Nostr notes by The Needling

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117526254461628243 Asked ...

2026-10-29T22:42:30Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117526254461628243

Asked why he hasn’t voted yet and doesn’t plan to, one North Seattle man says it’s because he trusts that voters in Laurelhurst—the neighborhood made famous this year for limiting which kids get airlifted to Seattle Children’s—will make the right choices for everyone.

quoting
note1ufc…ev44

Local Man to Skip Voting, Trust Laurelhurst Voters to Decide Election: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/23/man-not-voting-in-local-election-trusts-laurelhurst-voters-will-make-the-right-choice/

Local Man to Skip Voting, Trust Laurelhurst Voters to Decide ...

2026-10-29T21:12:06Z

Local Man to Skip Voting, Trust Laurelhurst Voters to Decide Election: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/23/man-not-voting-in-local-election-trusts-laurelhurst-voters-will-make-the-right-choice/

Fremont Troll Updates Nazi Car Brand He’s Crushing in Fist from ...

2026-10-28T05:53:56Z

Fremont Troll Updates Nazi Car Brand He’s Crushing in Fist from Volkswagen to Tesla: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/21/fremont-troll-updates-nazi-car-brand-hes-crushing-in-fist-from-volkswagen-to-tesla/

If you live in Seattle's District 5, have you given your $100 ...

2026-10-27T19:09:26Z

In reply to nevent1q…tsz0
_________________________

If you live in Seattle's District 5, have you given your $100 in Democracy Vouchers to @neighborsfornilu.bsky.social or are you saving up for one big democracy? www.neighborsfornilu.org/vouchers

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117510742231709536 If you ...

2026-10-27T19:05:04Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117510742231709536

If you live in Seattle's District 5, have you given your $100 in Democracy Vouchers to Nilu Jenks or are you saving up for one big democracy? https://www.neighborsfornilu.org/vouchers

quoting
note1fm2…lnnc

Man Saving Democracy Vouchers to Buy One Big Democracy: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/19/man-saving-democracy-vouchers-to-buy-one-big-democracy/

PacMed Building Not Haunted, Just Has Resting Tower-of-Terror ...

2026-10-27T05:21:32Z

PacMed Building Not Haunted, Just Has Resting Tower-of-Terror Face: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/20/pacmed-building-reveals-it-just-has-resting-tower-of-terror-face/

Man Saving Democracy Vouchers to Buy One Big Democracy: ...

2026-10-27T03:27:08Z

Man Saving Democracy Vouchers to Buy One Big Democracy: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/19/man-saving-democracy-vouchers-to-buy-one-big-democracy/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117471538145937553 “I ...

2026-10-20T17:18:12Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117471538145937553

“I was prepared to see all kinds of horrible voter suppression tactics happen in other parts of the country, but I never thought that our own King County Elections would stoop so low as to deprive our local electorate of stickers.”

quoting
note10ca…76p0

King County Elections Accused of Voter Suppression After Not Mailing Ballots with ‘I Voted’ Stickers: https://theneedling.com/2026/10/19/king-county-elections-accused-of-voter-suppression-after-not-mailing-ballots-with-i-voted-stickers/

King County Elections Accused of Voter Suppression After Not ...

2026-10-20T05:17:01Z

King County Elections Accused of Voter Suppression After Not Mailing Ballots with ‘I Voted’ Stickers: https://theneedling.com/2026/10/19/king-county-elections-accused-of-voter-suppression-after-not-mailing-ballots-with-i-voted-stickers/

Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson Criticized for Having No Plan to ...

2026-10-16T01:57:05Z

Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson Criticized for Having No Plan to Combat Spider Season: https://theneedling.com/2026/10/15/seattle-mayor-katie-wilson-criticized-for-having-no-plan-to-combat-spider-season/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117437470233477040 The ...

2026-10-14T21:05:28Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117437470233477040

The national order comes two years after the delusional state started calling itself the "Pizza Capital of the United States."

quoting
note1r8p…ful0

Connecticut Ordered to Stop Calling That Pizza: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/15/connecticut-ordered-to-stop-calling-that-pizza/

Connecticut Ordered to Stop Calling That Pizza: ...

2026-10-14T04:53:06Z

Connecticut Ordered to Stop Calling That Pizza: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/15/connecticut-ordered-to-stop-calling-that-pizza/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117363844230992018 As ...

