Nostr notes by Ritalin Invitees

Gimme your dance names or Kama Sutra positions. I'll start: ...

2026-10-29T14:47:02Z

Gimme your dance names or Kama Sutra positions. I'll start:

The Reluctant Squid
Ermine in a Wind Tunnel
The Shorp
Goin' Ghostal
Making Rigatoni with a Blender
The Dry Zagnut
Jumpin' Junk
Michael Collins
The Disappointed Fossil
Rex Goes To Hollywood
The Grunt
Waffle House Nachos
The Scarlet Debtor
The Educated Seahorse

What about you? What are you doing to scandalize the mayor (Scandalizing the Mayor)?

Death by Chocolate implies the existence of Life with Chocolate, ...

2026-10-26T19:38:56Z

Death by Chocolate implies the existence of Life with Chocolate, and brother...

#Poll time: if you had to give control of your life over to a ...

2026-10-03T14:29:28Z

#Poll time: if you had to give control of your life over to a muse, which would it be? #BoostsLegallyMandated

Thought I just had: "Sure, there's radio on the internet, ...

2026-10-02T01:13:47Z

Thought I just had: "Sure, there's radio on the internet, but what if there was internet on the radio?"

Friends, do not let your loved ones work late or they'll reinvent WiFi.

This meeting could have been a tab of acid.

2026-09-28T19:13:58Z

In reply to nevent1q…n9qe
_________________________

This meeting could have been a tab of acid.

Nostr event nevent1qqsgth5x3h96cgq38xelh6g6f0qeuhajd3gqx9thpeyq3fm88n39g6gzyzyph0ge9e5rvq9g0elr4qhr3fz8ezgm0eh6w4rx2lsmf7fud7nqcx3xe6a

2026-09-28T19:13:57Z

This meeting could have been a fart noise.

Big wheel keep on turnin' Proud Mary keep on burnin' ...

2026-09-25T03:49:54Z

Big wheel keep on turnin'
Proud Mary keep on burnin'
Student keep on learnin'
Lonely hearts keep on yearnin'
Interest keep on earnin'
Stomach keep on churnin'
Jilted lover keep on spurnin'
Typeface keep on kernin'
Meeting keep on adjournin'
Ernest keep on Hey-Vern-in'
Prehistoric plant keep on fernin'
Laura and Bruce keep on Dernin'
Back of the boat keep on sternin'

My devotion to this bit is mildly concernin'.

Once again for anyone interested, here's how to strip the DRM ...

2026-09-18T21:36:51Z

Once again for anyone interested, here's how to strip the DRM from ebooks you've purchased:

1) Go to Anna's Archive.
2) Find the book there.
3) Download it.

Seriously. Calibre has gone to slop and all the other options are questionable at best. If you've purchased the book, pirate a DRM-free copy. Anyone who cares is a cop.

I don't want to set the world on fire I just want to start A ...

2026-09-11T04:33:08Z

I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start
A flame in your garage
I mean heart
In your heart
Don't check your garage

Tofu is my immediate thought, but that's because most things ...

2026-09-09T01:45:23Z

In reply to nevent1q…sm05
_________________________

Tofu is my immediate thought, but that's because most things go with tofu.

But how about peanut butter sandwiches? I'm a sucker for sriracha on mine, and this sounds right up the same alley.

A cyclist riding to Slough Found the going to be rather rough She ...

2026-08-31T17:39:11Z

A cyclist riding to Slough
Found the going to be rather rough
She was happier though
When in town she was through
But she fell off her bike in a trough

I don't want to watch your video about it. Sorry. Type it out ...

2026-08-30T20:43:30Z

I don't want to watch your video about it. Sorry. Type it out so I can skim it please.

I'm happy to give you all the information you need to ...

2026-08-08T02:10:50Z

In reply to nevent1q…alac
_________________________

I'm happy to give you all the information you need to reproduce these unfortunate and completely unforeseen errors yourself.

I regret to inform everyone that my copy of QBittorrent escaped ...

2026-08-08T01:55:24Z

I regret to inform everyone that my copy of QBittorrent escaped its sandbox last night and downloaded a whole bunch of content owned by major corporations, and then my copy of Jellyfin broke containment and added those unfortunately-downloaded media files to its various libraries. I'm conducting an internal investigation to figure out how this happened, which will involve consuming these media files until the answers become apparent. Thank you for your cooperation during this trying time.

The number of people who believe that, because a *mythological ...

2026-07-31T14:34:28Z

The number of people who believe that, because a *mythological magical* creature possesses some aspect of a natural one, it follows that they must possess all aspects of that natural creature, is staggering.

So, a follow-up poll to my previous mermaid one:

Does Pegasus lay eggs or give live birth?

#poll #BoostsEnforcedByExplosion

Vital question of our age: We're not going to argue about ...

2026-07-25T13:51:45Z

Vital question of our age: We're not going to argue about whether mermaids fuck, but we are going to argue about whether they give birth to live babies or lay eggs. #poll #BoostsMandatory

Since we're all talking about the best way to fold a fitted ...

2026-07-06T03:17:24Z

Since we're all talking about the best way to fold a fitted sheet, here's the best way to fold a fitted sheet:

1) Grab the top left corner of the sheet with your right hand.
2) Grab the bottom right corner with your left hand.
3) Put your left foot into the top right corner.
4) Using your right foot, flip the sheet inside out, maintaining your position.
5) Folding clockwise, cross your left hand's corner into the open corner, being careful not to crease the body of the sheet.
6) Oh dear God, you creased it didn't you?
7) Ok, take your right hand off the sheet and attempt...
8) No, your other right hand.
9) What are you, stupid?
10) Take the corner that your right hand was holding in your teeth.
11) Rotate the spline widdershins.
12) So you're tied up in the sheet now aren't you?
13) With your left... No. That won't work. Can you dislocate your...?
14) I... I've honestly never seen anything like this.
15) Alright, with your right foot, try to free your face so you can at least see.
16) Oh no. Oh God no.
17) So now you're standing in front of Zqbxzstnx, demon of laundry. I didn't think you were going to form that sigil.
18) Do you have a firstborn to offer Zqbxzstnx?
19) ...Do you have a chicken to offer Zqbxzstnx?
20) Look, I'm not trying to imply that you're screwed, but Zqbxzstnx doesn't seem pleased.
21) Allow Zqbxzstnx to devour your soul.
22) Your fitted sheet is now perfectly folded...
23) Oh.
24) I see.
25) Wad up the fitted sheet that even Zqbxzstnx couldn't fold properly.
26) Shove it into a dresser drawer.
27) Never speak of this again.

Nostr event nevent1qqs205l3x594arkfhcu3kkjnaeut6gqu8rca7azyvxkmwcze2qsm7rczyzyph0ge9e5rvq9g0elr4qhr3fz8ezgm0eh6w4rx2lsmf7fud7nqcxt9lpn

2026-06-30T23:30:51Z

Hammond Rye, professional delicatessen assassin (delicassassin)

I've been doing my bit to help humanity. When I ask people ...

2026-05-21T00:17:16Z

I've been doing my bit to help humanity. When I ask people how they are and they reply, "Can't complain," I respond with, "Sure you can. I won't tell anyone." So I'm basically Mother Theresa over here.

When I was young, too young to remember how young I was, my ...

2026-05-20T23:51:15Z

In reply to nevent1q…xju5
_________________________

When I was young, too young to remember how young I was, my grandfather took me fishing and a water moccasin tried to steal the fish he caught so he tried to chop off its head, but I'm not totally sure what happened after that because everyone told me to get on dry land sharpish. My grandfather didn't die and the fish had to be thrown away because of possible venom contamination. Water moccasins are badass though, so it's possible it escaped and went on to plot its revenge.

Here's where I wish I could say that no one ever figured out what killed my grandfather, but it was a refusal to wear seatbelts. Maybe the water moccasin is planning to take its revenge on me instead? How long do they live?

Piggybacking off something I keep reading but don't want to ...

2026-05-17T21:04:44Z

Piggybacking off something I keep reading but don't want to hijack, constructive criticism, where one softens the blow of identifying a problem by offering a positive solution to it, is really only useful when one cares more about the feelings of the person with the problem than the problem itself. Let's be real. That's why the technique exists. Yes, it may have the happy side effect that the problem gets solved, but it's more important that the problem-haver not be hurt.

Guess what? Society doesn't have feelings to hurt. Identifying problems with the system is important whether or not the criticism is constructive. In fact, the first step to solving a problem is not to have a solution ready to implement. It's to identify the problem.

So if you come at me or anyone else who is rightfully pointing out that the situation is fucked yo, demanding that we provide a solution or our criticism is invalid, you're wrong. That's the long and the short of it. You're wrong.

But more than that, you're demonstrating something: your feelings are hurt by our criticism, meaning that you may well have the problem we're talking about. Because that's how that works. Hit dogs holler, to borrow an excellent turn of phrase from the Black community with full acknowledgement. If your reaction is to demand a solution, that says something about you and your relationship with the problem being identified, not about the identification.

Consider that very carefully the next time you jump into someone's mentions to "not-all-" them too, because denial is also telling.

If you find yourself wanting someone to soften the blow of criticism, maybe it's because they're right and you've got a problem too?

