Eminem — Crypto Founder Parody
### \[Intro — spoken\]
May I have your attention, please? May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Slim Satoshi please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Satoshi please stand up?
We're gonna have a fork here...
### \[Verse 1\]
Y'all act like you never seen a crypto founder before, Jaws all on the floor like the Fed just kicked in the door, And started printin' more cash than they printed before, While your exchange says withdrawals ain't workin' no more!
It's the return of the—"Wait, no way, you're kiddin'! He didn't just launch another coin with his name in it, did he?"
And the core devs said—nothin', you idiots! Satoshi's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Crypto Twitter loves Slim Shady, "Chicka-chicka-chicka, he's a Bitcoin maxi! Look at him walkin' around with his hardware wallet, Flippin' off the bankers!" "Yeah, but he's got money!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws in my node loose, But no worse than the leverage on the exchange you use.
Sometimes I wanna get on CNBC and let loose, but can't, But it's cool for the Fed to print a trillion in advance?
My sats are on your lips, my sats are on your lips, And if I'm lucky, you might just send a Lightning tip.
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids, Then expect 'em not to know what a rug pull is!
Of course they're gonna know what a scam coin is, By the time they hit fourth grade, They got a Discord channel, don't they?
We ain't nothin' but mammals, Well, some of us, scammers, Who dump on other people with anonymous wallets!
But if a dog can be a coin and a frog can be collateral, Then there's no reason I can't rap about the financials!
And if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote, Everybody raise your cold wallets, sing the chorus, here it goes!
### \[Chorus\]
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yeah, the real crypto Shady, All you other Satoshis are just imitating!
So won't the real Slim Satoshi please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up!
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yeah, the real crypto Shady, All you other chain founders just copy and paste me!
So won't the real Slim Satoshi please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up!
### \[Verse 2\]
Elon Musk don't gotta code to move the market! (No!) Well, I do, so screw your tokens and your profits too!
You think I give a damn about a listing? (Pfft!) Half of you VCs can't even stomach me, let alone fund me!
"But Slim, what if you moon? Wouldn't it be weird?" Why, so you guys could just pretend you got me here?
So you can sit me here next to a billionaire? The SEC better switch me chairs!
So I can sit next to the CEO of some exchange, And hear him explain where the customer deposits went!
Little crypto bros put me on blast on TV, "Yeah, he's rich, but he won't do no KYC!"
I should download the audio as an MP3, And put the whole damn thing on IPFS for free!
I'm sick of these little meme coin boy groups, All you do is annoy me, So I have been sent here to deploy what you can't destroy, see!
And there's a million founders just like me, Who code like me, who won't KYC like me, Who mine like me, who don't trust banks like me, Who run their own nodes and don't need no VC!
And just might be the next best thing, But not quite me!
### \[Chorus\]
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yeah, the real crypto Shady, All you other Satoshis are just imitating!
So won't the real Slim Satoshi please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up!
### \[Verse 3\]
I'm like a head trip to listen to, 'cause I'm only tellin' you things You joke about with your friends when the market's in the red with you!
The only difference is I got the balls to say it, In front of y'all, and I don't need a VC to validate it!
I just get on the mic and spit it, Put the code on Git and ship it, And whether you like to admit it, Your blockchain's just a database with tickets!
Then you wonder how these kids keep buying every token, While the founders sell their bags before the markets even open!
It's funny, 'cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm thirty, I'll be the only founder still running nodes instead of flirting!
Every single person is a Satoshi lurking, He could be working at Burger King, routing payments for your onion rings!
Or in the parking lot, circling, Screamin', "I DON'T GIVE A FORK!" With his windows down and his mining rig up!
So will the real Satoshi please stand up, And put a hardware wallet in each hand up?
And be proud to be decentralized and outta control, And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
### \[Final Chorus\]
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yeah, the real crypto Shady, All you other Satoshis are just imitating!
So won't the real Slim Satoshi please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up!
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yeah, the real crypto Shady, All you other chain founders just copy and paste me!
So won't the real Slim Satoshi please stand up? Please stand up, please stand up!
### \[Outro — laughing\]
Ha-ha...
Guess there's a little Satoshi in all of us.
Except Craig.
He's still looking for the private keys.
Ha-ha. Genesis block, baby.