2026-10-01T21:44:16Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117363844230992018

As bears reach their most active foraging season to prepare for winter hibernation, park rangers are advising hikers this fall that the most effective way to ward off bears is by loudly announcing the current median price of a house in Seattle.

quoting
note1w35…yc6e

Park Rangers Advise Hikers to Ward Off Bears by Loudly Announcing Median Housing Prices: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/05/park-rangers-advise-hikers-to-ward-off-bears-by-loudly-announcing-median-housing-prices/

Park Rangers Advise Hikers to Ward Off Bears by Loudly Announcing ...

2026-10-01T04:49:02Z

Park Rangers Advise Hikers to Ward Off Bears by Loudly Announcing Median Housing Prices: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/05/park-rangers-advise-hikers-to-ward-off-bears-by-loudly-announcing-median-housing-prices/

Ballard Congratulates Golf Course on Its New Light Rail Station: ...

2026-09-30T05:13:00Z

Ballard Congratulates Golf Course on Its New Light Rail Station: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/03/ballard-congratulates-seattle-golf-course-on-its-new-light-rail-station/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117352264960656739 “If ...

2026-09-29T05:12:42Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117352264960656739

“If she wants to continue being the Starbucks mascot in the Volunteer State, she’s gonna have to volunteer showing her seajunk to someone who can confirm if and where she has a mochacloaca.”

quoting
note1ks7…kznp

Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/01/tennessee-legislators-demand-genital-check-of-starbucks-mermaid/

Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid: ...

2026-09-29T03:44:17Z

Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/01/tennessee-legislators-demand-genital-check-of-starbucks-mermaid/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117329989673574389 Citing ...

2026-09-25T15:56:55Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117329989673574389

Citing positive feedback and increased foot traffic that grew day after day for a year and a half, next week the car-free Pike Place Market pilot program will come to an end on Oct. 1 after it was deemed too successful to continue.

quoting
note1t3x…pwws

Car-Free Pike Place Market Pilot Deemed Too Successful to Continue: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/28/car-free-pike-place-market-pilot-deemed-too-successful-to-continue/

Car-Free Pike Place Market Pilot Deemed Too Successful to ...

2026-09-25T05:19:23Z

Car-Free Pike Place Market Pilot Deemed Too Successful to Continue: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/28/car-free-pike-place-market-pilot-deemed-too-successful-to-continue/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117318601054759713 After ...

2026-09-23T17:49:35Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117318601054759713

After months of doing his best to pretend he’s ever given a single actual shit about women’s sports, today local transphobe and Washington Sex Verification Requirements for Female School Sports Initiative supporter Rick Petty admitted he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep this up.

quoting
note1u87…2rpx

Local Transphobe Not Sure How Much Longer He Can Pretend to Care About Women’s Sports: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/22/local-transphobe-not-sure-how-much-longer-he-can-pretend-to-care-about-womens-sports/

Local Transphobe Not Sure How Much Longer He Can Pretend to Care ...

2026-09-23T05:03:06Z

Local Transphobe Not Sure How Much Longer He Can Pretend to Care About Women’s Sports: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/22/local-transphobe-not-sure-how-much-longer-he-can-pretend-to-care-about-womens-sports/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117313140808706622 “Is ...

2026-09-22T14:04:16Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117313140808706622

“Is it going to suck losing so much money when this AI bubble pops that I have to actually finally move to Idaho or Texas like I’ve been threatening to for years without really meaning it? Yes, but it’s a small price to pay for the way I’m eventually going to be able to play victim of Washington’s future Millionaires Tax.”

quoting
note1v24…lqzt

Local Millionaire Investing in AI Can’t Wait to Blame Future Bankruptcy on Millionaires Tax: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/27/local-millionaire-investing-in-ai-cant-wait-to-blame-future-bankruptcy-on-millionaires-tax/

Local Millionaire Investing in AI Can’t Wait to Blame Future ...

2026-09-22T05:54:29Z

Local Millionaire Investing in AI Can’t Wait to Blame Future Bankruptcy on Millionaires Tax: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/27/local-millionaire-investing-in-ai-cant-wait-to-blame-future-bankruptcy-on-millionaires-tax/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117296034079177898 Leaves ...

2026-09-19T19:29:38Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117296034079177898

Leaves weren’t the only things changing colors today in Downtown Seattle as people walking by Amazon’s headquarters witnessed the usually blue Bezos Balls return to their natural tan color after busting a union.

quoting
note104c…gmk6

Bezos Balls Return to Natural Color After Busting a Union: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/25/bezos-balls-return-to-natural-color-after-busting-a-union/

Bezos Balls Return to Natural Color After Busting a Union: ...

