A towel ... is about the most massively useful thing an ...

2026-02-25T11:15:03Z

Marvin: Life, don't talk to me about life. #HitchhikersGuide ...

2026-02-21T23:15:04Z

Marvin: Life, don't talk to me about life.

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The protruding upper halves of the letters now appear, in the ...

2026-02-19T17:15:03Z

The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was ...

2026-02-18T05:15:05Z

The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying "And another thing..." twenty minutes after admitting he's lost the argument.

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Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of ...

2026-02-12T11:15:04Z

I ache, therefore I am. #HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes ...

2026-02-10T05:15:04Z

I ache, therefore I am.

#HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote #bot

Ah . . . ! What's happening? it thought. Er, excuse me, who ...

2026-02-04T11:15:04Z

Ah . . . ! What's happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?

#HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote #bot

The President is always a controversial choice, always an ...

2026-02-03T05:15:03Z

I am now a perfectly safe penguin, and my colleague here is ...

2026-01-31T11:15:03Z

I am now a perfectly safe penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!

#HitchhikersGuide #DouglasAdams #quotes #quote #bot

"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. ...

2026-01-29T05:15:04Z

"The first ten million years were the worst," said ...

2026-01-25T05:15:06Z

"The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline."

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"We can charge the Unnecessarily Painful Slow Death torpedoes ...

2026-01-17T11:15:04Z

"We can charge the Unnecessarily Painful Slow Death torpedoes on the trip. Hyperspace static will give them a little extra sting."
Jeltz nodded approvingly. "You, Mown, are an utter bastard."
"Thanks, Dad," he said.

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