Also, it's not a marginalized person's responsibility to correct their marginalization.

And a lot of the time, the problem has a solution and you just don't want to hear about it.

Basically, yeah, don't. Do it to others in my view and I'll likely be less than charitable.

Ok, serious, slightly confusing poll time: Do you think that any ...

2026-05-17T18:58:56Z

Ok, serious, slightly confusing poll time:

Do you think that any actor who doesn't appear in a film has a film-universe counterpart? That is, does an actor named Brad Pitt exist in the world of American Beauty?

Do you think that actors who appear in movies have film-universe counterparts in those movies? That is, does an actor named Brad Pitt exist in the world of Ocean's 11?

Do you think that, if an actor is not in a movie taking place before their birth, that they will exist in the universe of that film? Is there an actor named Brad Pitt yet to be born in the world of Around the World in Eighty Days?

Do you think that, if an actor is in a movie taking place in a time before their birth, that the film universe will contain them at some point? Is there an actor named Brad Pitt yet to be born in A River Runs Through It?

All these questions presume that the film is supposed to be realistic and set in our universe. Let's go wild: given that it's set a long time ago in a galaxy far away, is there a Brad Pitt yet to be born in Star Wars?

Did Brad Pitt die at Judgment Day in The Terminator franchise?

Did Brad Pitt die in 12 Monkeys?

Is Brad Pitt yet to be born in Inglorious Basterds (an alternate timeline in the Tarantino-verse)?

Is there a Brad Pitt who ages forward in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button?

I can't post polls for some reason, so give me your long-form answers below.

(This is a toot about zombie movies.)

I think animals and plants have free will too though. I'm not ...

2026-05-07T14:43:14Z

In reply to nevent1q…gt47
_________________________

I think animals and plants have free will too though. I'm not saying it counts for much. My free will is, as you say, largely constrained by all of the things you mention. But I'm still presented with choices.

But I completely understand why one might believe in the universe as a very complicated machine. Atoms gonna atom. Even if there's randomness involved, it can still be a machine that runs the way it'll run without allowing for any of its "gears" to make choices. I just... Don't see the point in life if that's all there is? That's not bleak. If life is a machine and nothing I do matters, why worry? Anything I do was predestined by the universe, so there's no morality, no happiness, no life really except as a cog. I'm no different from any other energy pattern in the universe, it's all either totally random or totally fixed, and at that point life loses interest to me.

So, as I said, I choose to believe that my life has meaning. If it doesn't, I lose nothing. Sort of Pascal's Wager but for free will? It's pure belief though. I can't prove it, and I won't argue that it's superior.

I don't believe in Free Will as something handed down by a ...

2026-05-07T14:10:53Z

In reply to nevent1q…xzyl
_________________________

I don't believe in Free Will as something handed down by a deity, but I do believe that without free will life becomes somewhat pointless, so whether we have it or not I'm going to behave like we do. If that makes sense?

Speaking to white people and white people only, you benefit from ...

2026-04-30T21:55:13Z

Speaking to white people and white people only, you benefit from systems of racism which you will never dismantle. You will always be racist. Act against that. Don't waste your time trying to undo your own past racism; be proactive and undo your future racism. Fight the system with the targets of it rather than trying to absolve yourself by removing yourself from it.

What do I mean? You can't go back in time and give away your privilege. Instead, use whatever privilege you have to benefit the targets of racism. You can't stop being white. You can stop hurting others with your whiteness.

And you're not going to succeed all the time. You're going to continue to hurt non-white people with your whiteness. It's inevitable. You can't exist in the system without causing harm. Don't try. Instead, fight the system in favor of its targets. Use the benefits the system gives you to help its targets.

You will never get a "Congratulations, you are now 100% racism-free" certificate. Even if someone gave those out, you will never be free of it. Your actions are what matter. Fight the racist in your own head. Fight the racism in the system. Defend those who are targeted by it. That's all.

It's based on one of my favorite poems. I didn't know a ...

2026-04-29T19:22:35Z

In reply to nevent1q…g80c
_________________________

It's based on one of my favorite poems. I didn't know a song version existed.

"There aren't any better alternatives to capitalism. ...

2026-04-28T23:03:44Z

"There aren't any better alternatives to capitalism. History has tried them all..."

I'm begging people to read some actual history.

I mean this in the nicest way, but based on your posts, some of ...

2026-04-15T23:27:17Z

I mean this in the nicest way, but based on your posts, some of you are eccentric to the point that I wonder how you managed to find the time to operate a computer to post them

It's okay. I'm weird too. But some of you put me to shame.

Nostr event nevent1qqsyz9azfkktp04fqjuv9aj6v0srpjl26gh4kyqlehp9hhtk2ltpxqqzyzyph0ge9e5rvq9g0elr4qhr3fz8ezgm0eh6w4rx2lsmf7fud7nqcsst46f

2026-04-11T23:41:13Z

Reason is just another belief system. #subtoot

People wonder why I take a somewhat dim view of humans. They ...

2026-04-04T02:39:54Z

People wonder why I take a somewhat dim view of humans. They apparently didn't grow up watching the nature documentaries of the 1980s and 1990s, all of which basically went:

Here we see the Paraguayan pygmy elf vole, an adorable and playful little creature whose feces can cure leprosy and whose mere existence raises the average cuteness of all mammals by 17%. Look at this mother nursing her young with almost human-like emotions.

Sadly, because these voles nest exclusively in the prime molybdenum mining territory of Paraguay, humans have been hunting them for sport, and the species is due to go extinct next Tuesday. A few miserable specimens have been kept alive in captivity, but as you can see from their screaming faces, they pray for the sweet release of death.

*Upbeat National Geographic theme music plays*

This documentary sponsored by Chevron!

We need someone to make a new Tarzan movie where Tarzan is a ...

2026-02-27T21:48:03Z

We need someone to make a new Tarzan movie where Tarzan is a Black woman. No other changes. No explanation. Just to fuck with some heads.

Turns out that Tarzan's public domain status is legally ...

2026-02-27T21:48:03Z

In reply to nevent1q…umst
_________________________

Turns out that Tarzan's public domain status is legally complicated, so I propose burning down copyright law as a solution.

I'm seriously considering switching to Linux. I don't ...

2025-12-28T00:08:04Z

I'm seriously considering switching to Linux. I don't want to because I don't care enough, but Windows is a trash fire and it's getting to the point where I'm concerned that it'll break something important.

Zorin looks nice. Maybe I'll give that a go. I have a feeling it'll break a lot of things and I really don't want to, y'all. Why can't they just leave well enough alone?

You think 1980 was 15 years ago. I think 1980 was 200 years ago. ...

2025-12-14T20:13:21Z

You think 1980 was 15 years ago.

I think 1980 was 200 years ago.

We are not the same.

In honor of Tom Waits' birthday, I'm going to build a ...

2025-12-07T16:50:48Z

In honor of Tom Waits' birthday, I'm going to build a steam calliope out of the bones of a hundred racehorses, powered by a one-legged bicyclist street preacher, and played by the souls of the orphans who died in the gin distillery explosion.

I have to say, if someone was going to give Trump a pity Peace ...

2025-12-05T23:15:25Z

I have to say, if someone was going to give Trump a pity Peace Prize, FIFA is one is one of the funnier options. It's not quite as on-the-nose as Twitter or something like that, but it's probably funnier.

OK, #poll time. What would the funniest organization to give Trump a pity Peace Prize be?

(And for the whiners, I've made it multiple choice so we don't have to first-past-the-post this. I can't do ranked-choice. I'm sorry; it's a limitation of the software.)

Someone in my household found the bag of cat treats, tore it ...

2025-11-18T04:16:48Z

Someone in my household found the bag of cat treats, tore it open, and scattered treats everywhere. It wasn't me. My spouse is currently out of town. So suspicion falls on the children. None of them are looking or acting guilty. This isn't surprising. None of them are acting any less hungry. This isn't particularly surprising either.

I suspect Artie or Poffie. They have resisted cross-examination. Bossy Boots is innocent, of this I can be reasonably sure. She never jumps up on counters. Flynn and Ivy are less likely but still possible.

I'm going to have to let it go, I suspect. I'm not going to expect any of them to be narcs, and the guilty party is unlikely to crack. Serves me right for leaving a bag full of treats where they could get at it, I guess.

Usually on November 11 I have something profound to say about the ...

2025-11-11T16:15:52Z

Usually on November 11 I have something profound to say about the date, but I'm not feeling terribly profound today. So I'll just say that once again, another Armistice Day has arrived, whatever the governments have decided to whitewash it to be called, and there's still war going on. One more year, I guess. Honor veterans by ending their necessity, if that's what you're doing today.

Instead of reporting on the dollar amounts of corporate fines, ...

2025-11-07T00:44:45Z

Instead of reporting on the dollar amounts of corporate fines, the news should just say how many minutes of profit the fine represents. "The EPA slapped Apple with a two second fine," is much more honest.

- Poe's The Raven is canonically set in December. - The ...