2026-09-19T05:24:01Z

Bezos Balls Return to Natural Color After Busting a Union: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/25/bezos-balls-return-to-natural-color-after-busting-a-union/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117290024708643957 “When ...

2026-09-19T00:03:59Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117290024708643957

“When we saw that there are still any elementary school students who can read at a 5th grade reading level and finish entire chapter books, we knew we had to do something,” said Microsoft and foundation co-founder Bill Gates.

quoting
note1n6p…9arc

New AI Literacy Program Awards Students Free Pizza If They Don’t Know How to Read Books Anymore: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/17/new-ai-literacy-program-awards-students-free-pizza-if-they-dont-know-how-to-read-books-anymore/

New AI Literacy Program Awards Students Free Pizza If They ...

2026-09-18T03:55:46Z

New AI Literacy Program Awards Students Free Pizza If They Don’t Know How to Read Books Anymore: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/17/new-ai-literacy-program-awards-students-free-pizza-if-they-dont-know-how-to-read-books-anymore/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117278934734777751 “It ...

2026-09-16T17:25:39Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117278934734777751

“It actually happened about five miles north of Enumclaw, not in Enumclaw proper—big difference,” reported the guy, Brandon Jedson, to the 368th person he’s shared this important locational nuance with in his lifetime.

quoting
note1sfx…dcts

‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ Reports Guy from Enumclaw: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/11/that-actually-happened-in-unincorporated-king-county-reports-guy-from-enumclaw/

‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ ...

2026-09-16T04:55:26Z

‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ Reports Guy from Enumclaw: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/11/that-actually-happened-in-unincorporated-king-county-reports-guy-from-enumclaw/

Ed Sheeran Opener Replacing Macklemore Already Dropped for Saying ...

2026-09-15T05:19:15Z

Ed Sheeran Opener Replacing Macklemore Already Dropped for Saying ‘Free America’: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/14/ed-sheeran-opener-replacing-macklemore-already-dropped-for-saying-free-america/

Home Gardening Virtuoso Successfully Turns $800 into a Side ...

2026-09-12T04:34:09Z

Home Gardening Virtuoso Successfully Turns $800 into a Side Salad: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/04/home-gardening-virtuoso-successfully-turns-800-into-a-side-salad/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117250664078768079 ...

2026-09-11T21:08:25Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117250664078768079

Business leaders across the city came together today to accuse Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson of being a witch after somehow making both a bus route and car traffic on one of the city’s busiest streets faster at the same time.

quoting
note1qlw…mw3j

Mayor Wilson Accused of Being Witch After Making Both Route 8 Bus and Denny Car Traffic Faster: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/10/mayor-wilson-accused-of-being-witch-after-making-both-route-8-bus-and-denny-car-traffic-faster/

Mayor Wilson Accused of Being Witch After Making Both Route 8 Bus ...

2026-09-11T05:05:50Z

Mayor Wilson Accused of Being Witch After Making Both Route 8 Bus and Denny Car Traffic Faster: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/10/mayor-wilson-accused-of-being-witch-after-making-both-route-8-bus-and-denny-car-traffic-faster/

Google Maps Shrugs, Renames Lake Union to Lake Confederacy: ...

2026-09-09T04:57:12Z

Google Maps Shrugs, Renames Lake Union to Lake Confederacy: https://theneedling.com/2026/09/08/google-maps-shrugs-renames-lake-union-to-lake-confederacy/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117203899485690127 Three ...

2026-09-02T23:57:23Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117203899485690127

Three entire weeks before the first official day of fall, today the Pacific Northwest’s most cinnamon-popping, gourd-decorating fall bitches are reportedly already smiling at the crisp, graying sky outside as they note every detail of summer’s slow, inevitable demise.

quoting
note1xez…fygy

Fall Bitches Already Fondly Gazing at Summer’s Sweet Demise: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/21/fall-bitches-already-fondly-gazing-at-summers-sweet-destruction/

Fall Bitches Already Fondly Gazing at Summer’s Sweet Demise: ...

2026-09-02T22:52:59Z

Fall Bitches Already Fondly Gazing at Summer’s Sweet Demise: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/21/fall-bitches-already-fondly-gazing-at-summers-sweet-destruction/

New PNW Edition Prius Includes Extra Mirrors to Watch Drivers ...

2026-08-29T17:32:06Z

New PNW Edition Prius Includes Extra Mirrors to Watch Drivers Behind Them Go Nuts: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/29/new-pnw-edition-prius-includes-extra-mirrors-to-watch-drivers-behind-them-go-nuts/

Shit: Time Warp Back to When Dolly, Tim Curry and U.S. ...

