Nostr notes by KyleMiller

Getting out of an abusive relationship doesn't mean we ...

2026-10-27T22:39:07Z

Getting out of an abusive relationship doesn't mean we won't get right back into another one. This is why we do the work to heal. Not just to feel a little better. To live our lives and build and have healthy relationships. To allow good things in our lives instead of pushing it away.

We often think we are not clear or can't communicate well. ...

2026-10-26T21:02:49Z

We often think we are not clear or can't communicate well. Maybe there is truth in this. Often it's because we're talking to people who don't want to understand or hear us. Good people take the time to understand and you know they care, because they show it.

Just so you know, or in case you were wondering. 😁 ...

2026-10-24T03:07:54Z

Just so you know, or in case you were wondering. 😁

It was probably much better in ways and much worse in ways. ...

2026-10-23T22:03:11Z

It was probably much better in ways and much worse in ways. That's not as important as working through the emotions we have around it all, whether they're conscious or not.

I had too many of the wrong people and not enough of the right ...

2026-10-21T17:12:18Z

I had too many of the wrong people and not enough of the right people in my life. I also hadn't learned how to show up for myself, because I was programmed not to. Learning to show up for me, allowed me to show up for everyone else in a healthy way for me and for them. I get better at this every day. So much gratitude! ♥️

I know this is a loaded statement and I don't know what the ...

2026-10-21T16:15:31Z

I know this is a loaded statement and I don't know what the real numbers are, and I don't care. There is a problem in most industries with finding good people that can and actually do help. Coaching is certainly one of them. I know there are good ones out there and I'm grateful for those people. I also know most people know there's a problem, it's just not comfortable to say it out loud.

Some friends are next level and it's not always easy to ...

2026-10-21T00:27:29Z

Some friends are next level and it's not always easy to articulate the difference. It's also not about someone being better than someone else. It's the energy of their being that is the difference without them ever necessarily doing anything. It's healing to our souls. This is the kind of friends I want and I hope everyone gets to experience this too.

It's definitely lonely on our healing journey and it usually ...

2026-10-21T00:22:44Z

It's definitely lonely on our healing journey and it usually feels awful. It also feels like it takes forever. It doesn't and it won't take forever. The more we open to ourselves, the more the world and people open to us.

Sheer stubborn determination wins when nothing else will. ...

2026-10-20T01:33:38Z

Sheer stubborn determination wins when nothing else will. Figuring out how to channel this into what we want when we want is another skill and still a work in progress for me.😂 Glad I have it when I do for the things I do. Mission accomplished. Light is now working. Onto the next thing now.

Words from the right person at the right time can absolutely be ...

2026-10-19T21:39:40Z

Words from the right person at the right time can absolutely be life altering beyond description. This was definitely true for me. I cannot imagine where I would be now if not for that conversation. Truly grateful to have this person in my life! My hope is for everyone to have someone in their life that makes that kind of difference! Much love to all!

Our emotions definitely are our experience of ourselves and the ...

2026-10-18T19:31:10Z

Our emotions definitely are our experience of ourselves and the world. The better we are at acknowledging, allowing, processing and releasing them. The better our lives get and the less time and energy we use on things that don't really matter. It's a skill anyone and everyone can learn and get better at.

Our emotions definitely are our experience of ourselves and the ...

2026-10-18T19:26:30Z

They didn't actually break generational trauma. They simply ...

2026-10-18T06:00:14Z

They didn't actually break generational trauma. They simply perpetuated it different than it was done to them and tried to avoid emotional responsibility in the process.

I don't think most people suck, although there's a lot ...

2026-10-17T22:24:24Z

I don't think most people suck, although there's a lot that do. I think most people are stuck and unaware that they are unaware. This isn't new and I doubt much will change globally, although I do think there is some change. I also think we all can individually change.

Every problem is always emotional, because it affects everything. ...

2026-10-16T16:53:47Z

Every problem is always emotional, because it affects everything. When we learn to work through the emotions, we can go to work on all the other problems from an emotionally sober place. This makes every problem we need to solve much easier and it's much less stressful for us too!

It's almost always the emotions we haven't worked ...

2026-10-15T18:48:08Z

It's almost always the emotions we haven't worked through, especially the ones we're unaware of, that hold us back or cause us to blow up. Processing these emotions and letting go of them is life altering in the best way! It literally opens up a new life for us. Being kind to ourselves through this process is essential. It's very hard to learn, grow, or heal while we're abusing ourselves.

Trauma is the answer most of the time. Whether it's little or ...

2026-10-14T00:12:12Z

Trauma is the answer most of the time. Whether it's little or it's big. It can make us extremely hypervigilant and hyper aware, because we needed to be that way to be safe. When we heal this can become a superpower for us, rather than something that works against us.

