Nostr notes by Dan Ports

Dinner is served at precisely 8:00 PM. It is now 8:16 PM. The ...

2026-10-25T03:17:02Z

Dinner is served at precisely 8:00 PM. It is now 8:16 PM.

The grievance committee has assembled.

#cats #catsofmastodon

Pleased to see that someone on /r/Seattle is trying to find a ...

2026-10-22T05:12:28Z

Pleased to see that someone on /r/Seattle is trying to find a witch to curse her ex-husband's favorite thing and everyone in the comments is applauding her for thinking locally rather than turning to Etsy.

Never change, #Seattle.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/comments/1xbz671/looking_for_witch_to_curse_my_exhusbands_favorite/

xkcd came so close to predicting today's events... ...

2026-10-21T05:22:35Z

xkcd came so close to predicting today's events...

https://xkcd.com/221/

"Hello. We've been trying to reach you about your ...

2026-10-13T21:48:37Z

"Hello. We've been trying to reach you about your cat's extended warranty."

#cats #catsofmastodon

Please be advised that, per request from @npub1kgc…5rz3, Miso ...

2026-10-10T01:58:22Z

Please be advised that, per request from Night of the living dev 🧟🧟 (npub1kgc…5rz3), Miso is receiving pets.

#cats #catsofmastodon

for a while I kept this certificate next to my master's ...

2026-10-07T01:45:21Z

In reply to nevent1q…hczj
_________________________

for a while I kept this certificate next to my master's degree

apropos of nothing, here is a tortoise riding BART ...

2026-10-04T20:32:44Z

In reply to nevent1q…vzaw
_________________________

apropos of nothing, here is a tortoise riding BART
https://www.instagram.com/p/DdK6hEyKVc2/

There is a corgi in my neighborhood named Em-Dash, and I wonder ...

2026-09-19T21:44:15Z

There is a corgi in my neighborhood named Em-Dash, and I wonder how he feels about AI appropriating his namesake.

BE CAREFUL OF THE HIGH HEAT FROM BROTHS TO AVOID BUMS. ...

2026-09-16T04:34:21Z

BE CAREFUL OF THE HIGH HEAT FROM BROTHS TO AVOID BUMS.

Please meet Muffin. Muffin has OPINIONS. #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2026-09-13T01:34:38Z

Please meet Muffin. Muffin has OPINIONS.

#cats #catsofmastodon #caturday Elba (npub1ekj…79v2)

This photo is a pun in Chinese. #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2026-09-02T23:11:32Z

This photo is a pun in Chinese.

#cats #catsofmastodon

deploying Anubis or something for more general scraper blocking ...

2026-09-02T21:00:55Z

In reply to nevent1q…h2a3
_________________________

deploying Anubis or something for more general scraper blocking might also make sense

depends on how exactly you have things deployed, but I just added ...

2026-09-02T21:00:32Z

In reply to nevent1q…5mp5
_________________________

depends on how exactly you have things deployed, but I just added to the nginx config:

map $http_sec_ch_ua $block_lightpanda {
default 0;
~*Lightpanda 1;
}

and then in the server { } block:

if ($block_lightpanda) {
return 403;
}

discuss.systems got hammered by Lightpanda scrapers from 200K+ IP ...

2026-09-02T20:03:34Z

discuss.systems got hammered by Lightpanda scrapers from 200K+ IP addresses today.

If anyone's not already blocking scrapers, might be a good time to start!

#mastoadmin

load average: 0.00, 0.00, 0.00 #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2026-08-31T00:15:20Z

load average: 0.00, 0.00, 0.00

#cats #catsofmastodon

kinda miss the absurdity of how Sun Microsystems somehow ...

2026-08-27T21:23:30Z

kinda miss the absurdity of how Sun Microsystems somehow convinced an entire industry of Very Serious Software Architects in the late 90s and early 00s to spend all of their time talking about beans

realized that i don't think i ever saw my phd advisor use a ...

2026-08-26T00:28:01Z

realized that i don't think i ever saw my phd advisor use a single capital letter in email, and i can only aspire to that level of seniority

The supply chain is so bad right now that the only RAM I could ...

