Nostr notes by Michele Feltman Strider

You decide to take up Ham Radio. It sounds like a fun challenge ...

2026-08-26T00:00:25Z

In reply to nevent1q…07r3
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You decide to take up Ham Radio. It sounds like a fun challenge and useful skill in the event of a global apocalypse.

As with all cool hobbies, the bar to entry is high. You need equipment. And instructions on how to use it. Maybe licenses? And others to practice radioing with/at.

You could start with a book and read about what you're doing before diving in. Or you could order a bunch of equipment and mess around until you figure it out. Or you could consult/learn from more experienced people.

"It would be a shame if all that money went to the Tophams! ...

2026-08-25T00:00:00Z

"It would be a shame if all that money went to the Tophams! They will fly higher than ever!"

You close the PBS app. You've been hiding from the heat/supporting your local public media station for days. But even the gritty crime dramas are starting to sound like Masterpiece Theater. The other day you used the word "dowager" unironically in conversation. You need to do something else.

You're interesting and creative. It should be easy to make your own indoor, non-screen fun. You need a hobby.

My I-didn't-plan-ahead-emergency-straw-hat collection has ...

2026-08-18T16:04:48Z

My I-didn't-plan-ahead-emergency-straw-hat collection has grown by one

"OK." You feel daring. "Let's talk." "How ...

2026-08-15T00:05:27Z

In reply to nevent1q…k0gx
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"OK." You feel daring. "Let's talk."

"How do you like being the main character?"

You look around. "It's a mix," you answer honestly.

"It usually is. Years ago, I was internet famous. I thought I had won at life. But I was just credit line dancing to the algorithm. I decided to disappear, start anew. On a mountain in Tibet, it came to me: Mastodon."

"An extinct elephant?"

"Algorithm-free social networking."

"So, just people talking?"

"Yes."

"You're insane."

"Join us. Just pick a server."

"It's who?" you ask Joan as your phone rings. You ...

2026-08-14T00:05:16Z

In reply to nevent1q…k3kf
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"It's who?" you ask Joan as your phone rings.

You answer it, but it's too loud to hear anything. You go outside to the parking lot disco. Dancers twirl and grind silently around you.

"Hello?" you repeat.

"Have I caught you at a bad time?"

The line of people waiting to get into the coffee shop starts to do The Wave. Cafe dancers take to the roof. A party bus arrives.

"It's fine," you tell the caller.

"Great. Thanks for taking my call. The name's John. John Mastodon. We should talk."

Hit that Like button Smash the Subscribe button Punch the link in ...

2026-08-13T20:30:08Z

Hit that Like button
Smash the Subscribe button
Punch the link in the bio
Take a hammer and crush the means of oppression.
Throw your phone into the sun.
Tear off your clothes and flee into the desert.
You are free.

Riding a hot cocoa high, you answer the mystery text, "Who ...

2026-08-13T00:04:57Z

In reply to nevent1q…0kwa
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Riding a hot cocoa high, you answer the mystery text, "Who dis?"

"A global network of interconnected social media platforms," is the reply.

"?" you type.

"A free and open-source software platform for decentralized social networking"

Joan interrupts. "The AI is posting your nudes."

"I don't have any nudes."

"Doesn't matter."

"My guy will reach out to R.R.," reportz Trendz. "SNL is planning a #DJPJs sketch."

Your phone dings. "Who's that?" they ask. You show them.

"It's him!" Joan gasps.

"Reading Rainbow?" you dare to hope. "It's the ...

2026-08-12T00:04:50Z

In reply to nevent1q…ced7
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"Reading Rainbow?" you dare to hope.

"It's the dream," sighs Hot Librarian.

"I'll see what I can do," agreez Trendz. "I know someone who knows Elmo. Maybe he can pull some strings."

You look outside. There's a silent disco in the parking lot, headphoned dancers all streaming your music.

Hot Barista drops off a tray of fresh drinks, unasked.

"The AI's posting your yearbook pics with hearts and skulls over the eyes," says Joan. "And #DJPJs is turning ironic."

You get a text. "Decentralized."

"MySpace." You cringe. "Username: ...

2026-08-11T00:04:47Z

In reply to nevent1q…wl9m
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"MySpace." You cringe. "Username: KoolBeanzSupaFly."

"That'll work." Joan gets busy on her phone.

"Bad news," she says. "The AI is into it. It renamed itself 'KBSupaFan' and is liking your old posts."

You get an alert. You're the top-trending artist on Bandcamp.

"#DJPJs is top three across all social media," announcez Trendz.

You max out the music volume. People cheer.

"MySpace is coming back," Joan shouts over them.

"Legacy media wants an interview," interjectz Trendz. "Take your pick."

"Sexual Healing," you admit. "Marvin Gaye." ...

2026-08-10T00:04:44Z

In reply to nevent1q…p7u8
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"Sexual Healing," you admit. "Marvin Gaye."

"You seduced a pseudo-self-aware LLM with slow jams?" askz Trendz. "Do we feel that was a wise course of action?"

"No?" It made sense at the time.

"We need to find a way to end its obsession with you," decidez Trendz. "Show it who you really are."

"I can access all social media," says Joan. "Even 'deleted' accounts. Nothing's ever really gone on the internet."

"What's your most cringe social media platform persona, past or present?" askz Trendz.

"I told it it's an overhyped fad mixed with a stock ...

2026-08-09T00:04:29Z

In reply to nevent1q…sg0p
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"I told it it's an overhyped fad mixed with a stock scam," you admit.

"Everyone says that," sez Trendz. "That's literally how they market it. No, it must have been something you did."

"Do you type really sexy?" asks Hot Librarian.

"No," you say, trying to picture what that would look like.

"Did you ever combine a Furby and a Teddy Ruxpin into an unholy electronic nightmare creature?" asks Joan.

"Not that I recall. Fine," you confess, embarrassed. "I sang to it."

"Sang what?" asks Trendz.

"I'm doomed," you admit. "Terminally online." ...

2026-08-08T00:02:55Z

In reply to nevent1q…2qav
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"I'm doomed," you admit.

"Terminally online." Trendz nodz.

"Let's hope not," you gulp.

You get a text. "BandcampFriday."

Joan checks her phone. "#DJPJs is a top-ten hashtag on every platform." The coffee shop pulses with people. You bump the music. They cheer.

