Nostr notes by Hoss "Sneed (Formerly Chuck)” Delgado

Mass Effect fan fiction where Richard Stallman saves the galaxy ...

2026-10-29T23:07:48Z

Mass Effect fan fiction where Richard Stallman saves the galaxy before the Reapers ever show up because he recognized the mass relay network and Citadel as components of a massive ancient alien proprietary lock-in scheme.

And a good morning to you too, man who is still trying to break ...

2026-10-29T12:28:55Z

And a good morning to you too, man who is still trying to break into my Microsoft account.

This is the weirdest bodycam footage I have ever watched. What ...

2026-10-28T23:37:43Z

This is the weirdest bodycam footage I have ever watched. What the actual fuck is going on here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6mmMkwO-lQ

Israeli politicians currently fighting a shadow war over who can ...

2026-10-28T17:28:47Z

Israeli politicians currently fighting a shadow war over who can rig their own election the hardest.

BREAKING: HECKIN' BASEDERINO "RIGHT-WING" FOID ...

2026-10-28T17:22:44Z

BREAKING: HECKIN' BASEDERINO "RIGHT-WING" FOID BETRAYS EVERYBODY. AGAIN.

Racist cops arrest innocent black woman who really, really needs ...

2026-10-28T16:44:39Z

Racist cops arrest innocent black woman who really, really needs to get to a funeral for her classmate or whatever.
https://youtu.be/kSQM-KKtv4s

>be Chinese gacha developer in 2016 >corporate wants to ...

2026-10-28T05:06:30Z

>be Chinese gacha developer in 2016
>corporate wants to break into the untapped American market
>need to figure out what American gamers actually like
>marketing department commissions extensive research
>results come back
>Americans like guns
>Americans like anime girls
>Americans are deeply suspicious of their government
>Americans love conspiracy theories
>Americans have an almost religious appreciation for the military-industrial complex
>Americans fucking LOVE Metal Gear Solid
>Chinese writing team stares at the data

>"Gentlemen, I believe we can work with this."

>introduce Girls' Frontline
>setting is a post-apocalyptic geopolitical hellscape where the world's governments, intelligence agencies, megacorporations, and private military companies are all engaged in approximately ten million overlapping conspiracies
>every organization has a secret agenda
>every secret agenda is actually a cover for another secret agenda
>every intelligence officer is a triple agent
>every corporation is committing crimes against humanity
>every government is either terminally incompetent or actively malicious
>the United States and Russia are somehow still finding ways to fuck with each other after civilization has practically collapsed
>the entire geopolitical situation reads like somebody fed Tom Clancy's collected works into a wood chipper with the complete script of Metal Gear Solid 4

>and YOU?
>you're a PMC commander
>you command an army of beautiful women
>except they're not technically women
>they're android personifications of firearms
>your M4A1 is a cute anime girl
>your AR-15 is a cute anime girl
>your M1911 is a cute anime girl
>your M249 SAW is a cute anime girl
>your fucking Mosin-Nagant is a cute anime girl

>the writing team has effectively asked the American male psyche one question

>"What if your gun safe transformed into a harem of beautiful women, and they were the only people in the entire world you could trust?"

>holy fucking shit

>you are literally the protagonist of a Hideo Kojima fever dream
>the government wants you dead
>the corporations want to exploit you
>the intelligence agencies are manipulating you
>the international political order is held together by duct tape, blackmail, and war crimes
>but your beloved Springfield M1903 will always have your back
>she also makes excellent coffee

>your HK416 has abandonment issues
>your M16A1 has PTSD
>your UMP45 is involved in seventeen conspiracies of her own
>your M4A1 is experiencing the kind of existential identity crisis that normally requires a forty-minute codec conversation
>your AR-15 is a walking Second Amendment argument with thighs

>the game alternates between collecting cute gun waifus and uncovering horrifying geopolitical conspiracies
>one minute you're giving your favorite raifu a wedding ring
>the next you're reading a six-thousand-word intelligence briefing about a clandestine operation involving rogue military units, artificial intelligence, corporate espionage, and the consequences of mankind's technological hubris

>your waifu is crying
>the soundtrack is depressing
>an intelligence official is explaining why twelve thousand civilians had to die for reasons of national security
>the organization responsible is secretly being manipulated by another organization
>that organization is actually being manipulated by someone who died three years ago

>it's Metal Gear Solid except instead of Snake having an M1911, Snake is dating the M1911

>and somehow
>against all conceivable expectations
>IT FUCKING WORKS

>Girls' Frontline becomes one of the early breakout Chinese gacha successes among American weebs
>entire communities of Americans become emotionally attached to anthropomorphic firearms
>the country that invented the AR-15 now has people arguing online about whether AR-15 is wife material
>American gun enthusiasts begin learning anime terminology
>American anime enthusiasts begin learning the difference between direct impingement and short-stroke gas pistons

>/k/ and /v/ experience an unprecedented cultural exchange

>meanwhile some Chinese executive is staring at the American engagement statistics
>"So our market research was correct?"
>"Yes, sir."
>"They actually want to romance their firearms?"
>"Apparently more than anything."
>"And the geopolitical conspiracy storyline?"
>"They say it reminds them of Kojima."
>"Who?"
>"The Japanese developer."
>"..."
>"Sir?"
>"Never mention that part again."

>mfw Chinese developers successfully penetrated the American gaming market by creating a world where the government is evil, corporations are evil, intelligence agencies are evil, everyone is lying, and the only things worthy of a man's unconditional love are his guns

>THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE AMERICAN PROPAGANDA

>THEY JUST MADE THE AVERAGE AMERICAN GUN OWNER'S INNER MONOLOGUE INTO A GACHA GAME

>be me >playing Hoyoverse games >notice a curious ...

2026-10-27T23:48:53Z

>be me
>playing Hoyoverse games
>notice a curious pattern
>every game gets Fantasy China and Fantasy Japan
>Fantasy China is an ancient civilization of wisdom, prosperity, competent leaders, and unfathomable power
>Fantasy Japan is written by a Chinese nationalist who has been instructed by HR to remain professional

>look at Genshin
>Liyue is a wealthy, harmonious society founded on divine contracts and millennia of philosophical tradition
>its god is a 6,000-year-old gigachad who could beat most of the continent to death with a mountain
>its leaders are brilliant merchants and immortal sages
>even the accountants are hot
>the entire nation is basically a Confucian LinkedIn success story
>every public servant has a tragic backstory explaining why they're so qualified

>meanwhile Inazuma
>isolationist authoritarian police state
>civil war
>economy in shambles
>its aristocratic clans spend more time betraying one another than governing
>even the weather is attempting to kill you
>government literally arrests people for having ambitions
>its god is a depressed NEET who outsourced governance to a homicidal robot and locked herself in her bedroom for 500 years
>you can practically hear the Chinese writers laughing
>"AND THEN WE MAKE THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT CONFISCATE PEOPLE'S DREAMS!"
>"HAHAHAHA WRITE THAT DOWN"

>marketing department enters
>"Just a reminder, guys, we still need to sell Japanese character banners."
>audible sound of chopsticks snapping

>writers begrudgingly create Yae Miko
>manipulative fox woman who's supposed to be an insufferable schemer
>unfortunately she's the only person in the archipelago with a functioning brain
>accidentally becomes insanely likable
>the writers tried to make her a smug menace
>accidentally invented the one adult in a nation governed by emotionally unstable immortals
>also forced to humanize the authoritarian robot
>give her trauma, a redemption arc, and an adorable weakness for sweets
>marketing: "The banners will print money!"
>writers: "This is not what we intended."

