Nostr notes by raedwyer

Last night I woke up to a dark wind whipping itself around my ...

2026-06-01T15:25:04Z

Last night I woke up to a dark wind whipping itself around my frozen body.

Sleep paralysis is a portal.

It has visited me, relentlessly, ever since I can remember.

I’ve been actively practicing with it as a dimensional access point for the last couple of years.

For the first few months I was tasked with staying relaxed, while the fear manifested in strange and visceral ways.

Those experiences most people shake themselves awake from
I sat in.

I remember being pulled around my room at one point with my hand inside the mouth of something gross.

I could feel the wetness of its tongue.

Wild shit.

But
the frequency of fear lost its form
the more deeply I surrendered.

That’s when sleep paralysis becomes a doorway - to controlled near death experiences, soul travel and multi-dimensional healing.

Last night was unusual. I haven’t sensed something that dark in a long while.

I lay there in the storm
still as death
for what felt like a while.

At some point I asked God for help.

And then it spoke.

“You think God is within you”

“But you can’t replace me”

I respond.

I see you.
Entity.
It’s time to leave.

The storm gets stronger.

Over the last few weeks, a judgemental voice - a cruelness - that is not mine, has doubled down in a way where I can keenly sense the voice as not my own.

It’s like the recent heatwave boiled it all the way to the surface.

It’s always been there.
This defensive, hostile energy.
That rejects before it’s rejected.

The energy is male.
And as he is talking to me in that liminal space
I can feel how convinced he is
that I need him.

His darkness engulfs me
I am the calm eye of his storm.

He knows we are done.

One final attempt is made at re-entering
and it is fucking visceral:

loud, metallic clanging noises
Intense pressure on my body
I sense knives
thousands of them raining down me
it’s like laying outside in a squall of hailstones.

I say: God is with me.
God is with me.
God is with me.

Then my body wakes up.
I need to pee.

It feels incomplete.
I ask for resolution upon going back to sleep.

I have a dream about this being.
He reveals himself.
He is small and sad and I feel sad for him.

I ask him if he wants to pass over.

I distinctly remember this thoughtful look he gives, that communicates everything:

I don’t know if I will be forgiven.
Am I beyond redemption?

I place my hand on his head and I ask for his passage.

To eternally dwell in unconditional love.

I walk away quickly because I’m afraid it won’t work, but as I turn back
I see a small hole open in the ceiling above us, white light streams through
a rope drops down
and he’s gone.

As I leave the dream,
I am in the in between
talking to a small child.
Possibly me.

Somehow I know she has answers.

I ask her why I needed him at one point.

She said:
He reduces people.
But don’t worry
he came when you were too young
to have anything to do with anything.
In another life, he got very lost.

And then my body stirs to early morning light.

I turn over her words in my head.

He reduces people.

My mind wants it to be clearer.
But my heart knows what she means.

-

Over the last few months, the punisher squatting in my mind, has lost its grip on my nervous system.

I have had hundreds and hundreds of mad experiences at this point but this shit does not get old.

I don’t share many of these experiences, let alone so soon after. But I want to talk about them more.

I believe I employed this entity to protect me from the pain of rejection.

One morning about 18 months ago I heard a whisper while in a hypnagogic state:

You are liminal channel.

I still don’t fully know what to do with that information, but I realise that poetry helps me convey this phenomena.

And maybe now is the time to shine a brighter light on it.

#pleb #nostr #multidimensionalwork #spiritualawakening #sleepparalysis

I'm realising that the thing that stops people from letting ...

2026-05-05T14:48:53Z

I'm realising that the thing that stops people from letting go isn't the fear of something not changing but the fear of who you become when it does.

In grasping for control, we elect to stay the same.

When you allow something so completely that no part of you is in opposition to it, what was made solid by judgement and fixation, becomes fluid again.

It has no choice but to change.

When you practice being in this way, the whole body experiences this truth in a way that is undeniable.