2025-11-01T23:35:28Z

- Poe's The Raven is canonically set in December.
- The narrator is reading at night by the light of his fire.
- The narrator hears a rapping on his chamber door.
- The caller turns out to be a raven.
- The Norse god Odin is identified with ravens.
- Odin is also identified with Santa Claus.
- Ergo: the poem is about a December night visitor associated with ravens who, upon finding the chimney impassable due to fire, comes to the door and leaves a black gift as repayment for the occupant's ill deeds.

The Raven is a Christmas carol. QED.

My grandfather, when asked to say grace, would always respond ...

2025-11-01T22:26:48Z

My grandfather, when asked to say grace, would always respond with, "Grace in the kitchen. Grace in the hall. Good god Grace, don't eat it all."

Corn is a grain, not a vegetable, ergo candy corn is a candy ...

2025-10-28T04:38:46Z

Corn is a grain, not a vegetable, ergo candy corn is a candy grain, whereas jelly beans are candy legumes. I forgot where I was going with this, but Carthage must be destroyed.

Okay, you've selected: knit the Emperor a bauble and ask for ...

2025-10-22T17:26:45Z

In reply to nevent1q…fx9m
_________________________

Okay, you've selected: knit the Emperor a bauble and ask for backup singers.

Your audacity continues to be rewarded. The Emperor pounces on the bauble you've knitted him, and when you ask whether you might be allowed backup singers, he nods distractedly as he fiercely bats your handiwork back and forth.

As a result, you are next to perform. What will you sing about?

Okay, you've selected: applaud politely. Emperor Funcible ...

2025-10-21T16:18:39Z

In reply to nevent1q…34mv
_________________________

Okay, you've selected: applaud politely.

Emperor Funcible nods in your direction, as if acknowledging your politeness. The other cats take their cue from you and begin clapping as well, and Troncy looks slightly confused as he bows artfully to you.

You have gained the Emperor's favor!

What do you do with it?

Okay, you attempted to select two options, but you should know by ...

2025-10-20T16:13:38Z

In reply to nevent1q…42zq
_________________________

Okay, you attempted to select two options, but you should know by now that that's not allowed.

Indecision costs you dearly, and while you try to figure out when to arrive, the ball begins and you miss the opening musical number. Now no one will know whether you're a Druzzible Cat or not.

Still, you finally make it to the alley and find that the Emperor has decreed that all cats must sing a song about themselves. The winner will be the one chosen to go to the Ionosphere and be reincarnated as a bengal tiger. The loser will go to Columbus, Ohio and get reincarnated as a golden retriever. Everyone else will get a saucer of cream as a participation prize.

Troncy the Seismologist Cat is up first. He sings a song about earthquakes and dances a jig. Clearly, competition is going to be stiff. After his number is over, what do you do?

I'm making it all up as I go along.

2025-10-19T15:34:12Z

In reply to nevent1q…7rxp
_________________________

I'm making it all up as I go along.

The signs I saw: - No blood for copper! - A house divided against ...

2025-10-19T03:11:41Z

In reply to nevent1q…h79m
_________________________

The signs I saw:

- No blood for copper!
- A house divided against itself cannot fall!
- Let the British have us back!
- Free your ass and your mind will follow!
- These protest signs are too damn long!
- Mostly Manual Impoverished Straight Subterranean Capitalism!
- Govern Me Daddy!
- I'm in favor of it!
- Who let me in here?
- George Washington 4 Emperor of the Moon!
- There's nothing wrong!
- CIA MOON MEN MADE ME CARRY SADDAM'S BABY!
- Pass Go and Collect $200!

There was a guy with a bullhorn who was leading the crowd in a rousing rendition of Lump by The Presidents of the United States of America. I'm not sure whether it was ironic or not.

An old lady gave me a pebble that she said was her grandson. I don't know if that was an idea, but I believed her.

There was a woman making out with a lizard. It felt performative.

The only speech I heard was about making the Chinese pay for the speaker's hair transplants. I'm not sure that qualifies as interesting, but he was very persuasive.

Took a wrong turn and wound up at the All Kings protest. Some of ...

2025-10-18T23:21:24Z

Took a wrong turn and wound up at the All Kings protest. Some of these folks have interesting ideas.

Okay, you've selected: Florella, the Cat Who Knits. You are ...

2025-10-18T14:23:14Z

In reply to nevent1q…npzy
_________________________

Okay, you've selected: Florella, the Cat Who Knits.

You are Florella. Old but unbowed, a cat of years, you have a few white hairs in your brindle coat but you can still see clearly enough to knit endless cardigans and socks for the kittens.

Your inventory contains:

1 pair of knitting needles
1 ball of multicolored yarn

Your special power is:

Speed Knitting - You can create a small knitted object almost instantly.

---

It's the night of the full moon, the magical night, the night of All Cats! Grand Cat Emperor Funcible has decreed a fabulous ball be held in the alley behind the Quick Mart. All cats are required to attend.

When will you arrive?

Okay, you've selected: Cats. Please select the character you ...

2025-10-17T13:38:14Z

In reply to nevent1q…nx2q
_________________________

Okay, you've selected: Cats.

Please select the character you wish to play.

Okay, you've selected: cats, which is the correct answer. ...

2025-10-16T01:35:07Z

In reply to nevent1q…tvkd
_________________________

Okay, you've selected: cats, which is the correct answer. Clearly you are an administrator after all. This was all just a test. What game shall we play today?

Okay, you've pressed F7 and have achieved administrator ...

2025-10-14T22:40:03Z

In reply to nevent1q…scx3
_________________________

Okay, you've pressed F7 and have achieved administrator privileges. Please select from the following, top-secret Intransitive Lie toot menu. Please note that accessing administrative functions without the proper credentials is an internet felony. You wouldn't pirate a toot.

Okay, you've selected: hammer. If you know the name of the ...

2025-10-12T23:59:34Z

In reply to nevent1q…8m6z
_________________________

Okay, you've selected: hammer. If you know the name of the crime being committed with the hammer, please enter the 4 digit code now.

Okay, you've selected: the history of ancient Mesopotamia. ...

2025-10-11T23:49:36Z

In reply to nevent1q…0u5h
_________________________

Okay, you've selected: the history of ancient Mesopotamia. Please enter the rough date range of your cuneiform.

Welcome to the Intransitive Lie automated toot line, where ...

2025-10-10T23:40:05Z

Welcome to the Intransitive Lie automated toot line, where we'll use your input to generate one of the myriad of toots you've come to expect from our service. This call may be recorded for quality assurance and training purposes. Please pay attention, as our menu options have recently changed.

Osman was renowned for his ability to paint with words, but this ...

2025-10-07T18:21:49Z

In reply to nevent1q…4hgf
_________________________

Osman was renowned for his ability to paint with words, but this painting would never hang in the Louvre, being much more likely to be grabbed by a mob of angry villagers and thrown on a pyre.

Tell you what: reply to this toot with a number and I'll give ...

2025-10-07T02:02:29Z

Tell you what: reply to this toot with a number and I'll give you a sentence from that page of the book I haven't actually written.

I don't know about you, but I don't have several ...

2025-10-03T23:48:45Z

In reply to nevent1q…q93s
_________________________

I don't know about you, but I don't have several weeks' pay socked away to tide me over.

The military will just follow orders. It's what they do. They ...

2025-10-03T18:00:34Z

The military will just follow orders. It's what they do. They only stop following orders if a general thinks he (it's always a he) can grab the brass ring, and honestly, that doesn't happen all that often. Military coups and juntas and so forth are usually symptoms of a larger problem, not reactions to one.

So I guess what I'm saying is that the US military is going to Prussian-Wehrmacht-generals themselves into oblivion. Don't count on them to do shit about fuck. That's my prognosis. And I'm not sure I want them to do shit about fuck anyway, given that military coups and juntas and so forth are usually symptoms of a larger problem, not reactions to one.

I love that on fedi I will frequently come across posts which say ...

2025-09-13T04:34:03Z

I love that on fedi I will frequently come across posts which say things like, "I'm switching my LobNar configuration from Dexxxxus to Qzzzzp, because while I appreciate the LBND support, Drippz doesn't play well with *screeching sound repeated seven times at precise intervals* and my ¿~™€€÷¿ port is 33759904.5 so I can't install 🍒🍒🍒 without voiding my warranty."

And I'll look at it and wonder idly what the fuck they're talking about, but I don't have to care, so I let it flow over me like the lifeblood of the universe, while secretly harboring the suspicion that no one, not even the poster themselves, knows what the fuck they're talking about.

This is the man whom they're mourning. This is the man who is ...

2025-09-11T18:53:29Z

This is the man whom they're mourning. This is the man who is the latest "victim" of a "spate" of "political violence," according to the media. This is the man the civility brigade is clutching their pearls over.

Rest in piss, fucko.

via timberwraith (npub1lhx…r8hw)

https://mastodon.social/@timberwraith/115186930350590652

Charlie Kirk was a Christian, ostensibly. It brings me no joy to ...

2025-09-11T03:19:07Z

Charlie Kirk was a Christian, ostensibly. It brings me no joy to have to inform everyone that, according to the Bible, Charlie has been told, in no uncertain terms, to depart from Jesus' presence and go to Hell. I don't believe this. But if Charlie's right, that's what's happened to him.