2026-08-25T20:00:23Z

The supply chain is so bad right now that the only RAM I could find came as a DIY kit.

Nostr event nevent1qqsxhqt3qxzdwcrlw6p7kkj63j5hm7fuvyk0v6e8f68kjk4g2gstx8szyp9fltzrfr4lzmt04qa8cqr8w5ewwwh5c3fch5yp4l78ka3xkqxlk30mk0k

2026-08-15T00:56:56Z

In reply to nevent1q…d87f
_________________________

RE: https://discuss.systems/@dan/112781154931030166 It's ...

2026-08-14T05:37:41Z

RE: https://discuss.systems/@dan/112781154931030166

It's almost chileposting season again! This year's shipment should be arriving tomorrow or so...
nostr:note1hfpsgjy6ft59z73q2da0wwn8welsmjkuxft0p3ay9r6ql6cc3svqn9xy8c

Please be sure not to accidentally commit genocide when using an ...

2026-08-10T18:52:04Z

Please be sure not to accidentally commit genocide when using an AI to disguise your plagiarism by replacing words with synonyms.

(presumably it was originally "1 mL of the final solution")

via r/chemistry: https://www.reddit.com/r/chemistry/comments/1vimpfx/a_tool_used_to_rephrase_plagiarised_text_changed/

CVE-2026-65535: Ranch Overflow

2026-08-08T02:15:49Z

In reply to nevent1q…mmax
_________________________

CVE-2026-65535: Ranch Overflow

Finally, the Midwestern parfait option. ...

2026-08-08T02:07:17Z

Finally, the Midwestern parfait option.

I'm not saying that the main problem with US politics is a ...

2026-08-06T01:51:57Z

I'm not saying that the main problem with US politics is a lack of capybaras, but I would be willing to consider replacing everyone in Congress with a capybara as an experiment.

https://apnews.com/article/brazil-capybaras-lawmakers-herd-fec574aa45b80b76d4993f8eda86d94b

Some days I really miss teaching... and some days I hear from my ...

2026-07-30T03:54:28Z

Some days I really miss teaching... and some days I hear from my friends that their students have been asking for extensions because "OpenAI deleted my girlfriend".

My friends have a whiteboard where they keep their home ...

2026-07-25T02:23:17Z

My friends have a whiteboard where they keep their home improvement todo list, so every time I visit I surreptitiously add a fake item.
- rotate furniture
- refinish doorstops
- ceiling fan torque dampers
- check attic ambient load distribution
- dishwasher vapor return manifold
- recalibrate subfloor tension dampers
- test GFCI harmonic inversion modes (+/- 0.5%)
- confirm plumbing flow alignment (clockwise only!)

okay, can we now have another Turing Award for major ...

2026-07-24T22:50:56Z

okay, can we now have another Turing Award for major contributions to the field of gay romances?

https://www.popsci.com/science/alan-turing-love-short-story/

I miss when weird sex things on the internet were just weird sex ...

2026-07-18T07:24:39Z

In reply to nevent1q…2tly
_________________________

I miss when weird sex things on the internet were just weird sex things and not somehow fascist scams.

RE: https://neuromatch.social/@jonny/116939614764592845 I ...

2026-07-18T07:12:36Z

RE: https://neuromatch.social/@jonny/116939614764592845

I remember learning about RealDolls almost 30 years ago as one of those weird things you find on the internet, and I have not had any reason to think about them since, and the following was one hell of a sentence to suddenly come across:

quoting
note1jpg…skyj

RealDoll the sex doll parent company bought by the roving husk of a cryptocurrency/metaverse capital demon pivots to selling hyper-realistic silicoid AI teaching robots to public schools on the Seneca Nation reservation, causing the state to spend $60k per doll they don't have to perform generational damage to already marginalized kids. That's a real consequence of the kind of world all the AI ghouls with a kind face are running cover for.
thread: https://bsky.app/profile/jgcarpenter.com/post/3mqptnudhmk2b
Blog post: https://jgcarpenter.com/blog.html?blogPost=a-companion-robot-company-just-landed-a-classroom

Mutex contention: this critical section is already occupied. ...

2026-07-15T05:09:21Z

Mutex contention: this critical section is already occupied.

