Nostr notes by Toby

Some say Mastodon is a complete waste of time, but that’s only ...

2026-08-27T08:10:04Z

Some say Mastodon is a complete waste of time, but that’s only if you’re doing it properly

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2026-08-22T06:37:15Z

Today I will be hosting a book sale until the librarians notice

When my internet goes down, I just go back to ruining my life ...

2026-08-01T03:37:46Z

When my internet goes down, I just go back to ruining my life locally

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2026-07-26T06:16:44Z

Where’s a falling anvil when you need one?

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2026-07-11T05:24:46Z

Joggers always look unhappy but are hard to cuddle

Still can't quite believe the World Health Organisation ...

2026-07-06T06:21:45Z

Still can't quite believe the World Health Organisation framed Roger Rabbit AND let the dogs out

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2026-07-01T21:20:38Z

I’ve decided to seize tomorrow

I just finished reading the Bible and it doesn't mention the ...

2026-05-12T17:21:25Z

I just finished reading the Bible and it doesn't mention the USA once

I’m not arrogant because I’m the best at this. That’s just ...

2026-02-25T20:11:49Z

I’m not arrogant because I’m the best at this. That’s just a coincidence

Hatred based on race, religion or gender is rooted in ignorance. ...

2026-02-23T19:00:07Z

Hatred based on race, religion or gender is rooted in ignorance. Get to know people properly and there are so many legitimate reasons to hate them

Whenever things get tough, I ask myself, “What would Jesus ...

2026-02-01T11:20:06Z

Whenever things get tough, I ask myself, “What would Jesus do?”, and then I hide in a cave for three days

Sometimes I worry I’m a bad parent, but that’s just the ...

2026-01-03T20:26:10Z

Sometimes I worry I’m a bad parent, but that’s just the fentanyl talking

Climate Change is Nature’s way of telling humans to fuck off. ...

2025-12-27T07:39:56Z

Climate Change is Nature’s way of telling humans to fuck off. Well, I’m not prepared to be spoken to like that! [*punches cactus*]

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2025-12-24T19:59:34Z

I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I do enjoy the hypocrisy

Apart from Jesus, I'm deeply troubled by the lack of ...

2025-12-16T06:52:01Z

Apart from Jesus, I'm deeply troubled by the lack of Americans in the Bible. I'm sorry to bring this up again but it's undermining my faith

Nostr event nevent1qqsycaapsn8lh2xqfwmcwjjut3h0qrw2wcezfxgcwfv5g4rkf84qaygzyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkpd7nuv

2025-12-11T12:23:27Z

Christmas is a time of giving, so I’m giving up

It’s the “social” side of social media I struggle with. I ...

2025-12-04T06:33:58Z

It’s the “social” side of social media I struggle with. I don’t know what “media” means

[on my deathbed] Son: “Do you have any last words of wisdom ...

2025-12-01T06:22:36Z

[on my deathbed]

Son: “Do you have any last words of wisdom father?”

Me: “Yes. If nobody has boosted your toot within 15 minutes, post it again”

Apologies for any offence caused! Here, in the UK, a ...

2025-12-01T06:17:39Z

Apologies for any offence caused! Here, in the UK, a “cracker” is a biscuit, a “fag” is a cigarette, and “you absolute cunt” is a term of endearment

I see you're “proudly” patriotic? Well done for being ...

2025-11-27T08:18:16Z

I see you're “proudly” patriotic? Well done for being born in a country

People say Mastodon is a futile waste of time, but that’s only ...

2025-10-29T05:24:54Z

People say Mastodon is a futile waste of time, but that’s only if you’re doing it right

People criticise doping in sports but, if all I could do was run ...

2025-10-25T05:34:15Z

People criticise doping in sports but, if all I could do was run fast or hit a ball, I’d take drugs too

I’ve been single so long I get aroused by photos of my right ...

2025-10-23T06:58:25Z

I’ve been single so long I get aroused by photos of my right hand

Every time I close one door and open another, it reminds me I’m ...

2025-10-19T17:19:45Z

Every time I close one door and open another, it reminds me I’m a bit like God

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2025-10-14T06:06:31Z

Stop! Ok! I’ve heard enough! I’m never eating kitten again

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2025-10-06T20:41:22Z

I’m not one to brag but I “couldn’t be more wrong”

Just found out that Mastodon is all about connecting with others ...

2025-10-01T21:30:47Z

Just found out that Mastodon is all about connecting with others and I am livid

Nostr event nevent1qqsvwmpd5h34m0y50p80uy8mv6yu7upumy7enh0c54wgzy4e4e32s3czyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkkqzype

2025-09-23T11:27:14Z

Imagine my surprise when I saw your good post

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2025-09-13T05:23:13Z

Notice how the eye is subtly drawn to the end of this sentence

Today we opposed the Far Right who had wanted to march on the ...

2025-08-23T16:49:20Z

Today we opposed the Far Right who had wanted to march on the Women’s Hospital and the African Caribbean Centre in Liverpool. We prevented them.

Ours is a diverse and tolerant city and we won’t let fascism take root here✊✊🏽✊🏻✊🏿

#AntiFascist #Liverpool

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2025-08-13T09:20:16Z

You’d think, with great age would come wisdom, but no

To prove I DO know how to post quality content, here is a photo ...

2025-08-09T20:46:34Z

To prove I DO know how to post quality content, here is a photo of a dog:

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2025-07-08T10:16:07Z

I keep getting things wrong. I may even be an economist

Nostr event nevent1qqstdgk7aegw7yvut0nzkzprl29m2wsx2v8zjfylzyh8y3w5yzp8wegzyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkln7knc

2025-07-05T18:40:35Z

Nothing beats my favourite word for zero

Me: “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” Her: Me: “I ...