Charlie Kirk was also a sodomite. To say that might sound controversial, but the sin of Sodom was inhospitality, and Charlie was not a friend to the stranger seeking refuge.

Charlie, I'm sorry to say, was rich. And, well, we all know what Jesus said about rich people getting into Heaven, even if Charlie hadn't already been commanded to depart due to his treatment of the least of these. Camels and eyes of needles and so forth.

I wish I were making this up. I wish I could say that Charlie Kirk was rejoicing in the bosom of his Lord. But I'm afraid if Charlie is correct and the Bible is inerrant and Jesus is Lord, that Mr. Kirk is currently getting a personal audience with Satan and His imps.

Now, there's much less about what goes on in Hell in the Bible than people would have you believe. Most of what Christians claim is Biblical on the subject is actually just lifted from Dante and Milton. So there's a chance that Charlie is having a fine time in Hell. Maybe he's having a party with Kissinger and Hitler while making out with Margaret Thatcher. I wouldn't want to speculate.

There's also the outside chance that Charlie, having sold his soul to Satan, is in fact rejoicing in the bosom of his lord, his lord being Lucifer. That is between Charlie and the Morning Star.

But all that rank speculation is beside the point. If Charlie Kirk is correct, he's in Hell. It's pretty cut and dried.

Further, the Bible has some unpleasant things to say about reaping and sowing. Charlie Kirk sowed hatred, violence, bigotry, and turmoil. That it has in turn been visited on him should come as no surprise to any Christian worthy of the name. I wish it weren't so, but what he sowed, so has he reaped.

Of course, I'm not Christian and I don't believe in Hell. So it's not really for me to say. I'll leave Charlie with this wish: rest in piss, fucko.

Dare you enter the world of complex grammar? "To dare" as ...

2025-09-01T17:58:41Z

In reply to nevent1q…upvp
_________________________

Dare you enter the world of complex grammar?

"To dare" as an intransitive verb meaning "to possess sufficient courage" doesn't take a direct object noun. It sometimes takes an infinitive. So, "to dare to do something," not "to dare something." However, a lot of times, English drops the "to" part of that infinitive and we wind up with, "to dare do something."

This is, of course, complicated by the fact that "to dare" as a transitive verb meaning "to challenge" takes a direct object. So "to dare someone to do something."

But then, of course, there's the transitive verb "to dare" meaning "to venture," as in "to dare a difficult task."

Now, as a slight digression, you might think that "to dare" would be the source of "acts of daring-do," if you'd never seen it written out, but unfortunately it's "derring-do," which it turns out is spelled that way because of a series of mistakes by printers when Middle English became New English (which was very old English, but still newer than Old English).

All that said, "How dare you?" is a cliché, basically. It's a holdover from an earlier time when English reversed verb and noun more often which we use because it's a rote construction that everyone says. And the reason for the change is that, until relatively recently, English had a nominative and accusative declension for the pronoun "you." So no one would be confused when you said, "How dare you?" because "you" would be in the nominative and thus clearly the subject of the verb "to dare," which, without a direct object, would be understood to be the intransitive form and thus, "How do you dare?"

You can see how this works if you respond to the question with your own indignant question: "How dare I?" You'll notice that you won't use the accusative form, "How dare me?" because "I" is the subject. Similarly, "How dare they?" as opposed to, "How dare them?"

The confusion lies all over the map on this one.

I could say more on the subject of the word "how," which isn't a noun at all and thus can't be the subject of the sentence, even when the sentence isn't a question, so the sentence, "How dare you?" would be left without a subject, but I think I've made whatever point it is I was making. Suffice it to say (another cliché but in the opposite manner: I'm not saying "it suffices to say," I'm actually saying "let it suffice to say," with the implied "you" of the imperative as the subject, hence the verb conjugation for "you let suffice" rather than "it suffices") that it is how I said it was.

Welcome to my ADHD brain.

Oh hey look liberals, it's your favorite white savior. 🙄 ...

2025-08-30T23:36:53Z

Oh hey look liberals, it's your favorite white savior. 🙄

via timberwraith (npub1lhx…r8hw)

https://mastodon.social/@timberwraith/115120330230070441

I don't talk a lot about Palestine because I don't feel ...

2025-08-30T18:10:21Z

I don't talk a lot about Palestine because I don't feel like I have anything useful to say, honestly. Israel is continuing to commit genocide, we all know it, and no one is doing anything about it. I guess I could keep saying that, but I'm not sure what purpose it serves.

I feel powerless about a lot of things, but Palestine in particular.

They're slipping Ozempic into Trump's wheaties every ...

2025-08-30T16:25:49Z

They're slipping Ozempic into Trump's wheaties every morning, aren't they?

"My parents beat me and I grew up just fine!" No, you ...

2025-08-22T02:12:11Z

"My parents beat me and I grew up just fine!"

No, you grew up to be someone who thought that child abuse was okay.

Yes, picky. Picky in that we don't want to support someone ...

2025-08-21T21:16:33Z

In reply to nevent1q…cc0l
_________________________

Yes, picky. Picky in that we don't want to support someone who is in favor of genocide, hates trans people, is rich, kills the homeless, but he's from California so I guess that makes him a liberal? His jokes aren't even his. You like his intern, who I can assure you will not be president if Gavin gets elected.

You wanna be all reply-guy? Hop out of the nice lady's mentions and take me on. I'll say all the things you want me to say. I'll be everything you want to spend your fifteen minutes on. Leave her alone. I'm right here saying that Gavin Newsom is a shitstain.

This is your periodic reminder that "insane" and ...

2025-08-19T13:03:07Z

This is your periodic reminder that "insane" and "crazy" aren't good words to use to describe things which are surprising, wild, funny, enraging... basically, don't stigmatize mental illness please. I'm crazy and I'm not perfect, so I do it too, but please try.

Since they won't let you see the Epstein Files, let me give ...

2025-07-12T18:31:37Z

Since they won't let you see the Epstein Files, let me give you the rundown: Trump's in them. So are a bunch of other powerful people. As with the Panama Papers, it ain't gonna matter one iota because consequences are for poor people.

I share your sentiment, but please don't use "lame." ...

2025-07-11T19:53:08Z

In reply to nevent1q…3x9s
_________________________

I share your sentiment, but please don't use "lame." It's ableist. I'm not perfect about it by any stretch, so I'm not nagging or anything. Just maybe consider dropping the word from your lexicon if possible. Thanks!

Oh honey, they're not going to keep those "illegals" ...

2025-07-01T22:53:31Z

Oh honey, they're not going to keep those "illegals" they're "concentrating" sitting around doing nothing. They're going to sell their labor (read: them) to private contractors who will soon have those "concentrated" (read: enslaved) people doing exactly the same thing they were doing before they were concentrated, only without paying them, with no oversight, and with no choice in the matter.

#subtoot

No, but seriously, that's the endgame here. Arbeit macht frei. There will probably be extermination camps too, for the unprofitable, but the Nazis worked a lot of people to death and if you don't think that's in the playbook for our current iteration, I have a bridge I can let you have at cost.

And the thing is, folks, they're already doing it. And I know it pains you to have to realize this, but it's perfectly legal. Anything you allow them to do to prisoners, they'll eventually get around to doing to you. Slavery is still legal. The Thirteenth Amendment says, and I quote:

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, *except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted,* shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

(emphasis mine)

Why do you think minorities, particularly Black men, are disproportionately represented in the prison population? Why do you think "For-Profit Prisons" (read: plantations) are a thing? Why does the United States have a prison population which dwarfs other countries?

So no, your vegetables are still going to get picked. There might be some initial disruption as the system kicks into gear, but you'll have to shoulder the burden for that just like you've shouldered the burden for other "supply-line disruption" (read: corporate profit margin expansion) in the past. Hell, given this country's treatment of its indentured worker population (read: undocumented laborers) in the past, for some of them I doubt the situation will change all that much, at least at first.

At first.

By all means, get up in arms about this. This is a big step on the road to Auschwitz-Birkenau. We're basically already at Auschwitz, we just haven't quite gotten to the extermination camp part yet. We will though. Useless mouths can't be allowed.

Not to mention that our modern-day fash are gloves-off. They don't give a flying fuck whether Johnny Poor gets his vegetables, particularly since most Johnny Poors have thrown in their lot with fascism because of bigotry. If you're expecting a come-to-Jesus moment for the poor white bigots of this country when prices get higher, I regret to inform you that past history doesn't give you much ground to stand on in that regard. Johnny Poor has cheerfully voted against his own self-interest in order to fuck brown people for as long as there's been a goddamn country. Johnny Poor is going to march willingly to the camps just as long as he can see a Black queer woman ahead of him in line at the gas chamber.

Sorry.

I try very hard not to flex my white man muscle in service of ...

2025-06-24T19:22:01Z

In reply to nevent1q…2j8g
_________________________

I try very hard not to flex my white man muscle in service of anything but tearing down the white patriarchy, so I'm glad it doesn't really come across. I just don't want to steal any valor. I really am playing the game on shockingly easy mode and losing.

I'd view survival as "making it" at this point. Every day is another struggle with a difficulty level that other people only dream of. It's sad, really. I shouldn't get to complain.

sigh I am, for all intents and purposes, a white man. I'm ...