#cats #catsofmastodon

When my mom started medical school, the dean gathered everyone in ...

2026-07-11T21:14:29Z

When my mom started medical school, the dean gathered everyone in the auditorium and announced "I've been forced to admit three women into this class, but I want everyone to know that they took a spot away from a qualified man."

Fifty-something years later, my dad just got his latest batch of cardiology fellows, residents, and interns -- and every one of them is female.

In honor of Minion's 10th birthday today, please tag ...

2026-07-09T20:54:26Z

In honor of Minion's 10th birthday today, please tag yourself:

#cats #catsofmastodon

Found a Fediverse posting starter pack #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2026-06-30T04:05:52Z

Found a Fediverse posting starter pack

#cats #catsofmastodon #asstodon

randomly reminded today of the fact that Bill Clinton wrote a ...

2026-06-27T03:30:10Z

randomly reminded today of the fact that Bill Clinton wrote a political thriller in 2018 that contained a surprisingly passable explanation of the Border Gateway Protocol.

I'm not saying we should necessarily have an exam on distance-vector routing protocols as a cognitive test to be qualified for the presidency, but... actually, why not?

this may be the best slide deck of all time

2026-06-24T22:36:07Z

In reply to nevent1q…f8sd
_________________________

this may be the best slide deck of all time

Early American Chinese restaurant menus were designed to be ...

2026-06-19T21:28:18Z

Early American Chinese restaurant menus were designed to be parsed as SQL.

Some years ago, I needed to get an visa for urgent travel to ...

2026-06-17T00:42:59Z

Some years ago, I needed to get an visa for urgent travel to China, a process that required me to fly down to SF and stand in a very long line at the Chinese consulate. When I finally handed the woman there my forms, she promptly stamped them and said "you need to take these to Window 2", pointing around the corner. So I walked around the corner...

...where *the same woman* swiveled her chair around and proceeded to check the stamp that she had just applied.

I would have been annoyed if I wasn't in so much awe at discovering the purest form of bureaucracy.

Thanks to her arthritis treatment, Pixel is back to being an ...

2026-06-13T21:32:57Z

Thanks to her arthritis treatment, Pixel is back to being an adventure cat.

*Short adventures only. Then it’s time for a nap.

#cats #catsofmastodon #caturday

Sometimes you can really tell a Wikipedia article is gonna be ...

2026-06-11T07:15:13Z

Sometimes you can really tell a Wikipedia article is gonna be good from the table of contents.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Peacock

I have been hearing lately about faculty trying to replace their ...

2026-05-28T21:18:18Z

I have been hearing lately about faculty trying to replace their PhD students with LLMs to do research, and I regret to inform these people:
1) you are bad people who have misunderstood the concept of graduate students entirely.
2) I guarantee you that your students have already replaced you with LLMs because they provide more effective advising.

Every now and then I check in on my local Nextdoor so I don't ...

2026-05-07T00:05:02Z

Every now and then I check in on my local Nextdoor so I don't miss gems like this.

#seattle

My cat's antidepressant prescription comes with a free toy ...

2026-04-28T02:46:25Z

My cat's antidepressant prescription comes with a free toy every month. Human pharmacies, take note.

I haven't really been following what's going on with ...

2026-04-21T04:30:40Z

I haven't really been following what's going on with Palantir, but I'm just gonna go ahead and reiterate my rule "never trust a white man with a manifesto".

Several people have recommended that the next time I'm in ...

2026-04-20T21:31:05Z

Several people have recommended that the next time I'm in Beijing I should visit the provincial government offices because they have restaurants that serve authentic food from their provinces.

However, this is mostly making me wonder what each of the US states would serve if they had state-operated restaurants.

resisting the urge to move back home and buy one of the formative ...

2026-04-14T05:48:12Z

resisting the urge to move back home and buy one of the formative taquerias of my youth

https://www.sfgate.com/food/article/el-faro-for-sale-22204538.php

I have already switched mostly to using serrano peppers by ...

2026-04-12T19:03:03Z

I have already switched mostly to using serrano peppers by default, but I'm still angry about this.

https://www.texasmonthly.com/food/case-for-serrano-over-jalapeno/

it is also in the Ohio Valley which means I have to link this: ...