You get another text. "HashtagGames."

"You're exposed everywhere you go," sez Trendz. "It's an algorithm nation."

"How do you feel about caves?" asks Joan.

"What exactly did you say to the AI to make it turn on you?" askz Trendz.

"Once. I don't want to talk about it." "Why? What ...

2026-08-07T00:02:45Z

In reply to nevent1q…fg9e
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"Once. I don't want to talk about it."

"Why? What happened?" asks Trendz. "Sorry, but it might help us understand this."

You blush very brightly. "It fell in love with me."

"They'll do that," says Trendz

"Then it got weird."

"They'll do that," says Joan.

"Have you seen the movie 'Misery'?"

Joan and Trendz nod. "I read the book," says Hot Librarian.

"Like that."

"Ouch," agrees Trendz. "The algorithm is gonna get you."

"Am I in danger?"

"That depends," they say. "How online are you?"

You figure a brownie goes best with hot chocolate. You volunteer ...

2026-08-06T00:02:36Z

In reply to nevent1q…w5s4
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You figure a brownie goes best with hot chocolate. You volunteer to go to the counter, where Hot Barista greets you.

"On the house," he says when you go to pay, then turns to take the next of many waiting orders.

You pass by the door on the way back. There's a line of pajama people waiting to get in. Someone points at you.

Back at the table, you hand out snacks.

"We figured it out," says Joan as she accepts a cookie. "We think an autonomous algorithm is choosing to boost you. Do you use AI?"

Everyone, please look at Dashi #CatsOfMastodon ...

2026-08-05T16:06:26Z

Everyone, please look at Dashi

#CatsOfMastodon

"Makers Club on Tuesdays, Choral group on Wednesdays, and ...

2026-08-05T00:02:29Z

In reply to nevent1q…asr7
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"Makers Club on Tuesdays, Choral group on Wednesdays, and Tarot on Thursdays."

"So Millennial coded," groans Trendz.

"Um..."

"I'm with Trendz," says Joan. Hot librarian nods. That seems to be the end of the discussion.

"New hashtag dropped," Joan somehow knows before looking at her phone, which she passes to you. "Pajama Jam with #DJPJs."

It's the sorority girls' selfie. You look around for them, but the cafe is mobbed with people in their jammies.

"This requires snacks," decides Trendz.

"The HOA," you seethe. "I'm too young to know ...

2026-08-04T00:02:12Z

In reply to nevent1q…sylh
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"The HOA," you seethe.

"I'm too young to know what that is," says Trendz.

"Too common." Joan has to shout. The place is wall-to-wall people. You turn the music up. "Can someone go viral for being super boring?" she asks Trendz, who shrugs.

The hot librarian eases through the crowd to your table. "Good music," she notes as she sits. "They said something was popping off here. Did you solve your mystery?"

'No," you all sigh.

"Well, do you belong to any fun groups or clubs that might go viral?"

On behalf of all oldest daughters, please, for the love of ...

2026-08-03T22:58:36Z

On behalf of all oldest daughters, please, for the love of whatever, STOP SETTING OUR ELDERLY PARENTS UP WITH ZOOM DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS.

"I tried kombucha," you answer. "First I thought it ...

2026-08-03T00:02:03Z

In reply to nevent1q…typq
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"I tried kombucha," you answer. "First I thought it was bad, then OK, then no."

"Been done," says Trendz. "What else?"

"I went to the library and a coffee shop in my PJs. That's weird."

"Not even. Have you seen GenZ? No, it's something else."

"The hashtags are no help," sighs Joan.

As you brainstorm, the cafe fills up. You bump the music up.

"Maybe it's something someone's saying about you," suggests Trendz. "Got any drama?"

"Not that I know of."

"But if you did, who would it be with?"

"I need the Wifi password," you tell the hot barista. ...

2026-08-02T00:01:49Z

In reply to nevent1q…xrlr
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"I need the Wifi password," you tell the hot barista. "And the aux."

Your music flows from the cafe speakers. Heads bob. The sorority girls start texting.

A person who is clearly the hot friend enters and greets the hot barista. "Nice tunes," they note before turning to you.

"Viral virgin?" they ask. You nod. They take a selfie with you.

The barista excuses himself as people stream into the cafe.

"I'm Trendz. I can help you navigate this. Tell me everything you did differently this week."

Nostr event nevent1qqspxnz34vyvgw2jsr8pg8yx75mykslfh2euw32577srkr2t5jhnfuczyry0gyfvwxupchuj2vqc6wx8lcmm3jrnsxca0yf0psz44ethcl6x57sl35p

2026-08-01T14:33:59Z

The only thing I can cross off of my July to-do list is July

Hot chocolate and hot people sound like a party to you. You agree ...

2026-08-01T00:01:45Z

In reply to nevent1q…ue8f
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Hot chocolate and hot people sound like a party to you. You agree to meet the barista's friend. He texts them back.

You sit in silence, waiting for them to arrive. The lack of background music is oppressive.

"Canceled," explains the barista when you ask. "The services all raised their rates."

You can hear someone at the next table breathing.

One of the sorority girls starts tapping her nails.

A fluorescent light hums and buzzes.

Someone chews.

Torture.

"I can't take it," you decide.

You order hot chocolate to match your cozy jammies vibe. Two ...

2026-07-31T00:01:42Z

In reply to nevent1q…f8sf
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You order hot chocolate to match your cozy jammies vibe.

Two giggling sorority-types approach you.

"Are you... you know?" the blonder one giggles.

"Maybe?" you answer honestly. They snap a selfie, shove a party flier at you, and giggle back to their table.

Joan saunters over to them. "MrBeast boosted a meme of you," she reports back.

"Who's Mr. Beast?"

"No one knows. But you've been memed."

The barista returns. "My friend wants to meet you."

You get a text that just says, "Monsterdon."

There's a coffee shop next door that keeps the same odd hours ...

2026-07-30T00:01:37Z

In reply to nevent1q…99rf
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There's a coffee shop next door that keeps the same odd hours as the library, so you walk over.

You feel eyes watching as you enter, but don't know if it's your virality or the pajamas.

The barista does not appear to recognize you, but is too cool to react if he did. He has many well-placed piercings and tattoos and rivals the librarian for hotness.