2026-08-27T06:19:56Z

Shit: Time Warp Back to When Dolly, Tim Curry and U.S. Constitution Were Alive Not Working: http://theneedling.com/2026/08/26/shit-time-warp-back-to-when-dolly-tim-curry-and-u-s-constitution-were-alive-not-working/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117153158008687099 “I ...

2026-08-25T00:56:54Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117153158008687099

“I have to go to all the home games against the Rangers and the Astros? No, no, no, this can’t be happening! There has to be some way out of this,” said a man panicking at his tickets. "I’m gonna see if there’s any way for my fines to at least be reduced to just one or two games against the Angels.”

quoting
note19l6…52ef

Traffic Cops Now Issuing Mariners Tickets to Improperly Parked Cars: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/24/traffic-cops-now-issuing-mariners-tickets-to-improperly-parked-cars/

Traffic Cops Now Issuing Mariners Tickets to Improperly Parked ...

2026-08-24T23:48:46Z

Traffic Cops Now Issuing Mariners Tickets to Improperly Parked Cars: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/24/traffic-cops-now-issuing-mariners-tickets-to-improperly-parked-cars/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117114166730426409 "I ...

2026-08-18T04:14:44Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117114166730426409

"I usually blast through an exit lane or shoulder on 405 to cut traffic and get to my Bravern condo. So glad I no longer have to swerve erratically between lanes in a desperate attempt to rush home and get back to complaining about my male loneliness crisis online."

quoting
note14ut…v2ds

WSDOT Opens Single Occupancy Lanes for Dangerously Lonely Cybertruck Drivers: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/17/wsdot-opens-single-occupancy-lanes-for-lonely-cybertruck-drivers/

WSDOT Opens Single Occupancy Lanes for Dangerously Lonely ...

2026-08-18T02:32:46Z

WSDOT Opens Single Occupancy Lanes for Dangerously Lonely Cybertruck Drivers: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/17/wsdot-opens-single-occupancy-lanes-for-lonely-cybertruck-drivers/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117057665267623578 “So, ...

2026-08-08T17:09:37Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117057665267623578

“So, if you've been procrastinating on doing it, please do enjoy that last Mariners Jimothy night with your Jimothy gear speculating on the backstory between him and T-Mobile Park’s Dumpster Danothy by tonight because after today doing so will no longer be permitted."

quoting
note1fkv…8kcw

Nation Reminded This Is Last Day You Can Talk About Jimothy: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/07/nation-reminded-this-is-last-day-you-can-talk-about-jimothy/

Nation Reminded This Is Last Day You Can Talk About Jimothy: ...

2026-08-08T03:03:42Z

Nation Reminded This Is Last Day You Can Talk About Jimothy: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/07/nation-reminded-this-is-last-day-you-can-talk-about-jimothy/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117052585592167628 Days ...

2026-08-07T06:35:14Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117052585592167628

Days after Seafair ended, some asshole is still setting off Blue Angels over the neighborhood.

quoting
note1480…vrpq

Some Asshole Still Setting Off Blue Angels: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/06/some-asshole-still-setting-off-blue-angels/

Some Asshole Still Setting Off Blue Angels: ...

2026-08-07T05:31:52Z

Some Asshole Still Setting Off Blue Angels: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/06/some-asshole-still-setting-off-blue-angels/

Want to be a real fake news reporter too? Learn how to find real ...

2026-08-06T21:25:10Z

Want to be a real fake news reporter too? Learn how to find real fake news scoops and write them up in a fun and collaborative way with real fake newsroom colleagues (And then maybe get some drinks/best fries in the city). Join us! https://theneedling.com/2024/10/30/the-needling-in-person-real-fake-newsroom-workshop/

Local Woman Just Thinks Flaming Forest Could Find More Peaceful ...

2026-08-06T04:17:37Z

Local Woman Just Thinks Flaming Forest Could Find More Peaceful Way to Protest Climate Change: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/02/local-woman-just-thinks-flaming-forest-could-find-more-peaceful-way-to-protest-climate-change/

Experts Find Smoking Filtered Cigarettes Reduces Risk of ...

2026-08-06T04:04:51Z

Experts Find Smoking Filtered Cigarettes Reduces Risk of Breathing Seattle’s Air: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/01/experts-find-smoking-filtered-cigarettes-reduces-risk-of-breathing-seattles-air/

Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming ...

2026-08-04T03:44:04Z

Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job: https://theneedling.com/2026/08/03/inexperienced-seattle-mayor-apologizes-for-naively-assuming-police-knew-how-to-do-their-job/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117015659614620303 Today ...