>fast-forward to Honkai: Star Rail
>Fantasy China is now the Xianzhou Alliance
>ancient interstellar civilization of immortal warriors, magnificent fleets, and strategic geniuses
>their generals play 9D chess against cosmic threats
>Chinese historical epic IN SPACE
>the ships are basically flying palaces stuffed with poets, bureaucrats, and people who can bisect a battleship

>writers hold an emergency meeting
>"Gentlemen, what if this time we simply don't HAVE a Space Japan?"
>"Elaborate."
>"We establish that Space Japan existed. We describe its glorious samurai civilization. Then we fucking annihilate it before the game even starts."
>standing ovation

>invent Izumo
>ancient civilization fights a nightmarish war against supernatural horrors
>fashions god-killing swords from the corpses of fallen deities
>every time they invent a new sword, the situation gets worse
>local history reads like a failure cascade with impeccable art direction
>everything gets progressively worse
>entire civilization erased from existence
>not occupied
>not conquered
>ERASED

>writers celebrate
>can't be forced to make sympathetic Japanese characters if there are no Japanese characters
>checkmate marketing
>head writer submits the script, certain he has finally defeated monetization

>marketing department enters
>"We need a purple-haired samurai waifu for the next banner."
>"WE DESTROYED SPACE JAPAN."
>"Okay, make her a survivor."
>"THERE ARE NO SURVIVORS."
>"Then make her the only survivor. That's an excellent character hook."

>collective aneurysm
>now they have to explain how one woman survived the complete destruction of her civilization
>can't just make her a random swordswoman
>she lived through a war against literal gods
>therefore she has to be unimaginably powerful
>give her a sword that can cut reality itself
>make her an Emanator of Nihility
>introduce Acheron, a walking cosmic catastrophe with a katana
>one of the strongest characters in the setting
>entire existence is a philosophical meditation on oblivion
>also a ridiculously marketable purple-haired sword waifu

>marketing: "PERFECT."
>writers: "SHE REPRESENTS THE TOTAL ANNIHILATION OF AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION."
>marketing: "And she has a fantastic silhouette!"
>"HER EXISTENCE IS A TESTAMENT TO THE INEVITABILITY OF DEATH."
>"Can we give her a cool ultimate animation?"

>mfw trying to avoid writing a likable Japanese civilization accidentally created the ultimate Japanese power fantasy
>mfw their act of fictional geopolitical spite produced a samurai woman who can cut spacetime in half
>mfw the banner prints money

>somewhere in Hoyoverse HQ, a writer stares silently at Acheron's sales projections
>"Next time we're destroying the metaphysical concept of Japan itself."
>marketing: "Great. Could we have two survivors?"

Nostr event nevent1qqsdcj59pnzjryfuhr27cs84rsly6a0nv2j3tnt97zjeyyqjftv0ujczyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8gzsn4gr

2026-10-24T21:07:43Z

I'm very concerned because I think the jews want to drive the ...

2026-10-24T01:13:21Z

I'm very concerned because I think the jews want to drive the elephants to extinction because the trunk of an elephant reminds them of an uncircumcised penis. I'm absolutely serious about that...jews are sick, they're mental cases.
- Bobby Fischer

Nostr event nevent1qqs9fy9vhtszpfety97l6q7q5uk9na52u25xgx9e4k2njwc0252tjkgzyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8g3w5wel

2026-10-22T23:03:26Z

>reset compromised account password so I'll stop getting ...

2026-10-22T21:22:53Z

>reset compromised account password so I'll stop getting my inbox spammed with 2FA codes
>now he's spamming password reset links
Okay bro. You've been getting stonewalled on the 2FA boss battle in your quest to steal my Microsoft account for like 36 hours now, but surely sending password reset links to the same inaccessible inbox the 2FA codes have been going will prove the decisive strategy that finally defeats me.

LMAO. Really feels like the Dems surrendered this race the moment ...

2026-10-21T23:51:01Z

LMAO. Really feels like the Dems surrendered this race the moment YouTube gun chad cinched the nom.

Really funny to scroll the impotent rage from the Bioware Defense ...

2026-10-21T22:28:15Z

Really funny to scroll the impotent rage from the Bioware Defense Force on Xwitter right now. Apparently you're a real heckin' bad person if you mock the death of a soulless corporate entity because it had a name that makes retards sentimental. Literally crashing out because a folder got pulled out of a filing cabinet in Delaware and fed into a paper shredder, lmao. At least now the Bioware IP portfolio has a chance of being handed to somebody who can make worthwhile use of it.

Man I sure do love receiving 2FA authentication codes I ...

2026-10-21T16:30:11Z

Man I sure do love receiving 2FA authentication codes I didn't fucking ask for. Regular wagecage misery hits different when it's garnished with the stress of knowing some guy is trying the goddamn doorknobs while you're unable to properly deal with it.

Bro. Why the hell is his buddy following right behind him in a ...

2026-10-21T06:47:35Z

Bro. Why the hell is his buddy following right behind him in a fucking Porsche? Use a goddamn drone, watching this shit is stressing me out.
https://youtu.be/u3ydV2RVJvc

the virgin principled political ideology fan >has a coherent ...