If toxic is normal to us, we don't realize we need to change ...

2026-10-13T17:50:09Z

If toxic is normal to us, we don't realize we need to change anything. It also means we won't have healthy people in our lives. Not because we don't want that. Simply because we don't know what that feels like. This is why we do the work to heal.

We don't see the abuse and the manipulation until we do. ...

2026-10-13T01:35:44Z

We don't see the abuse and the manipulation until we do. It's the same with all the other toxic relationships in our lives. We don't see them until we do. The good news is as we heal, we continue to eliminate toxic relationships and make space for healthy ones. It's not easy, but it's worth it!

Being aware of everything all the time is great, unless it causes ...

2026-10-12T23:19:18Z

Being aware of everything all the time is great, unless it causes us to worry about everything, everywhere, all the time. This is a superpower we can learn to use for us, rather than it running our lives.

Crushing goals is amazing, but so is rest. It's also ...

2026-10-12T01:28:17Z

Crushing goals is amazing, but so is rest. It's also essential if we want the energy and capacity to continue crushing our goals. Make sure rest is part of the goals you have. Self care is not just getting things done for us. It's often the time and space to simply be.

I do a lot of things to hopefully help people with understanding ...

2026-10-11T00:45:43Z

I do a lot of things to hopefully help people with understanding and awareness around abuse and healing. Videos, podcasts and more. I also offer coaching services, which is what pays for everything and gives me the ability to do all of this.

It's often not easy to get help from the people who are ...

2026-10-09T20:53:23Z

It's often not easy to get help from the people who are supposed to be there to help you. We simply have to keep trying different people and strategies until we find and get the help we need. That's not easy either and I understand that. It is what we often need to do to actually get the help we want though.

That's all I have to say about that! ...

2026-10-09T19:39:14Z

That's all I have to say about that!

Narcissistic family systems are set up on coercive control. You ...

2026-10-08T20:12:53Z

Narcissistic family systems are set up on coercive control. You better follow the rules, except those aren't clear and change by the second. Do what you can to opt out of these systems as much as you can, while also following the rules so we keep ourselves out of trouble. Not an easy task I know.

"Friends are those wonderful people who know all about us and ...

2026-10-08T17:31:03Z

"Friends are those wonderful people who know all about us and still like us." -Jim Rohn. I believe this is absolutely true and they can help us through and with healing in ways that are immeasurable. Learning to find and make these friends is a skill and a practice we can learn. It takes time, but it's worth it!

I've been through it and a lot of it. I've also talked to ...

2026-10-08T01:42:10Z

I've been through it and a lot of it. I've also talked to and helped countless people who have gone through abuse. I simply want you to know there is hope and you can and will make it through it, even when it feels like you won't. Keep your head up and keep moving forward. Much love on your healing journey!

Narcissists only care about control and power. They may say they ...

2026-10-08T01:38:29Z

Narcissists only care about control and power. They may say they care about their kids, but only to use them to get what they want. It's not always easy to see this in the beginning, but once we see it, we can't unsee it.

Some people only want to talk about a problem and point fingers. ...

2026-10-06T15:13:26Z

Some people only want to talk about a problem and point fingers. They don't want to actually talk about solutions to a problem, because their mind is already made up. It doesn't mean they're necessarily bad people, but they are stuck. We don't have to participate. This is protecting our peace!

It might seem like you have a broken picker, but it's not ...

2026-10-06T00:06:27Z

It might seem like you have a broken picker, but it's not true. It's simply being affected by the things you've gone through in your life. Drama and chaos might sort of feel normal, but it's not what we actually want. We get to choose ourselves first. Then we learn to choose healthy people.

We get so run down and beat up we literally protest being human. ...

2026-10-05T22:12:46Z

We get so run down and beat up we literally protest being human. This is a pretty accurate description of the struggle we go through. It's ok if we struggle, we just don't want to stay stuck there. It's also OK for us to be stuck there, while we're figuring out how to get out. Keep your head up and keep moving forward, even when it's slow.

Of course we feel like giving up when nothing changes and it ...

2026-10-04T23:37:47Z

Of course we feel like giving up when nothing changes and it seems like there's nothing we can do about it. It's normal and ok to feel this way, we just don't want to stay stuck there. We also will go through cycles of being stuck there in the process of working our way out of it and that's ok too. Keep your head up and keep moving forward!

Thank you to everyone that came out to the Energy Healing ...

2026-10-04T21:49:24Z

Thank you to everyone that came out to the Energy Healing Conference in Pocatello yesterday! It was an amazing day! Met great people and gave lots of hugs. I appreciate all that shared and talked with me and I appreciate all the support that made it an amazing day. Thank you so much!❤️

I'm sorry if you haven't heard yet, but this is your ...