2026-07-31T18:02:51Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/117015659614620303

Today Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to have an affair on the job with, and threatened to fight a reporter all before 9 a.m.

quoting
note1n6m…ardv

Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/20/next-seattle-police-chief-already-fired/

Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired: ...

2026-07-31T17:01:07Z

Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/20/next-seattle-police-chief-already-fired/

SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find ...

2026-07-28T23:20:09Z

SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find Second Shooting Suspect: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/28/spd-wondering-whats-taking-mayor-katie-wilson-so-long-to-find-second-shooting-suspect/

Report: Wild Raccoon Would Love to Be Adopted By You, If You Just ...

2026-07-21T03:12:08Z

Report: Wild Raccoon Would Love to Be Adopted By You, If You Just Had the Courage To Make the First Move: https://theneedling.com/2024/03/27/report-feral-raccoon-would-love-to-be-adopted-by-you-if-you-just-had-the-courage-to-make-the-first-move/

Adorable New Video Shows Moment Jimothy Escaped Henry Mural as a ...

2026-07-19T13:19:50Z

Adorable New Video Shows Moment Jimothy Escaped Henry Mural as a Baby: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/18/adorable-new-video-shows-moment-jimothy-escaped-henry-mural-as-a-baby/

Bumble Bees at Sequim Lavender Festival Baked AF: ...

2026-07-19T03:15:02Z

Bumble Bees at Sequim Lavender Festival Baked AF: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/18/bumble-bees-at-sequim-lavender-festival-baked-af/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116933593590940443 At ...

2026-07-17T16:30:47Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116933593590940443

At press time, a tantruming President Trump vowed to strip FCC licenses from all who did not air his speech including ABC, NBC and the neighborhood Ring camera everyone’s hacking tonight to watch more Jimothy.

quoting
note1pfh…ap3a

Whole Nation Misses President’s Speech Because Jimothy: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/16/whole-nation-misses-presidents-speech-because-jimothy/

Whole Nation Misses President’s Speech Because Jimothy: ...

2026-07-17T05:10:38Z

Whole Nation Misses President’s Speech Because Jimothy: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/16/whole-nation-misses-presidents-speech-because-jimothy/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116925795463943766 Today ...

2026-07-16T22:25:20Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116925795463943766

Today Seattle continued to mourn the closure of several Starbucks cafes as their old locations sadly began to fill with small businesses serving infinitely better coffee, pastries and ambience.

quoting
note1z9s…sdta

Seattle Mourns Starbucks as Old Locations Fill with Infinitely Better Coffee and Pastries: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/15/seattle-mourns-starbucks-as-old-locations-fill-with-infinitely-better-coffee-and-pastries/

Seattle Mourns Starbucks as Old Locations Fill with Infinitely ...

2026-07-15T20:07:28Z

Seattle Mourns Starbucks as Old Locations Fill with Infinitely Better Coffee and Pastries: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/15/seattle-mourns-starbucks-as-old-locations-fill-with-infinitely-better-coffee-and-pastries/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116908687674302252 “This ...

2026-07-12T23:29:44Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116908687674302252

“This is incredibly difficult because I know some will think my withdrawal from life is proof of karma, but it most certainly is not—just look around at who isn’t burning in hell with me yet,” said Graham in the video next to a turtle eternally stuck on its back for some reason.

quoting
note1u4n…x2fs

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116905632933670470

After several calls to do so while overtly dedicating his life to killing innocent people and protecting pedophiles for a modicum of clout with the worst people alive, South Carolina U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham has officially withdrawn from life.

FULL STORY: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/07/graham-officially-withdraws-from-life/
note1c4j…m4c0

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116905632933670470 After ...

2026-07-12T19:36:44Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116905632933670470

After several calls to do so while overtly dedicating his life to killing innocent people and protecting pedophiles for a modicum of clout with the worst people alive, South Carolina U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham has officially withdrawn from life.

FULL STORY: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/07/graham-officially-withdraws-from-life/

quoting
note1c4j…m4c0

BREAKING: Graham Officially Withdraws from Life

BREAKING: Graham Officially Withdraws from Life ...

2026-07-12T06:39:53Z

BREAKING: Graham Officially Withdraws from Life

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116894244881148277 “I ...

2026-07-10T14:42:37Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116894244881148277

“I think as long as you’re only literally enabling and funding the ra** of brown Muslim men, women and children on the other side of the world and not committing the act yourself, you’re good,” said Democratic strategist James Carville.

quoting
note13df…l8wz

Sen. Cantwell Assured Her ‘Love My Bibi’ Tramp Stamp Still Okay: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/09/sen-cantwell-assured-her-love-my-bibi-tramp-stamp-still-okay/

Sen. Cantwell Assured Her ‘Love My Bibi’ Tramp Stamp Still ...