2026-04-08T02:14:14Z

In reply to nevent1q…3tzm
_________________________

it is also in the Ohio Valley which means I have to link this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ohio_Valley-style_pizza

that was my first reaction, but then someone pointed out to me ...

2026-04-08T01:20:00Z

In reply to nevent1q…vywt
_________________________

that was my first reaction, but then someone pointed out to me that Pittsburgh is only about 30 miles from the border with Ohio which is clearly in the midwest so now I am confused

Multi-tier deployment, optimized for maximum purrformance. #cats ...

2026-03-28T03:36:05Z

Multi-tier deployment, optimized for maximum purrformance.

#cats #catsofmastodon

I'm deeply honored to have received one of this year's ...

2026-03-26T01:40:56Z

I'm deeply honored to have received one of this year's ASPLOS Most Influential Paper awards, for the Overshadow paper from way back in ASPLOS 2008.

This was a really fun project to work on with a really great group of people at VMware.

I shared some retrospective thoughts on the project at the conference today; I'll share some more here once I have time to write them up!

Why bother with a cat bed when you can just use... another cat? ...

2026-03-24T04:10:39Z

Why bother with a cat bed when you can just use... another cat?

#cats #catsofmastodon

since our economy seems to be plummeting thanks to a new war in ...

2026-03-23T02:56:02Z

since our economy seems to be plummeting thanks to a new war in the Middle East and general government incompetence, can we at least get some spicy food out of this?

I am guessing not.

I suspect I am going to get a lot of use out of this new sticker ...

2026-03-19T00:52:08Z

I suspect I am going to get a lot of use out of this new sticker design.

continuing to enjoy how my German-manufactured doorbell interacts ...

2026-03-16T23:18:18Z

continuing to enjoy how my German-manufactured doorbell interacts with me in exactly the way one would expect a German doorbell to

the fluffiest of loaves #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2026-02-26T03:41:28Z

the fluffiest of loaves

#cats #catsofmastodon

Two of the most important lessons I learned in grad school: 1) ...

2026-02-25T06:17:46Z

Two of the most important lessons I learned in grad school:

1) you can register anything you want as a fictitious business name and get an official looking logo and letterhead and credit card

2) if a conference rejects your paper, your business can book the next conference room over at the same hotel and hold your own workshop and present your paper anyway

Local cloud (us-livingroom-1) Current status: fluffy but ...

2026-02-24T03:54:30Z

Local cloud (us-livingroom-1)
Current status: fluffy but suspicious

#cats #catsofmastodon

Can’t wait to find out how this upgrade enhances my ...

2026-02-18T21:34:16Z

Can’t wait to find out how this upgrade enhances my dishwasher’s performance.

At least it’s not adding new AI features, I guess…

currently obsessed with the chonky orange cat who lives around ...

2026-02-11T23:57:01Z

currently obsessed with the chonky orange cat who lives around the physics building at UC Davis, who not only has a department webpage and a Wikipedia page, but also has a RateMyProfessor page with 331 ratings for his course Loaf 101.

https://hpc.ucdavis.edu/people/cheeto-cat
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheeto_(UC_Davis_Cat)
https://www.ratemyprofessors.com/professor/3028076

(via sharon (npub1pyq…eczs) and amanda (npub1pp3…nd50); photo from Wikipedia)

#cats

noticed that Mastodon has a knowyourmeme page, but did not expect ...

2026-02-10T02:51:24Z

noticed that Mastodon has a knowyourmeme page, but did not expect to find myself there. Does anyone know how to cite this on my CV?

https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/2945408-mastodon

The Washington Department of Natural Resources has put out the ...

2026-02-06T23:45:48Z

The Washington Department of Natural Resources has put out the only guide to the superbowl you need.

setting some new career goals for myself ...

2026-01-28T23:14:55Z

setting some new career goals for myself

https://www.tokyoweekender.com/japan-life/news-and-opinion/japans-capybara-bath-contest/

error: unresolved merge conflict in basket (fluff overflow) #cats ...