2025-06-24T19:09:41Z

In reply to nevent1q…6hj6
_________________________

*sigh* I am, for all intents and purposes, a white man. I'm playing the game on tutorial mode and still managing to lose. This is no one's fault but mine, I want everyone to know, but it is rather a sad commentary on my skill as a player of the game.

"Fake it 'til you make it," is garbage. I've been ...

2025-06-24T19:01:33Z

"Fake it 'til you make it," is garbage. I've been faking it for basically my entire career and I show no signs of making it, nor has my sure knowledge that I'm faking it gone away.

Stephen Miller is a white nationalist. You can preface anything ...

2025-06-01T02:31:11Z

Stephen Miller is a white nationalist. You can preface anything he says with that fact and it'll tell you exactly how much credence to give anything he says.

For example, "Stephen Miller is a white nationalist who says that left-wing terrorism is on the rise." Or, "Stephen Miller, a white nationalist, says that leftists are inciting violence against law enforcement." How about, "Stephen Miller, who is a white nationalist, can leap headlong up his own ass at the first opportunity and lay his toxic eggs in his own colon."

Ok, maybe that last one is just rank speculation, but you get the idea.

I know things are rough right now in the UK for trans folks, but ...

2025-05-21T20:45:41Z

I know things are rough right now in the UK for trans folks, but just remember, there's always a unisex bathroom available.

Ladyhawke situation but by day the lady is a duck and by night ...

2025-05-12T00:51:06Z

Ladyhawke situation but by day the lady is a duck and by night the knight is:

Nostr event nevent1qqs9827zlw7ffugg6xr2kjf05mcr48l0ech0uf6d3h5w8anyurwmxcgzyzyph0ge9e5rvq9g0elr4qhr3fz8ezgm0eh6w4rx2lsmf7fud7nqcwlpvtv

2025-04-22T17:44:14Z

Just wrote and deleted a morbid toot.

Ok, on to happier matters. You may recall that I purchased a poor ...

2025-04-10T19:19:48Z

Ok, on to happier matters.

You may recall that I purchased a poor bedraggled plant from the clearance section at my local supermarket because I wanted to save it from the dumpster. It had two sad flowers which had grown kind of sideways, and it looked like it needed a bit of TLC. No label, so I had no idea what kind of flower it was. And I have historically not been a good keeper of plants. But it cost a dollar, and I figured I'd bring it home and at least let it live out whatever life I could give it, rather than it being consigned to the garbage as it doubtless would have been. I have no pictures of it from this period unfortunately.

He was christened Robert by my spouse as a joke, and I tried to remember to water him, and he lived on my porch through the summer. He got plenty of sun and rain, and at a certain point I also set myself a reminder to water him, and he seemed to be doing so well that I hazarded transferring him from his tiny pot into a larger one, and instead of dying, Robert throve like a champion. His flowers died, but he put out a bunch of new leaves and filled in his new pot. That's the first picture.

As with most flowers, I assumed that Robert was an annual, so I debated what to do as cooler weather set in, but in the end, I brought him into our back from which, while not quite as nice and sunny, gets a decent sun level and isn't freezing. I kept watering Robert through the end of the autumn, and while he seemed to have slowed down a little, he didn't immediately die, so as winter took hold I decreased my watering regimen a little but otherwise kept to the status quo.

At Christmas, my spouse did a show wherein they were given a plant by a castmate named Sean, so Robert, still chipper if with perhaps more dead leaves, was joined by Sean the plant in the back room. I kept watering, fully expecting Robert to eventually give up the ghost. After all, he's an annual. They only live for a year. Surely they know that.

Spring has pretty much set in at this point. Sean is doing fine, and as soon as the weather settles down he will be moved to a larger pot and possibly put outside. And Robert... About a month ago, Robert seems to have woken up again, because he put out a bunch of new leaves. And last week, I thought I saw something which looked like a bud. Sure enough, a few days ago when I came in to water him, the second picture greeted me.

Yes, Robert has blossomed anew. And he's going outside again as soon as it seems safe to do so. Maybe by May. So that'll be nice. Hooray for Robert and my ability to keep from killing him!

Now, my question: I know bupkis about plants. I believe Robert to be a gerbera daisy, as that's what his flower and leaves resemble to me. But my spouse insists that the flowers are too small and the leaves aren't right. Can anyone help? I can take better pictures if necessary.

Also, if I wanted to feed him, any suggestions? He's been making do with tap water and hand-me-down soil for almost a year now, and I wonder if maybe he'd like a bit of nutrition.

#Bloomscrolling #Fedihelp #Flowers #FlowersOfMastodon

All those memetic "a group of this type of animal is called a ...

2025-03-29T17:52:39Z

All those memetic "a group of this type of animal is called a whatever" things are fake. We all know that, right? There's no governing body of animal collective nouns.

You can call a group of similar animals anything you want. You can call a group of anteaters "a sobriquet of anteaters" if you want. No one can stop you. It doesn't even have to be a noun. You can call a group of squirrels "a scurry of squirrels" (and in fact people do) if you want, so "an ineluctable of Burmese pythons" is totally fine.

A patiently of orange-rumped agoutis. A loud buzzing noise of hornets. A social disease of cockroaches. A fundamental of carp. It's anarchy.

This is English. There are no rules. Dig yourself a shallow hole in the middle of the language and squat there flinging excrement at anyone who happens by.

Traditional marriage is between one man and one woman and one ...

2025-03-26T21:26:50Z

Traditional marriage is between one man and one woman and one reporter from the Atlantic.

Of course "some Americans have already been caught in ...

2025-03-23T16:13:53Z

Of course "some Americans have already been caught in Trump's immigration dragnet." Because that's the point. And by making it seem like everyone but the Americans deserves to be caught in Trump's immigration dragnet, you agree with Trump and are just quibbling about who is illegal. Which I understand is what a lot of people are doing, but if you're not, don't let those a assholes get away with it. #subtoot

For #Caturday, here is Ivy, licking a power cord. She doesn't ...

2025-03-22T17:34:55Z

For #Caturday, here is Ivy, licking a power cord. She doesn't bite them, she licks them. And it's not just the fan. She licks lamp cords and other appliance cords too. I'm not sure even she knows why. #cat #cats #CatsOfMastodon #Fedicats #Mastocats

I have no idea. They're not even knockoffs, they're just ...

2025-03-21T05:28:12Z

In reply to nevent1q…hhfe
_________________________

I have no idea. They're not even knockoffs, they're just black and made in China, undoubtedly by enslaved Uyghurs, but I'm very poor and 11 cents is 11 cents.

In all seriousness, I genuinely don't think they have a brand. They're also not noise-canceling in any way other than fitting into my ears well enough that they block some outside sounds. Definitely not active noise cancelation.

I've heard good things about Bose, but they're so far outside my price range as to be more like mythical artifacts than technology. If you, like me, can't afford hundreds of dollars, my advice would be to get in-ear buds as cheaply as you can direct from China (no reason to pay extra for a middleman to sell you the same cheap dropshipped crap) and then put on some white noise which you can stand to sleep through. Honestly, I'd get wired ones, since the battery life on even the high end models tends to be right on the edge of 8 hours, and you can get wired earbuds for pennies if you buy in bulk (I bought a pack of 30 which was intended to be used in classrooms and I think I paid 30-40 cents a pair, so when they break, I'm not particularly put out).

Fans help too. Basically, create an environment where you've got layers of protection from outside noise. You can even get earplugs, then put on over-ear headphones to play whatever, then a fan to add additional white noise.

I've also seen eye masks which go over the ears as well which have earphones built in which seem like they'd be more comfortable to sleep in than earbuds, but ymmv there. Those, too, can be had for pocket change direct from China. I hate recommending buying cheap Chinese garbage and contributing to waste, but in my experience sleeping in headphones tends to put a lot of miles on them pretty quickly, and I've never had more expensive sets last me any longer than the cheapest ones, though the sound quality was probably a bit better. You're paying for quality control, mostly, in mid-range tech. Until you get to higher end stuff than I can afford, the difference between a $20 set of earbuds and a 40 cent set is that the 40 cent set has a slightly elevated chance of simply not working at all, at least in my experience. They've both probably got nearly identical drivers in them, but the soldering on the 20 buck pair with a brand name is likely a bit better, that's all.

Sorry, that was probably more than you wanted to know and/or stuff you already knew.

Well... the Bluetooth earbuds I got from China for 10 cents (I ...

2025-03-21T03:53:28Z

Well... the Bluetooth earbuds I got from China for 10 cents (I think actually 11 cents because of tax; I am being completely serious) have sound which is better than the Apple Airpods I got for free, which would make sense since the Chinese earbuds (I imagine the Airpods are also Chinese but they've got a brand attached to them) cost literally an infinite percentage more than the Airpods did. That's how percentages work when you divide by zero or whatever. But given that the MSRP of the Chinese earbuds was in the region of $5 if I recall correctly, whereas the MSRP of the Airpods, irrespective of how much they cost me, currently stands at $80, the Airpods should provide service which is 16 times better than the Chinese earbuds.

Apple is a scam.