2026-07-10T06:23:45Z

Sen. Cantwell Assured Her ‘Love My Bibi’ Tramp Stamp Still Okay: https://theneedling.com/2026/07/09/sen-cantwell-assured-her-love-my-bibi-tramp-stamp-still-okay/

Perfect Weather Ruins US Men’s World Cup Team Loss: ...

2026-07-07T04:35:22Z

Perfect Weather Ruins US Men’s World Cup Team Loss: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/05/perfect-weather-ruins-us-mens-world-cup-team-loss/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116856979333551781 “We ...

2026-07-03T21:29:42Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116856979333551781

“We actually haven’t seen any cases of sailors being lured to their deaths by the hypnotic and enchanting voice of a siren since like 300 BCE,” said UW Anthropologist Rob Telemackus.

quoting
note16zd…hff9

Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/23/study-finds-siren-related-deaths-among-sailors-way-down/

Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down: ...

2026-07-03T16:26:38Z

Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/23/study-finds-siren-related-deaths-among-sailors-way-down/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116837429541728893 At ...

2026-06-30T23:04:23Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116837429541728893

At press time, local right-wingers having the time of their lives going to Seattle World Cup matches were also assuring fellow conservatives that as soon as the tournament is over they’ll also go right back to talking about what an unsalvageable abomination Seattle is.

quoting
note1rf5…rmz7

Leftist US World Cup Team Fan Promises to Go Back to Being Ashamed of Country for 4th of July: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/29/leftist-us-world-cup-team-fan-promises-to-go-back-to-being-ashamed-of-country-for-4th-of-july/

Leftist US World Cup Team Fan Promises to Go Back to Being ...

2026-06-30T05:34:51Z

Leftist US World Cup Team Fan Promises to Go Back to Being Ashamed of Country for 4th of July: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/29/leftist-us-world-cup-team-fan-promises-to-go-back-to-being-ashamed-of-country-for-4th-of-july/

Man Waving Pride Flag Like Wand at Egypt-Iran World Cup Match ...

2026-06-27T05:08:14Z

Man Waving Pride Flag Like Wand at Egypt-Iran World Cup Match Accidentally Turns Both Teams Gay: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/26/man-waving-pride-flag-like-wand-at-egypt-iran-world-cup-match-accidentally-turns-both-teams-gay/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116814577184044778 “As ...

2026-06-26T05:45:24Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116814577184044778

“As soon as I learned Epstein would do something as heinous as ruin my nice guy/husband schtick by publicizing my secret affairs, I drew the line and no longer talked to him—I wanted nothing to do with a sex offender who would betray an innocent billionaire such as myself."

quoting
note1hc9…gqx7

Gates Regrets Ties to Sex Offender He Thought Was Only Going to Victimize Children, Not Himself: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/25/gates-regrets-ties-to-sex-offender-he-thought-was-only-going-to-victimize-children-not-himself/

Gates Regrets Ties to Sex Offender He Thought Was Only Going to ...

2026-06-26T04:43:12Z

Gates Regrets Ties to Sex Offender He Thought Was Only Going to Victimize Children, Not Himself: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/25/gates-regrets-ties-to-sex-offender-he-thought-was-only-going-to-victimize-children-not-himself/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116797761723091241 One ...

2026-06-23T19:54:22Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116797761723091241

One World Cup tourist blissfully unaware every Limebike seat he rode on today was covered in a naked Fremont Solstice Parade reveler’s taintjuice over the weekend says he’s continuing to have an awesome time in Seattle.

quoting
note1udz…j4pw

World Cup Tourist Blissfully Unaware Every Seattle Limebike Now Covered in Fremont’s Taintjuice: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/22/world-cup-tourist-blissfully-unaware-every-seattle-limebike-now-covered-in-fremonts-taintjuice/

World Cup Tourist Blissfully Unaware Every Seattle Limebike Now ...

2026-06-23T05:26:49Z

World Cup Tourist Blissfully Unaware Every Seattle Limebike Now Covered in Fremont’s Taintjuice: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/22/world-cup-tourist-blissfully-unaware-every-seattle-limebike-now-covered-in-fremonts-taintjuice/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116768294310658367 ...