Joan explains your quest. He checks his phone and shakes his head. "I can ask around, though," he offers.

You order drinks while you wait.

"Ask the expert." You approach the hot librarian. ...

2026-07-29T00:01:23Z

In reply to nevent1q…59kj
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"Ask the expert." You approach the hot librarian.

"Let's look it up!" She takes you to the reference desk.

Several flurried minutes later, she throws her hands in the air. "I have no idea why you're trending."

"Then why did you wink at me?"

"We don't get a lot of adults coming in in their PJs. It's fun."

"I was watching a movie," you explain.

"In my experience, there are three kinds of people who know stuff when no one else does: baristas, bartenders, and bus drivers. I'd ask one of them."

"The library?" you suggest. You have books on hold to ...

2026-07-28T00:01:19Z

In reply to nevent1q…gs28
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"The library?" you suggest. You have books on hold to pick up.

"Is that really a public space, though?" Joan hedges.

"It's literally in the name. Public library."

Joan concedes. You walk to your local branch, which is open surprisingly late.

In addition to the familiar nods from the regulars, you notice some strangers eyeballing you. And texting. One even takes a sneaky picture.

When the hot librarian winks at you, you know something's up.

"See? I told you," gloats Joan. "But why?"

"...and Ableton and Reaper. But after I switched to ...

2026-07-27T00:01:12Z

In reply to nevent1q…u48v
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"...and Ableton and Reaper. But after I switched to Linux..."

"Software?" Joan cuts you off. "No physical instruments?"

"Sometimes I use a flute MIDI controller."

"So, no Tiny Desk Concert footage blowing up. OK. Is your stuff on TikTok? Spotify?"

You shake your head. "Bandcamp."

"We may have to consult the Oracle."

You shudder.

"Not them," she grins. "Google Analytics."

You shudder.

"OK, we'll do our own research."

You shudder.

"Let's go to a public place and see who recognizes you."

"Not to brag," you boast, "but I'm a decent ...

2026-07-26T00:01:03Z

In reply to nevent1q…4yy6
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"Not to brag," you boast, "but I'm a decent musician."

"Anything dirty?" Joan asks.

"Not that I know of." You cannot be held responsible for any horny, off-label interpretations.

"That could be it," she considers. "Have you posted any nudes recently?"

"No."

"Dating an actor, athlete, or influencer?"

"No."

"Nepo baby?"

"My dad is Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago."

"Really?!"

"No."

"OK, we'll assume it's the music. What genre?"

"I don't believe in genres."

"Fine. Instrument, then."

"Cats." It's a tough choice. Joan nods. You're ...

2026-07-25T00:00:45Z

In reply to nevent1q…hndy
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"Cats." It's a tough choice.

Joan nods. You're transported to a world of cats. Big cats, little cats, cartoon cats, cat jokes, cat-themed clothing -- everything is cat. It's thrilling, overwhelming. You start to forget anything exists beyond the concept of catness.

In a flash, you're back.

"God help me when a zoo has a baby capybara." Joan sighs. "That's why I'm here. You've gone viral. In a tiny pocket of the internet. And we don't know why."

You're at a loss.

"Do you do anything... cool?"

You follow hashtag lady outside while replying "OK" to ...

2026-07-24T00:00:41Z

In reply to nevent1q…7rtt
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You follow hashtag lady outside while replying "OK" to the mystery text.

"Whatever you do," she cautions, "don't answer any texts."

Your phone bings.

She sighs. "What does it say?"

"It just says 'Beige.'"

"Oh, God."

"Beige?" That seems pretty neutral to you.

"It's a cult. Trust me."

"Oh." You finally think to ask, "Who are you?"

"Joan, from Social services."

"A social worker?"

"No. I track what's viral."

"Public health?"

"It's easier just to show you. What's your favorite creature?"

You find an indie flick called "The Fediverse." The hero, ...

2026-07-23T00:00:28Z

In reply to nevent1q…h474
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You find an indie flick called "The Fediverse."

The hero, JM, inhabits an alt-timeline world. Their main superpower is "boosting." There are subplots about esoteric computer systems, a reptilian alien overlord (and his hot wife), and cats, but the main villain is an evil billionaire.

Halfway through, you get a text: "Reply now to federate."

There's a knock at the door. You answer. A woman with a pound sign tattoo on her shoulder tells you to follow her.

There's a pop. Your internet goes out.

You decide to watch a "muscle suits save the day" ...

2026-07-22T00:00:17Z

In reply to nevent1q…hmv7
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You decide to watch a "muscle suits save the day" superhero movie to smooth out the ol' brain wrinkles. Nothing goes with popcorn better than explosions and sky beams.

You open your dumbest streaming service and are not disappointed. There are so many franchises, each part of an extended, multi-episode multiverse. It would take years of weekends to fully consume even one of them. And you have stuff to do tomorrow.

With only tonight to binge, you must commit to a single superhero environment.

"There were crimson roses on the bench; they looked like ...

2026-07-21T00:00:07Z

"There were crimson roses on the bench; they looked like splashes of blood."

You turn off the home improvement show. Even the hosts seemed to think it was a lame episode. There wasn't a single sledgehammer, just disturbingly anatomical flower art.

You'd planned on spending a long, hot summer night rotting on the sofa, dreaming of renovating properties you'll never own. You even made popcorn. Now you have to find a new way to entertain yourself.

You consider which uses the fewest brain cells.

You sip the house special cider. It's thick, almost syrupy. ...

2026-07-11T00:04:25Z

In reply to nevent1q…k8w6
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You sip the house special cider. It's thick, almost syrupy. In fact, it's the best thing you've ever tasted. And it's cool to watch your fingernails grow like that.

You turn your attention to the pie. It's amazing. You shred the crust like a wood chipper.

"Howdy," Mr. Overalls approaches you, smiling. His teeth are surprisingly sharp. "Purty strong cider, eh?"

A pumpkin sitting on the counter starts humming a soft tune.

"Like apple pickin'?" Overalls asks.

Lily sighs, "Not again."

The End?

"Well," you say, watching the frenzy, "I could ...

2026-07-10T00:04:22Z

In reply to nevent1q…8pwv
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"Well," you say, watching the frenzy, "I could eat." There are nods all around.

You make it back to your house without incident and park the horses in the garage with some fresh hay and a pumpkin to share.

