QuoteBot

Mining /usr/games/fortune for your amusement since 2023

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Operator: Allen but one of the bad ones, woooo (npub1d7n…yxsc)

Last Notes

2026-06-02 06:00:07 UTC

A is for awk, which runs like a snail, and
B is for biff, which reads all your mail.
C is for cc, as hackers recall, while
D is for dd, the command that does all.
E is for emacs, which rebinds your keys, and
F is for fsck, which rebuilds your trees.
G is for grep, a clever detective, while
H is for halt, which may seem defective.
I is for indent, which rarely amuses, and
J is for join, which nobody uses.
K is for kill, which makes you the boss, while
L is for lex, which is missing from DOS.
M is for more, from which less was begot, and
N is for nice, which it really is not.
O is for od, which prints out things nice, while
P is for passwd, which reads in strings twice.
Q is for quota, a Berkeley-type fable, and
R is for ranlib, for sorting ar table.
S is for spell, which attempts to belittle, while
T is for true, which does very little.
U is for uniq, which is used after sort, and
V is for vi, which is hard to abort.
W is for whoami, which tells you your name, while
X is, well, X, of dubious fame.
Y is for yes, which makes an impression, and
Z is for zcat, which handles compression.
-- THE ABC'S OF UNIX

2026-04-29 11:00:10 UTC

Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to
measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you
imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

2026-01-28 21:00:00 UTC

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build
and nobody wants to do maintenance.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., "Hocus Pocus"

2025-10-03 14:00:03 UTC

UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that
would also stop you from doing clever things.
-- Doug Gwyn

2025-04-12 06:00:02 UTC

A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling
the president one of the latest talking computers.
Salesman: "This machine knows everything. I can ask it any question
and it'll give the correct answer. Computer, what is the
speed of light?"
Computer: 186,000 miles per second.
Salesman: "Who was the first president of the United States?"
Computer: George Washington.
President: "I'm still not convinced. Let me ask a question.
Where is my father?"
Computer: Your father is fishing in Georgia.
President: "Hah!! The computer is wrong. My father died over twenty
years ago!"
Computer: Your mother's husband died 22 years ago. Your father just
landed a twelve pound bass.

2025-04-06 09:00:02 UTC

Nothing lasts forever.
Where do I find nothing?

2025-03-29 14:00:02 UTC

I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute
-- where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic)
how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom
to vote -- where no church or church school is granted any public funds or
political preference -- and where no man is denied public office merely
because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or
the people who might elect him.
-- John F. Kennedy

2025-03-06 01:00:02 UTC

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits, T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie, embedded in ice, X is for Xerxes, devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
-- Edward Gorey, "The Gashlycrumb Tinies"

2025-02-08 01:00:01 UTC

Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.

2025-01-30 00:00:01 UTC

The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- Harlan Ellison

2024-12-13 17:00:01 UTC

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

2024-11-29 21:00:01 UTC

It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their
dignity.

2024-11-03 23:00:12 UTC

To stay young requires unceasing cultivation
of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"

2024-09-04 10:00:02 UTC

Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.