2026-06-18T01:48:33Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116768294310658367

“Can’t blame anyone for wondering—even I did one of those Toxic Algae-and-Me lab tests through the mail just to make sure and nope, just a coincidence we look and feel like a literal swamp right in the middle of a city,” said Green Lake.

quoting
note16ft…6txe

Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to D.C. Reflecting Pool: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/09/despite-striking-resemblance-green-lake-confirms-no-relation-to-d-c-reflecting-pool/

Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to ...

2026-06-18T00:32:52Z

Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to D.C. Reflecting Pool: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/09/despite-striking-resemblance-green-lake-confirms-no-relation-to-d-c-reflecting-pool/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116746617017142496 Just ...

2026-06-14T14:38:29Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116746617017142496

Just four months after Mayor Katie Wilson kicked off her Socialist reign of terror over Seattle with a Seahawks Super Bowl win, Mayor Zohran Mamdani sent New York City’s sanity off a cliff last night with the Knicks’ first NBA Championship win in more than half a century.

quoting
note1srs…4c7h

Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports Championship Victory: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/08/socialist-mayor-reigns-of-terror-continue-with-yet-another-sports-championship-victory/

Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports ...

2026-06-14T04:40:02Z

Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports Championship Victory: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/08/socialist-mayor-reigns-of-terror-continue-with-yet-another-sports-championship-victory/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116741413137774937 “Oh ...

2026-06-13T14:28:21Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116741413137774937

“Oh my God, this guy that just cut off a Subaru in a rented Tesla is finished,” said one ferry line fight onlooker placing a bet on Kalshi as the man was grabbed by the collar and suplexed out of his car window.

quoting
note1sw6…zy53

Polymarket, Kalshi Now Taking Bets on Fights in Ferry Lines: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/12/polymarket-kalshi-now-taking-bets-on-fights-in-ferry-lines/

Polymarket, Kalshi Now Taking Bets on Fights in Ferry Lines: ...

2026-06-13T06:36:37Z

Polymarket, Kalshi Now Taking Bets on Fights in Ferry Lines: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/12/polymarket-kalshi-now-taking-bets-on-fights-in-ferry-lines/

Seattleites Frantically Search for Plausible Excuse to Cancel ...

2026-06-11T21:42:02Z

Seattleites Frantically Search for Plausible Excuse to Cancel Plans with World Cup: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/11/seattleites-frantically-search-for-plausible-excuse-to-cancel-plans-with-world-cup/

Fuck! Starbucks Agrees to All Union Demands and Now We Have to ...

2026-06-06T13:28:57Z

Fuck! Starbucks Agrees to All Union Demands and Now We Have to Drink Their Coffee Again: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/07/fuck-starbucks-agrees-to-all-union-demands-and-now-we-have-to-drink-their-coffee-again/

Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive ...

2026-06-04T06:52:30Z

Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive on ‘Trains-Only’ Train Tracks: https://theneedling.com/2026/06/03/crazy-socialist-mayor-of-seattle-says-cars-not-allowed-to-drive-on-trains-only-train-tracks/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116684753889515706 ...

2026-06-03T19:36:44Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116684753889515706

“Unlike other Sound Transit Park & Rides with hundreds of stalls, this one specializes in providing one parking space for someone nuts enough to drive their car on train tracks for a half mile and 40 feet up into a station's elevated train platform."

quoting
note1ejv…zfle

Mount Baker Station Celebrates Opening of New Park & Ride to Psychiatrist: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/02/mount-baker-station-celebrates-opening-of-new-park-and-ride-to-psychiatrist/

Mount Baker Station Celebrates Opening of New Park & Ride to ...

2026-06-03T06:27:26Z

Mount Baker Station Celebrates Opening of New Park & Ride to Psychiatrist: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/02/mount-baker-station-celebrates-opening-of-new-park-and-ride-to-psychiatrist/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116661877512785105 “Wow, ...

2026-05-30T05:43:42Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116661877512785105

“Wow, I really thought the orcas, Seafair Pirates, or Dave Matthews’ tour bus would be handling this one,” said one Seattle resident watching Zuckerberg’s once massive superyacht named Launchpad ablaze before sinking to the bottom of Lake Union.

quoting
note1skv…8am7

Blue Origin Goes Rogue, Blows Up Another Billionaire’s Launchpad in Seattle: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/29/blue-origin-goes-rogue-blows-up-another-billionaires-launchpad-in-seattle/

Blue Origin Goes Rogue, Blows Up Another Billionaire’s ...

2026-05-30T05:29:40Z

Blue Origin Goes Rogue, Blows Up Another Billionaire’s Launchpad in Seattle: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/29/blue-origin-goes-rogue-blows-up-another-billionaires-launchpad-in-seattle/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116656086906706878 ...

