Wrapping up this thread. Finally got through to a human (or convincing human sounding AI) at #timex and they suggested a straight return and refund, so I've sent it back.
I wrote a one star review on the watch page, along with a photo of the broken watch, but they've conveniently deleted it. That'll explain why there are only 4 and 5 star reviews.
So, I'm back in the market for a nice field #watch Must have sapphire glass, would consider solar or a fancy automatic. Any ideas?