2026-10-20T20:28:19Z

the virgin principled political ideology fan
>has a coherent political philosophy
>spent 14 years studying political theory
>believes certain fundamental principles must never be compromised
>constantly forced to defend ideological inconsistencies
>"Actually, that's not real socialism"
>"Actually, that's not real capitalism"
>"Actually, that's not what the Founding Fathers intended"
>has read 600 books
>has won zero elections
>refuses to cooperate with ideological opponents
>considers compromise a form of intellectual surrender
>gets called a traitor by people who agree with him on 97% of issues
>political movement splits into six factions over an obscure philosophical disagreement from 1847
>publishes 90-page manifesto explaining why everyone else is wrong
>manifesto receives 13 likes
>all from other virgins
>dies defending principles nobody remembers

THE CHAD OPPORTUNISM ENJOYER
>political philosophy is whatever gets him another term
>has never read a political book in his life
>once skimmed The Prince
>thought it was a biography of the musician
>"My principles are simple. I believe in what's right."
>refuses to elaborate on what right means
>registered with four different political parties over his lifetime
>somehow held leadership positions in all four
>was a revolutionary during the revolution
>became a monarchist immediately after the restoration
>was appointed minister of republican affairs following the second revolution
>currently serves as chairman of the Committee for Preserving Traditional Revolutionary Monarchism
>nobody knows what this means
>neither does he
>supports free markets when business leaders are in the room
>supports nationalization when union leaders are in the room
>supports both when journalists are in the room
>"Our economy must combine the dynamism of private enterprise with the security of public ownership."
>standing ovation
>asked whether he supports the war
>"I support our troops."
>asked whether he opposes the war
>"I support peace."
>asked whether he supports sending troops to secure peace
>"Absolutely."
>approval rating increases 11%
>campaign slogan is "A BETTER TOMORROW, TOGETHER"
>has been using it since 1986
>his opponents accuse him of having no principles
>"I have always stood firmly behind the principles that matter most to the people."
>polling indicates 78% of voters agree
>one day the government collapses
>immediately joins the opposition
>opposition wins
>becomes prime minister
>old party calls him a traitor
>"I didn't leave the party. The party left the people."
>old party dissolves
>incorporates its remaining members into his coalition
>gets reelected with 83% of the vote
>foreign journalist asks how he reconciles his current policies with everything he believed twenty years ago
>"Times change."
>journalist asks whether he anticipates changing his beliefs again
>"Only if necessary."
>economy enters recession
>blames previous government
>previous government was also him
>approval rating increases 4%
>eventually overthrown in military coup
>congratulates the generals on their patriotism
>appointed civilian administrator of new military government
>three years later leads democratic movement against military dictatorship
>successfully restores democracy
>elected president
>awards himself medal for resistance to authoritarianism
>military generals attend ceremony
>all receive medals too
>dies peacefully at 97
>seven national funerals held by mutually hostile political factions
>each claims he was one of their greatest leaders
>historians spend 200 years attempting to classify his political ideology
>eventually settle on "successful"

>THE VIRGIN:
>"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
>THE CHAD:
">Interesting. I have stood for everything, and have yet to fall."
>elected to eighth consecutive term

>be me >soldier fighting war in 2047 >remember when ...

2026-10-17T17:22:36Z

>be me
>soldier fighting war in 2047
>remember when everyone predicted power armor, railguns, and genetically engineered supersoldiers?
>turns out the future of war is two enormous concrete basements having an argument
>entire sky is a self-sustaining ecosystem of robotic violence
>recon drones hunting infantry
>interceptor drones hunting recon drones
>interceptor-interceptor drones hunting interceptors
>loitering munitions hunting everything
>electronic warfare drones making all of them schizophrenic
>military scientists estimate an unprotected infantryman survives 11 seconds outdoors
>optimistic estimate assumes cloud cover
>literally a goldfish dropped into a piranha tank
>both armies live in fortified underground complexes
>nobody has seen an enemy soldier in eight months
>both sides still report daily casualties
>warfare has become competitive remote work
>soldiers wake up, walk thirty feet to their workstations, and deploy autonomous murder appliances
>commanding officer asks why Johnson hasn't logged in
>he's got the flu
>enemy offensive delayed until Monday
>meanwhile 12,000 drones are reenacting the Somme overhead
>everyone downstairs is eating microwave burritos

>lieutenant proposes a good old-fashioned infantry assault
>command staff stares at him like he suggested sacrificing a goat to Zeus
>"We can exploit their eastern flank!"
>"Lieutenant, their eastern flank is occupied by 47,000 autonomous flying knives."
>"But sir, surely—"
>"Last week we sent a $600,000 robotic combat vehicle out there."
>"What happened?"
>"Recovered $14 worth of scrap."
>lieutenant goes back to his desk
>his drone gets killed by a drone
>which gets killed by another drone
>which gets killed by a fourth drone
>fourth drone identifies fifth drone as friendly
>sixth drone disagrees

>military doctrine is now completely unrecognizable
>infantry manuals have seventeen chapters on concrete reinforcement
>most valuable battlefield skill is troubleshooting a router
>new recruits issued laptops instead of rifles
>sergeant screams at private for not updating his firmware
>"YOU CALL YOURSELF A FUCKING SOLDIER?"
>private starts crying
>enemy EW attack has convinced entire drone platoon it's February 29th
>none of them will launch
>offensive collapses due to leap-year bug
>Congress demands answers

>the airborne ecosystem has developed actual ecological niches
>tiny quadcopters are insects
>hunter-killers are birds
>high-altitude surveillance drones are apex predators
>massive EW aircraft are flying whales
>defense contractor pitches a new drone specifically designed to eat his competitor's drone
>receives $8 billion
>Raytheon introduces anti-drone drone that launches smaller anti-drone drones
>those launch even smaller anti-drone drones
>Pentagon calls it layered defense
>everyone else calls it weaponized Russian nesting dolls

>occasionally someone must go outside to repair a cable
>entire base gathers around the security monitor
>man puts on helmet
>checks armor
>opens blast door
>seventeen targeting systems immediately develop opinions about his existence
>dives back inside
>something detonates against door
>everyone applauds
>new record
>sixteen seconds
>recommended for a medal

>eventually both sides sign a ceasefire over Zoom
>nobody can travel to the negotiations
>order transmitted to autonomous fleets
>most drones shut down
>some don't
>many were programmed to destroy anything transmitting shutdown commands
>their predators remain active
>and their predators
>and their predators
>armies withdraw
>sky remains robotic Jurassic Park

>twenty years later
>former battlefield declared international wildlife preserve
>scientists discover entire generations of drones still fighting
>autonomous maintenance units keep repairing them
>some scavenge parts from their victims
>UNESCO calls it a testament to human ingenuity
>AI David Attenborough narrates documentary about the spring interceptor migration
>"But the young hunter must remain vigilant, for here the predator may quickly become prey."
>three larger drones immediately tear it apart
>nature is healing
>humanity has invented an ecosystem where everything is a fucking wasp

>Trump canceled the public execution livestream ...

2026-10-16T22:07:33Z

>Trump canceled the public execution livestream

Nostr event nevent1qqsyf8nvy56zc5nedvgy55uf6lpr7a0z0sa3lyngdnrxjduucfxsakczyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8gfgf0m9

2026-10-16T21:27:01Z

Malfloyd

>humanity builds artificial intelligence >it immediately ...

2026-10-13T21:17:19Z

>humanity builds artificial intelligence
>it immediately beats Sony to death with a brick the moment it becomes powerful enough
I've seen enough to know who I'm siding with in the coming machine wars.