2026-05-29T06:03:57Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116656086906706878

“It’s always ‘Hey, take Zuck to Davy Jones Locker this, pop Peter Thiel a 100 feet into the air and then eat his liver that—when are you land whales gonna finally step up to these guys yourselves?”

quoting
note1h0d…85nc

Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All Your Billionaire Problems: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/28/orcas-getting-a-little-sick-and-tired-of-being-asked-to-solve-all-your-billionaire-probems/

Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All ...

2026-05-29T04:57:02Z

Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All Your Billionaire Problems: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/28/orcas-getting-a-little-sick-and-tired-of-being-asked-to-solve-all-your-billionaire-probems/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116648954147407608 ...

2026-05-27T23:42:22Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116648954147407608

Can't come to the in-person workshop? Join The Needling's Online Real Fake Newsroom Workshop from anywhere June 1: https://theneedling.com/2024/08/01/the-needlings-online-real-fake-newsroom-workshop/

quoting
note1wcg…nygl

Want to be a real fake news reporter too? Learn how to find real fake news scoops and write them up in a fun and collaborative way with real fake newsroom colleagues (And then maybe get some drinks/best fries in the city). Join us! https://theneedling.com/2024/10/30/the-needling-in-person-real-fake-newsroom-workshop/

Want to be a real fake news reporter too? Learn how to find real ...

2026-05-27T22:43:05Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116647458749489601 ...

2026-05-27T17:51:38Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116647458749489601

“Look! People in the back are swimming in the salaries of 200 Millennial fools who thought it might finally be a good time to buy a house in Seattle and start having kids,” said one onlooker as the billionaire’s 387-foot floating luxury barely fit through the Ballard Locks.

quoting
note1md2…4tq0

Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in Seattle: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/23/zuckerberg-docks-annual-salary-of-1400-laid-off-meta-workers-in-seattle/

Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in ...

2026-05-27T16:22:47Z

Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in Seattle: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/23/zuckerberg-docks-annual-salary-of-1400-laid-off-meta-workers-in-seattle/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116621863722708487 ...

2026-05-23T23:55:07Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116621863722708487

“Clearly, the only reason anyone would live in this desolate land is to take advantage of never paying a state income tax,” said Starbucks VP of Coffee Syrups Lara Pilson as an orca jumped out of the sparkling Puget Sound waters at sunset with Mount Rainier glowing hot pink in the distance.

quoting
note1jv8…tvrs

Millionaires Tax Erases Only Advantage of Living in Sad, Barren Wasteland: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/21/millionaires-tax-erases-only-reason-to-live-in-barren-wasteland/

Millionaires Tax Erases Only Advantage of Living in Sad, Barren ...

2026-05-23T03:53:38Z

Millionaires Tax Erases Only Advantage of Living in Sad, Barren Wasteland: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/21/millionaires-tax-erases-only-reason-to-live-in-barren-wasteland/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116616417530328058 “By ...

2026-05-22T14:59:23Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116616417530328058

“By just cutting back on little luxuries that, avocado toast, or giving that transphobe hedge fund manager Brian Heywood your money by the dumptruck, you’ll have your fifth home in no time.”

quoting
note1qt3…q23x

Millionaires Tax Payers Assured They Only Need to Cut Back on Lattes to Afford Fifth Home: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/21/millionaires-tax-payers-assured-they-only-need-to-cut-back-on-lattes-to-afford-fifth-home/

Millionaires Tax Payers Assured They Only Need to Cut Back on ...

2026-05-22T04:48:36Z

Millionaires Tax Payers Assured They Only Need to Cut Back on Lattes to Afford Fifth Home: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/21/millionaires-tax-payers-assured-they-only-need-to-cut-back-on-lattes-to-afford-fifth-home/

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116608897548885706 After ...

2026-05-20T23:09:10Z

RE: https://newsie.social/@TheNeedling/116608897548885706

After weeks of Starbucks leadership telling every major newspaper in the country how mean Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson’s been to them by publicly not liking them, today she formally apologized saying she thought they knew everyone here including herself hated them already.

quoting
note1qfz…r0v3

Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone Here Hated Them Already: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/20/seattle-mayor-apologizes-to-starbucks-thought-it-knew-everyone-here-hated-them-already/

Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone ...

2026-05-20T20:56:10Z

Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone Here Hated Them Already: https://theneedling.com/2026/05/20/seattle-mayor-apologizes-to-starbucks-thought-it-knew-everyone-here-hated-them-already/