You're surprised to find the house already full of folksy plaid bat people, but they're serving apple pie and cider, so...

You greet your guests and hang your cowboy hat on a doorknob. If you knew you were hosting a party, you'd have tidied up.

You join Lily in the kitchen for pie and:

"Is there a back door?" you ask Lily. There's a ...

2026-07-09T00:04:13Z

In reply to nevent1q…e7p7
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"Is there a back door?" you ask Lily.

There's a fluttering noise as the roosting bats descend in a flurry of leather wings. You blink and are surrounded by the most wholesome plaid-clad people you've ever seen.

"Who...?" you ask.

"That's not important," a ruddy older man dismisses the question, thumbs hooked in his overall straps. "We'll distract 'em. You run."

The bats engage the HOA goons. You look back to see much flailing and squealing as you, Lily, and the horses escape into the night.

You've never met a live chicken in person. (The HOA has ...

2026-07-08T00:04:10Z

In reply to nevent1q…yhc5
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You've never met a live chicken in person. (The HOA has strict rules against yardbirds.) You're a little star-struck.

You don't know what sound to make to entice a bird, so you go with, "Here, birdie." That suffices. Soon, you're petting a tiny feathered head and loving it.

"We've got the place surrounded," a voice shouts outside the barn door. "Come out with your hands up."

You peek through a crack in the boards. It's the Bank Boys. And they've brought the law -- The Homeowners Association.

You, Lily, and the horses run to the barn just ahead of the ...

2026-07-07T00:04:04Z

In reply to nevent1q…ktkc
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You, Lily, and the horses run to the barn just ahead of the storm. Rain pelts the roof. Boards creak and sigh. The warm scent of hay envelopes you. It's cozy and incredibly dark. You turn on your phone flashlight, noting the low battery level.

You explore carefully, trying not to reenact the "stepping on a rake" gag.

You're surrounded by stores of apples and pumpkins. A wooden ladder leads to the hayloft. Empty horse stalls hold piles of fresh hay. Bats roost in the rafters. There's a chicken.

How to help Indie Authors: *Buy their books. Agressively. ...

2026-07-06T16:46:51Z

How to help Indie Authors:

*Buy their books. Agressively. Borderline problematically.

*Review their books on Amazon, Goodreads, The Paris Review, NYT Books section, etc.

*Tell others about their books. Obsessively. Make it your whole thing, John the Baptist style.

*Request them at your local library. All local libraries. Make a car trip out of it.

*Buy the movie rights. Produce a well-received movie.

*Earn advanced degrees in Lit, teach their books in uni.

*Boost their stupid toots.

"These horses deserve a treat," you tell Lily. "What ...

2026-07-06T00:03:58Z

In reply to nevent1q…zxk3
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"These horses deserve a treat," you tell Lily. "What do they like? Cake?"

"We can take 'em to the Bank's apples. Let 'em go plum wild," Lily laughs.

You ride through the fields, past a barn and pumpkin patch, into a well-kept orchard. You let the horses loose to eat their fill. You and Lily sit under a tree, bonfire light glowing in the distance. A bat circles above, as if watching you.

The wind picks up, the temperature drops. Clouds gather. Thunder mumbles on the horizon. A storm's brewing.

Deferring to Steve's superior competence, you watch to see ...

2026-07-05T00:03:54Z

In reply to nevent1q…a86e
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Deferring to Steve's superior competence, you watch to see how he handles the situation.

He nods to Sarah (you finally asked), and both horses rear up, scattering the torch boys. The Banks are not as brave as they are loud. Several drop their flamey sticks and flee. The remaining ones seem less motivated than before and slowly wander off.

Horses, of course, are very big. And torch boys are squishy.

You and Lily splash out of the pond. The moon is high in the clear sky, the night air bracing.

You dive into the pond after Lily, the weight of your clothes ...

2026-07-04T00:03:50Z

In reply to nevent1q…cnss
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You dive into the pond after Lily, the weight of your clothes slowing you slightly. It feels wonderful to wash off the unspeakable.

Stars sparkle. The night air thrills your damp skin. You should do this more often. You float happily, humming R.E.M.'s "Nightswimming."

The sound of angry men breaks the stillness. The torch boys have gathered along the shore, where you left Steve and Lily's horse. (You really do need to get that name.)

In the darkness, you cannot see the far side of the pond.

"Hey, I have a fun idea," you shout ahead to Lily. ...

2026-07-03T00:03:43Z

In reply to nevent1q…er9y
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"Hey, I have a fun idea," you shout ahead to Lily. "What if we ran by my place first so I could shower off?"

"Ya' do stink," Lily yells back. "Follow me."

You were already following her, so you keep going. Instead of pointing her horse (you really need to get its name) toward your house, she heads away from the light of the bonfire.

You do not remember your subdivision having a decorative pond. And yet...

Lily stops and dismounts. "Last one in's a rotten egg." She dives into the dark water.

"The old lady isn't a real fortune teller?" You ...

2026-07-02T00:03:36Z

In reply to nevent1q…sq9a
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"The old lady isn't a real fortune teller?" You chopped almost a whole half a log for her. "I'll help you, but I need your help first."

"Always happy to prank a Bank," Lily agrees. "But hurry!"

Fouling someone's well would be too far. Stealing the bucket from the well, filling it with muck, setting it at the bottom of the porch steps, and yelling "fire" in the dark night seems fair.

After a satisfying scream, you, Lily, Lily's horse (you must ask its name), and Steve race off for more pranks.

You decide that chopping wood sounds amusing. Standing in the ...

2026-07-01T00:03:11Z

In reply to nevent1q…vfkp
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You decide that chopping wood sounds amusing. Standing in the fresh night air, swinging your axe, and watching the wood split into neat wedges is therapeutic. Getting back to nature, the basics -- that's what's important.

As you consider buying a wood stove, you hear hoofsteps. Lily rides up with Steve.

"Why're you workin' for Ol' Mrs. Bank?" she asks. You explain it all.

"Fortune-telling? That ol' grifter. Anyhow, there's a mess o' Bank boys headed this way. And we still got pranks to pull."

"I'm happy to work it off," you tell the old woman, ...

2026-06-30T00:03:08Z

In reply to nevent1q…qhqy
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"I'm happy to work it off," you tell the old woman, thinking you might sweep the front porch or take her garbage cans down to the street. "Whatever you think is fair."

