It is, indeed, infuriatingly frustrating not to be able to race the race as best as you can.
But - you raced as well as you could *given the circumstances*. And that matters. It was not what you had wished for, but I want to congratulate you anyway. Well done!!!
I understand that it sucks right now, but I hope you will get to a point soon where you can be happy with what you achieved.
And be happy with not racing in a huge pack of people. :-)