Now, sound-wise, part of the reason why the earbuds are better is that they're in-ear earbuds, whereas the Airpods are those stupid earbuds which sit in the crease of your ear if you're lucky enough to have ears exactly the right shape, otherwise they fall out, and God forbid you get sweaty at all. So you have to buy pieces of plastic which keep the Airpods in your ears. And since they're farther away from your eardrums, plus they're not as directional, they suffer. I have no doubt that if Apple had been able to figure out how to create in-ear Airpods, they...

Hang on, I'm being told that they actually make them, but they cost substantially more. But surely the cost of two tiny pieces of silicone couldn't raise the price that much, right? RIGHT?!

Apple is a scam.

So these Chinese earbuds are louder, which is nice if one is trying to drown out the screaming, and they stay in my ears better for free rather than requiring the purchase of additional pieces of plastic to make this possible. Also, they actually talk to devices other than Apple products, so I can see information about them and use their touch features, as opposed to the Airpods which, I'm told, "just work" when paired with an iPhone but which "just barely work" in any other situation. I have yet to test the Chinese earbuds' battery life, which I suspect is where the Apple product may shine, but I very much doubt that the Airpods will shine 16 times brighter.

Apple is a scam.

Now, I should say that the bass of the Airpods may be slightly better. May. It's hard to tell. It's certainly not 16 times better. They also seem slightly more robust in design (if you don't take into account the glaring dipshittery of not making them in-ear earbuds) and will likely last some amount of time less than 1600% longer.

Also, Apple ain't the only scam. Samsung manufactures their own brand of scam, as do so many other companies, all of which, it must be said, probably get their audio drivers from the same factory in China but their quality control department probably calls that factory up and gives them a stern talking-to about testing or something.

I kid. A little.

I only bought these earbuds for 11 cents (again, I am in no way joking) because they were a prize for spending far too much time looking at AliExpress. I don't like wireless earbuds, but they are occasionally useful, and there weren't any other prizes which were worth bothering with. I would cheerfully trade the Airpods in, but as I didn't pay for them at all (they were a gift from an anonymous person who decided to leave them in the Lost and Found at work and never return for them) I'm kind of stuck with them.

This, more than anything, led to the rise of mercantilism in 14th-Century Prague.

But they were all of them deceived, for another factor was needed ...

2025-03-20T04:32:36Z

But they were all of them deceived, for another factor was needed to authenticate...

In an extremely late #Caturday entry we have Ivy, who is ...

2025-03-16T03:05:52Z

In an extremely late #Caturday entry we have Ivy, who is concerned that quarterly profits are down in Eurasia.

I'm kidding. She's concerned that you might be having a bad day, so she's here to brighten it with her presence.

#cat #cats #CatsOfMastodon #Fedicats #Mastocats

CW: cat eye-contact

Crowd-sourcing this odd but interesting question: If you were ...

2025-03-09T23:56:17Z

Crowd-sourcing this odd but interesting question:

If you were going to use an air cannon to shoot a payload of seeds, which you wanted to remain fairly concentrated and not shoot out in a short-range spray, how would you do that?

Say, suppose I were looking to plant some seeds at a distance. I don't want a shotgun spray, I want something more like a flechette artillery round but filled with seeds. But with an air cannon, and not a particularly long distance. 50 yards maybe?

It seems like you'd want some kind of arrangement akin to a buckshot round, maybe, but I'm not sure whether the power required to separate the shot from its casing would be too much to use an air cannon (or even better, a PVC-pipe potato gun). Seed also weighs a lot less than buckshot so getting it to go any kind of distance might be difficult. So maybe instead of a shotgun round metaphor, one would want a biodegradable sabot of sorts, but one which would remain intact for long enough to deliver the seed.

Which makes me wonder if stuffing seeds into a potato and firing it via potato gun would work.

Anyway, thoughts. I'd love it if you have experience actually doing something like this, but I'll happily accept hypothetical thoughts as well.

And as an added question, if you were going to seed lawn with something, what plant would you pick which was the most annoying?

Fine, I want to sabotage golf courses. That's why I'm asking.

What would you plant on golf courses which would be the most damaging? My personal preference would be for trumpeter vine because I have an infestation of that, but I suspect lawn-care specialists could handle that. Poison ivy seeds are hard to come by and you can target it with Roundup. Thoughts?

#AskFedi #BoostsWelcome

(I've probably told this story before in some way, but ...

2025-03-09T06:33:19Z

(I've probably told this story before in some way, but timberwraith (npub1lhx…r8hw) made me think of it again and who knows, maybe I haven't. And then I wrote it up but forgot to hit send, so it's totally possible that I did that last time too.)

I had a friend who convinced me to try both Chartreuse and eggplant liqueur on the same day (though not, fortunately, mixed together).

Chartreuse may be a fine minor addition to a cocktail maybe (I have my doubts) but straight, it tastes like you're drinking perfume and that perfume's scent is "Herbs de Provence." I love herbs de Provence on a warm, crusty bread with a good olive oil, but I have never thought to myself, "Self, it would be simply awesome to taste alcoholic herbs de Provence on every tastebud and up my nose."

Be that as it almost certainly was, while Chartreuse wasn't exactly pleasant, I managed to finish the small amount I had been given. I think my major objection was that some tastes are not meant to be drunk. Eaten, sure, or perhaps smelled, but not drunk.

All that pales in comparison to eggplant liqueur. I am unable to find any internet record of eggplant liqueur, so maybe I'm the first person who's ever talked about it online, or perhaps it was an elaborate joke on the part of my friend and there's no such thing. Or maybe search has been utterly broken. In any case.

My friend said it was best over ice and mixed with Coke. I don't like Coke. No, that's not fair. I loathe Coke. I think it's battery acid, except I'd probably rather drink battery acid. Don't worry, Coca-Cola fanatics, I hate Pepsi too. I pretty much hate all colas, and I'm not a fan of soda in general. So obviously I wasn't going to drink eggplant liqueur mixed with Coke, in case eggplant liqueur was amazing and I regretted mixing it with the sweat from Satan's hairy ballsack. I don't care for Coke.

So I had it over ice. I was told it was an acquired taste before I tasted it. That's never a good sign. What should have been the bigger red flag, though, was that the liquid had a really sickly brown color, a color usually associated with the runoff from a garbage compactor. Not only that, but it looked slightly oily. There seemed like there should have been a slick on top of it. And it seemed to ooze over the ice somehow, like a non-Newtonian fluid.

But in for a penny, in for a pound, so I lifted my glass to my lips and took a sip.

First of all, I should never have sipped. It left far too much on my lips and tongue. But I wanted to taste this, right? It was basically tap water as far as proof is concerned, so it's not like I was going to shoot it and ask for more. So I sipped and instantly regretted my choices. Not just the choice to sip, but the choice to taste this liqueur at all, the choice to visit my friend, the choice to leave my house, the choice to move from my previous place of occupancy to the one from which I could have feasibly visited this friend, the choice have ever left Cleveland (I never arrived in Cleveland either, but you get the idea), the choice to have been born, the choice to have participated in the disaster called human history, the choice to have been reincarnated after my previous life as a dung beetle instead of simply ceasing to exist, and the choice, not mine, that someone must have made to create an eggplant liqueur in clear defiance of the laws of god and nature.

When I say that it was the worst thing I have ever tasted, you should know that I have tasted some horrible things. One time I got into a contest with a pastor (this is not that story), a game of disgusting-food chicken, wherein I ate a black olive dipped in whipped strawberry cream cheese, which wasn't bad, actually. That was probably the best thing I ate in winning that contest (against a pastor, in case you thought I made a typo in the previous sentence). And the worst thing I ate, which I have blocked from my memory because of its awfulness, was nothing in comparison to this.

I'm not sure how something which is alcohol can taste slimy. It wasn't slimy. It just tasted slimy. If you'd blind-tested the viscosity of this liquid, I have no doubt that it would have registered as water, but it lingered on the tongue.

The taste itself is difficult to describe because the words don't exist. It was a little sweet, maybe, but not in a pleasant way. I'm not sure how something which was predominantly bitter could also be cloying, but it managed to be so. There were notes perhaps of smokiness, the way a roasted eggplant might taste, but again not in a pleasant way. It was mildly medicinal, in a way which made me think that it must have been intended to be beneficial to my health in some way even as I cursed the very air which wafted its scent to my nostrils like a plague of Egypt.

None of that captures the true terribleness of this beverage. It tasted like someone had allowed an eggplant to rot until the flesh had dissolved into goo, leaving only the leathery, wrinkled skin, brown now and possibly slightly moldy, and I was chewing on the woody, stem-y part. Except slimy. And in the form of garbage water.

I shudder to say this, but I would have preferred drinking the Coke I had been offered as a mixer. At least that was a sensation with which I was familiar. This...

I've had absinthe neat. It's lovely. I've only had white absinthe so I've never actually had the green fairy, but apart from a higher alcohol content and what I've heard is a slightly more vegetal flavor, the tastes are roughly the same. No matter where you get it, absinthe is a nicely anise-flavored alcohol which will not make you hallucinate no matter how much people might like to believe it does. All those dipshits who claimed the wormwood made them see visions were drunk. That's the facts.