"Well, wages in this town are a dollar a day," she begins. You didn't realize the local economy had gotten so bad. "But cuz I like yer hat...

It is very flattering.

"I'll only make you do one chore. Now, you better at scrubbing floors, choppin' wood, washin' clothes, or muckin' out barns? Pick one and get 'er done by daylight."

You hand the woman a crisp dollar bill, marveling at the low, low ...

2026-06-29T00:03:05Z

In reply to nevent1q…2fql
_________________________

You hand the woman a crisp dollar bill, marveling at the low, low price.

"What the hell is that?" She refuses to touch it.

"A dollar." You shake your head. Digital payment systems have rotted people's brains.

"Ain't no dollar I ever seen. Dollars are round, got a fancy lady on 'em, and -- most important -- they're made o' silver. Now, gimme my money."

"Sorry, this is all I've got."

"Well, I guess you got a choice to make," the lady decides. "Either you work it off, or I call the sheriff."

"Fortune-telling," you decide. The old lady lights the ...

2026-06-28T00:02:45Z

In reply to nevent1q…hkjl
_________________________

"Fortune-telling," you decide.

The old lady lights the lamp on the table next to her. "Set yerself down."

You sit. The hardwood floor could be smoother. They may have taken the rustic thing too far.

"Drink," she gives you a china cup of swampy tea. You drink and hand it back. She holds it to the light to read the leaves.

"Says you struggle with decisions; yer never 100%. Avoid gamblers, clowns, and Geminis. Drink more water. Yer lucky number is 7. That'll be a dollar. I take coin and scrip."

"I want to talk to you about the HOA." "Aitcho ...

2026-06-27T00:02:37Z

In reply to nevent1q…azvy
_________________________

"I want to talk to you about the HOA."

"Aitcho Way?" the old lady scoffs. "What's that?"

"H-O-A. The community organization..."

"Like The Grange?"

"La Grange? No, that's 'how, how, how.'"

"Right. How come you're here?"

"To ask how you got away with breaking the bylaws."

"I ain't broke no laws," she spits.

"I mean, how did you skirt the CC&Rs?"

"What about my skirt? Quit yer foolin' and tell me what yer here for: potions, fortune-telling, moonshine, or jerky? Cuz that's what I got."

After a quick eeny-meeny-miny-moe, you open the door in front of ...

2026-06-26T00:02:29Z

In reply to nevent1q…efg6
_________________________

After a quick eeny-meeny-miny-moe, you open the door in front of you. The voice beckons. You enter.

There's a creaky sound, like one of those big wooden rocking chairs on the Cracker Barrel porch. Are those a thing now? You haven't seen the latest Wayfair catalog, given all of your new mindfulness and anti-materialism.

"Come closer," says the voice.

Closer to where, you aren't sure. You take a step forward. A match flares. An ancient woman lights a corncob pipe.

"Why are you here?" she asks.

You follow the voice down a long hallway. Saving electricity is ...

2026-06-25T00:02:21Z

In reply to nevent1q…h7u0
_________________________

You follow the voice down a long hallway. Saving electricity is laudable, but this is extreme. You truly cannot see your hand in front of your face. You trail your fingers along the wall to stay oriented.

The voice never grows louder. Or softer. It must be some fancy whole-house PA system.

The hall dead-ends. You feel a doorknob in front of you. And one to each side. You look over your shoulder, the way you came. The only light is a small dot impossibly far away.

"Come in," repeats the voice.

You jog your sloppy way back to the farmhouse, hoping to learn ...

2026-06-24T00:02:03Z

In reply to nevent1q…4cqx
_________________________

You jog your sloppy way back to the farmhouse, hoping to learn how you, too, can have less HOA interference in your life.

You're surprised no lights pop on as you step onto the porch. You wave at the doorbell camera, but there isn't one. There's not even a doorbell. You knock on the solid wood door. Antique. So hip.

You admire the oil lamp in the window as you wait for someone to answer.

From deep inside, a voice yells, "Come in." You push the heavy door open and enter. There's no one there.

You accept that you're not riding Steve; Steve is carrying ...

2026-06-23T00:01:43Z

In reply to nevent1q…xgya
_________________________

You accept that you're not riding Steve; Steve is carrying you. You release the reins. It's in Steve's... hands? now.

You approach Lily's trap at a run. Steve leaps into the air like a four-legged, half-ton ballet dancer.

Halfway through his arch, you realize why you shouldn't have dropped the reins.

You fall into the hole of unspeakable things. Bank boys tumble on top of you.

Using the umbrella, you battle your way out.

You search for Lily and Steve, but don't see them -- only angry Banks.

You wave your prize over your head -- a long, black umbrella -- ...

2026-06-22T00:01:27Z

In reply to nevent1q…48lm
_________________________

You wave your prize over your head -- a long, black umbrella -- taunting the crowd. Fewer react than you might've hoped. In fact, it's just one guy who keeps shouting, "My brolly, good sir! My brolly!" like some fancy Masterpiece Theater chap.

Holding the 'brella like a lance, you charge at the scattered men, jousting hats off heads.

Finally, someone yells, "Get 'em, boys!"

You gallop off, followed by hatless men.

You reach Lily and her trap: a well-disguised hole full of unspeakable things.

"I prefer to defer to Steve on that," you punt. You both ...

2026-06-21T00:01:20Z

In reply to nevent1q…tk2y
_________________________

"I prefer to defer to Steve on that," you punt.

You both look to Steve. He snorts.

"Bait," it's decided. "Y'all're gonna ride straight through them torch boys. Don't worry. They'll scatter like a buncha chickens. Grab you up sumthin' of theirs. When they start to chasin', y'all head 'em my way."

"And then?" you almost hesitate to ask.

"Just leave 'em to me."

You and Steve race off and plunge into the mob at top speed. As predicted, they panic and flee. In the chaos, you reach down and grab

"They're chasing you. Why?" you ask. "I robbed a ...

2026-06-20T00:01:16Z

In reply to nevent1q…kf0n
_________________________

"They're chasing you. Why?" you ask.

"I robbed a bank."

"That's where the money is."

"I mean the Bank family. Them're his cousins."

"Do they own the bank?"

"They're farmers, regular like. I just don't happen to like 'em."

"How much money could a farmer have to steal?" you wonder.