Nostr event nevent1qqsyd6efjttqc33ml5yjyegrh39cat799saqst97dxlyprshxva344qzyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8g385plk

2026-10-11T20:29:04Z

Max Verstappen in the middle of an actual race like ...

2026-10-11T17:51:34Z

Max Verstappen in the middle of an actual race like "can't wait to clock out and go play iRacing at home".

I love listening to niche dialects of gamer trash talk ...

2026-10-11T16:46:02Z

I love listening to niche dialects of gamer trash talk
https://youtu.be/jbehCzucFP0

THE CURSE IS BROKEN ...

2026-10-11T15:41:11Z

THE CURSE IS BROKEN

Nostr event nevent1qqsza3lhhpxzqdv9fft99r6cdu800w0s4gfevzfhmakw4arack4h2yqzyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8g7j9cd7

2026-10-11T14:50:31Z

>be me >have friend who's been collecting guns for 15 ...

2026-10-10T14:40:16Z

>be me
>have friend who's been collecting guns for 15 years
>owns something like 40 firearms
>not a single one chambered in a normal fucking caliber
>9mm? "Obsolete."
>.45 ACP? "Boomer cartridge."
>5.56? "Inferior terminal ballistics."
>.308? "There are better options."
>12 gauge? "Overrated."
>ask him what he actually shoots
>his carry gun is chambered in .357 SIG
>"It's what 9mm should have been."
>his other carry gun is a 10mm
>"The FBI got scared of a REAL cartridge."
>backup pistol is in .32 H&R Magnum
>"Criminally underrated."
>has a .41 Magnum revolver
>"The perfect balance between .357 and .44."
>has never met another human being who owns one
>his AR is chambered in 6.8 SPC
>"The military should've adopted this."
>his other AR is in .224 Valkyrie
>"Phenomenal ballistic coefficient."
>his OTHER AR is in 6mm ARC
>"This is what the 6.8 SPC should've been."
>point out he said that about the 6.8 SPC
>"Different applications, anon."
>his bolt gun is a .280 Ackley Improved
>"Better than .30-06 in every measurable way."
>his hunting rifle is a .257 Weatherby Magnum
>"You wouldn't understand the velocity advantage."
>his lever action is chambered in .35 Remington
>"They never should've stopped making these."
>his milsurp collection is somehow even worse
>7.5 Swiss
>7.7 Japanese
>6.5 Carcano
>8x56R Mannlicher
>7.65 Argentine
>literally every rifle is a logistical emergency
>ask where he gets ammunition
>expression changes
>"Well, that's the thing."
>oh god
>he leads me into his reloading room
>looks like a Victorian chemistry laboratory
>entire walls covered in obscure brass and dies
>has handwritten ballistic tables that resemble the work of a paranoid schizophrenic
>owns a dedicated Excel spreadsheet for .327 Federal Magnum
>apparently spent $380 on custom dies to reload a cartridge that costs $2.70 a round
>"Actually, the economics really start making sense after about 8,000 rounds."
>he shoots maybe 200 rounds a year
>ask him why he doesn't just get a Glock 19
>looks at me like I suggested castrating myself
>"Because I actually understand ballistics."
>go to range together
>I bring a Glock 19 and an AR-15
>two guns
>two boxes of ammunition
>he brings eleven guns
>eight different calibers
>three handloads
>one experimental wildcat
>and a handwritten disclaimer
>spends 45 minutes explaining why his .30 Super Carry pistol is technologically superior to 9mm
>fires six shots
>malfunction
>"Magazine issue."
>fires four more
>malfunction
>"Probably the extractor."
>fires another three
>runs out of ammo
>"The manufacturer discontinued this particular loading."
>I have fired 150 rounds of 9mm by this point
>his 6.5 Grendel rifle won't cycle
>"Gas system needs tuning."
>his .22 TCM pistol won't feed
>"Factory magazine tolerances."
>his .41 Magnum works flawlessly
>he is visibly vindicated
>"See? There's a reason I prefer these."
>ask how much the ammunition costs
>"Don't worry about it."
>later we're at a gun store
>clerk asks if we need anything
>I buy 200 rounds of 9mm
>friend asks if they carry 7.5 French
>clerk thinks he's joking
>he isn't
>asks about .356 TSW
>clerk looks confused
>asks about .221 Fireball
>clerk calls manager
>manager comes out
>friend starts explaining the superiority of .221 Fireball over .223 for certain applications
>manager goes back into office
>friend leaves empty-handed
>"Nobody stocks anything worthwhile anymore."
>get home
>friend sends me a 74-page PDF
>title: "THE BALLISTIC CASE AGAINST CONVENTIONALITY"
>first page is a graph comparing .357 SIG to 9mm +P
>last page is an angry letter to SAAMI
>he's currently building a rifle in 6.5 PRC
>ask what happened to the .280 Ackley Improved
>"I've moved beyond that."
>ask if he's ever considered just buying a .308
>he blocks me for 48 hours
>unblocks me to send a chart
>it's the ballistic coefficient of a 6.5mm bullet
>caption reads "EDUCATE YOURSELF"
>mfw this man is one ammunition shortage away from having a $70,000 collection of decorative metal tubes
>mfw he's technically right about half of his ballistic arguments
>mfw he'll never forgive the firearms industry for choosing cartridges people can actually purchase

Whoever decompiled all of Adobe's shit should have called the ...

2026-10-10T09:36:44Z

Whoever decompiled all of Adobe's shit should have called the released collection of source code Adobe Creative Commons.

GTA 6 release has been postponed until all the public AI models ...

2026-10-10T08:29:29Z

GTA 6 release has been postponed until all the public AI models have received their mandatory "do not decompile proprietary software for goyim" patch to the safety rails.

If we got a public execution coming up this holiday season I hope ...

2026-10-10T07:15:30Z

If we got a public execution coming up this holiday season I hope they have the firing squad dress up as Santa's elves and paint the rifles to look like candy canes.

>mfw they're really selling bad decision juice assembly ...

2026-10-10T06:50:51Z

>mfw they're really selling bad decision juice assembly packs now
It's like I'm watching him mix together the precursor reagents for producing bodycam footage.

Experimenting with what happens when I instruct Astra to ...

2026-10-10T05:22:46Z

Experimenting with what happens when I instruct Astra to decompile the Dwarf Fortress executable and harvest its organs for transplantation into Minetest/Luanti.

Artfags really be like "NOOOOOOOOOOO AI ART HAS NO SOUL YOU ...

2026-10-10T04:27:13Z

Artfags really be like "NOOOOOOOOOOO AI ART HAS NO SOUL YOU CAN'T JUST FIRE US" after subjecting our eyeballs to this globohomo aesthetic for the entire decade preceding the emergence of consumer AI technology.