I've had ouzo, another liquor reputed to fuck your shit up royal. It too is an anise experience, and I get that some people don't care for that, but it's just anise. Ouzo is frequently fairly high proof from an American perspective, plus it's a bit sweet, and Americans don't really understand liqueurs that are intended to be drunk in small amounts, so yeah, I have no doubt that if you drink a bottle of ouzo not realizing it's 110-proof (that's 55% ABV) you may have a bad time. I'm not a cheap drunk, so I've never worried. I like ouzo. Very pleasant.

When I was younger and stupider, I frequently drank cheap tequila. I've eaten the worm. I wouldn't do that sober, but there you go. I enjoy a tequila with a bite perhaps more than I enjoy a smooth, expensive tequila. I have been quite drunk on tequila, in fact. I get why people might not enjoy it, but I like the pepperiness of it.

My favorite vodka is Stolichnaya. I know some people would rather drink rubbing alcohol, but I like a vodka with character. And apparently I can drink it guilt-free because the Stoli you get in the US is produced in Latvia by a company which doesn't like Putin and is Pro-LGBTQI+, in case you needed to hear that as I did. Anyway, I don't drink vodka much anymore, but I would drink Stoli over any of the higher-end vodkas I've ever had.

I say all of this to establish my bona fides as a person who enjoys things which others might not. So believe me when I say that eggplant liqueur is something out of Lovecraft. I don't know what its name is or its nation of origin, probably because the people responsible for its existence were burned at the stake as blasphemers. I have no idea where my friend got eggplant liqueur, but it is my sincere hope that the purveyor of such an alcoholic crime was so stricken with remorse upon selling the first and only bottle to my friend that they (the alcohol retailer) burned down their store and threw themselves into the flames. I suspect, however, that eggplant liqueur is only sold in a tiny curio shop which disappears when you look away from it, run by an ancient man with one eye who warns you not to purchase eggplant liqueur because it carries a dreadful curse. I'm not sure what my friend did to deserve such a curse. Maybe it was all a mistake, or maybe I was the target all along.

Suffice it to say that I did not finish my glass.

Here's where fedi will deliver to me a person who not only knows of eggplant liqueur but enjoys it. Maybe they'll have grown up drinking it in the Old Country. And all that I've said will be deeply offensive to their people.

This person is in league with Satan and all his many imps. No person who has a reflection in a mirror could possibly find eggplant liqueur to be anything but anathema. If you want to show up in my replies to tell me how wrong I am, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see your teeth, fingers, the base of your spine, and a video of you reciting the Lord's Prayer as witnessed by a priest.

Anyway, later that evening my friend's cat nearly took out one of my eyes and I spent the rest of the night trying unsuccessfully to locate a bottle of rubbing alcohol or similar disinfectant with which to clean my wounds. This wasn't the cat's fault, I want to make that clear. It just happened. But when I say that that event was not the worst thing that happened to me that day, you'll know why.

Fuck homework. Fuck homework for kids, fuck homework for adults. ...

2025-03-03T04:57:11Z

Fuck homework. Fuck homework for kids, fuck homework for adults. If you aren't getting paid for it, don't do it.

Children should have a shit ton more unstructured time. So should adults. There's no shame in doing nothing for a bit, or doing something that doesn't contribute to any hustle or improvement. And that should be on top of time spent reading or watching things. Those don't count either.

Stop working all the time.

I completely agree that when people change, the last thing we ...

2025-02-28T20:15:33Z

I completely agree that when people change, the last thing we need to do is berate them for their previous beliefs. However, part of change is atonement for past mistakes. It's not enough to simply say, "I was wrong, I'm on your side now." You've got to do the work, and your change can't simply be rats fleeing a sinking ship. In 1945, there were a whole lot of Germans, for instance, who suddenly had never been Nazis. That's not good enough.

I sometimes get flak for saying that the Lincoln Project or other never-Trump Republicans are grifters who can't be trusted and shouldn't be welcomed to the hashtag resistance. "They've changed, they're on our side, we need all the allies we can get." Etc. And then we let them be our allies and they start telling us what we should do, I've noticed. How we can get even more allies like them if we just bend a little. If we just acknowledge that most people don't want trans kids to have treatment. That most people don't want trans women in sports. That most people want more cops. That most people like capitalism.

And the never-Trump Republicans are still Republicans. Liz Cheney agrees with Donald Trump 90% of the time, she just doesn't want him in particular to be dictator. Her father? Not a peep from her about the massive erosions of civil liberties and human rights under his administration. Never-Trump Republicans are Republicans who don't like Donald Trump. They want things to go back to the way they were when the fascists were more oblique about it. That's all.

And even if I believed for a moment that they've actually changed, where's the atonement? Where are the reparations? Yeah, I'm kind of shaming them for their past views and actions. Their past views and actions killed people, hurt people, destroyed people's lives. I am not in a position to forgive them for that, nor will I forget.

So, sure, when a bigot turns away from bigotry and says, "I was totally wrong, I'm sorry, I will do better," I celebrate that. But I only believe it if that bigot works to undo the harm their bigotry caused. And I won't blame anyone for not trusting that bigot as much as they otherwise might.

The enemy of my enemy is another enemy my enemy has. The enemy of my enemy is a problem for my enemy. I'll support the two of them beating each other, but I won't let my new "ally" tell me how to fight. If they want to be my ally, they're going to have to recognize who the senior partner of the relationship is.

Imagine if the boy who cried wolf had actually seen a wolf every ...

2025-02-24T23:57:12Z

Imagine if the boy who cried wolf had actually seen a wolf every time, but by crying wolf he scared the wolf away. The villagers would show up, and there's this boy pointing at the forest and saying they just missed the wolf and weren't they lucky he had been there to warn them. And the villagers would probably take that badly, after the first time. They'd probably write a story about it.

Meanwhile, the boy is scared shitless. On the one hand, there's this fucking wolf who is getting more and more brazen. Maybe next time the boy won't be able to scare the wolf away. And then not only will the boy be in trouble, but the village will be in trouble. Meanwhile on the other hand he knows that if he keeps crying wolf, either the villagers will stop showing up at all, or they'll view him as a bigger problem than the wolf. Either way, the boy is going to be in deep shit there too.

You might forgive the boy for getting the fuck out of dodge. Let someone else watch for wolves. See how they like it. But he doesn't. He stays and watches, and the wolf comes back, and this time none of the boy's cries drive the wolf away because the wolf can sense that no one from the village is coming. And the villagers stand by and listen to the boy's increasingly desperate screams until it's too late.

Who's the hero of this story?

Now, if you were a villager who had just committed negligent homicide by wolf, which turned out to have been a very real risk, you could do two things. You could learn from this experience that sometimes warnings should be heeded regardless of whether they seem to be false alarms because it's better to go out to defend the flocks from a wolf a thousand times when there's no wolf than it is not to go once when there is. That's the sensible thing to do, certainly. The money is on overreacting if overreacting is low-cost and the risk of under-reacting is high.

Or you could write your story about this boy who fucked around and found out. That makes you look better, I guess. And it relieves you of responsibility for defense of the village and your livelihoods. The boy should have known better.

You may have figured out that I'm not talking about boys and wolves anymore.

We have a whole classic parable on the subject of not crying wolf, to the point where "crying wolf" is something of a dead cliché. In the English-speaking world, pretty much everyone knows what "to cry wolf" means, even if they've never actually heard the parable. We don't think about the story. We make the semantic leap from the phrase to "false positive." And we are taught over and over that crying wolf is always bad.

Which is why we find ourselves in situations like the one in which we currently find ourselves. We are victims of survivorship bias: we only remember the times when the warnings seemed unfounded because if they had been founded we wouldn't be here to notice. Fascism stalks the forest like a horde of hungry wolves, but because we only remember the times when fascism didn't eat us, we think all warnings are unfounded. Never mind that in most cases not only were the warnings founded but the action taken in response to those warnings was what kept fascism at bay.

Look at Y2K, which, if you're too young to remember, was something of a joke. It was regularly held up as a giant cry of wolf because, well, the world didn't end when the clock ticked over. Very little happened, really. So everyone breathed a sigh of relief and immediately set to work making sure that we forgot some inconvenient facts.

Y2K "didn't happen" because a lot of unappreciated work was done to keep it from happening. A lot. Far more than we were told in the general public. This was, after all, the era of Reaganomics, when the Democrat who was in office was about as conservative as a lot of Republicans were, where it seemed like everyone had a hardon for gutting government spending and bureaucracy. So the unsexy work of making sure that the world didn't end was just waste, right?

What about September 11, about a year later? Turns out that there were large numbers of boys who had been crying wolf about Al Qaeda for years, but a lot of unappreciated work was done in an attempt to keep that wolf at bay. It wasn't going in guns blazing, and it wasn't necessarily the ideal way to do it, but it also wasn't sexy so no one paid much attention.

Pandemics past have been averted and turned into jokes. Swine flu? Huge joke. Bird flu? Nothingburger. All wolves which failed to eat us, largely because someone cried and then unsexy work was done because of that warning. But we don't need the CDC. It's a waste of taxpayer dollars. After all, what has it ever done for us? There was never a wolf to defend against.