2026-10-02T21:17:33Z

I'm sorry if you haven't heard yet, but this is your reminder. Tomorrow in Pocatello, ID October 3rd is the Energy Healing Conference at ISU. I am speaking about Hope and Healing from narcissistic abuse at 1pm. There are also a bunch of other amazing things happening and wonderful people. Come join us!
https://offer.energyhealingconference.com/idahopocatelloehcspeakertickets

We do change in and after abusive relationships. In a way that ...

2026-10-01T21:02:46Z

We do change in and after abusive relationships. In a way that anyone would that has gone through this. We lash out or shut down and struggle with trust. We also begin seeing through the mask. We didn't change to hide abusing someone, only to hide what the abuse did to us.

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2026-10-01T01:50:51Z

In reply to nevent1q…atdy
_________________________

https://offer.energyhealingconference.com/idahopocatelloehcspeakertickets

Change of plans, unless you're already coming to the Energy ...

2026-10-01T01:49:43Z

Change of plans, unless you're already coming to the Energy Healing Conference in Pocatello this Saturday, October 3rd. I'll be there with so many wonderful people. Come join us and be there for my presentation on Hope and Healing from narcissistic abuse at 1pm. Details in the comments.

They always look shiny on the outside, but inside they're all ...

2026-09-30T23:59:42Z

They always look shiny on the outside, but inside they're all full of crap. It's the mask that they wear that draws us in. Make sure you carefully find out what's actually inside.

You can't communicate with someone who doesn't want to ...

2026-09-29T21:40:07Z

You can't communicate with someone who doesn't want to understand you. Or at least not effectively. Not because you can't, but because they don't want to understand. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It means you're not talking to the right person.

Lots of people have lots of thoughts about the way we're ...

2026-09-28T22:57:13Z

Lots of people have lots of thoughts about the way we're supposed to act and behave. The reality is that we don't owe anyone anything including a response or an explanation. We also don't have to deal with anyone who mistreats us and we don't have to keep them in our lives.

Lots of people have lots of thoughts about the way we're ...

2026-09-28T21:29:03Z

Narcissists will tell us to be reasonable, when they are actually ...

2026-09-27T21:48:54Z

Narcissists will tell us to be reasonable, when they are actually the ones being unreasonable. We don't have to buy into their BS or their garbage.

It will seem like people hate you, the further along your healing ...

2026-09-25T18:28:47Z

It will seem like people hate you, the further along your healing and growth journey you go. They may talk crap behind your back or distance themselves. This isn't about you though. It's a reflection of themselves. They may not want to grow, or feel they can't. Your growth exposes this to them and they don't like it. The only thing it means about you is that you are actually growing and changing things in your life. Keep going! The world needs you!

Narcissists do not want and will not allow anyone to hold them ...

2026-09-25T16:40:36Z

Narcissists do not want and will not allow anyone to hold them accountable for anything at any time. So they instead call us controlling if we try to hold them accountable. The reality is that it's rare they're ever held accountable for anything by anyone. The best we can often do is get away from them.

I'll be speaking and have a booth at the Energy Healing ...

2026-09-24T19:33:25Z

I'll be speaking and have a booth at the Energy Healing Conference in Pocatello, ID on October 3rd. Come by and say hi and check out all the wonderful things happening there. I'll be speaking at 1pm that day and I'd love to have you there! I also have free tickets, so reach out for one.

Even if we can beat, force or shame ourselves into building the ...

2026-09-23T00:35:46Z

Even if we can beat, force or shame ourselves into building the life or relationships we want initially. It won't help us to keep them and we won't be able to enjoy and embrace them. The only way we truly get these things is by loving ourselves in them. Then we get to keep and enjoy them.

Abusive people always want to project all the blame on us. They ...

2026-09-22T01:39:09Z

Abusive people always want to project all the blame on us. They will say it's too much or we're being controlling, but we can't ever actually have a conversation about it. The lack of a real conversation is the problem and it's usually not our fault.

Being confident you can figure out if someone is toxic is very ...

2026-09-21T21:54:56Z

Being confident you can figure out if someone is toxic is very different than being convinced you'll know immediately when you see them.

Everyone is controlled and manipulated by coercive control unless ...

2026-09-21T01:50:59Z

Everyone is controlled and manipulated by coercive control unless or until they heal and build healthy boundaries. Every kind of person is affected by this, until they are not. What we need is more support for people going through this, not pointing fingers.

Narcissists are consistent if nothing else. Consistently lying, ...

2026-09-18T22:24:33Z

Narcissists are consistent if nothing else. Consistently lying, abusive and manipulative. Also consistently avoiding all accountability. There's nothing we can do to change that. What we can do is focus on ourselves and our lives.

Some people are probably guilty if they don't believe or ...