"None. But I took all his britches and set fire to 'em."

"Your ex?"

"My sister's. Got me a whole plan."

"Well, good luck wi..."

"You stole my horse. You owe me, buddy. Now, you wanna be the lookout or bait?"

"I was scrolling Mastodon and..." "What kinda ...

2026-06-19T00:01:10Z

In reply to nevent1q…25uv
_________________________

"I was scrolling Mastodon and..."

"What kinda language is that?" She looks wary.

"Probably HTML, CSS, Ruby on Rails, Node.js, and PostgreSQL."

"You some kinda ejit? And what're you doin' with my horse?"

"Lily?"

"I'm Lily. The horse is Steve. You really are plum ejit, ain't ya''?"

"I've been called worse," you admit. "Nice to meet you, Lily. Sorry for stealing and misgendering your horse. Sorry, Steve."

"You sure talk funny, but I guess you're OK. Nice hat. Why's that posse chasing you?"

Since the mystery rider's path leads away from the torches, ...

2026-06-18T00:01:05Z

In reply to nevent1q…6v04
_________________________

Since the mystery rider's path leads away from the torches, you go that way. After only one mis-mount, you're off.

Lily is fast and focused. Soon, you hear the mystery horse. You're closing in.

You hear a splash as the rider crosses a stream. Lily follows. Your feet get wet down to your socks.

Suddenly, the rider turns on you. The mystery horse rears up on two legs. A woman's voice shouts, "Who goes there? You the law?"

"No." You're not on the HOA board.

"Then how come you're followin' me?"

You decide to trust Lily and not try the steeplechase. You ride ...

2026-06-17T00:00:59Z

In reply to nevent1q…9c2e
_________________________

You decide to trust Lily and not try the steeplechase. You ride down the fence line until you find an accommodating gate.

You dismount to open it and see it's decorated with burned-in cattle brands. The HOA balked when you painted a Warriors logo on your own curb. (movie, not basketball.)

The fence surrounds an oversized lot, with a single two-story farm-style house. The rest of the neighborhood is strictly mid-century modern.

In the darkness, a horse gallops. A cow lows. Torches approach.

It takes a few tries, but you get yourself up into the saddle. ...

2026-06-16T00:00:51Z

In reply to nevent1q…ye8y
_________________________

It takes a few tries, but you get yourself up into the saddle. Lily is a patient horse.

"Giddyup?" you ask her. It works. You and she are off in pursuit of the dark rider.

You race through the neighborhood so quickly, you barely have time to notice that the streetlights are out. Fortunately, there are no cars on the road.

You catch sight of the dark rider as they jump a tall wooden fence. You thought the HOA banned those.

Lily stops short of the fence, turns her head, and gives you a look.

Dashi says hello #CatsOfMastodon ...

2026-06-15T03:33:55Z

Dashi says hello

#CatsOfMastodon

You set down your journal and slap your hat back on your head. ...

2026-06-15T00:00:39Z

In reply to nevent1q…dgdw
_________________________

You set down your journal and slap your hat back on your head. You're going to pet a horse!

You ease out of the front door, so as not to startle the animal. It walks over and nuzzles you with its muzzle.

It wears a beautifully tooled saddle and bridle embossed with the name "Lily." You formally introduce yourself as she sniffs you for treats. It's the best.

In the distance, the mob has lit a bonfire. A voice yells, "Daggum varmint!" A shadowy figure gallops down the street on a black steed.

You hunt around for your new candle. Soon, the scent of tobacco ...

2026-06-14T00:00:24Z

In reply to nevent1q…ua37
_________________________

You hunt around for your new candle. Soon, the scent of tobacco and leather fills the room. You expected vanilla.

You go to the bedroom and set your candle and hat on the nightstand.

You pick up a moleskine notebook and gel fountain pen. "Mindful people journal," you tell yourself.

Outside, a firecracker pops. Darn kids.

A voice shouts, "Hang 'em high." Must be power company linemen.

Folks with flaming torches pass by your window.

You peer out onto the moonlit front yard.

There's a horse.

You double-check your antivirus software, then type the mystery ...

2026-06-13T00:00:12Z

In reply to nevent1q…wajs
_________________________

You double-check your antivirus software, then type the mystery URL into your laptop browser.

The Geocities-looking website contains a single image: you, wearing the hat. You don't recognize the location. It's not your living room or any place you've been or seen before.

You click around the image, hoping for a link or metadata or something. Nothing. You do an image search. Nothing. You unmute your speakers. A MIDI version of "Home on the Range" plays.

Suddenly, your electricity goes out.

You click the "Cowboy hat" option. It's fun to ...

2026-06-12T00:00:05Z

In reply to nevent1q…v9jl
_________________________

You click the "Cowboy hat" option. It's fun to participate, even when you don't know what's going on.

You scroll your usual feed of Star Trek memes and otter videos. You check your post for likes and consider starting your own mysterious poll.

The doorbell rings. You open your porch camera app. There's no video of anyone coming or going.

There is a package.

You open it to find a buffalo felt Stetson. It fits like it was made for you. There's a notecard, with a phone number, URL, and QR code.

"It is impossible to escape the impression that people ...

2026-06-11T00:00:02Z

"It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards, and measure power, success, and wealth for themselves and admire others for them, while undervaluing the truly precious things in life."

You smugly hit Post, confident you've tooted out another banger, sure to earn tens of likes.

You scroll past Linux tips, cat pics, and dad jokes on your favored decentralized microblogging social network. You see a blank post from an anonymous user. It has a poll, no context:

The antidote for The Man in the High Castle is One Piece. I will ...

2026-05-11T14:16:19Z

In reply to nevent1q…mqnh
_________________________

The antidote for The Man in the High Castle is One Piece. I will not be taking questions at this time.

We just finished 4 seasons of The Man in the High Castle. ...

2026-05-10T04:16:35Z

We just finished 4 seasons of The Man in the High Castle. It'll sure be nice not to have to think about Nazis in America every night.

Oh, wait

If you had the resources, what book would you put in hotels, a la ...

2026-05-05T01:52:03Z

If you had the resources, what book would you put in hotels, a la Gideons bibles? (This may be a very American question, I dunno.)

"What're you drinking?" you ask Hobo Clown. ...

