Gwen the Trans Balrog on Nostr: I read something someone said about being too tired to have emotions and that's true, ...

I read something someone said about being too tired to have emotions and that's true, except I do get to have bogus "feelings" which are entirely down to brain chemistry fuckups. So I'm too tired to feel anything except things I know aren't real but which cause stress anyway.

My spouse doesn't know how I manage to remain cool and collected and seemingly unfazed by disaster, and the secret is that I'm too tired to feel much of anything about it, so for the sake of continued survival I pretty much dissociate from it completely. When I let anything out, it breaks me.

So gender is kind of not working for me at the moment. I'm doing things by rote. I don't get to have euphoria.