2025-06-28T17:34:04Z

Me: “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Her:

Me: “I SAID, DID IT HUR-“

Medic: “Step aside sir”

Wow. I can't sleep. I hope it's rage, and not hate. Rage ...

2025-05-06T10:10:48Z

Wow. I can't sleep. I hope it's rage, and not hate. Rage just sounds much more wholesome

I had no idea so many women weren’t ready for a relationship ...

2025-04-30T18:11:01Z

I had no idea so many women weren’t ready for a relationship until I started dating

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to anthropomorphisise our ...

2025-04-13T16:30:55Z

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to anthropomorphisise our political leaders

My doctor says I’m solipsistic and delusional, presidential ...

2025-04-06T05:21:17Z

My doctor says I’m solipsistic and delusional, presidential even

What’s the name of that tax where we all give billionaires our ...

2025-03-31T11:02:08Z

What’s the name of that tax where we all give billionaires our money?

Nostr event nevent1qqspkqfe85f5xd33zwlcg9k34wq98682pc9h0cpkz49pmwesprk3vfgzyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkh0hm87

2025-03-17T08:01:52Z

What use is an e-cigarette if it won’t work under water?

Be kind. Not everyone remembers they can go fuck themselves. ...

2025-02-17T07:39:16Z

Be kind. Not everyone remembers they can go fuck themselves. Sometimes you have to remind them

I never used to mind my wife hurting me as she climaxed, until I ...

2025-02-09T18:40:54Z

I never used to mind my wife hurting me as she climaxed, until I found out she was faking it

Quick question for my American readers: you rebelled against the ...

2025-01-28T09:35:33Z

Quick question for my American readers: you rebelled against the British because you didn’t want to pay 1.5% tax. How’s that going for you?

Please don’t forget that Christmas Day can be a difficult time ...

2024-12-25T11:24:28Z

Please don’t forget that Christmas Day can be a difficult time for many people. For instance, I’m a bit bored

The worst thing about being British is the incessant Benny Hill ...

2024-12-24T06:55:23Z

The worst thing about being British is the incessant Benny Hill music

Nostr event nevent1qqs0q4fuapkhvnfxfuqskcrpsnkw8asd8353qka807nw5m0scx28rtczyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatksg98ld

2024-11-27T18:23:05Z

How many years is a panic-attack supposed to last?

Shout-out to the Mid-Atlantic Ridge for quietly and continuously ...

2024-11-11T09:29:50Z

Shout-out to the Mid-Atlantic Ridge for quietly and continuously separating the USA from Europe

Some say posting on Mastodon is a waste of time, but that’s ...

2024-11-08T11:09:51Z

Some say posting on Mastodon is a waste of time, but that’s only if you’re doing it properly

Mastodon is a great place to release pent-up stupidity. I run ...

2024-11-04T16:28:49Z

Mastodon is a great place to release pent-up stupidity. I run several accounts

Nostr event nevent1qqsphfmue4skpkplrtd2xyq55a2xddrgvwj0es3hwjp7kel4qp3sargzyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkdv4l8c

2024-11-01T11:19:18Z

Archaeologists now believe our ancestors simply hated dusting

Nostr event nevent1qqswrcqqj59mxwnlew53wupt9uek58640e2glmhw26mwt7kk3ulek5gzyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkfmv3qn

2024-10-09T07:55:33Z

People seem really nice until they get to know me

Nostr event nevent1qqsyqs8fzsp9kvamr4xpc7u7mmcen2m9367jt3g0fm3t4fwp48csq0czyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkv57tgz

2024-10-09T05:34:23Z

I need your clothes, your boots, and your unicycle

Nostr event nevent1qqs2uz4w287fhyz07awm46r9e3dt3xukew8qnfj3xyduwnaxxmy9x0qzyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkd54hp7

2024-09-28T06:23:30Z

I was born in the UK because I wanted to be near my mother

[on death-bed] “I wish I’d retweeted myself more”

2024-09-27T18:27:05Z

[on death-bed]

“I wish I’d retweeted myself more”

People forget how much they have in common, such as how they can ...

2024-09-15T07:00:13Z

People forget how much they have in common, such as how they can go fuck themselves

As a nudist from a cold climate, I simply put my clothing on ...

2024-09-14T04:57:30Z

As a nudist from a cold climate, I simply put my clothing on inside-out, making the universe wear my clothes whilst I remain “undressed”

[Breakfast] reading milk carton “MISSING: Have You Seen This ...

2024-09-08T21:44:27Z

[Breakfast]

*reading milk carton*

“MISSING: Have You Seen This Sock?”

*spits out cereal*

Sometimes people forget that they can go fuck themselves and you ...

2024-08-29T17:44:59Z

Sometimes people forget that they can go fuck themselves and you need to remind ‘em. It’s called “being considerate”

Today is the anniversary of this time last year. How will you be ...

2024-08-29T08:26:02Z

Today is the anniversary of this time last year. How will you be celebrating?

Nostr event nevent1qqsyu5advltqleguym9e7j9kdzvpsruqvzra3gdkga566yegmja8mtgzyzljtdj0zf3gfxadh22xmc85zrn8lys28qjnhjv4se3u6hr98gatkpzzvvy

2024-08-07T07:29:40Z

Quick reminder: other people are optional

Adam: “What’s this?” God: “A rib” Adam: “Can I fuck ...

2024-06-15T11:25:34Z

Adam: “What’s this?”

God: “A rib”

Adam: “Can I fuck it?”

I've been trying to leave Rome for weeks but all their roads ...

2023-10-10T12:36:19Z

I've been trying to leave Rome for weeks but all their roads have this weird design flaw