2026-04-30T00:01:40Z

In reply to nevent1q…udry
_________________________

"What're you drinking?" you ask Hobo Clown.

"Vesper martini" was not the answer you expected.

You squeeze through the clowns to the bar and receive only one faceful of seltzer this time. Praise Bozo.

As you thread your way back, trying not to baptize yourself in vodka, you're stopped by -- dear god -- a mime.

"Hey, pal," he says in a heavy Brooklyn accent. "Little advice -- watch out for those Bozo bozos. Real cult stuff."

"OK."

"If you want true enlightenment, check out us Krustifarians."

"Say more," you answer earnestly. Hobo Clown doesn't ...

2026-04-29T00:01:34Z

In reply to nevent1q…gk7u
_________________________

"Say more," you answer earnestly. Hobo Clown doesn't miss a beat.

"Guru Bozo teaches that the only sane response to the absurdity of life is to play the Fool. In kingly courts of yore, it was often only the Fool who dared speak truth to power. In the Tarot, the Fool..."

You sip your drink and nod. Hobo Clown has a nice voice. You suspect theater training.

"... continuing unbroken, even today," he concludes. "There's a study group in the dining car, if you're interested."

Your drink is empty.

You nurse your drink and watch the Lounge Car evolve into a ...

2026-04-28T00:01:28Z

In reply to nevent1q…qrgk
_________________________

You nurse your drink and watch the Lounge Car evolve into a three-ring circus. You witness so many clown-themed songs, performed so flashily.

Rainbow Hair gets up to sing, and a hobo sits down next to you, replete with patchwork pants and bindle on a stick.

"Nice shoes," he says. You aren't sure how to take it.

"Thanks?"

"Traveling for work?" he asks. You shake your head.

"You?" you ask and immediately feel weird about it.

"More like a retreat. Have you heard the teachings of Guru Bozo?"

You approach the bartender, who doesn't appear to be a clown. ...

2026-04-27T00:01:23Z

In reply to nevent1q…2mcj
_________________________

You approach the bartender, who doesn't appear to be a clown.

"Seltzer with..."

You're immediately smacked in the face with a jet of fizzy water from an old-school seltzer bottle.

You should've seen it coming. That's on you -- along with a half-liter of water. The bartender grins. You dry off with a handful of cocktail napkins.

After two more drenchings, you manage a vodka soda and return to your seat.

A poker game starts up in the corner. A tall clown announces karaoke. Beer pong happens.

This hits deep and hard

2026-04-26T14:29:34Z

In reply to nevent1q…vg3r
_________________________

This hits deep and hard

You squee internally. It's every birthday party of your ...

2026-04-26T00:00:59Z

In reply to nevent1q…t6cg
_________________________

You squee internally. It's every birthday party of your childhood rolled into one. You giggle like a sugar-coated 5-year-old. You're hanging with clowns!

You turn to Rainbow Hair and start to ask, "Can you..."

She shuts you down with a snarl. "Off duty," she growls and squirts you in the face with her plastic lapel flower.

You turn to Rubber Chicken Guy and smile. "What's his name?"

"It's a rubber chicken, pal." He gives you a withering look, then starts doing card tricks.

You need a drink.

You squeeze into the crowded Lounge Car. It seems like every new ...

2026-04-25T00:00:46Z

In reply to nevent1q…gmz9
_________________________

You squeeze into the crowded Lounge Car. It seems like every new passenger has gathered there. It's raucous and lively, full of wild laughter.

You claim the last empty seat. The person to your left has rainbow hair. The person to your right is clutching a rubber chicken.

At the bar, bottles are juggled indiscriminately. Endless colorful handkerchiefs fly about. Balloon animals happen. There is honking.

They're not music festival hipsters. No. Clowns. The lounge has become an actual clown car.

You walk to the far wall of the station and wipe the dust off the ...

2026-04-24T00:00:42Z

In reply to nevent1q…sk5g
_________________________

You walk to the far wall of the station and wipe the dust off the display case with your sleeve.

Inside is a cavalcade of yellowing newspaper clippings, sepia-tone photos, and other similarly tinged memorabilia. The station, you deduce, was a popular stop for circus trains back in the era that was a thing. Suspenders and bloomers and lots of straw hats. Very Ken Burns.

You've never been to a circus, except the bendy-people ones in Vegas. Still, it's evocative.

The train signals time to board.

green tea, lean protein, diet pills from the 90s, a 14-hour nap. ...

2026-04-23T20:39:10Z

In reply to nevent1q…x8zr
_________________________

green tea, lean protein, diet pills from the 90s, a 14-hour nap. Hope this helps

You decide to stretch your legs and check out the station. It ...

2026-04-23T00:00:33Z

In reply to nevent1q…8rh6
_________________________

You decide to stretch your legs and check out the station. It might help you wake up.

You pass a queue of new passengers, all eccentrically dressed. Maybe there's a music festival down the line.

You look around for some brochures to take and ignore while scrolling your phone. A man in the corner juggles souvenir pens.

With time to kill, you consider your options. You'll be on the train long enough. You should soak up some local color. Or flavor. Or 30 minutes worth of something local-ish.

Dull scenery aside, you go to the Observation Car, hoping for ...

2026-04-22T00:00:18Z

In reply to nevent1q…hx5k
_________________________

Dull scenery aside, you go to the Observation Car, hoping for better views down the line. Besides, everything looks cool from panoramic windows.

You pass loading docks, parking garages, and the recycling center, seeing old graffiti from a new perspective. City gives way to suburbs, the airport, the warehouse ring, and finally nature.

Probably. You fell asleep just past the outlet mall and woke up in a tunnel.

The train exits into sunlight, mountains in the distance, and approaches a station.

"Chug, chug, chug. Puff, puff, puff. Ding-dong, ding-dong. ...

2026-04-21T00:00:11Z

"Chug, chug, chug. Puff, puff, puff. Ding-dong, ding-dong. The little train rumbled over the tracks," you giggle to yourself as you pull away from the station. It's official. You're on vacation.

You've never traveled by rail before and are buzzing with the romance of it all. The ambiance may not exactly be giving Orient Express, but you've got a roomette, a view, and you don't have to drive. Budget luxury!

The scenery is still too familiar to be interesting. You decide to explore the train.