2026-09-15T20:22:21Z

Some people are probably guilty if they don't believe or dismiss our experiences. Others are triggered and many simply don't understand how someone could be treated this way. Find people who listen and show up for you!

A lot of people say they've done the work, but still ...

2026-09-14T21:44:26Z

A lot of people say they've done the work, but still don't have the relationship or life they want. This is usually because there is still more work to do, even if we don't see it consciously. It doesn't mean we're broken or we need fixing. It simply means we have some work to do to align ourselves with the relationships and life we truly want.

They'll blame us for everything including choosing to get ...

2026-09-14T19:25:47Z

They'll blame us for everything including choosing to get into a relationship with them. Of course they hide who they are, so we actually had no idea who we were getting into a relationship with. We don't see it until we do. Healing helps us see it sooner.

Confronting abusive people in our lives almost never works out ...

2026-09-13T16:02:50Z

Confronting abusive people in our lives almost never works out the way we want it to. After all, they've never been accountable before, why would they be now? Keep gathering evidence, but do it for yourself and for court if or when you need it. Use it as another reminder you're not crazy!

I cringe when I hear someone say they've done the work and ...

2026-09-13T02:42:12Z

I cringe when I hear someone say they've done the work and they can spot a narcissist a mile away. Not sure I've met someone that can do that immediately. I've seen far too many people say this and then end up in another toxic relationship though. It's not just about healing, it's about actually having healthy relationships with healthy people.

Many of us over explain everything and it's because we were ...

2026-09-11T22:34:32Z

Many of us over explain everything and it's because we were trained and programmed to do this. We also don't have to. Just like we learned to do this, we can learn to not do this too.

Does it help and does it make a difference? These are good ...

2026-09-11T18:44:45Z

Does it help and does it make a difference? These are good questions to ask about many things. Does it help to beat ourselves up? Nope. Not even a little. It usually just creates resentment for ourselves in ourselves. Kindness is key to everything!

Most of us have or still do question ourselves and whether we ...

2026-09-10T15:52:43Z

Most of us have or still do question ourselves and whether we were the problem in abusive relationships. Even if we didn't behave the way we would have liked to, it doesn’t mean we were the entire problem. Beating ourselves up also holds us back from the life we truly want. Be kind to you! ❤️

So many people have so many judgements about how people get out ...

2026-09-10T03:01:51Z

So many people have so many judgements about how people get out of abusive relationships or what they do in the process. The reality is that no one actually knows what you went through. They don't get to judge you about decisions they never had to make and we don't have to listen if they do.

Not my regular content. Working on getting this playhouse put ...

2026-09-05T04:50:51Z

Not my regular content. Working on getting this playhouse put together. Lots of work to get here and still lots of work to get this done. Super excited to finally be done with it though. Hopefully tomorrow it's finished.

Rats are after cheese or food and we all know this. They also ...

2026-08-28T16:53:24Z

Rats are after cheese or food and we all know this. They also don't try to hide it either. Abusive people try to hide the fact they are after power and control and winning. Doing the work for ourselves is essential because it allows us to see this before we're stuck in a toxic relationship.

Children are often forgotten in the process of parents going ...

2026-08-25T01:44:44Z

Children are often forgotten in the process of parents going through high conflict divorces and abusive partners. It's important for everyone to do the healing work, even more for anyone with kids. We are sometimes the only person who can model what a healthy person looks like. I know this isn't easy. Simply keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Narcissists show their true selves at the end of the ...

2026-08-21T19:17:31Z

Narcissists show their true selves at the end of the relationship, or in discard phases. It still may be subtle, but they show they don't care about you. They think they own us and everything else. This is a lie we don't need to accept!

So many people think they've done the work, and many of them ...

2026-08-12T01:17:36Z

So many people think they've done the work, and many of them have. The reality is there is always more work to do. If we are not where we want to be in our lives and relationships, there is still more work to do. It doesn't mean we're broken or there's something wrong, it simply means there are still things we can work through, if or when we want to.

We all have coping mechanisms whether we want to admit to them or ...

2026-08-08T00:42:39Z

We all have coping mechanisms whether we want to admit to them or not. Laughing it off is a regular coping mechanism for many people I think and it's a good one. I also think we can all be kind no matter the situation we're in to ourselves and everyone else.

We can definitely make the attempt to change the world. I know ...

2026-07-29T00:12:46Z

We can definitely make the attempt to change the world. I know without a doubt that we can change our world though. It all starts with being kind to ourselves!

Toxic people lie about almost everything. Especially when the ...

2025-11-05T17:32:12Z

Toxic people lie about almost everything. Especially when the relationship ends. They may tell you one thing, but then lie to everyone else to make you look bad and them good. Then they use the victim card to get their next supply and everything else they can. Focus on yourself and your life and let them go.