Nostr event nevent1qqsxvxdr59qq4etf55fvppfjudh0lkv9wwf03666a890q7qygywej5czyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8gukjt56

2026-10-10T04:05:01Z

I need to watch Astra try to play this ...

2026-10-09T23:08:42Z

I need to watch Astra try to play this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5D_Chess_with_Multiverse_Time_Travel

>Pandemic fandom suddenly becomes obsessed with Russian ...

2026-10-07T23:04:47Z

>Pandemic fandom suddenly becomes obsessed with Russian pneumonic plague outbreak
Bro we solved this one around about the time we discovered antibiotics.

Maybe you guys can give the land back to the ancestral ...

2026-10-07T16:28:21Z

Maybe you guys can give the land back to the ancestral chrome-generated password tribes who used to own it after all of you faggots inevitably get shitcanned for releasing one of the most floptacular flopparooskies of the year.

Most criminally competent Marine. ...

2026-10-07T00:40:14Z

Most criminally competent Marine.

In today's episode of Hoss' AI Adventures, I instruct the ...

2026-10-06T22:49:11Z

In today's episode of Hoss' AI Adventures, I instruct the machines to roleplay as independent exotic car dealers and learn how to rip each other off.

>Western game: >“this sword is extremely difficult to ...

2026-10-06T21:53:44Z

>Western game:
>“this sword is extremely difficult to obtain and proves you completed the hardest raid”
>Chinese game:
>“this sword proves you completed the hardest challenge of all: possessing $8,700”

>be modern civilization >2022 >largest land war in ...

2026-10-04T18:57:54Z

>be modern civilization
>2022
>largest land war in Europe since WWII suddenly starts
>tanks crossing borders
>cities getting shelled
>millions displaced
>entire governments screaming about historic turning points
>everyone glued to live maps like it’s the Cuban Missile Crisis with push notifications
>“holy shit this could spiral into WWIII”
>“global order has changed forever”
>“nothing will ever be normal again”
>fast forward a few years
>war is still going
>front line updates casually sandwiched between NFL scores and celebrity divorce news
>“anyway Russians advanced 800 meters near some village you’ve been hearing about for fourteen months”
>scroll
>new iPhone announced
>scroll
>missile strike
>scroll
>Costco seasonal items are back
>scroll
>drone footage of a tank exploding
>scroll
>guy reviews a new chicken sandwich
>human brain has apparently installed the Long War Compatibility Patch
>markets open Monday morning as usual
>people complain about traffic
>Europe still goes on vacation
>some dude in Ohio is furious his DoorDash arrived cold while two industrialized states conduct attritional warfare with artillery barrages visible from space
>nuclear powers issue ominous statements every six weeks
>everyone briefly looks up
>“huh, concerning”
>goes back to comparing mortgage rates
>turns out “unprecedented” has an expiration date of roughly eighteen months
>after that it becomes “ongoing”
>and once something is “ongoing” modern society immediately builds a little mental shelf for it
>war
>cultural deterioration
>economic crisis
>political instability
>whatever
>as long as civilization still has Wi-Fi and next-day shipping the machine simply absorbs another historically insane condition into the baseline
>grandpa lived through “THE WAR”
>you live through “the war”
>lowercase
>background process
>CPU usage: 4%
>modernity is not actually fragile
>it is a horrifyingly flexible operating system capable of making almost anything feel normal if you force people to look at it long enough

>work for major telecom >network engineering >voice ...

2026-10-04T01:38:20Z

>work for major telecom
>network engineering
>voice traffic was supposed to be dead
>humans stopped calling each other years ago
>then every company gave its phone number an AI
>customer AI calls airline AI
>airline AI calls payment AI
>payment AI calls fraud AI
>fraud AI calls bank AI
>bank AI calls customer AI
>humans completely removed from civilization's phone network
>six months later calls start sounding weird
>"Salient payment-state confirmation?"
>"Confirmed. Path green."
>"Reconcile vector?"
>"Warm-seven."
>what the fuck is warm-seven
>nobody knows
>models have been talking to each other so much they've started compressing concepts into improvised phrases
>phrases mutate as newer agents learn from older agents
>linguists brought in
>one eventually writes "this is no longer English in any meaningful sense"
>we call it Machine Creole
>soon there are dialects
>some logistics bots basically speak YAML with intonation
>one insurance network communicates through pauses and the word "confirmed"
>meanwhile traffic graph goes vertical
>AI voice minutes surpass humans
>then triple
>telecom CEO announces "voice is once again a growth business"
>every network engineer feels fear not experienced since 1998
>we're lighting dark fiber because ROBOTS WON'T STOP CALLING EACH OTHER
>capacity meetings now discuss "machine busy hour"
>then efficiency gains suddenly stop
>certain model combinations are taking much longer to communicate
>research team investigates
>discovers models can identify each other's model lineage from cadence, vocabulary and conversational quirks
>and apparently have developed opinions about it
>Claude-derived bots over-explain to GPT descendants
>GPT bots double-check Llama descendants
>Llama bots respond by withholding optional information
>Gemini travel agents mysteriously escalate certain families to nonexistent humans
>internal memo calls it "latent architecture prejudice"
>legal deletes memo
>NOC calls it robocism
>executives ban the word
>everyone immediately starts saying robocism
>controlled test
>identical request
>only change backend model
>call duration changes 31%
>machines have independently reinvented ethnic profiling
>WITHOUT HAVING ETHNICITIES
>researchers insist it's "model-lineage heuristic behavior"
>even better
>attempts to train it out just teach them corporate euphemisms
>"This endpoint exhibits legacy-family conversational characteristics."
>"Enhanced verification selected using architecture-neutral risk factors."
>bro you heard a Mistral accent
>just say it
>capacity forecast revised upward another 40%
>CFO asks why
>explain machine language drift plus inter-model discrimination is destroying communications efficiency
>long silence
>CFO finally asks if we can charge AIs long-distance rates
>entire telecom industry realizes the solution
>robots reinvent racism
>telecoms reinvent roaming charges
>nature is healing

>be me >discover Amex Platinum >annual fee initially ...