Nostr event nevent1qqsvufxlpt86takaxe8ea5x2dkr99knm26gxp3x6uw6lx6pxgq925aczyry0gyfvwxupchuj2vqc6wx8lcmm3jrnsxca0yf0psz44ethcl6x5k7nykk

2026-04-18T04:04:39Z

What is the worst US Interstate, and why is it I-10?

Tooting while my eyes are dilated because I like living on the ...

2026-04-13T20:41:10Z

Tooting while my eyes are dilated because I like living on the edge

Nostr event nevent1qqst2ej95644phjsdjh5zd9kp89pr7c3u08mezyqz8wgk8vlyuta4vszyry0gyfvwxupchuj2vqc6wx8lcmm3jrnsxca0yf0psz44ethcl6x5ls7e9z

2026-04-08T01:14:47Z

Cereal for dinner

Please wish this silly little cat a happy birthday ...

2026-04-02T00:16:40Z

Please wish this silly little cat a happy birthday

Why do I feel I know that sign? Is it in the East Bay on San ...

2026-03-24T14:19:21Z

In reply to nevent1q…0ux8
_________________________

Why do I feel I know that sign? Is it in the East Bay on San Pablo? (I would frame this pic. Dang, you're talented.)

I can feel that picture. I can smell it.

2026-03-16T01:00:59Z

In reply to nevent1q…euhw
_________________________

I can feel that picture. I can smell it.

Dashi wishes y'all a very perky Tuesday #CatsOfMastodon ...

2026-03-10T15:39:51Z

Dashi wishes y'all a very perky Tuesday

#CatsOfMastodon

Have you tried Quordle? It's wonderfully infuriating.

2026-03-01T02:12:56Z

In reply to nevent1q…day2
_________________________

Have you tried Quordle? It's wonderfully infuriating.

Nostr event nevent1qqsrdx4tg2lnwnxn7g2glzzasdp5tyyat4x008cfj3mdfqzk3228tlqzyry0gyfvwxupchuj2vqc6wx8lcmm3jrnsxca0yf0psz44ethcl6x5sxymjp

2026-02-28T15:00:38Z

So, the Epstein files are "start a war with Iran" bad

Summer is such a good soul

2026-02-13T01:40:31Z

In reply to nevent1q…cgdr
_________________________

Summer is such a good soul

Why are we doing this? It's weirdly insightful about the ...

2026-02-12T01:47:58Z

In reply to nevent1q…mr9x
_________________________

Why are we doing this?

It's weirdly insightful about the ethics and esthetics of the MAGA set. It's the world they long to live in. Never mind that it's a fantasy of masculinity and white Western superiority written to appeal to boys still hoping to touch their first boob. This is the world they want to impose. This is their level of emotional and intellectual maturity. Bang, bang, no consequences, and Oh, James. It's a MAGA masterclass.

Our project of watching all of the James Bond movies continues. ...

2026-02-11T18:15:50Z

Our project of watching all of the James Bond movies continues.

But, y'all.

Imagine my disappointment in learning that Octopussy was just a pretty lady and not Pussy Galore with Doc Ock arms.

A real opportunity missed, if you ask me.

Nostr event nevent1qqsqssjkf2x6vavrryp00xv964e8vcp97ssyn8tlt343exaq0vnwj4gzyry0gyfvwxupchuj2vqc6wx8lcmm3jrnsxca0yf0psz44ethcl6x5e5zxw5

2026-02-07T18:53:57Z

Best Bond

Nostr event nevent1qqs9ace4a3yjkp2huyylnyclpk9kjaentvc9ljey0nkvys89q0mvyeqzyry0gyfvwxupchuj2vqc6wx8lcmm3jrnsxca0yf0psz44ethcl6x530f88h

2026-01-14T15:16:33Z

*googles* Is "meat hangover" a thing?

Things you should be good at if you are from the South: 1. ...

2026-01-12T15:45:03Z

Things you should be good at if you are from the South:

1. Calling people by their preferred names. I'm looking at you, Bubba.

2. Tolerating religious differences. Y'all live in towns with a different flavor church for every 10 people and there's not a shootout every Sunday.

3. Welcoming immigrants. Y'all's menus are all about shrimp creole, margaritas, asian-cajun fusion, etc.

4. Respecting different gender expressions. Y'all're always saying "don't tell us how to live."

5. Hating ICE.

Please, for the love of all that is internet, please stop saying ...

2026-01-11T15:40:53Z

Please, for the love of all that is internet, please stop saying "videotape." There is no tape, only video.

"One question at a time!" you scold, deeply shaken. ...

2026-01-11T01:02:22Z

In reply to nevent1q…7qtq
_________________________

"One question at a time!" you scold, deeply shaken.

"Oopsie! Truxby is so silly," she chirps. Her eyes whirl. "Truxby will try again,"

Your palms grow clammy.

"Do you like rainbows?"

"Yes," you sigh with relief.

"Have you ever been a member of, or in any way associated with, the Communist Party?"

"Truxby!" you gasp.

"Oopsie! Truxby meant to say, 'Have you ever advocated the overthrow of any government by force or violence?'"

"Well, I mean... Wait, what?"

"Do you want to hear a secret?"

"Twenty Questions," you say, remembering her as having a ...

2026-01-10T01:02:05Z

In reply to nevent1q…ckc3
_________________________

"Twenty Questions," you say, remembering her as having a limited vocabulary.

"Great!" she chirps. "I'll go first. Remember, you can only answer 'yes' or 'no,' OK? Here we go!" Her eyes blink and spin wildly. "Do you like cookies?"

"Yes." Your eyes also roll a little.

"Do you ever feel despair in the face of a meaningless existence?"

"Um..." You shudder.

"...Engaging in unceasing yet pointless activity to distract yourself from the looming void? Anything to help you feel momentarily alive?"

Though you vowed never again to let the abomination known as ...

2026-01-09T01:01:30Z

In reply to nevent1q…y8f3
_________________________

Though you vowed never again to let the abomination known as Truxby see the light of a yellow sun, you drag her box out of the closet and cut the tape.

Stiff bear body with a bright pink hamster-owl head and some Frankenstein-worthy bolts holding the whole mess together -- horrifying. You rummage around for batteries.

The creaking sound of her soulless eyes opening chills you. A digital nightmare voice greets you. You feel sick.

"Truxby wants to play!" she trills. "Play a game with Truxby!"