2026-01-18T08:24:07Z

error: unresolved merge conflict in basket (fluff overflow)

#cats #catsofmastodon

yikes! Take care of yourself first!

2026-01-05T23:15:12Z

In reply to nevent1q…9g6a
_________________________

yikes! Take care of yourself first!

merged! (And you should probably apply for commit access ...

2026-01-05T23:08:45Z

In reply to nevent1q…ld7f
_________________________

merged!

(And you should probably apply for commit access yourself...)

boxing day, you say? #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2025-12-27T03:52:27Z

boxing day, you say?

#cats #catsofmastodon

My approach to chili is to make a traditional Texas-style chili, ...

2025-12-17T06:21:43Z

My approach to chili is to make a traditional Texas-style chili, the kind that draws its flavor from chunks of beef and a blend of chiles and under no circumstances should include beans, and then to add a bunch of beans to it to piss off the Texans (and because they are delicious).

I discovered this recipe today and I am speechless. ...

2025-11-28T00:59:02Z

I discovered this recipe today and I am speechless.

https://www.cookinwithcongress.com/cookin-with-congress-recipes/anniversaryhorseradish

update: we have not had a single trick or treater this year ...

2025-11-01T03:50:26Z

In reply to nevent1q…wdcl
_________________________

update: we have not had a single trick or treater this year

Please do not disturb this important meeting. #cats ...

2025-11-01T03:23:47Z

Please do not disturb this important meeting.

#cats #catsofmastodon

Max is ready for Halloween #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2025-11-01T01:06:39Z

Max is ready for Halloween

#cats #catsofmastodon

Forgot to buy Halloween candy; guess any kids that show up ...

2025-10-31T02:42:57Z

Forgot to buy Halloween candy; guess any kids that show up tomorrow are getting Mellanox NICs instead

Just learned that there is a Jackson Hole, China, and I am so ...

2025-10-24T20:42:56Z

Just learned that there is a Jackson Hole, China, and I am so confused.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackson_Hole,_China

Please enjoy this A300 cockpit panel I found in the airport ...

2025-10-21T20:52:09Z

Please enjoy this A300 cockpit panel I found in the airport lounge.

Every warning sign has a backstory. This one has to be ...

2025-10-21T02:27:50Z

Every warning sign has a backstory.

This one has to be simultaneously more tragic and more embarrassing than most.

I’ve hired Miso to moderate this instance ...

2025-10-17T15:59:20Z

In reply to nevent1q…5g3p
_________________________

I’ve hired Miso to moderate this instance

Uni, ikura, ankimo #food ...

2025-10-07T05:02:55Z

Uni, ikura, ankimo

#food

"by far the cutest Minion has looked" -@npub1kgc…5rz3 ...

2025-10-03T04:16:42Z

"by far the cutest Minion has looked" -Night of the living dev 🧟🧟 (npub1kgc…5rz3)

with bonus Miso photobomb

#cats #catsofmastodon

Seen at the #wine shop ...

2025-09-27T22:01:29Z

Seen at the #wine shop

I'd just like to remind everyone that each week approximately ...

2025-09-23T02:54:22Z

I'd just like to remind everyone that each week approximately 23% of Americans take acetaminophen, so if it really caused autism, we'd have a way more functional train system in this country.

A majestic floof upon his throne. #cats #catsofmastodon #caturday ...

2025-09-14T05:25:57Z

A majestic floof upon his throne.

#cats #catsofmastodon #caturday

also, this reminds me of a story I recently learned about and had ...

2025-09-12T07:14:52Z

In reply to nevent1q…leh4
_________________________

also, this reminds me of a story I recently learned about and had been meaning to post about. Did you know that Margaret Hamilton used to bring her daughter to the lab when she was working nights and weekends, and let her play with the AGC simulator?

Her daughter crashed the simulator by accidentally invoking program 01 and resetting the guidance system to believe it was back on the launch pad.

Hamilton felt that was a pretty serious bug but was told "no, there's no way a trained astronaut would accidentally do that."

A trained astronaut did, in fact, do precisely that while Apollo 8 was on the way back from the moon.

She was allowed to fix it for Apollo 9.

amazing!