The energy bottle necking in your chest disperses

The burn in your gut cools

Your heart blows up like a baloon

#letgo #lettinggo #pleb #nostr #plebchain

Building I think. That kind of presence feels like an edge of my ...

2026-05-01T15:07:12Z

In reply to nevent1q…a89v
_________________________

Building I think. That kind of presence feels like an edge of my capacity. Like I'd be overwhelmed if I was there all the time but I'm getting more used to it

I might share on here at some point! Thank you for reading ❤️

2026-04-10T21:07:46Z

In reply to nevent1q…vf86
_________________________

I might share on here at some point! Thank you for reading ❤️

My life and work feels MIRACULOUS after making the following ...

2026-04-09T15:38:56Z

My life and work feels MIRACULOUS after making the following change:

I went to another open mic to play piano last night. It was a different one. A tiny, super packed out little pub.

I am chill up until the point when I walk in and see how busy AND intimate it is.

I can barely concentrate and stare through the barman for a second before gathering myself and blurting out that I want an orange juice, which I never drink.

I almost didn’t go up to the woman running it. I was technically too late. I could have just left it. And it was like a wind at my back that carried me over to her anyway. She said she’d squeeze me in.

Great.

But when we sit down I notice something.

I notice where my mind wants to go and where it has gone the last few times: it wants to obsessively picture the piano keys and play the song internally over and over and over and over again because it’s convinced I’ll forget it. It wants to hyper-fixate on that particular part that I froze on, the last time I played.

It is absolutely DESPERATE for certainty. And I realised how untenable that desperation now was. I couldn’t actually run it anymore. Because it just isn’t who I am anymore.

I am not someone who believes they are gonna forget a song that I wrote, that I have played a trillion times. I am not someone who bends to that kind of mental gymnastics.

It was like every cell of me saw and felt how absurd my mind was being.

And I gave it up.

I handed it over.

And tears pricked at my eyes because this kind of surrender still really gets me.

How simple and beautiful it is to feel the holding on the other side of the mental grip.

Something clicked when I played that night. My hands relaxed more. The expression of the music had space to come through instead of me just white knuckling to get through it.

Every time I have gone to play I wanna walk out as soon as I walk in. Same goes when I read my poetry. It is still utterly vomit inducing.

I actually consider it. I consider what it would be like if I just… walked out. And the pang of self abandonment is worse than the spicy as fuck exposure of staying.

It won’t get easier for me. I won’t let it get easier. That’s not the goal.

The point is that I lean into the edges that I think will kill me and I become more of myself.

My mind gets even quieter.

My body lets go even more deeply.

I get closer to life

Closer to God.

And I get to be in a state of gooey-hearted flow in my day to day, more and more, as a default setting, because in choosing not to collapse into what is easy (walking out of that pub, walking out on myself) I get to experience true EASE.

Every time I actively lean into the spicy spice

the noise in my mind goes down another handful of decibels

the grip in my body melts off

the addiction to distracting myself drops back even further

The fear of failure, of not being enough, of not “living up to the mark” loses its power.

I get more free.

It transfers into my creative work and business
into putting offerings out into the world
into the uncertainty and exposure of it all
into my leadership and the way I show up for clients
into the way I hold myself under pressure.

When I am not protecting myself
I allow myself to be fully supported
and it is the most miraculous and beautiful thing.
And it is what I walk others through.

I hold people through the moments where they abandon themselves to fear, so that they learn how to stay, and keep staying.

Because who you are in those moments
and how you hold yourself
is what sustains momentum
is what creates results in your business
is what allows you to LIVE in flow
and stay connected without flopping in and out.

When you hold this kind of standard for yourself
you don’t doubt your potential
or your ability to fulfil it
it’s not even up for debate

You ARE potential.

I’m watching “Britains most extreme OCD cases” and someone ...

2026-02-27T14:48:06Z

I’m watching “Britains most extreme OCD cases” and someone on there described themselves as constantly being affected by a black tar sludge substance that feels like it is entering them.