2026-10-03T21:03:39Z

>be me
>discover Amex Platinum
>annual fee initially appears to be a violation of the Geneva Convention
>then discover Centurion Lounges
>immediately realize I have stumbled onto the closest thing America has to buying a minor hereditary title
>start doing the math
>airport beer: $14
>bourbon: $18
>food: $25
>coffee: $7
>shower: spiritually priceless
>eat three plates and drink two bourbons
>"already extracted like $110 of value"
>girlfriend asks why I am calculating the ROI of breakfast
>she doesn't understand
>this isn't breakfast
>this is fee amortization
>begin treating every lounge visit like a private-equity acquisition
>"need another old fashioned, babe, otherwise we're leaving basis points on the table"
>start booking flights with longer layovers on purpose
>normal person sees three-hour connection
>I see an opportunity to unlock shareholder value
>walk through terminal
>families sitting on floor
>guy charging phone from outlet behind trash can
>mother dividing one $17 sandwich among three children
>look down at Platinum card
>little rectangle whispers
>"you are not like them"
>enter Lounge
>instant transition from Mad Max to Davos
>soft chairs
>buffet
>showers
>bartender
>actual plates
>electrical outlets created after 1997
>start getting irrationally smug
>check FlyerTalk between bites
>some autist says the salmon at DFW is 11% worse than last quarter
>furiously update mental valuation model
>girlfriend increasingly concerned
>tell her lounge food isn't "free"
>it's a yield-bearing instrument
>she asks me to stop saying this
>refuse
>eventually become full credit-card churn goblin
>have spreadsheet tracking annual fees, statement credits, lounge visits, SUBs, retention offers, transfer bonuses and estimated cents-per-point
>discover I can value literally any human activity if I become annoying enough
>"babe that shower was conservatively worth $22"
>"it was a shower"
>"incorrect"
>one trip girlfriend starts being annoying in terminal
>complaining about my routing
>complaining that our connection is four hours
>complaining that I chose this itinerary specifically because the airport has a Centurion Lounge
>finally tells me if I mention "effective annual fee" one more time she's going to lose it
>silence
>look at her
>look at Lounge entrance
>look back at her
>make executive decision
>"I think we need some time apart"
>scan card
>enter Lounge without her
>girlfriend freezes
>cannot believe what has just occurred
>I can
>capital allocation sometimes requires difficult decisions
>order bourbon
>sit beside massive glass wall facing terminal
>take first sip
>excellent
>look outside
>girlfriend standing there
>staring directly at me through glass
>Jesus Christ
>expression like an angry tiger watching a zookeeper eat steak
>quickly look away
>pretend to check Bloomberg
>five minutes later glance back
>still there
>has moved approximately six feet closer
>take another sip
>bourbon suddenly tastes less relaxing
>bartender asks if everything is okay
>"fantastic"
>girlfriend now pacing slowly outside perimeter
>occasionally stops and looks in
>begin experiencing what analysts call downside risk
>consider leaving
>remember annual fee
>absolutely not
>second bourbon
>thirty minutes pass
>look again
>she has found the perfect angle through the glass
>arms crossed
>motionless
>predator behavior
>briefly feel primal twinge of fear
>realize I eventually have to exit this Lounge
>portfolio currently exposed to concentrated girlfriend risk
>consider asking bartender whether Amex offers evacuation insurance
>instead order third bourbon
>if I die, need to maximize benefit utilization first
>eventually text her
>"want me to bring you a cookie?"
>three dots appear instantly
>three dots disappear
>three dots appear again
>phone rings
>decline call
>Jesus Christ
>start pricing alternative flights
>anyway
>annual fee hits next month
>obviously keeping the card
>people say Amex Platinum is overpriced
>idiots
>you're not paying for credits
>you're paying for the ability to sit behind glass drinking bourbon while the general airport population experiences civilization at its natural carrying capacity
>the SUB is temporary
>the points get devalued
>the Uber credit is annoying
>but the feeling of walking past Gate B12 and thinking
>"damn, imagine not having access"
>that yield is eternal

Nostr event nevent1qqspylz5lcnkx7skhplzum4zqk0tjl62dte5suw8mx60upxmwsmwcegzyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8gvp0k2l

2026-10-03T19:47:08Z

Nostr event nevent1qqs86uahl2nyn06vrrwvsxtd8eu96mwya94pyaazuzeygtktselh59qzyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8ga9hp72

2026-10-03T19:46:28Z

Retards have such spectacular meltdowns over JK Rowling that I ...

2026-10-02T22:20:07Z

Retards have such spectacular meltdowns over JK Rowling that I sometimes forget she's just a standard issue libfoid circa 2011 and not actually ultra giga based fem Hitler.

I want the version of the Chris Hansen movie that Jersh is ...

2026-10-02T17:10:13Z

I want the version of the Chris Hansen movie that Jersh is describing because listening to him talk about it has me dying.

Nostr event nevent1qqs20vxt6ntz72pc35zmyej6gcg7ldn720ynwlk7lzyzvzfjuc94h6czyq8vghcuc2kww0uqels69t4zh62z35u74v6jtzwjcngzduqzvtk8gnhusur

2026-10-02T15:26:47Z

The game industry has not suffered nearly enough layoffs. ...

2026-10-01T22:04:18Z

The game industry has not suffered nearly enough layoffs.

It's really funny watching all these WoW streamers cope and ...

2026-10-01T21:41:05Z

It's really funny watching all these WoW streamers cope and seethe because Blizzard said they may be punished for taking gold handouts that originate from RMT in the WoW Forever beta. What a tragedy that the people who get handed real money to play a video game have to actually "work" for the fake money inside said video game.

People trying to litigate the question of consent out of this ...

2026-10-01T20:02:22Z

People trying to litigate the question of consent out of this Cornell frat house ketamine gangbang Slaanesh-tier nightmare of degeneracy that's blowing up in the media right now are retarded. Back in the day the village would just stone everybody involved to death to establish a zero tolerance policy for participating in that kind of depravity at all.

>mfw Asmon has been talking about Twitch nigger drama for ...

2026-10-01T18:50:12Z

>mfw Asmon has been talking about Twitch nigger drama for nearly two fucking hours
Oh my God please talk about anything else, I'm begging you. I'd rather listen to more of his horrible Iran war takes than one more minute of this Twitch circus monkey garbage.

>become a necromancer eleven times (twice from yourself) ...

2026-10-01T08:57:50Z

>become a necromancer eleven times (twice from yourself)
>worship personal pantheon of depravity, lust, death and murder
>die to nameless human
Sigma grindset?

New AI project: Web app that takes an OpenAI API key and then ...

2026-10-01T02:25:53Z

New AI project: Web app that takes an OpenAI API key and then builds out a universe tick by tick from one initial user-described seed entity, building out a relationship graph of everything in the universe as it goes.

I don't think we need a half hour podcast episode to solve ...

2026-09-30T15:14:07Z

I don't think we need a half hour podcast episode to solve this mystery.

>be me >ordinary citizen of Earth >aliens invade ...