We teach our children what we want them to know. And what we want them to know is that it's always worse to be an inconvenient Cassandra than a dead Tiresias. It's better to hold your tongue and let the wolf eat everything than it is to give a warning too soon, before you can see the whites of its eyes as it were. Keep your powder dry. Don't be too hasty.

And what's the life of one annoying boy, after all? And another. And another. Something keeps eating the boys you send out to watch the sheep, but as long as they don't cry, you don't have to deal with that. Teach your children silence. There might not be a wolf after all.

[EDIT TO POSTSCRIPT: There's good stuff in the replies. I know that fedi makes it hard to see replies sometimes, and I know that frequently replies are unreadable garbage anyway, but in this case several excellent points have been raised by people other than me which don't really work without context, but you're reading this so you have context, so go read them.]

Beige has 11001, and I regularly abuse the privilege.

2025-02-22T21:32:14Z

In reply to nevent1q…j5sr
_________________________

Beige has 11001, and I regularly abuse the privilege.

I guess I always assumed that Ferris wheels were just a thing ...

2025-02-22T10:09:02Z

I guess I always assumed that Ferris wheels were just a thing that started to exist at some point. That they were invented by a guy named Ferris is, I suppose, not surprising, but I never really thought about it. It's like learning that the escalator was invented by a guy named Ferdinand Von Escalator. Obviously someone must have invented the escalator (it turns out that a fair number of people were actually involved and the history is rather convoluted to the point where I'm unable to say exactly who invented the fucking escalator) but one doesn't really think about it.

One also doesn't think that the elevator (which was not invented by Giuseppe Elevatore) predates the escalator by so many centuries, but while the safety elevator was invented by Elisha Otis (founder of the company which bears his name and which still manufactures elevators and escalators), the elevator as a concept is about as old as dirt and Archimedes is the first reported builder of one, although he probably didn't invent it, sometime in the Third Century before the Common Era (conveniently delineated by the supposed birth of Jesus even though we're not religious about it at all). That sentence was a catastrophe and I'd like to apologize to everyone involved.

Anyway, I picked escalators totally at random because I thought the name "Ferdinand Von Escalator" would be funny. It was, but now I've sort of lost the thread, which used to be that there was this dude named Ferris (last name; he was not Matthew Broderick) who invented the wheel named for him, which is so obvious as to need no repetition. And further, I'm in very real danger of becoming so meta about this that I might be classified as discourse of some kind or other and shunned.

Damn it, I said very clearly earlier this morning that I felt that entirely enough learning and growth had taken place for the day, and yet here I am learning pointless things. Did you know, for instance, that the first elevator shaft was built 4 years before the first safety elevator had been invented? That's what Wikipedia says, but I take exception to that because I feel like there had to have been shafts involved in elevators prior to Otis inventing the safety elevator. What did they put elevators in before shafts? Wikipedia is silent on the subject. Maybe it's only an elevator shaft if safety is involved. Maybe the vertical passage through which an elevator travels was known as an elevator doom vortex prior to the invention of the safety elevator. We may never know the answer because "elevator doom vortex" is too much fun to say for me to look into it further.

I wonder if George Washington Gale Ferris Jr. (which was his name, and holy shit, what a name to be saddled with) ever introduced himself to people with, "The name's Ferris. Maybe you've heard of my wheel." It seems unlikely but who knows? Tragically, George Washington Gale Ferris Jr. died of typhoid fever (which is not the same thing as typhus, you'll probably not be interested to know) and his ashes weren't collected from Pittsburgh for over a year, so it's probable that, given that this was just three years after his wheel was inaugurated at the Chicago World's Fair (or the World's Columbian Exposition as it was known at the time) of 1893, and given that Ferris spent most of the remainder of his life after the Fair locked in a legal battle for his share of the profits from his wheel, he didn't get much chance to use it as a come-on. Holy shit, that sentence was almost a war crime.

It's entirely possible, though, that the first American serial killer, H.H. Holmes, could have ridden the first Ferris wheel. That is, if H.H. Holmes is in fact the first American serial killer. I guess Andrew Jackson is out of the running because it's not serial murder if you're the president and your victims are brown people. I digress.

Ferris' wheel wasn't the only attraction at the fair. One of the others was the zoopraxiscope (which was not invented by Evgeny Zoopraxiscope), Eadweard Muybridge's nascent motion picture projector. Eadweard Muybridge had a name which stole vowels from surrounding words, so if there are sm mssng frm ths prgrph, tht's wh (and sometimes why). The parenthetical phrase at the end of the preceding sentence was hilarious to me but will undoubtedly be unrecognized in its own time.

But, to come full circle and stop this crazy machine, another attraction at the Chicago World's Columbian Exposition of 1893 (a mouthful in and of itself) was the first travelator (which was not invented by Francois Trąvèlator) or moving walkway, another thing which I had never really thought about being invented by anyone. Where would the Jetsons be without Joseph Lyman Silsbee? Where would Frank Lloyd Wright? Where would the people of Chicago?

Truly, Ferris built a wheel and it is us.

I will cheerfully allow people who voted for Trump and have been ...

2025-02-21T23:20:59Z

I will cheerfully allow people who voted for Trump and have been burned by him and now are anti-Trump to fight him all they want. I might even support them in doing so. But they haven't changed a bit. They've just found out after fucking around, and their new antipathy to him is just as selfish as their old support. I will not trust them, I will not welcome them, and I know that the second they get the chance they'll stick a knife in my back. They're still my enemy, but they're also my enemy's enemy and thus I will do what I can to make it easier for them to be a problem for my enemy. That's the cold calculus of it.

That's normal, everyday people. The people who sat in the halls of power? They're by and large grifters. They'll change their coat on a dime, and right now they see more influence and money to be made as members of "the resistance" or whatever. The Lincoln Project grifters are prime examples of this, but there are and will be plenty of others. Tell them to fuck off until they pay for what they've done, until they do more than say that they're against Trump now. Certainly don't give them any money or influence. Don't give them oxygen as far as I'm concerned. Ignore them. They'll go away.

I give ammunition to my enemy's enemy with enough safeguards that it can't be turned on me. That's all. Let them fight. They're no friends of mine.

Well, today I learned that the combination of venlafaxine ...

2025-02-20T15:57:04Z

Well, today I learned that the combination of venlafaxine (Effexor) and mirtazipine (Remeron) is known as California Rocket Fuel. I can't wait for that to be made illegal, or for my heart to explode. I'm just fundamentally broken.

The horniest Star Trek has always been the original series, not ...

2025-02-20T04:17:39Z

The horniest Star Trek has always been the original series, not because Kirk fucks Priestesses of the Brass Brassiere (which mostly isn't true), but for two extremely important reasons:

1) Kirk, Spock, McCoy are clearly the horniest for each other that anyone in Star Trek could possibly be. Kirk/Spock/McCoy, in a just and utopian world, would be unable to perform any duties for Starfleet because they would be a whirling three-way sex tornado, but because they cannot do this, they must simply be horndt to the point where horniness breaks down and becomes quantum particles, like some kind of horny event horizon. Kirk/Spock/McCoy are not fucking. They exist in a perpetual state of horn.

2) The reason why they aren't fucking is that they know that duty comes first, because not only are they horny for each other in ways which cannot be comprehended by puny mortal minds, but they are also horny for duty. In particular, James Tiberius Kirk is so fucking horny for the Enterprise that he can't find fulfillment in any other way than to be the best damn captain of the Enterprise. He's so horny for her that he seems like he's sexed up all the time when in fact it's all just horniness for his command. Kirk isn't a womanizer. He's hot for starship. From the first moment he saw her, he had to be inside her. Kirk may fuck (he had to have done so at least once, given that he has a son and all) but no woman could possibly mean as much to him as his ship. If you don't understand this, you don't understand Star Trek.

Other iterations of Star Trek may be horny. I don't know enough about them to say for certain. Next Generation always seemed pretty horny to me, and the inclusion of William "Biggun" Riker certainly doesn't hurt. But that's all normal horniness. The levels of unexpressed horny that the original series crammed into every episode of a TV show made during a time when a kiss was practically lewd are off the charts. The movies? Forget about it. Those movies are so fucking horny that new units of measurement had to be invented just to attempt to encapsulate a scintilla, a quantum of their horndt. It burned out the instruments. All we have is faint echoes in the background horniness of the Universe itself to tell us that there was an event.

So you may keep your Deep Space Nine and your Lower Decks. I can assure you that Star Trek began horniest and only went downhill from there.

I have not. I'll have to look into it. Thanks!

2025-02-19T06:00:25Z

In reply to nevent1q…fjcu
_________________________

I have not. I'll have to look into it. Thanks!

You can't buy tea from AliExpress. This is stupid. I ...

2025-02-19T02:24:02Z

You can't buy tea from AliExpress. This is stupid. I don't want to have to purchase loose-leaf tea from Amazon which, I cannot stress highly enough, is imported from the People's Republic of China (!!!) yet cannot be purchased from AliExpress, the goddamn Amazon of the Goddamn People's Republic of Goddamn China.

I just want my Sunflower brand Jasmine green tea. Where do all the Chinese people in the US buy their cheap-ass Sunflower brand Jasmine green tea that comes in the yellow tin and is probably made with industrial waste from garment manufacturing or something? Where, I ask you?