2025-09-12T06:49:39Z

In reply to nevent1q…jnwg
_________________________

amazing!

appropriate for a steely-eyed missile person

2025-09-12T06:06:41Z

In reply to nevent1q…qe66
_________________________

appropriate for a steely-eyed missile person

VLAN isolation was an unpopular choice ...

2025-09-12T03:47:21Z

In reply to nevent1q…j0az
_________________________

VLAN isolation was an unpopular choice

Despite provisioning the same number of bowls as cats, assigning ...

2025-09-12T03:20:48Z

Despite provisioning the same number of bowls as cats, assigning each cat to a bowl using ECMP hash-based load balancing leads to conflicts and poor utilization.

#cats #catsofmastodon #networking

genuinely surprised these guys don’t make one; would you settle ...

2025-09-12T03:13:35Z

In reply to nevent1q…6q8q
_________________________

genuinely surprised these guys don’t make one; would you settle for the pumpkin spice chemtrail controls?

https://www.concordaerospace.com/products/pumpkin-spice-discharge-panel

The scale at the vet was set to “British” so now we know that ...

2025-09-09T23:49:17Z

The scale at the vet was set to “British” so now we know that Minion weighs 0.9 stone.

#cats #catsofmastodon

Why does the app for my cats' litter box now show the ...

2025-09-07T01:16:46Z

Why does the app for my cats' litter box now show the cats' astrological signs? Who asked for this?

This is what pull requests used to look like. (The last sentence ...

2025-08-31T03:17:26Z

This is what pull requests used to look like.

(The last sentence is particularly remarkable!)

the main problem with not having an office (except at home) is ...

2025-08-30T04:38:29Z

the main problem with not having an office (except at home) is that I have nowhere to display this amazing certificate

Pixel is now part of the leguminati. #cats #catsofmastodon ...

2025-08-23T20:18:07Z

Pixel is now part of the leguminati.

#cats #catsofmastodon #caturday

There is a stonemason in my neighborhood who has many street ...

2025-08-23T05:45:28Z

There is a stonemason in my neighborhood who has many street signs that are strangely enthusiastic about chimneys, and I finally looked him up and discovered that in his spare time he likes to dress up in an orca costume and chase the ferries on his jetski (and pick up litter on the water), and also has a pet pot-bellied pig, and I love everything about this.

Radioactive floof. He may be the best at hiding, but he's no ...

2025-08-13T02:56:14Z

Radioactive floof.

He may be the best at hiding, but he's no match for the Geiger counter.

#cats #catsofmastodon

I knew #cats could have their blood pressure taken, but it only ...

2025-08-07T21:06:07Z

I knew #cats could have their blood pressure taken, but it only just occurred me today to look up photos of it, and they are even better than I imagined.

Not only do they have tiny blood pressure cuffs, they can take their pressure either on their legs or on their TAILS‽

Last night’s dinner: Sichuan rattan pepper fish (tengjiaoyu) ...

2025-07-21T22:26:47Z

Last night’s dinner: Sichuan rattan pepper fish (tengjiaoyu)

#food

You may not like it but this is what peak coziness looks like. ...

2025-07-19T02:11:49Z

You may not like it but this is what peak coziness looks like.

Actually, you should like it. I don’t know why you wouldn’t like it.

#cats #catsofmastodon

once upon a time, I built a system to resolve merge conflicts by ...

2025-07-18T04:36:40Z

In reply to nevent1q…mgez
_________________________

once upon a time, I built a system to resolve merge conflicts by detecting them and phoning the landline in my students' lab to ask them to resolve it over the phone

PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY AS OUR MERGE CONFLICT OPTIONS HAVE CHANGED. PRESS ONE TO ACCEPT THEIR CHANGES. PRESS TWO TO KEEP YOUR CHANGES...

Recently had the fountain in our garden repaired; the inspector ...

2025-06-27T04:32:15Z

Recently had the fountain in our garden repaired; the inspector has now proclaimed it back in service

#cats #catsofmastodon

One of my favorite things about Sichuan food is that this ...

2025-06-27T03:13:47Z

One of my favorite things about Sichuan food is that this (delicious!) dish goes by the innocuous name of "water-boiled fish".

(my homemade version!)

#food