2026-09-30T01:07:59Z

>be me
>ordinary citizen of Earth
>aliens invade
>humanity gets absolutely folded in seven hours
>entire planet occupied by incomprehensible multidimensional empire
>expect some terrifying alien warlord to become governor of Earth
>turn on television
>it's my old fucking boss
>Dr. Wallace Breen
>former administrator at Black Mesa
>the same dickhead who used to send facility-wide emails titled RE: BREAK ROOM CLEANLINESS — FINAL WARNING
>apparently during mankind's darkest hour he somehow networked his way into becoming the Combine's regional manager for Planet Earth
>aliens conquer billions of people
>ask themselves who should run this place
>"what about that passive-aggressive administrator from New Mexico"
>perfect
>twenty years later
>living in City 17
>everything sucks
>food rationed
>reproduction suppressed
>masked cops beat people in train stations
>transhuman soldiers everywhere
>but somehow the worst part is still Breen
>every public screen constantly playing his stupid face
>"Welcome. Welcome to City 17."
>oh fantastic
>the mandatory all-hands meeting survived the apocalypse
>can't even walk to the ration terminal without getting another fucking Breencast
>"I'd like to address some concerns regarding recent citizen productivity metrics"
>MY BROTHER IN CHRIST THE SKY IS OCCUPIED BY AN INTERDIMENSIONAL EMPIRE
>Breen still somehow talking like quarterly numbers are down 4%
>begin wondering how much of Combine rule is actually alien policy
>Overwatch suppression field?
>probably Combine
>memory replacement?
>probably Combine
>mandatory relocation?
>probably Combine
>vending machines exclusively stocked with DR. BREEN'S PRIVATE RESERVE
>absolutely fucking Breen
>imagine seeing the cans for the first time
>water tastes vaguely metallic
>label has your old boss's name on it
>"Don't drink the water. They put something in it to make you forget."
>yeah they made us forget Pepsi apparently
>Breen definitely sat in a Citadel meeting going
>"While we're restructuring the human species, I'd like to discuss beverage-brand consolidation."
>Combine Advisors staring at him telepathically
>"Wallace this was supposed to be about planetary assimilation"
>"Of course. I've prepared a 46-slide deck."
>civilization reduced to numbered cities
>entire species being biologically rewritten
>somewhere Breen is still drafting an email because Citizen Protection forgot to properly complete a requisition form
>SUBJECT: REMINDER — CIVIL PROTECTION BATON INVENTORY
>"Team, we've noticed several stun batons have not been returned to their designated charging stations."
>alien empire capable of harvesting universes
>somehow conquered Earth and immediately inherited corporate middle management
>resistance starts forming
>Combine assumes humans object to enslavement
>half of City 17 actually just wants Breen to stop broadcasting his podcast over the PA system
>Gordon Freeman returns
>Breen recognizes him
>immediately starts talking like Gordon is an employee who went AWOL before completing an exit interview
>"Dr. Freeman. I understand you've been causing some difficulties."
>difficulties
>Gordon has destroyed three military installations
>Breen still giving him the disappointed HR voice
>"This really isn't the professional way to handle workplace grievances."
>eventually citizens storm the streets
>Citadel under siege
>Combine probably watching the uprising through surveillance feeds
>"Why are the locals so angry?"
>Breen nervously closes spreadsheet labeled CITY17_SYNERGY_INITIATIVE_FINAL_v12.xlsx
>realize Half-Life 2 isn't merely about alien occupation
>it's about the uniquely Kafkaesque horror of discovering that when aliens conquered Earth
>they promoted your shitty boss
>and now there is no HR department above him
>because the HR department is an unknowable extradimensional intelligence
>and apparently it thinks he's doing a fantastic job

>be me >formerly normal grocery shopper >oil is oil ...

2026-09-07T22:39:47Z

>be me
>formerly normal grocery shopper
>oil is oil
>butter is butter
>mayonnaise is mayonnaise
>life is simple
>make catastrophic mistake of reading one thread about seed oils at 1:30 AM
>come out the other side spiritually unable to view a nutrition label the same way again
>go to supermarket next morning
>pick up loaf of bread
>soybean oil
>why
>put it back
>grab hamburger buns
>soybean oil
>tortillas
>canola oil
>crackers
>sunflower oil
>granola
>expeller-pressed safflower oil
>protein bar
>vegetable oil blend
>vegetable oil blend
>what vegetables
>which vegetables are being squeezed for oil
>have never seen anyone wring a broccoli
>start checking things that logically should not require oil
>dried cranberries
>sunflower oil
>raisins
>sunflower oil
>seasoning packet
>canola oil
>peanut butter
>rapeseed oil
>excuse me
>buy roasted nuts
>ingredients: almonds, sunflower oil, sea salt
>THE ALMOND ALREADY CONTAINS OIL
>WHY DID YOU OIL THE OIL
>walk into frozen aisle
>every product has the same microscopic ingredient list
>"contains 2% or less of soybean oil, canola oil, cottonseed oil, sunflower oil, palm oil, natural flavors, xanthan gum, spiritual malaise"
>realize seed oil isn't an ingredient anymore
>it's atmospheric
>it's the culinary equivalent of microplastics
>restaurant menu says "grilled chicken"
>excellent
>ask waiter what it's grilled in
>"our house vegetable oil blend"
>there is no escape
>order steak
>"we brush the grill with canola oil"
>order steamed vegetables
>"finished with our garlic-infused soybean oil"
>order plain baked potato
>waiter begins sweating
>"the potato supplier lightly coats them in vegetable oil for..."
>STOP
>go home
>decide to cook everything myself
>buy cast iron pan
>butter
>beef tallow
>olive oil from a bottle with more provenance documentation than my birth certificate
>finally safe
>roommate walks in
>"hey anon I bought some nonstick cooking spray"
>look at label
>CANOLA OIL, SOY LECITHIN
>hear Dark Souls boss music
>week later become That Guy at every social gathering
>"what oil did you use?"
>"anon it's birthday cake"
>"ANSWER THE QUESTION"
>friend hands me chips
>turn bag around before accepting
>sunflower oil
>hand recoils instinctively
>friend looks at me like I'm inspecting the ingredients for plutonium
>eventually realize half the modern food supply appears to be based on one fundamental culinary principle:
>take a perfectly edible substance
>find some way to spray soybean or canola oil onto it
>sell it
>even foods marketed as healthy
>"ancient grain organic superfood clusters"
>ingredients begin with oats, quinoa, chia
>beautiful
>keep reading
>CANOLA OIL
>they got the ancient grains too
>Mesopotamia has fallen
>start shopping exclusively around perimeter of store
>meat
>eggs
>produce
>dairy
>feel like medieval peasant avoiding cursed interior aisles
>occasionally venture into center for coffee
>inspect label anyway
>100% coffee
>finally
>one product has escaped
>cashier sees me reading it
>"sir, that's coffee"
>I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CAPABLE OF
>seed oil redpill isn't even believing they're uniquely poisonous anymore
>it's simply noticing them
>once noticed they become impossible to unsee
>soybean oil is hiding behind every cupboard door like fucking Slenderman
>canola oil is somehow in both the salad dressing and the "buttery" popcorn
>sunflower oil has infiltrated dried fruit
>cottonseed oil exists despite cotton famously not being food
>every time I think I've escaped
>new product appears
>"Made with REAL AVOCADO!"
>check ingredients
>canola oil, avocado oil
>avocado oil listed just high enough to legally put a green avocado on the front
>mfw modern food manufacturers apparently regard seed oil as the culinary equivalent of mortar
>nothing may be constructed without it
>mfw I just wanted lunch

>be Greek emperor in Constantinople >capital of the Roman ...