It just really gets me thinking about how so much of what makes mental illness what it is, is actually dimensional warfare, and we are still in a collective location where a very small portion of us are approaching it from that place.

So an enormous part of the map is missing for the vast majority of people.

Mental health professionals and shamans need to start working together.

#dimensionalwar #ocd #multidimensional #pleb #pleblife #nostr

Thank you ❤️

2026-02-20T17:54:08Z

In reply to nevent1q…jftc
_________________________

Thank you ❤️

Entities don’t want you to be seen or supported. The stuff that ...

2026-02-20T09:49:35Z

Entities don’t want you to be seen or supported.

The stuff that attaches to your field and siphons off of your energy, does not benefit from you being with people who can see you clearly.

Hiding patterns, second guessing the desire for connection, and avoiding being seen can point to energies that feed on contraction and fear.

I remember my teacher saying something once about the places where we avoid doing spiritual hygiene - the little thoughts that pop in that have you delay it or put it off. She said:

“Who’s benefitting from that thought?”

I.e Are those thoughts your own?

Siphons thrive in isolation.

They hook into that which remains unwitnessed.

They stay alive inside of projection bubbles such as:

“No-one will understand.”

“No-one cares.”

“I can do this on my own.”

“I don’t need support.”

Extractive energies conceal themselves behind the fog of shame, when we avoid being seen because of shame, we provide them with shelter.

Leaning into and through the persuasion of a narrative that keeps you from getting in front of people who can SEE - be it trusted friends and family or supervisors, mentors or coaches - can be transformative in exposing things that have been looping for a long time.

Connection is LIGHT.

Other people’s light illuminating your shadow.

What lives in the shadows cannot survive that light.

And then your energy gets to be YOURS again.

#pleblife #pleb #spirituality #multidimensional

I used to dream about looming storms and tornados a lot. I found ...

2026-01-14T15:10:59Z

In reply to nevent1q…a8hj
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I used to dream about looming storms and tornados a lot. I found that for me they were linked to emotional weather and the fear of dealing with sudden shifts in my internal state.

I did think that it might be worth watching the film again ...

2025-12-21T22:02:23Z

In reply to nevent1q…lgef
_________________________

I did think that it might be worth watching the film again actually to see if there's anything in it worth noting

Goodnight texts to my husband where I start with one thing and ...

2025-12-21T18:21:14Z

Goodnight texts to my husband where I start with one thing and then it leads to another and then I'm like yeah okay this is gonna get weird but I'm already in too deep 😆

It really gets my goat when you see women in the gym using the ...

2025-12-02T12:09:59Z

It really gets my goat when you see women in the gym using the leg machines while scrolling their phone at the same time.

You never see blokes doing it because they are actually making an effort lol

If a lift feels so easy you can chill on your phone, you ain't getting those gains girl. 🤣

And for the record, I configured the "sexxyyy" zap ...

2025-11-29T19:33:53Z

In reply to nevent1q…nas2
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And for the record, I configured the "sexxyyy" zap earlier today. I am honoured this was the first post I got to use it with. So perf.

Ohhh cool thank you. So that gives me some choice but still more ...

2025-11-28T21:15:48Z

In reply to nevent1q…cg0d
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Ohhh cool thank you. So that gives me some choice but still more limited than I thought. I've seen other zaps that are different / have different emojis? Strange.

OH I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION: when I zap people it's set to 42 ...

2025-11-28T20:52:29Z

OH I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION:

when I zap people it's set to 42 sats + an "onwards" sentiment. Can I change that? How do I zap more / alter the accompanying comment?

#asknostr #askprimal

At the height of bingeing on spiritual self development and ...

2025-11-17T18:22:11Z

At the height of bingeing on spiritual self development and trauma work in an attempt to fix my perceived brokenness, I stopped reading fiction.

Don't ever do that. If you're doing it right now, put the Van Der Kolk down. Put it down.

Read a story.