Flick 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 on Nostr: I’ve been saying this for years: make panda meat a premium product and someone will ...

I’ve been saying this for years: make panda meat a premium product and someone will most definitely figure out how to make the damn things breed.

I was staring at an advert for the World Wildlife Fund recently when it struck me that certain breeds are in trouble because of a labelling error. Our zoological categories limit their natural growth. Cows, sheep and chickens are classed as ‘livestock’ because we raise them for slaughter. But leopards, rhinos and other exotic beasts are listed as ‘endangered’ because we worship them. The remedy is to abolish the scary label ‘endangered’ and replace it with the friendlier word ‘edible’. We can stock our native farmlands with gazelles, wildebeest, orangutans and so on – and eat them. Our daily menus will feature hippo sausages, lion pie, emu meatballs, golden eagle drumsticks, koala nibbles, giraffe twizzlers and so on. And as we grow accustomed to the sight of these lovely creatures roaming across our countryside, we will feel less guilty about using their leather. Tiger pelts for bus seats. Rhino skin for stab-vests. Gorilla fur knitted into tea cosies or mittens. As any child will tell you, the hide of a giant panda would make a lovely duvet to snuggle in.