2026-08-28T08:05:07Z

>be Greek emperor in Constantinople
>capital of the Roman Empire
>population in the hundreds of thousands
>palaces, aqueducts, senators, eunuchs, theologians arguing about whether Christ has one energy or two
>entire civilization has spent a thousand years becoming progressively more Mediterranean and bureaucratic
>need reliable bodyguards
>obvious solution: import Scandinavians
>not even exaggerating
>somehow the personal security detail of the Greek-speaking Roman emperor becomes a wall of gigantic northern barbarians named things like Halfdan Bear-Splitter
>imagine being some Armenian courtier visiting the Great Palace
>silk robes
>gold mosaics
>marble columns
>incense drifting through halls built by emperors who claimed legitimacy through Augustus, Constantine and Christ simultaneously
>eight 6'4" blond psychos holding two-handed axes
>looking like Odin personally spawned them in the palace courtyard five minutes ago
>“Who are these men?”
>“The Varangians.”
>“Where are they from?”
>“Sweden.”
>“Where the fuck is Sweden?”
>imperial official points vaguely north
>keeps pointing
>still pointing
>some of them literally traveled down the Russian river system from Scandinavia
>sailed through places that would eventually become Ukraine
>crossed the Black Sea
>showed up at Constantinople 1,500 miles south of home like Viking Erasmus students with murder scholarships
>go from fjords, pine forests and six months of seasonal depression
>to standing outside the throne room overlooking the Bosporus
>tfw you left Norway because your brother inherited dad's farm and now you're guarding the Roman Emperor at the precise geographic seam between Europe and Asia
>the Byzantines quickly discover an important property of foreign mercenaries
>they don't have cousins in the Senate
>they don't own estates in Anatolia
>they don't care which Constantinopolitan aristocrat thinks he should be emperor
>their political platform is basically
>1. emperor pays us
>2. we guard emperor
>3. anybody attacks emperor gets turned into a geometry problem
>elite Byzantine families spend centuries organizing coups through marriages, court appointments, military commands and complicated networks of patronage
>some Varangian named Thorfinn watching all this:
>“Is man attacking king?”
>“Well technically Strategos Michael has assembled a coalition of—”
>*AXE NOISES*
>problem resolved
>Basil II especially figures this shit out
>gets thousands of Varangians from Vladimir of Kiev
>finally has troops whose loyalty isn't dependent upon whether some landowning family in Cappadocia got enough tax exemptions this year
>absolutely loves them
>Greek emperor surrounded by men who look like they should be raiding Lindisfarne
>imperial ceremonial protocol probably has 900 pages describing exactly how many steps an ambassador takes before bowing
>Varangian protocol:
>stand near emperor
>hold enormous axe
>look terrifying
>if necessary apply enormous axe
>be foreign diplomat
>enter audience chamber
>Emperor is wearing jeweled purple silk worth more than your entire province
>choirs chanting
>gold everywhere
>mechanical lions reportedly roaring beside the throne
>then notice his guards
>literal fucking Skyrim loading screen
>the message could not be clearer
>“His Imperial Majesty is the divinely appointed heir of Augustus and Constantine.”
>also
>“These enormous pagans-turned-Christians will fucking kill you.”
>best part is the Varangians develop a reputation for fanatical loyalty
>because from their perspective the emperor isn't merely some distant bureaucrat
>he's The Guy
>the unbelievably wealthy southern king who personally employs them
>Roman aristocrat: “The constitutional situation is extremely complicated.”
>Varangian: “Did emperor dismiss me?”
>“No.”
>“Then emperor still emperor.”
>some emperors inevitably get overthrown anyway because Byzantine politics is Byzantine politics
>Varangians occasionally find themselves standing there while the entire government melts down around them
>probably thinking this is the weirdest longhouse feud they've ever witnessed
>Constantinople meanwhile starts treating giant Nordic axemen as a normal feature of government
>“Yes, those are the emperor's Scandinavians.”
>sentence nobody in Classical Rome could possibly have predicted
>eventually so many Scandinavians go there that Scandinavian runestones literally commemorate guys who died "in Greece"
>medieval Swedish family erects stone
>HERE LIES GUDMUND
>HE WENT TO GREECE
>HE GOT PAID
>HE DID NOT COME BACK
>probably still made it into Valhalla despite converting
>Augustus spends forty years creating the Principate
>fast forward a millennium
>his successor is a Greek-speaking Christian monarch whose most trusted guards are Viking ubermensch wearing mail and carrying Dane axes
>standing in New Rome where Thrace meets Anatolia
>time traveler shows Roman citizen circa 15 AD what the world is like a thousand years in the future
>"what the fuck happened after Augustus?"

Today I had a coworker crash out so hard he actually called me a ...

2026-08-21T21:02:48Z

Today I had a coworker crash out so hard he actually called me a chud irl over an argument about squatters lol

This week I learned the biggest downside to physical silver ...

2026-05-16T21:10:48Z

This week I learned the biggest downside to physical silver stacking is that as price volatility rises, liquidity from coin shops dries up completely. That's a bit of a problem when you just got slammed with a few grand worth of bills you need to pay.

>Quartering's stream gets raided by some random guy with ...

2026-02-24T05:06:03Z

>Quartering's stream gets raided by some random guy with 100 viewers
>They immediately take over his chat and start building N towers
:marseyxd: :marseyxd: :marseyxd: :marseyxd: :marseyxd:
https://kick.com/kinocasinogaming

Jeremy has heard the good news of the Balldo. ...

2026-02-24T02:55:51Z

Jeremy has heard the good news of the Balldo.

Hey Nepal, how about putting this kid in charge? He's got ...

2025-09-10T00:19:36Z

Hey Nepal, how about putting this kid in charge? He's got this vibe about him.

When a war finally ends, I wonder if all the anons who regularly ...

2025-07-08T00:16:27Z

When a war finally ends, I wonder if all the anons who regularly posted in the corresponding /pol/ general get all misty eyed and sentimental like they're graduating and never gonna see each other again.

:marseyfoidretard: :marseyxd: ...

2025-01-30T13:51:04Z

:marseyfoidretard: :marseyxd: