Universal Basic Inference™
A revolutionary welfare program for adults who cannot form an independent conclusion without consulting three VCs, two management consultants, a LinkedIn influencer, and a motivational podcast.
After decades of research, Extremestan has concluded that expecting everyone to reason independently is economically inefficient.
Eligibility criteria:
- Confuses consensus with intelligence.
- Considers competence a toxic workplace trait.
- Believes board meetings produce actual products.
- Requires social validation before forming an opinion.
- Uses "thought leadership" as a substitute for thought.
Government benefits include:
💰 Monthly reasoning-avoidance allowance.
🍼 Subsidised adult daycare for professional groupies.
🎓 Certificates of intellectual participation.
👏 State-funded applause whenever someone says "strategic alignment."
🧠 Free AI-generated opinions, so nobody has to suffer the inconvenience of developing one.
Warning: Applicants demonstrating independent reasoning, technical competence, or the ability to build something without supervision may be immediately disqualified.
Extremestan believes in equality of opportunity.
Not everyone can be an engineer, mathematician, or entrepreneur.
But everyone deserves compensation for watching somebody else do the thinking.
The builders build. The operators operate. The investors invest.
And the groupies?
The groupies get Universal Basic Inference.
Welcome to Normistan. Thinking is optional. Attendance is compulsory. 😂
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